Sexuality Happens

100 Sexual Things About Me

Photo by Michael Barone

Exciting, I know. I reserve the right to change them in the future. And yes, they are in VERY random order; quite stream of consciousness! Enjoy…

1. I didn’t *really* kiss someone until I was about 10 days away from being 16.
2. I don’t like large amounts of tongue with my kisses.
3. I’d rather have my lips bitten, nibbled and pulled.
4. I really love kissing and making out and can do it for hours.
5. My favorite thing is for someone to push me up against something, stick their hand in my hair, and kiss me. Hard.
6. I’m really horny. Pretty much all the damn time (as if you didn’t guess that one).
7. I’ve only had penile-vaginal sex with one XY guy (albeit multiple times).
8. I’ve never had anal sex. I’ve had a finger or two; wasn’t my thing. Looking into this more now.
9. I was sexually assaulted when I was 17.
10. That was my first time seeing a real life penis.
11. I started masturbating at 11 or so.
12. First with fingers, then shoving markers and hair brush into me, and finally I discovered the shower head, and the electric toothbrush (an old one!)
13. I never get myself off by hand; I get bored and fall asleep.
14. I actually like sucking cock (and apparently, am damn good at it), except for when there is semen.
15. I didn’t like penis in vagina intercourse at all. I found it boring and it made both of us sore. I don’t know if it was just him, or all XY guys in general.
16. My favorite way to come is with 3 or 4 fingers (of my partner) in me, and either their mouth or a vibe on my clit.
17. I own two harnesses.  One is punk rock, the other is waterproof.
18. I teach sex/sexuality classes.
19. I love the feeling of having my whole hand in someone’s cunt.
20. I have only been fisted once. Ever. It was amazing though.
21. I get so turned on when I see black latex (or nitrile) gloves.
22. I want to try all these new and exciting things, but need to find someone I trust who wants to play.
23. My cats sometime chills on the bed when I masturbate.
24. I own thousands of dollars of sex toys.
25. None contain phthalates.
26. Only one is pink.
27. I can have breast orgasms.
28. I can have multiple orgasms. I’ve lost count at about 30.
29. I’ve had sex on a hotel balcony.
30. I’ve had sex in a diner.
31. I’ve had sex in a parking lot.
32. I’ve had sex on the floor of a college study lounge with full glass windows into the hallway.
33. I had sex with a prospective student.
34. I’ve had sex with married women (whose husbands knew about it).
35. I’ve broken a lot of clothespins with nipple play.
36. I had my clitoral hood pierced (vertical), but had to take it out.
37. I came out as bisexual at 17.
38. I came out as pansexual at 21.
39. I came out as a Femme at 21, but didn’t fully accept it until I was 22.
40. I came out as a queer dyke at 22.
41. I first started having kinky dreams at age 10.
42. I’m not a huge fan of food + sex. It’s too messy (except chocolate body paint!).
43. I LOVE shower sex. And making out in the shower.
44. I like sex in the kitchen.
45. I like sex on the couch.
46. I really don’t like semen. In fact, it kind of grosses me out.
47. I’m not a big fan of car sex.
48. I only own three pairs of boring underwear. Everything else is cute!
49. I only have my period 2 times a year because I’m on CBC (continuous birth control) to control super painful and long cycles.
50. I’ve a clean STI panel.
51. I own my own speculum.
52. I prefer the word Cunt. I like vagina and vulva too. I HATE vag and va-jay-jay.
53. I shave. My armpits, my legs and my vulva. It has nothing to do with people controlling my body; I like the way it feels.
54. My bedsheets alternate between black, leopard, burgundy, and hunter green. I have a queen size euro pillow top and love it.
55. I haven’t had sex in my LoveSac yet.
56. I have been suspended from the ceiling in rope bondage. And lit on fire. At different times.
57. I want to try a threesome with three female bodied people.
58. I want to be in a queer orgy.
59. I count oral, anal, vaginal, fingering, fisting, etc, as sex. Not sure on breast orgasms.
60. I’ve given head to more than 10 XY men.
61. Only two XY men have ever gone down on me.
62. I kissed an XY man on New Year’s, and kind of liked it. However, he is very bi/queer phobic in the “but I’d have to compete with men AND women” kind of way, so I haven’t gotten to explore that.
63. I used to fake and exaggerate orgasms with XY men. Then I discovered what sex REALLY was (for me), and haven’t done so since.
64. My left breast is almost a cup size smaller than my right.
65. My breasts are a 38D or 38DD.
66. I have a pretty damn small cunt (ok, it’s much stretchier now – hurray!).
67. I have a geographic tongue. Yeah.
68. I can roll my tongue.
69. I love eating cunt.
70. I love fucking cunts.
71. I love being fucked.
72. I love being tied up.
73. I love to beg.
74. I love being spanked.
75. I love being bitten.
76. I love being scratched with fingernails, pinwheels, knives, etc.
77. I love orgasm control situations.
78. I love forced orgasms.
79. I don’t like feet in any type of sexy/sexual sense.
80. I have nude pictures of me and other women up all over my apartment walls.
81. I collect old, odd and vintage sex/sexuality books.
82. I like porn (ethical and feminist).
83. I have toys made of glass, metal, ceramic, silicone, wood, granite, and more.
84. The Hitachi Magic Wand is my favorite toy EVER.
85. I own three Magic Wands; one for home, one for travel, and one in case.
86. I have a goal of having sex in the elevator.
87. I like being bent over and fucked, but I can’t be on my knees.
88. I like being told to be quiet, but I PANIC and am full of anxiety if I have a ball gag in my mouth.
89. I have only a few hard limits with people I trust.
90. I love being naked, all the damn time.
91. I want to be a Pro-Domme.
92. I’ve used Icy Hot and Tiger Balm on my nipples
93. I had hours and hours and hours of camping sex in a one person tent.
94. My mother knows I write this blog (I don’t know if she’s ever looked).
95. I like ice being melted all over me.
96. I used to get migraines from having orgasms when I was younger (I’d forget to breathe).
97. I was the last of my friends to “lose my virginity,” even though I don’t believe in that word, at the age of 20. 
98. I don’t regret any sex I’ve had.
99. I’m really attracted to queer people on the more transmasculine end of the spectrum, but I also am randomly attracted to super feminine women occasionally. And British people. And boys(and bois) in eyeliner.
100. I want to have a lot more sex, sleep around more, and experience a lot more new things.

100 Non-Sexual Things About Me

Photo by Michael Barone

1. I’m in my 20s.
2. I like using 10 point words; all the time.
3. I have a black cat named Kinsey and a bengal named Kali. Both are rescues.
4. I treat them like they’re my kids.
5. I never want human kids.
6. My hair changes colors with my mood (when I’m not job hunting).
7. I currently have 5 tattoos and 7 piercings (I had 8, took one out).
8. I’m a Colorado native, born and bred.
9. My first word was “puter,” short for computer
10. I’ve worked for a feminist porn company.
11. I’ve worked for a variety of sex toy companies.
12. I used to be a Community Outreach Coordinator.
13. I love the number 13; I don’t think it is unlucky at all.
14. My all time favorite number is 129, because it’s my birthday.
15. I have a lingerie fetish; I own tons of negligees and bustiers and corsets, and…
16. I wish I had the opportunity to wear them more often.
17. I was (and am still!) a theatre nerd in HS and college.
18. I worked for a theatrical costumer and make-up shop.
19. I’ve performed as Magenta in the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
20. I had the starring role (Bilbo) in The Hobbit.
21. I was hit on the bridge of my nose with a boomerang (in a synagogue chapel) when I was 3 years old, and got three stitches.
22. When I was 10, I caught my foot in an exercise bike, and nearly tore it in half.
23. I fell (while on crutches) in a hotel shower in New Mexico, and got a concussion.
24. At my second EVER baseball game (my class went), I was hit in the head with a foul ball.
25. I was the youngest in my HS graduating class (16).
26. I wasn’t the youngest in my college graduating class (20) by 3 months.
27. I had blue hair, and wore matching Bedtime Bear (Care Bear) PJ and slippers when I walked at my college graduation.
28. I was a National Merit Commended Student. And got a dictionary for such.
29. I’m Jewish. And Agnostic. 
30. I’ve had three knee surgeries.
31. I figure skated for 12 years (and competed and did well).
32. I rode Western (horses) for 5 years, and killed at poles and showmanship.
33. I danced tap, jazz and ballet for 12 years, and pointe for 2.
34. I used to teach swing dancing classes.
35. I’m allergic to pink. Hate it. Have 1 pink sex toy, and a purse with some pink on it, but only because it says “Fuck You.”
36. I have a coin purse that looks like a vulva.
37. I own a LoveSac with a fuzzy leopard print cover.
38. I lived in Germany for 6 months in college, and miss it.
39. I’m relatively fluent in German.
40. I can understand some Hebrew and Yiddish, but wish I knew more.
41. I have 9 living relatives.
42. 5 of those 9 live in Israel.
43. My senior prom dress cost me $6. I still have it.
44. I don’t think I want to get married. However, I’m a Reverend from the Universal Life Church, and I can marry people (and have performed weddings).
45. I don’t like the movies Fight Club or Napoleon Dynamite. Ergo, people think I have poor taste. I think they do.
46. I am more upset (usually) about animals dying than people.
47. I am messy, but never dirty.
48. I alphabetize my books by author’s last name, and title within multiple listings. And I section them out by genre as well.
49. I drink tea. Tons of it. Not coffee. I have an Excel spreadsheet for my tea.
50. I do have a coffee maker for guests.
51. I have a pasta machine, and like to make my own pasta, fresh.
52. My favorite alcoholic drink is a Grasshopper.
53. My favorite shot is a Buttery Nipple (or Sambuca, because you light it on fire!)
54. My favorite non-alcoholic drink is Oregon Chai, cold. Or pumpkin soymilk!
55. I don’t drink milk unless it is in Chai (or other tea). Ever.
56. I’ve been a vegetarian for 17 years. Not kidding.
57. I dislike onions, scallions and raw tomatoes.
58. I really like cute underwear.
59. I hate the words “panties,” “undies” and “moist.”
60. My TV is 19″ which is HUGE to me.
61. I have more books than anyone I know (other than professors and librarians).
62. I wear glasses. I can’t wear contacts, and am ok with that. Although I really wanted cat’s eye contacts when in college.
63. I love pumpkin ANYTHING; bread, smoothies, pancakes, soup, lattes, etc. Or just out of the can if I have to.
64. I dislike bananas, cherries, peaches and sweet apples. Weird, I know.
65. I cannot remember what it feels like to live without chronic pain.
66. In college, I played left wing for the Women’s Club Ice Hockey team.
67. I was the captain of Die Neurotische Schildkroeten (the neurotic turtles) Inner Tube Water-Polo team for 3 years.
68. I used to play roller derby. Now, I am a derby referee.
69. I am addicted to leopard print. A lot.
70. I don’t drink red wine, only white.
71. I don’t like beer, except this one kind I had at a little restaurant on the Lueneburger Heide.
72. I love dark chocolate.
73. My bachelor’s degree is in Sociology and German.
74. I had to write a full thesis (80 pages plus transcripts) to graduate undergrad.
75. My Master’s of Human Sexuality Education is from Widener University.
76. I’ve been to England, Poland, Germany, Mexico, Poland, the Czech Republic, Switzerland, Austria, France, Sweden, the Cayman Islands, the Dominican Republic, St. Maarten and Jamaica, but I’ve never been to Canada.
77. I’ve swam with both dolphins and sting rays.
78. In 8th grade, I spent a week on a boat, tagging and tracking Orca whales.
79. I’m CPR, first aid, and fire extinguisher certified (I kid you not).
80. I’m a published author, in multiple medias and genres.
81. I wore PJs to class almost every day my first year of college.
82. I model.
83. I wish I never had to take pills. However, I take a minimum of 8 pills a day (including a vitamin) to prevent migraines, deal with pain and swelling in my knee, for allergies, etc. I feel like a walking pharmacy.
84. I had a deviated septum (from aforementioned boomerang incident), and had surgery to fix it.
85. I type 60+ WPM (without looking at the keyboard), yet I “hunt and peck” rather than using QWERTY style typing. 
86. My dad was a computer scientist (and geologist), and I had my first computer at age 5.
87. I can shoot a bow and arrow, a .22, a Henry rifle, a shotgun, and a tommy sub machine gun (and have done so).
88. I like to knit and sew, but a) don’t have my favorite machine here, b) don’t have anyone to make stuff for, and c) rarely have the time.
89. I try to rock the occasional 50’s/rockabilly style. I’m not very good at it, yet.
90. My favorite scents are lilies of the valley, ginger, vanilla, jasmine, cherry blossoms, and most importantly, the smell of rain (real rain, not the bottled “rain scent”).
91. I enjoy flying, riding the train, driving, etc. Travel gives me joy.
92. When I become friends with someone, I will go out of my way to make their life as good as I can get it for them.
93. I have a list of about 10 bio boys that I’d definitely sleep with. Johnny Depp tops the list.
94. My favorite flowers are Sterling Roses (the purple ones), Black Calla Lillies, and Stargazer Lillies. I like black roses too, but they are near to impossible to find.
95. Deep down inside, as much as I hate to admit it, I want someone to really love me. But I’ve built up a wall, because I’m scared of it (and more so, of it never happening), which keeps me from pursuing this. Instead, I have friends with benefits, one nighters, and short (yet meaningful) relationships. Maybe this is for the best.
96. Intelligence and wit turn me on more than almost anything, ever.
97. I sleep on the right side of the bed.
98. I’m terrified of heights, spiders, and being alone forever.
99. I don’t smoke pot, or do any drugs, or really drink that much, or that often. I didn’t in college either (probably the only kid at my awesome hippie school that didn’t). I’m odd and (hopefully) fun enough sober; I make an fool of myself all on my own.
100. I’m like a shark; I always have to be moving, doing something, etc. I never want to stay still.