Sexuality Happens

HNT Courtesy of Margaret at They Belong to Us

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #10? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Start Without Me – It’s for when one of us is too tired, or not in the mood, or out of town, or the other of us is too horny to wait. But now, here, right in front of me, you’re touching yourself, playing yourself, and it is the fucking hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

Wicked Tongues - There are so many different ways that a mouth can connect themselves with my cunt. And so many partners, each with their own way of connecting with me.

“Vanilla” Bigotry – I effectively retired my personal usage of the word “vanilla” when one of these sick fucks told me that he hated that term. He said it was condescending, and the implication that kinky people have any idea what goes on in other people’s bedrooms just because they aren’t fucking around in a dungeon was ridiculous.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Audible – More hushed giggles, more kissing sounds. A gasp followed immediately by a quiet, restrained moan. I had to make up the images in my head, try to picture what caused that gasp, who’s mouth was on what body part. Or was it even a mouth?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Swing Shift Volume 33- We’re “Sexually Festive!” – What I do know is that I love Veronica now more than ever, that we choose our extra-marital partners with care and respect, and never fail to remember that our primary relationship is the most important one. If we’re considered sluts or promiscuous by others, so what?

See also: Pleasurists #66 and #67 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Babeland Store Dream

Spend an Evening with Madison Young and Help Support the Arts

Partner rape, cryptids, and other crazy myths

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anal Sex for Beginners

Choosing the right partner in poly relationships

Controlling or Petty?

Dating and Fucking

In response to: Gang Bang Curiosity

Intoxicative Healing

Reflection

Status Uterus Orgasmus

Therapy – Two Years

The Lost Art of the Hand Job

Time and Punishment: Some dynamics of male chastity in marriage

We Don’t Need No Education?

You Make My Tummy Funny

Kink & Fetish

Another Friday Story Time

BDSM — Abuse and Consent

Creating Space in Kink

Discovered

Ferocity

I am in trouble

Method: Episode Two

Nightly Spanking

Orgasm Control

Sex And Sadness

The Hands of a Goddess

The Day…

Wake-up call

What About the Children

Erotic Writing

Art Wednesday

Are You Watching Me? (3rd and Final Part)

An Afternoon Delight

Back To My Old Tricks

Climax At Midnight #6

controlling the beast

Group Post: “The Day….”

Harmony

Local

No Sex: Need Sleep

Pack It Up…Pack It In

Performance

Solo Session with B

Slam

The Good Kind of Wake-up Call

That Kind Of Girl…Who Gets Off In A Crowded Bar

The Hammer

The Threesome

The Golden Goddess

The Stranger

The realest thing

Wicked Wednesday: Date Night

I leave this afternoon to go speak at Brown University’s Sex Week. They’ve really loaded it up with awesome sex educators; myself, Oh Megan, Sarah Sloane and more!

What am I talking about while there?

Monday, March 15th

Strap-On 101 w/ Shanna Katz

Time/Location: 12:00pm @ Sarah Doyle Women’s Center lounge (26 Benevolent St.)

Come learn all about the joys and pleasures of strapping it on. Who said harnesses were just for girl-on-girl action? In this workshop, we’ll discuss double-penetration, “pegging,” using harnesses for cuckolding, “femmecock,” and so much more! Ever wonder what the difference is between a g-string and a dual strap? We’ll cover that too! You’ll learn how to properly work a strap-on, contemplate a plethora of positions, and learn about the pros/cons of different types of toys. This class is open to singles, couples and moresomes of all sexes and genders. Never used a harness before? That’s fine – we’ll start with the basics. Plus, everyone will get to try on harnesses with toys to get a feel for the different styles, as well as figure out what works best for them.

SexAbility w/ Shanna Katz (and potentially Marlene Chait, a Brown Post-Doc Research Fellow whose doctoral dissertation is ‘An Exploratory Study About Women with Physical Disabilities: Survey of Their Views on Personal Assistance Services (PAS), Sexuality Education, and Sexual Expression’)

Time/Location: 5:30pm @ Salomon 202

People of all ability levels are sexual beings. Sex is hard enough to navigate and negotiate when one fits in with society’s notions of what a sexual being is, but once you add in the concept of ability, it can become quite challenge. This workshop is discussion-based, and covers issues such as coming out to your partner(s), how to discuss ability levels, new things to try, correct terminology, negotiating sex play (including kink/BDSM play), and much more. Participants are encouraged to share suggestions, trade ideas, etc. Great for people of all ability levels (and their partners) who want to recognize themselves as sexual beings. This workshop hopes to challenge people’s viewpoints, foster discussion and conversation, and open doors towards a shift in the social constructions surrounding sexuality and disability.

Make it Work Outside the Box: Relationship-Mapping & Communication w/ Shanna Katz

Time/Location: 8:30pm @ List 120 (64 College St.)

Description: Communication is key, but how DO we communicate? More importantly, how does communication change (or not) once we break the boundaries of what are considered “traditional relationships”? In this workshop we’ll talk about the different styles of communication, the languages of love, types of non-verbal communication, why communcation is so important, and how to adapt all of this for kinky AND vanilla relationships. We’ll gain an understanding about the basic types of relationships that people have in their lives, how we can map them, patterns to look for, and what we can get out of these maps. Finally, we’ll talk about polyamory/non-monogamy – its various facets, how to get into it, and most importantly, how we can make it work when there are more than two people involved. Bring paper, pen, and an open mind. We will be raffling off two Tantus toys at this event, so make sure you arrive early and get a seat!

Tuesday, March 16th

Feminist Pornography (Out For Lunch) w/ Shanna Katz

Time/Location: 12:00pm @ LGBTQ Resource Center (3rd floor Hillel, at 80 Angell St.)

Are you one of those who has wondered exactly what it is that makes porn “feminist” or “sex positive?” Join us as we talk about definitions of pornography and obscenity, and how sexual pleasure can be recording in a feminist and sex positive way. We’ll discuss current companies who identify as sex positive, and what separates them (or not!) from current, mainstream pornographic productions. By the end of this talk, everyone will still have formed different opinons, but will be more educated as to what this sex positive porn movement is.

A few weeks ago, a new company called Virtually Adult contacted me about reviewing their new product; the Crystal Delights Butt Plugs. 

Now, as many of you know, I’m not the biggest lover of butt play.  Will I try it more in the future? Perhaps.  But is it something that really gets my engine revving? No.

However, these toys are just absolutely beautiful; 100% pure glass plugs with little jewels (available in NINE different colors) on the end. Talk about bling for your butt. How could I say no to this? Plus, so many of my readers ask me about reviewing more anal pleasure toys, because they like a little backdoor action, and would like to see reviews of toys that can help.

So I got smart. Like so many Americans, I outsourced. But instead of going out of the country, I recruited my friends to help me (there will be a silicone butt plug review coming up in the near future too!) review good quality anal products so that I can provide a greater diversity of product reviews on my site AND help out smaller, newer companies like Virtually Adult. 

Glass is a great material that can be washed or sterilized (10% bleach solution on this; I wouldn’t boil it or dishwash it because of the jewel), and can be used with either silicone or water based lube.

Therefore, without any further ado, I give you a review of the Crystal Delights Glass Butt Plug in Fuschia by M and her partner T. Thank for the help you two, and I hope y’all appreciate my new butt play reviews.

-Essin’ Em

My partner and I were both really excited to review the Crystal Delight Anal Plug by Virtually Adult thanks to Essin’ Em. The toy came in a plain black pouch, but was much prettier than the protective packaging that holds it with its jeweled, flared base, and clear glass. It looks fairly simple, yet eye catching none the less.

Photo Credit: Hawksdream

Back in Denver in January, when I was doing this shoot, I did a lot more kinky specific/dungeon photos.  But I did ask the photographer to take a few for Q, to show her that I was missing her and thinking of her during the shoot, even though I hadn’t seen her in almost a week.

She really really loves the outfit I wore on my Crash Pad Series shoot, especially the red bra. She really likes this weird cover up maxi dress think I got from Torrid on mega sale.  My homemade (in college) snow leopard and black fleece boa/scarf matches the snow leopard and black dress perfectly.  And of course, I have my glasses, which she likes a lot. The ring around my neck is one she has given me with a beautiful back story behind it, and I wear it about 90% of the time, as it feel connective to her, her strength, her passion for social justice and more.

Is it the most glamorous picture of me? Not be leaps and bounds.  It’s a bit dark, it’s an odd angle, and all of that.  But it’s full of stuff Q would like, and that was the whole point of it, so I feel I have found success. And for those of you who don’t know or care about Q and all of that, there is boobies. So enjoy.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday to everyone!

-Essin’ Em

When I was in San Francisco, I had four classes and one reading planned. The reading went off without a hitch, and two of my four classes (Vaginal Fisting for One and All and SexAbility) had particapatory, albeit small audiences, and were awesome.

However, two classes just failed. My BDSM 101 class failed because no one had shown up, and I’d gone through all the trouble of lugging floggers, canes, crops, knives, vampire gloves, wartenburg wheels and more from Phoenix to San Francisco, and then from the hotel to Femina Potens.  Alas, these things happen.

But what has shaken my confidence a bit, and taken a while to get over was my Relationship Mapping/Poly 101 class schedule first, on Wednesday night. 

First of all, no one showed up to open the door till 5 minutes till 6. Which really didn’t matter, since no one had shown up by then.  Finally, two people, a couple showed up. I waited a little longer to get started, and then I did. With a class of two.  One of whom told me he’d been around paint fumes all day and was in not mood to be interactive or participate.  Which was great, since this is the class where we all draw relationship maps of our own lives, and figure out what they mean, how they change over time, etc. Ok, fine.  Q was there with me, so she, and I, and the volunteer, and the woman in the couple participated. And then! My friend from Denver who is now going to school in SF showed up. Yay! Another friendly face. I continued in my talk when suddenly, 25 minutes into my presentation, the woman stood up, said “this is way too basic for us. I mean, maybe if you’d been here last year, we’d have gotten something out it, but we’re not interested.” And she and her partner walked out after taking my handouts (that I save for the end of the class).

I sat there in shock for a moment, and then, to my chagrin, I burst into tears.  Thank goodness for the volunteer, and Q, and my friend, and the next speaker, Catherine Toyooka, who all comforted me, and said that they were clearly just looking to pick up another poly couple, and that they were rude, and that some of the questions they had asked indicated they might be a bit homophobic.  None of these answers made me feel much better, but having a little group of people, only half of whom I knew, trying to comfort me, that in and of itself was comforting.

Did it shake my confidence? Oh yes.  I have NEVER had anyone walk out of a class/workshop before…regardless of whether there were 50 people or 5.  I was a little angry, because purposely put 101 in the class name, so that people who have all the basics don’t accidently show up (likely why no one came to my BDSM 101 class). But more so, I was hurt.  Was I really that bad a presenter that people couldn’t even hang on till the end of the presentation to leave? Was I so bad it was worth being rude to me?

The next day, I did my fisting demo.  I had almost 15 people, which again, while small, created an interactive and intimate audience that was wonderful. I was a little nervous and shakey to start, but I had Q and the lovely Alphafemme in the audience, and a plethora of strangers asking great questions and being really engaged. I felt revitalized and excited and so happy to be educating again.  It helped that Roxxie of Cyber-Dyke was my brilliant demo bottom.

So where do I stand now? I fly to Brown University on Sunday to present 4 classes/workshops on Monday and Tuesday.  I’m doing a cunnilingus class here in Phoenix in April. I was on Kink on Tap last weekend and felt that Sarah Sloane and I rocked the casbah. So clearly, some people/groups like me and want to hear what I have to say.

But every time I present now, I know I’ll have that tiny little worry of “what if?”  What if people walk out? What if people want to walk out but are too polite to and just sit through a horrible class? What if I can never “make it” as a sex educator?

And that, my dear readers, is my most recent story of sex educator fail.

-Essin’ Em

Carson and Shawn are some of my favorite people to watch at the Crash Pad, and this week, HotMoviesForHer has their episode up to watch, Video on Demand (so you pay per minute of what you watch). You can’t really say no to that, right? A little bit of kink and a lot of power play makes this scene one of my top 10 at CPS.

Click here to check out some free photos and/or to view the episode!

(note: I’m looking at posting some hot queer and/or sex-positive eye candy a few times a month, just to let you all know)

Last month, I presented a workshop at one of the Fascinations stores in Phoenix entitled “What’s In Your Toybox?” It was recorded, and now is online for everyone to see, in case you missed it, don’t live in Phoenix, etc. Enjoy!

-Essin’ Em

(Special thanks to Matt at Fascinations for rocking out with the video stuff!)

Was linked to this picture below via a friend who found it on this here blog.

Half of me finds it really funny. Why? Because I’d heard all of these, and had all of them done to me/used on me.  Far more often than I’d like to admit.  And I think that in many cases, humor catches people, starts conversation, etc.

The other half of me wants to find a better name for it. Because not all straight men (not even all stupid straight men) say these things…and honestly, dykes say really bigoted things too, like knocking down “breeders” and kink people often tell “vanilla” people that they just haven’t found their kink yet. I wrote about this type of discrimination here on my professional site.

So yes, it’s funny.  But I think that when we share funny things like this, we also need to have some sort of discussion about how we can change this, and how we can ourselves not be discriminatory to other groups because we hold on to our own identities so strongly (as do the “stupid straight men” represented here).

Just my two cents…

-Essin’ Em