Sexuality Happens

Hi. I’d like to speak a little on orgasms. Yes, those delightful things that we always seem to be pursuing. I think it’s time for me speak up, as I have a bit to say. Let’s start with the easiest way to achieve an orgasm;

Masturbation. Up until recently, people believed that only men ‘touched themselves down there’ and that any woman who could bring herself to orgasm was clearly loose and lascivious.

Luckily for us, that perception has changed. The adult toy industry has toys for every type of woman, every type of fantasy (and finally, they don’t all resemble penises or animals!). Some companies even cater solely to women. There are more and more porn movies and magazines showing women actually getting themselves off. Books discuss different methods. Even some mainstream movies talk about the concept.

But how do you say you’re off to go pleasure yourself if you’re female? I personally have no chicken to choke, no gecko to drain, no crank to yank.

Fortunately, a multitude of synonyms have recently come into use for us vagina loving ladies; mistress-bating, clicking the 5 fingered mouse, tip toeing through the two lips, ringing Southern belles.

So now we’re just like men; we have vibrators to their pocket pussies, jilling off to their jacking off and Playgirls and Sappho to their Penthouses and Playboys.

But are our orgasms really the same? Do we really just come? I was trying to explain this to a friend the other day that, at least in my experience, there are so many different types of orgasms a female can have.

There’s the manual stimulation of the clit that results in an orgasm, either alone or with a partner. The best way I can think of describing this type of orgasm is as a sine in math; it’s hills and valleys, a camel with lots of bumps. To me, this orgasm is more about the stimulation and the journey, rather than the end result. It isn’t about the final destination, it’s about the sensations that wash over your body as you get closer and farther and closer again.

Then there’s the vibrator orgasm. This is like how you’d picture a roller coaster. A large amount of build up, slowly but surely creeping towards an explosion of pleasure that is centered from your clit but expands out, flowing through your body, curling your toes until it reaches every muscle group, tensing them all simultaneously until you are finally able to release all the tension in your body and come down from the peak you have just summited. It pushes you to the edge, and over it, forcing you to feel the pleasure, because it’s a little more difficult to turn off a vibrator than it is to remove you hand. Plus your hand gets tired; as long as you have fresh batteries, the vibrator is always good to go.

Oral sex is a whole other type of orgasm. To me, it’s almost like falling off a cliff, or diving into the ocean. It’s beautiful, it’s deep, it’s all encompassing, it’s all around you, unstoppable, something from which you cannot escape. I cannot think of a visual line for this one; it just doesn’t have the same type of visualization. When someone is going down on me, I feel empowered, worshipped, and beautiful. I love it when they look up at me – that’s the connection that anchors my fall, that makes it possible for me to let go, because I know they’ll be there to catch me. This is one of the most trusting types of orgasms for me – I can’t have it with just anyone.

One can’t forget the magical, and sometimes still thought of as mystical, g-spot. This hard to find area is in the vagina, and directions to it are sometimes complicated. “Make a come-hither motion with your two fingers.” “Three inches in and feel for the spongy area.” “Close your eyes, hope really hard, and poke around until she gasps.” Did it ever occur to anyone to just ask her?

Regardless, this area provides a completely different type of orgasm. To me, it’s like a cross country race versus a 100 meter sprint; both make your heart race, but are completely different ways of running. With a clitoral orgasm, you play around it, taunting it, teasing it, and then once you’ve made friends, then, and only then can you begin to play a little more rough and tumble. But with the g-spot, I want pressure and stroking. I want power, and I take power and I exude power. I want to be fucked, whether by fingers, a toy or a penis, and I want it now. Pushing me over the edge is exactly like crossing the finish line in a race; I’m exhausted, breathing heavy, sweating, and want nothing more than to bask in its glory, and wouldn’t give it up for the world.

Orgasming in front of another person makes it different too, whether that person is part of causing the orgasm or is just a bystander. Sometimes I feel like I have to be more “into it,” moaning louder, thrashing more. Sometimes I just like having a warm body next to me or on me when my body tenses up; it makes me feel safe. And sometimes, I wish I was alone, because I orgasm differently when I’m alone. Only if I am really comfortable and really trust the person can I truly be myself, and ask for what I need to make it right for me, and get off the way that I get off, without some extra moans here, or calling out of their name there.

Sometimes I don’t want to come. I just want the sensations. I want to be turned on, I want to be hot and horny, but I’m not in the mood for an orgasm. When I say this, I mean it, it’s not a challenge. My clit isn’t the enemy, it’s a very good friend of mine, and sometimes it just wants to chat, to have a short visit. Other times, it’s ready to party. Depending on its mood, I approach it differently, and the outcome is always enjoyable.

Now, this is not to say that any one type of orgasm is better than another, and it is most certainly not to say that all women orgasm in the same ways, with the same difference between the types of stimulation. But for me, I don’t have the same orgasm a man does, especially since I never have the same orgasm twice. I sometimes wonder if female orgasms were just named that because the only thing one could compare it to was a male orgasm. Because of this, I am never able to fully explain my partners that I don’t always arch my back the same way, I am very quiet sometimes and loud others, and that sometimes I stay very still. They don’t seem to get it, because they seem have a certain way they tend to like to come. I become a totally different person when I’m writhing in bed – I’m not responsible for my actions or my moans, they just come out how they do. And sometimes I don’t want there to be an end result, I just want to enjoy the sensations – I’ve yet to be with someone who understood that. And it’s hard for our partners too, because while saying “so, did you come?” sounds quite silly, it’s incredibly hard to know sometimes. So please, all I ask you is to stop comparing my orgasms to the girls in the last adult flick you saw, or your ex-girlfriend, or even the ones I had when I last came in front of you. My orgasms are like snowflakes; each one different and unique, but I enjoy every one, I promise.