Sexuality Happens

Hello boys and girls and everyone elsewhere on the gender spectrum…

HHNT!

Here’s my HNT picture for this week, taken by J while I was lounging on the beach of a freezing cold lake somewhere in the Poconos. Yes, I have a weird pin-up girl looking swimsuit – haven’t you figured out I’m a bit of an odd duck?

My post about J’s fisting has really made the rounds on the net. My hand and J’s cunt are quite famous. Never would have guessed that my hand would be getting so much action :)

It’s rainy and drizzly and grey and overcast and all I want to do is go home and curl up under my blankets with Kinsey and Athena (my kitties) with a hot cup of a tea and a good book. Moreover, it feels like Friday. I love days like this – when I can experience them at home, or with someone I care about. I disapprove of having to walk in such weather from the subway.

Saturday night, J and I are going to go to the local leather/fetish bar. It’s mostly for bears and their cubs, although they say that they’re friendly and open to all gendered and oriented people/couples/groups. I jokingly told J to flag gold (find us a third), because we really want to try a threesome…but somehow, I don’t think that’s the place to pick a third up. I have a enough trouble finding one person I’m interested in (and is interested back)…how the hell am I supposed to find ANOTHER, whom we both like, and likes both of us?!?!?!

Sex is far too complicated. I’ll stick with my Magic Wand (and Raquel…or Gigi). And maybe a little lovin’ now and then from J. Cause we have really fucking hot sex. Just FYI.

And that’s all for now folks,

Essin’ Em

I was talking to my best friend from good ol’ Colorado last night, and she mentioned how she wanted to get a fun toy to suprise her boyfriend with for their upcoming trip to Las Vegas. At first, I had all these great ideas running through my head…and then I realized two things:

1) I’m really fucking lucky with J. We try pretty much everything, and that extends to toys. I’ve never been with anyone before that was into much more than flavored/warming lube, or maybe ice cream. I’ve never busted out my vibrators, or dildos, or discussed buying paddles and gags and strap ons. Even in today’s day and age, I feel toys are still relatively taboo, particularly in heterosexual relationships.

2) There are a lot less toys for boys. In fact, most boy solo toys (the strokers and sucks and so on) tend to creep me out. Not because of what they do, but because many are not well made, and small funny because they’re made out of weird (read: non-silicone) materials, and are hard to clean, and many come with GIANT WARNINGS ON THE SIDE LIKE DON’T USE THIS ON YOUR COCK OR YOU MAY GET BRUISING AND HEMATOMAS (actual warning on a male sex toy in the office).

They’re also pretty vanilla. Like blindfold = maybe, giant butt plug = not so much.

I reccommended a kit for her, maybe something with a blindfold, a feather tickler, possibly some restraints. And we talked about some of the hardcore vibrating cockrings that have stimulation for both partners, like the Diving Dolphin. Not fetish, no anal, no dildos. Hell, this was hard. Cock rings, and massage-y stuff were all I could think of, since she has a vibrator already.

J rocks. With the exception of a leash I recently review (that was a nice leash…for which we had not purpose), we’ve lovingly tested out all my sex toys together. I say I buy something new, and we’re both chomping at the bit for it to arrive.

When in Seattle, I bought this:

at Babeland. I wasn’t sure how we’d like it, but jesus, it feels amazing. Just wonderful! There were so many different ways we used this baby…I’d highly reccommend it.

I just bought on Monday this:

and

for our newly discovered more intense dominance play. J is excited too, but probably not as much as I am.

I never thought I’d want to try a gag, but I really do. We tried using one of my scarves for one once, and while I found the concept really exciting, I couldn’t stand the feel of wet silk in my mouth. Tape gags scare the hell out of me. Ball gags kind of scare me too, but I trust J so much, so I’m willing to give it a try. Please note thought, for mt first ball gag, I went with the breathable one…just because I’m a paranoid little bugger.

We’re thinking of trying out a strap on too…I’ve never fucked anyone with, nor been fucked by a strap on. Weird, I know…it’s all the rage. But I tried one on at Dinah Shore, and while it was quite comfy, I was kind of like, “um…so…um. What do I do with this now? Ok, and I’m done. I prefer being fucked, kthnxbye.” And one person I hooked up with had one, but not with them, and they weren’t packing either time we hooked up, so no luck there. J isn’t super duper into it, but expressed interest, so of course I hopped on the band wagon like nobody’s business and filled J’s inbox (no, not innuedno!) with tons of links to toys. We’ll see if that comes to frutation. If not (or even so), anyone want to volunteer to give me a good fucking with a strap on? (We’re non-monogamous, so please don’t pepper me with “Ohh Emm Gee – you’re cheating!” comments)

I have have probably had upwards of 50 sex toys in my life…possibly more. Many have been over used and broken. I bit them a fond farewell. Some just sucked. Some have been amazing. I can’t imagine a life without sex toys. Not, this doesn’t mean I *have* to have them to have good sex (please read post about hot camping sex)…but they do add to many sexual experiences, bumping them up to the next level. Dildos, vibrators, restraints, clamps, pinwheels, and so much more…most of them hanging out in my nightstand next to my bed.

Thank the mooses I finally have a partner who is as into sex toys as I am, and who likes the magic wand *possibly* more than I do. We have great sex with or without toys, but the toys sometimes take things to whole new levels…and I can’t wait to try our new ones out this weekend.

What are your favorite toys you’ve discovered?

I REALLY like:
*The Raquel Dildo
*The GiGi
*The Hitachi Magic Wand
*The Pinwheel
*Clothespins (cheaper than nipple clamps!)
*Goddess Vibrating Dildo

and this interesting vibe that J. has…no idea what it’s called. Mayhaps I should figure it out.

Let me know your favs – I’m always interested in what other think about toys!

Remember that really super duper hot post I wrote about fisting…and how J and I have kind of gotten into it? Well, it made editor’s choice on Sugasm this week! Aren’t you proud of me? Thanks Sugasm – I really am honored :) Here’s this week’s Sugasm edition – read my fisting post, and go give the other links some love as well!

-Essin’ Em

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #94? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Between Baths

“His tongue licks along the edge of my thong and then slips underneath, and then he pulls the material aside so he can get to me.”

Fantasy Vs. Reality: What Is Cheating?

“Paid escort work is fantasy; dating me is reality.”

How To Set Up an MFM Threesome

“You’d be surprised how many guys will say they can’t wait to bed her down, then chicken out or not show up after you’ve shelled out money for a hotel room.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Neal Mather Fetish Figurenes

Editor’s Choice

Need a hand?

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Remember that really super duper hot post I wrote about fisting…and how J and I have kind of gotten into it? Well, it made editor’s choice on Sugasm this week! Aren’t you proud of me? Thanks Sugasm – I really am honored :) Here’s this week’s Sugasm edition – read my fisting post, and go give the other links some love as well!

-Essin’ Em

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #94? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Between Baths

“His tongue licks along the edge of my thong and then slips underneath, and then he pulls the material aside so he can get to me.”

Fantasy Vs. Reality: What Is Cheating?

“Paid escort work is fantasy; dating me is reality.”

How To Set Up an MFM Threesome

“You’d be surprised how many guys will say they can’t wait to bed her down, then chicken out or not show up after you’ve shelled out money for a hotel room.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Neal Mather Fetish Figurenes

Editor’s Choice

Need a hand?

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

J. likes (or at least listens to) Jason Mraz…obsessively. J. likes Mandy Moore as well…a lot. I really like to think that J. likes me a good deal as well.

Ergo, the perfect swingers set (aren’t we all cute? please note, I’m even wearing a Pirates of the Carribean shirt!):

Courtesy of Catalina

Am I a nerd? Oh yes. Do I really suck at being cute and romantic? Oh yes. But does it count that I tried really hard to be cute and sweet? I hope so!

I’ve always had fantasies about getting it on in a pool or hot tub, or maybe even the ocean, but on the other hand, that also seems a bit dangerous, even risky. What do you think about sex in the water?

-Ready to get wet in Washington, DC

Oooh, sex in the water, something that I’ll bet frequents many fantasies, not just your own. There’s just something about being wet and relatively weightless that makes my mind think dirty thoughts.

A question I get asked a lot, especially by the younger generation, is whether or not you can get pregnant from sperm hanging out in the water (what a visual!). For example, let’s say you’re in a pool or hot tub where someone ejaculated earlier. No, you cannot get pregnant. Sperm are relatively fragile – they can only live 2-5 days inside you. Once out of the body and hanging out, they’re pretty much done for. Add chlorine and other gnarly chemicals to the mix, and they’re as good as gone. So that is one less worry at least.

HOWEVER, when bumping bodies, whether in or out of water, there is always the possibility of exchanging STIs Condoms don’t really work in the water because the heat of hot tubs degrade them, and they’re highly likely to fall, or more realistically, float off), so before you hop into the water together, make sure both of you are tested and cleared for STIs. And if your partner is male and his penis is in you, there is still a chance of getting pregnant. Don’t let sex in the water mean having your water break 9 months down the road, unless, of course, that is what you’re aiming for.

As far as logistics, let me introduce you to a good friend of mine – silicone lube. Regardless of who your partner is or what you’re doing, if it involves your vagina, you’re going to want some lube. Seriously. And water, as wonderful as it is, makes all that lovely natural lube go away. And water, while wet, is not lubricant. Water based lubes will wash away in the water, and oil based lubes are not good for lady bits, so silicone is probably going to be your best bet. Use it with fingers, sex toys, cocks – you name it. My personal favorite brand is Eros, which you can get at any good sex toy store, in real life or online.

Once you’ve got lube, it’s time to get some action happening. If you’re lucky enough to have a pool, hot tube, lake, or other body of water to yourself, it’s much easier. Just hop in naked, and after some delicious foreplay, which may consist of water fights, horsing around, or sensual back massages, get going. It begins to get more complicated if more people are around. I personally wouldn’t advise doing it in a crowded pool, as clear water shows all. A crowded beach might be a little easier, as the deeper and darker water can hide a variety of sins. If you’re going to be wearing swimsuits, which I’d advise doing unless you’re all alone, think about easy access. Most suits allow breasts to come out the top to allow for easy access, and one-piece suits can be pulled aside for access, while two-piece bottoms can be taken off – just hold on to the bottoms so you don’t lose them.
Other things to think about: What is in the water? If the water is really dirty, you may not want to get down and dirtier in it…it might be worth waiting to find a clean water source. Also, be careful with any type of penetration – forcing water into your vagina and against your cervix can cause cervical and uterine cramping if you’re not a bit gentler. A big plus about water is you can try some new and interesting positions since both of you will be way lighter than usual!

Want to add some oral sex into the mix? This works best in a pool or hot tub – have one of you sit on the edge, and the other person stays in the water and walks up to the feast laid before them, while the receiver dangles their feet in the water. Use the wall as a support for sex from behind, or for balance when trying a variety of positions. And who said inflatable toys were just for kids? Use them to the best of your advantage.

As long as you’re careful about it, and think it through, sex in the water can be a fun filled experience. Enjoy!

Jupming into the deep end,

Essin’ Em

Originally Posted on HotMoviesForHer.com

By the way, the weekend, J’s friends were giving everyone a “lesbian sub-genre” (neither J or I are lesbians. J is genderqueer and I am pansexual, which according to J’s friends makes me sound like I’m 38).

Mine was “A walking wikipedia lesbian with the biggest hypothetical tool-belt we’ve ever seen lesbian sub-genre.”

I’m not sure that it is truly a genre…but it’s an interesting label, and I’ll accept it. Because I like having a big hypothetical tool belt, and being respected for my knowledge. I may not be the best at many things, but I am so freaking full of random and occasionally useful information, it’s not even funny.

That is all.

-Essin’ Em

I’m back from camping.

In honor of all the butch/femme discussion that is going on in various sex blogs right now (namely at SugarButch), I would like to identify myself as a switch (although usually bottom) femme with some intense submissive tendencies who likes to pretend to be a domme (and laughs at herself) while wearing everything from heels and strapless dresses to a-shirts and boxers while cooking dinner, starting campfires, and doing everything in-between. And yes, I’m a feminist who tries to explode gender roles while still waiting for J to open my door, put together my furniture, and save me from killer bees on the beach. So take that and then try to tell me that all butches are ______ or that all femmes are ______. Sinclair says it better – go check the link above (and follow the links there…I’m tired and don’t feel like doing a blog roundup, sorry).

From J, I found the band Team Gina, which is pretty awesome. Here is their shoutout to the butches…it’s cute, the song gets stuck in my head, and I feel they acknowledge that being a femme doesn’t mean being helpless. Which is good…because I’m a power femme…IMHO.

In other news, I went camping this weekend. I hate camping, but J wanted me to come on this queer camping extravaganza…and I like J and wanted to spend time together, so I went. I haven’t been in 8 years (or more), having gone to a super outdoorsy, hands on educational school that had us snowshoeing and building snow shelters, and kissing banana slugs. I am over camping. The fact that I was sick and couldn’t breathe, AND wearing a knee brace, and yet still went to be with J, well, I think that says something.

I did not like it. I do not like sleeping on the ground and then waking up at 5 am having to pee, and having to walk way too far in the dark shivering to go pee in a can placed on a hole in the ground (not flush toilets, no) and being attacked by flies, spiders and daddy long legs (hello, I’m arachnaphobic!!!!) because my attempt at making a STP (stand to pee) device totally failed (good thing I’m not a transman, because then I would be far more upset about this inability). I don’t like getting sunburnt, being bitten by bugs, and being woken up because someone thought they heard a bear.

HOWEVER…I did enjoy cooking food over the fire (I’m such a housefrau in training), starting the fire when all the other lesbians (butch and femme and non categorized) had failed (without start logs OR lighter fluid…ich bin die Feuermeisterin!), and putting up my tent with J in like 5 minutes. I loved tent sex :) I liked spending time with J. Would I go camping again? No. ESPECIALLY not when sick. I wanted to have someone take care of me, bring me tea, be sweet and blah blah blah, not be using tissues at the speed of light while describing the act of transudation to J as water leaked into our tent. But it was worth it, spending so much time together.

After camping and a rocking time at Perkins, we went back to J’s for a shower. A bit of background; I’m kinky (could you tell?), and while we do a bunch of hot stuff with power, most of it isn’t physical. J might tie me up, but usually just tells me I am not allowed to move my hands/make any noises/close my eyes/open my eyes/move/some combo of the aforemention. Oh, and I usually have to ask to come (and am sometimes denied). Now, these things are all super hot, and I love them…but I also like a good bit of pain, and have wanted to try to go that direction for a while. It seemed that J wasn’t into that so much, so I respected that, and while I’d throw hints out there every once in a while (“um…you can bite my nipples MUCH harder”), I didn’t push it.

Well, today in the shower after camping, I upped my seduction technique. I pinned J against the wall, nipping ears, J’s neck, lips, and more, not letting J touch me, etc. After about 2 hot minutes of this, the tables turned, and I found both arms being held behind my back as J’s lips (and teeth!) assaulted (consentually of course) my body, leaving a few marks here and there. Once in the bedroom, we had the “um, so who tops whom first?” awkward moment, and I went first, because I’m sweet like that. After some hot action as I sort of topped, but mostly just fucked J, it was my turn.

A few moments later, J had me on my stomach, scratching up and down my back, real scratches that made me writhe somewhere between pain and pleasure and then SMACK. J’s hand made connection with my right ass cheek…a gasp flew out of my mouth. I had never been spanked before, and as far as I knew, J wasn’t into it. I tried to remember what I had put about spanking on our negotiation form…but I was distracted by J’s whisper in my ear, asking me if I was still green. To my suprise, I was not only still green, I felt like saying “go go for the good of the city green!” I couldn’t have imagined how much I enjoyed being spanked by someone I trusted implictly. After making me pick a number (7), I got that many more swats, and was then flipped.

I was tied to the headboard, naked and exposed, just the way I like it, with J teasing me, lips poised right above my mouth, but warning me not to move, not letting me kiss, nip, bite, everything I wanted. Then nipple play, far rougher than we’vee ever done…and they were already sore from the aforementioned camping sex…god, it was divine (I can have breast orgasms, and even when that’s not on the plate, my nipples are pretty much connected to my cunt)…although sometimes it was so hard I could barely stand it (and that’s what safewords are for…if it had been needed).

Bent over the bed, I got more scratches (enough to leave marks, but not draw blood) and more spanking. God, it was so hot. I don’t know if I could have taken much more of either (whether for more time, or harder), but it was amazing. And hearing J exclaim “wow, you really can take a lot” made me feel so happy and proud. Ever just sitting here now (and on the 2 hour drive home), my still slightly warm and slightly tender ass makes me smile, remembering that.

Then there was the fucking and simulation of my clit and cunt. Amazing as always, lots of begging and pleading and being told that I only was allowed one orgasm this time (I usually get 2-4…ah, the joys of being extremely multi-orgasmic), so I was only allowed to ask when I really wanted to come…all that was great, but I still cannot get over how wonderful the spanking was…maybe because I didn’t really expect to like it. And now that we’re gotten over this hurdle/limit/_____, I can’t wait to think of other things to try. Maybe a paddle? A crop? Anal? Strap-ons? (I’ve never worn (well, aside from trying one on at Dinah Shore) or been fucked with a strap on…oddly enough…any volunteers?)

I will say that I did say our “slow down/not this please try something else but don’t stop completely” safe word (we have that, and also a “STOP RIGHT THE FUCK NOW/CUT ME OUT OF MY BONDS/PLEASE HOLD ME AND TELL ME IT’S OK” safe word) once. Not because of the spanking, or scratching, or rough nipple play, or biting, but because J played with my clit too roughly. Apparently, for J, this type of play is torturous because it’s so much stimulation, but it’s still good. For me, it hurt and was no fun. Just shows how different everyone is. And it was so reassuring that J listened (I expected J to, but it’s always nice to be sure) to what I said.

However, with a vibrator placed on my clit on full speed, when I can’t get away from it, I can come over and over and over again. It’s quite weird actually…I can’t really bring myself to orgasm with my fingers – I get a migraine every time I try. When a partner does it with their fingers, I can sometimes come, but it’s hit or miss and is usually ok. But a vibrator (alone or with a partner), or my parter’s mouth, or my partner’s hand fucking me? I come so hard, and usually repeatedly. Again, this is why it’s so important to talk with whomever you are fucking. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. We’re all different, we’re like snowflakes. Fucking snowflakes.

And with that, I’m getting my pleasantly sore, and very tired and still sick (and I think I got J sick :( ! I’m a bad person) body into bed. I have work tomorrow.

Coming soon: My views on being in an ethical and open/non-monogamous relationship. Woo-hoo.

PS. I have a new job! Starting Sept 4th, I’ll be working for EdenFantasys.com as a copyeditor and writer…so it’ll be farewell to porn (hotmoviesforher) and hellllllo to sex toys! God, I need a life.

Another fantasy of mine is up. Yes, they’re written to sell products (that’s what you do when you freelance)…but it’s still a good fantasy damn it, one that I might take you up on if you asked nicely enough (and wanted to buy a remote controlled vibrator for me).

What is it you ask?

Well, you should check it out at EdenFantasys by clicking here

At the very least, read it, enjoy it, and let me know what you think.

At the very most, I’ll be expecting a remote controlled vibrator in the mail with instructions ;)

Essin’ Em

I was lucky enough to recieve a box of goodies from none other than the world famous Candida Royalle, full of book, movies and toys. The first thing that really grabbed my eye was the Energie, a kegel exerciser, AKA, a vaginal barbell. Um, hello, anything that makes me feel like I’m working out while I’m really just getting myself aroused? Well, that earns an A+ in my book!

It was much heavier than I expected…a full pound, which is a lot for a sex toy/sex thing in general. One end is slightly larger than the other, meaning you could have a choice on the size going in you, which was a bonus for me. I popped out my nuva ring (sorry for the details, but hey, yay for the progress made in hormonal birth control) and in went the Energie, smooth as can be. I did a few kegels around it, and whoo-ee! It felt good. I tried to be all cool and suave, and attempted to stand up, do a kegel, let go of the barbell, and hopefully hold it in, but my PC muscles are not quite there yet…oh well, something to work up to, right?

In addition to being a piece of gym equiptment, I found I could use the Energie in a more sexual sense. The heaviness of the toy felt awesome in my cunt, and I could use it to stimulate my g-spot as well. The material warmed up quickly inside me, and while not replacing my favorite two dildos, it was certainly fun!

So to recap; cute, classy, a good work out, and is a switch hitter as a sex toy…um, so what’s not to love about the Energie? It rocks!

Now if I can just get those muscles strong enough…I’ll keep you updated on my quest!

Check out the Natural Contours website and see all of her awesomely designed toys…more of which I shall review soon!