Sexuality Happens

I was thinking the other day…you know, I don’t think I can have sex with unintelligent people.

This doesn’t mean they need a college education, or to know who Karl Marx was, or what free radicals are (hell, I don’t even know what free radials are). It doesn’t take education to be intelligent.

However, people I fuck need to be able to carry on an intelligent conversation. They need to be sex-positive, and understand what that means. They need to be queer-positive and trans-positive and “get it.” They MUST be feminists. They must be ok with me being Pro-Choice (they don’t have to be pro-choice, but they must understand if I’m pregnant, I’m getting an abortion…so I guess they just can’t be anti-choice). They must understand issues of inequality and privilege.

Why all this for a roll in the hay? I’m not 100%. Some of it is that many of these things are just SO strongly my values. Some of it is as a result of relationships and hook ups I’ve had in the past. Some of it is the desire to have hot intellectual conversation before and after (and sometimes even during!) sex. And some of it, I just don’t know. Gender doesn’t matter. Sex doesn’t really matter (though currently I’m more into female bodies people). Age isn’t a big deal. Hygiene is a deal breaker though. Race doesn’t play a role, neither does socio-economic class. But sense of humor and intelligence (and I guess the rest can be classified as social consciousness)…well that means everything.

This is not to say I won’t sleep with you if you don’t know who Leslie Feinberg and Judith Butler are…but if you can’t acknowledge that everyone deserves equal rights and protections, why the fuck would I let you near my cunt?

I once dated a guy who didn’t see eye to eye with me on this. In fact, I found out 2 months in that he wasn’t pro-choice. And that he was kind of sexist. And the deal breaker, the reason we broke up? “Sexual assault doesn’t exist. Acquaintance assault doesn’t exist. Only stranger rape is real rape. You weren’t assaulted; it was just an ‘unfortunate circumstance.’ Oh, and domestic violence? Never mental, emotional or threatening, only physical.”

How could I have fucked this guy? How could I have let him touch me? I left his place crying, stunned that I could have been with someone who held these beliefs (and hell, now I wonder how I could have been with someone that was against cunnilingus! I guess we all make mistakes, right?).

Now I’m careful to feel people out, whether for a relationship or a hook-up. I test them on their beliefs. I’ve even down right asked people “do you believe in the existence of sexual assault and what are you doing to prevent it?”

I don’t have many stipulations, just intellect. Is it really that hard to find? I’ve had a hell of a time finding anyone in Philly who is interested in me, and has enough between their ears to interested me back.

Am I being too picky?