Sexuality Happens

Aunt Flo. The red tide. That time of the month. No matter what you call it, I hate it. I hate my period. Not the way many women complain once a month “oh, I really hate my period.” No, I have a vendetta against menstruation. But only in me. Other people can have their time of the month, well, monthly, and that’s fine. I support them. Tampons, pads, diva cups, sea sponges, blood towels – I support everyone who has a period and their choice of what they use to “deal with it” (my own words). However, I do NOT support mine. I do not feel empowered. It does not make me feel “more like a woman.”

My period sucks. Before I was on hormonal birth control, it lasted about 10 days. Not spotting for a few, period for a few. 10 days of heavy flow, cramps, headaches, feeling icky and disgusting period. 2 out of those 10 days were usually so bad that I could barely move, and missed class some days, especially once I was driving, because I couldn’t drive because of the pain. I’ve never had “PMS” – my cramps come with the bleeding, everything at once. I had always hated my period. But then, my first year in college, there was a period of time where I got my period 3 times in 6 weeks. 30 days of cramps in 42 days. It was HORRIFIC. The OB-GYN suggested BC to see if it straightened it out. It put it back on schedule, but it didn’t tone down the intensity. She showed me several studies regarding CBC (continuous birth control) and said that while she thought it was the best plan of me, it wasn’t FDA. Screw the FDA, I was sold. First I had my period 4 times a year. Then I was down to three. I got on the patch, which was ok for a bit, but I had a lot of break through bleeding, and disliked the edges peeling off – I never knew when it was too much peeled off to still work. I switched to the ring, and to bleeding from my cunt twice a year.

Life’s been pretty good since then. Last December, the trouble began. I had my period around my birthday, and was set. Then I had knee surgery, and started bleeding again (that was great. I couldn’t get up to pee by myself, and was on pain killers out the wazoo, and here I was with 8 days (the ring toned it down a little) of heavy bleeding). Fine. Then life was fine again, until May, when I started bleeding again. Fine. I took the ring out, had a period, moved on with my life. Except I have a little to medium amount of bleeding after any intense orgasm…even with the ring in. And then my body decided to start a full on period, bleeding, headaches, you name it. I took my ring out, and am letting my body adjust. But I’m pissed and feel icky.

Which has lead me to think on menstruation. I had a good friend who couldn’t believe I went on CBC, because she couldn’t image not having her period…not because she was sexually active with men, but because it made her “feel more like a woman.” While I personally don’t believe in that, I find it more interesting that the thing that makes many people “feel more like a woman” is also something that totally ostracizes many women in our society.

We cannot talk about our periods in “mixed company.” Many sex ed classes still teach boys and girls in different rooms, and many times, the boys don’t learn about the menstrual cycle. What is this? It only starts there. I have many guys friends who pride themselves on being liberal, and sexually open minded, and we can talk about anything from snowballing to figging (peel ginger dildos placed in the vagina or anus), but the SECOND I mention periods (it doesn’t have to be mine, and it doesn’t have to be connected to sex), everyone either groans and ‘ewwws’ or suddenly has a place to be. Father don’t want to talk to their daughter’s about their periods.

It gets worse. Today I went to the drug store to get some damn pads and tampons for my surprise period. What the fuck is with SCENTED pads and tampons? Anyone who is smelling my cunt is going to either be ok with my period, or isn’t. Covering it up with “fresh scent” or floral something or other is NOT going to help in either situation. And it can cause allergic reactions and infections. And now you can buy Always “Pads with wipes” because clearly toilet paper isn’t enough to wipe yourself when you’re having a period; we need special wipes. So after glaring at the shelves of scented “feminine products” (which asks the question of what if you’re not a feminine person, yet still have a period?), I went to the check out. I stood in the shorter line, yes, with a man (god forbid some random clerk know I’m bleeding), because I really didn’t care what he thought. He checks me out, and then places the pads and tampons in a paper bag, and then a plastic bag. He then places this bag inside my other plastic bag with the hairbrush I was buying. I’m sure he was following protocol, but what the fuck?

Why do we even have that protocol? The majority of women in our society bleed monthly, so why is this embarrassing? Why would it be embarrassing to be seen carrying “feminine products?” I just don’t get it. It’s one thing if you personally don’t feel sexy because you’re all crampy, and therefore you and your partner don’t get it on, but we shouldn’t be embarrassed by it, and our partners (specifically male partners) shouldn’t be “grossed out” by it.

I have a painful, life-altering period, and I hate it…but I’m not ever embarrassed by it (well, except when I bleed randomly, like, oh say, though my pants because I’m not supposed to having it, and then have to walk around with a blood stain all day). I just don’t get it. We don’t ostracize people for urinating, or having migraines, or any other natural functions…why is menstruation any different?