Sexuality Happens

I watch porn all day. You’d think I’d get really sick of it (and yes, sometimes I do), but not this one. It’s from Candida Royalle, who is pretty much one of the first feminist pornographers…ever. Her studio, Femme Productions, is awesome, and makes movies geared for women and couples – they have plots AND really hot sex scenes. Plus, safer sex (unless they’re real life couples), which as you know, can give me multiple orgasms just by itself (I <3 girls who love latex and I <3 boys who wear condoms!). Simone Valentino is one of the best up and coming (and coming…and coming some more) actresses out there, and she really carries this film. There’s a hot scene with a hummer, a solo scene with a basket o’ sex toys, and even a wardrobe malfunction. I’ve watched how many movies, and this is in my top five? That should say a hell of a lot.

Essin’ Em

Read my whole review, and get a copy of this movie for yourself!

For those of you who don’t know, in addition to my full time work at hotmoviesforher.com, I also go to graduate school full time on the weekends at Widener University, in persuit of my Master’s in Human Sexuality Education. Right now, I’m taking “Sexual Minorities” (and will be taking “Sexuality and the Law” later in the summer).

So we have an assignment for Saturday, to bring clothing to change into that “makes us feel like the other gender.” The first few minutes after I got the assignment, I was excited. I like to dress like a masculine male every once in a while, and in college, my best friend and I did a mean drag number to “I’m a Lumberjack” by Monty Python. I could back, and bust out some stuble…and then I thought about it. The more I thought, the more issues I had. I realized that I have some beef (real or vegan) with this assignment.

First of all, there are more than two gender options. Secondly, as much drag as I’ve done (for theatre, drag balls, etc), I realize that no matter what I wear, I never “feel” like another gender. I’m always me, my gender (feminine woman), no matter what I wear. Hell, I can strap on silicone, and *I* personally still feel like a woman (with an awesome silicone dildo). I can pack…and while fun (and I do like to grab my crotch), I’m still a woman in men’s clothing. I *can* pass (I know, you’d think the DD boobies are a dead give away, but sports bras, an ace bandage, and gaft tape can do a lot), but it doesn’t change how I *FEEL*.

So instead of busting out my “Larry the Lumberjack” gear, or getting a nice tie to go with my fedora (which I’m sure are perfectly acceptable answers to the assignment), I’ve made a shirt. A black A-line shirt (formerly called wife beaters) with the lettering “CLOTHING DOES NOT GENDER MAKE.” I plan to wear it with boxers and high heels. And nothing else. No matter what traditional, stereotypical items I wear (heels = super high femme, which I’m not. Boxers = masculine/butch/male, which I’m not), I will still be me. Shanna. A relatively feminine woman who doesn’t own foundations, and rarely wears heels, but has an obsession with lingerie.

Wish me luck!

Tomorrow, Wednesday, June 27, is National HIV testing day in the US. Lots of places are doing FREE HIV testing, and I’ve even included a site below to find the closest place for YOU to get tested. No excuses. Hundreds of thousands of people are diagnosed with new cases of HIV every year, and more go undiagnosed because they didn’t get tested. HIV does not discriminate. It is not a gay man’s disease. It is not an African-American disease. It is not a single people’s, or a multiple partnered people’s or a poverty disease. It infects people of all genders, sexualities, abilities, races, socio-economic levels, etc. Please, take care of yourself and get tested. Tomorrow is as good of a day as any, so let’s do it!

National HIV Testing Day (NHTD) is an annual campaign produced by the National Association of People with AIDS (NAPWA-US) to encourage at-risk individuals to receive voluntary HIV counseling and testing.

Across the country, thousands of HIV counseling and testing sites, state and local health departments, and community-based HIV/AIDS service providers will participate in NHTD events, by holding health fairs, providing community and media outreach, hosting special testing-related events or operating extended hours.

I just got tested a month or two back, and sadly, I haven’t gotten any action since then, so I’m in the clear. But I’ll take my HIV test through all of y’all vicariously…so I expect all of you to go get tested! If you have any good or interesting experiences getting tested, let me know!

Essin’ Em

Find out where YOU can get tested near you

So…

Two weeks till HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX movie comes out. And guess who just bought her ticket to Harry Fucking Potter??? (and yes, that’s his new middle name)

MEEEEE! I’m so exciting. I’m so set, cloak and all (although not my normal 18 yards o’ fabric one…I left that in Colorado. The small one will have to suffice).

I’m psyched. And a big nerd.

Least I’m not getting a Harry Potter tattoo…I am getting a nerdy one thought :)

-Essin’ Em

Ok. So I figured skated for 12 years. And yes, I’m from Colorado, so I have a fondness in my heart for Cowboys.

BUT COME ON! Watch this, and tell me you don’t have a little baby orgasm at your desk. Seriously.

So much love,

Essin’ Em

I’m a woman who has always thought of myself as straight. However, I have made a new friend that I think I like in a more friendly way. I want to pursue it more, and I think I’m sexually attracted to her. Does this mean I’m a lesbian, or am I bisexual?
-Confused in Kentucky

Labels can be very funny things. We apply them to all kinds of situations, to identify people and their choices. However, sometimes they can be limiting as well. In our society, it’s hard to belong to more than one group in general, none the less to more than one group in a category.

 In class the other day, we were discussing a woman who identified as a lesbian. One night, she had sex with a man (and as a result, got pregnant). However, she still identifies as a lesbian (not a bisexual). Labels are what we make of them. 

Some of us try to go without labels – I have quite a few friends that I identify as “genderqueer” as they try and shed the labels society places on both their sex and gender. Sometimes, this makes life a lot harder for them (hell, even my train pass is gendered – when you buy it, they put either an F or an M on it), but it is who they identify as, and they do so for a variety of reasons, including in an attempt to do away with some of our labels. 

That whole spiel was to lead up to the idea of labels of orientation. You yourself told me you are a woman. That’s your gender identity. You like me (or so it seems, from you telling me you’re straight). And now, you’re interested in a woman. What does that make you? It could be a variety of things. If you decide you only like women now, then yes, you could identify as a lesbian. If you decided you like both men and women, you could identify as bisexual. Maybe you’re open to all genders, and want to identify as pansexual. You might continue to identify as straight. Or maybe you’re just open minded. 

You chose. In my opinion, what you identify as is less important here than the next step you plan on taking. It sounds like you’re clearly interested in this woman, in maybe both a relationship and a sexual sense. What do you plan on doing? Are you going to keep these feelings to yourself, or do you plan on approaching her to see if maybe she shares some interest? In these circumstances, you need to make these decisions for yourself, and not based on what others say, or on whatever label you decide to give to yourself. We like who we like, and can’t change that. Whether or not you decide to pursue her, the attraction to her is there, and that’s something that is very personal, and no one else can tell you how to label yourself, or how you should identify. 

So I’m sorry I can’t answer your question – I don’t know if you’re straight, bisexual, lesbian, pansexual, or anything else (although I’m fairly certain you’re probably not asexual). That’s your identity, and I can’t tell you what it is. However, I can wish you the best of luck on your journey of self-discovery. 

I have so many labels on me that it’s not even funny,

Essin’ Em

Originally Posted on www.hotmoviesforher.com

When I lived in Germany, I collected pictures of cool signs. In Lueneburg, there was the Kroeten Crossing sign (toad crossing). In Vienna, the “No-heterosexuals” sign in the gay district (it was actually a no walking sign, but it was a “man” and a “woman” holding hands with a line through them). In Wuppertal, there was the “Frauen Parken” sign (women’s parking).

On my way to Howard Stern with the HotMovies.com guys, we found this sign. I love it.

Anyone have any cool signs? Send them to me, and I’ll post ‘em!

-Essin’ Em

It’s another pink toy…I know you’re all expecting a negative review, and a few comments about my negativity about toys of the pink variety. Well, SUPRISE! The Raquel dildo is probably my second favorite toy EVER (behind the Wand, and seriously, can anything beat that?) and is certainly my favorite dildo I’ve ever tried. The Vixskin from which it is created feels absolutely divine (and warms up to body temperature quickly), and the properties of this toy combine the feel-good benefits of jelly (but without those pesky phthalates), and the fabulousness of silicone (like being easy to clean). Rock on! Anyways, this toy is freaking amazing, and well worth checking out. Read my full review and learn more about the Raquel by clicking on the link below (or above)! It is the perfect size, material, and shape (and has a well flared base for either strap on use, or to use as a handle for thrusting, alone or with a partner). It’s pink, but I love love love it anyways. Oh, and did I mention that we share a very deep bond? My middle name!

-Essin’ Em

Buy my favorite dildo ever. No, seriously. It’s *that* good.

Aunt Flo. The red tide. That time of the month. No matter what you call it, I hate it. I hate my period. Not the way many women complain once a month “oh, I really hate my period.” No, I have a vendetta against menstruation. But only in me. Other people can have their time of the month, well, monthly, and that’s fine. I support them. Tampons, pads, diva cups, sea sponges, blood towels – I support everyone who has a period and their choice of what they use to “deal with it” (my own words). However, I do NOT support mine. I do not feel empowered. It does not make me feel “more like a woman.”

My period sucks. Before I was on hormonal birth control, it lasted about 10 days. Not spotting for a few, period for a few. 10 days of heavy flow, cramps, headaches, feeling icky and disgusting period. 2 out of those 10 days were usually so bad that I could barely move, and missed class some days, especially once I was driving, because I couldn’t drive because of the pain. I’ve never had “PMS” – my cramps come with the bleeding, everything at once. I had always hated my period. But then, my first year in college, there was a period of time where I got my period 3 times in 6 weeks. 30 days of cramps in 42 days. It was HORRIFIC. The OB-GYN suggested BC to see if it straightened it out. It put it back on schedule, but it didn’t tone down the intensity. She showed me several studies regarding CBC (continuous birth control) and said that while she thought it was the best plan of me, it wasn’t FDA. Screw the FDA, I was sold. First I had my period 4 times a year. Then I was down to three. I got on the patch, which was ok for a bit, but I had a lot of break through bleeding, and disliked the edges peeling off – I never knew when it was too much peeled off to still work. I switched to the ring, and to bleeding from my cunt twice a year.

Life’s been pretty good since then. Last December, the trouble began. I had my period around my birthday, and was set. Then I had knee surgery, and started bleeding again (that was great. I couldn’t get up to pee by myself, and was on pain killers out the wazoo, and here I was with 8 days (the ring toned it down a little) of heavy bleeding). Fine. Then life was fine again, until May, when I started bleeding again. Fine. I took the ring out, had a period, moved on with my life. Except I have a little to medium amount of bleeding after any intense orgasm…even with the ring in. And then my body decided to start a full on period, bleeding, headaches, you name it. I took my ring out, and am letting my body adjust. But I’m pissed and feel icky.

Which has lead me to think on menstruation. I had a good friend who couldn’t believe I went on CBC, because she couldn’t image not having her period…not because she was sexually active with men, but because it made her “feel more like a woman.” While I personally don’t believe in that, I find it more interesting that the thing that makes many people “feel more like a woman” is also something that totally ostracizes many women in our society.

We cannot talk about our periods in “mixed company.” Many sex ed classes still teach boys and girls in different rooms, and many times, the boys don’t learn about the menstrual cycle. What is this? It only starts there. I have many guys friends who pride themselves on being liberal, and sexually open minded, and we can talk about anything from snowballing to figging (peel ginger dildos placed in the vagina or anus), but the SECOND I mention periods (it doesn’t have to be mine, and it doesn’t have to be connected to sex), everyone either groans and ‘ewwws’ or suddenly has a place to be. Father don’t want to talk to their daughter’s about their periods.

It gets worse. Today I went to the drug store to get some damn pads and tampons for my surprise period. What the fuck is with SCENTED pads and tampons? Anyone who is smelling my cunt is going to either be ok with my period, or isn’t. Covering it up with “fresh scent” or floral something or other is NOT going to help in either situation. And it can cause allergic reactions and infections. And now you can buy Always “Pads with wipes” because clearly toilet paper isn’t enough to wipe yourself when you’re having a period; we need special wipes. So after glaring at the shelves of scented “feminine products” (which asks the question of what if you’re not a feminine person, yet still have a period?), I went to the check out. I stood in the shorter line, yes, with a man (god forbid some random clerk know I’m bleeding), because I really didn’t care what he thought. He checks me out, and then places the pads and tampons in a paper bag, and then a plastic bag. He then places this bag inside my other plastic bag with the hairbrush I was buying. I’m sure he was following protocol, but what the fuck?

Why do we even have that protocol? The majority of women in our society bleed monthly, so why is this embarrassing? Why would it be embarrassing to be seen carrying “feminine products?” I just don’t get it. It’s one thing if you personally don’t feel sexy because you’re all crampy, and therefore you and your partner don’t get it on, but we shouldn’t be embarrassed by it, and our partners (specifically male partners) shouldn’t be “grossed out” by it.

I have a painful, life-altering period, and I hate it…but I’m not ever embarrassed by it (well, except when I bleed randomly, like, oh say, though my pants because I’m not supposed to having it, and then have to walk around with a blood stain all day). I just don’t get it. We don’t ostracize people for urinating, or having migraines, or any other natural functions…why is menstruation any different?

So I’m a nerd. And collect pillows and blankets…probably because I spend a lot of time in bed (sleeping, sexing, reading, homeworking, watching TV, hanging with the cat, etc). And I love pillows that are creative…I even have a Sushi Pillow (the avocado one from TheOriginalSushiPillow.com).

But how cool is this one? It’s a vulva pillow WITH A G-SPOT POUCH!!!!! They also have vulva bags, jewellry, etc. Check it out at BadMimi.com. If only I was rich….

-Essin’ Em