Sexuality Happens

Do you ever just wish that people (ie, your partner/partners) just knew instinctively what you wanted/needed from them?

This isn’t to say that anything is up with J and I. I was talking with my BFF from HS (talk about acronyms!) the other day, about how she had a bad day, and was on the phone with her partner, and just wanted him to come over. She didn’t want to drive over there, she didn’t want to hear about the Rockies going to the playoffs (I *am* from Colorado). She just wanted him to hear her say “I had a really stressful day” and for him to come over and hug her and be with her, because that’s what she really needed. He didn’t know. She called him back, and told him. She said “Baby, I’ve had a super tough day, and would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t mind driving over here for a change, even though my place is smaller, because that’s what I need.” And he did. All she had to do was ask.

Sounds simple, right?

But it’s not. I’m all about communication, don’t get me wrong. 95% of the time, I think it’s important to tell each other what we need, what we want…we can’t make our partners guess our every whim and desire. However, sometimes, I think we need to have our needs met without elaborating.

Sometimes, it’s obvious. If I’m crying, I need something. It might be that I need to be held, it might be that you need to apologize, it might be that you need to get the ____ out of my anus. Whatever it is; it’s fairly apparent that I’m upset and something needs to change. If every day is a bad day, then me saying “I had a bad day” isn’t going to set off warning bells….but if I’m usually Susie Cupcakes, and I’m calling you to tell you I got a parking ticket, my boss dumped all her work on me, I found beef in my vegetarian pea soup, my car broke down on the way home, and my cats threw up all over the kitchen…well, I’m sorry, but it should be a PRETTY BIG HINT THAT I NEED SOMETHING.

No one is perfect. I heard earlier in J’s voice that we needed to talk, that I need to be there, to listen…but I had to call back in 20 minutes because I had a responsibility to get someone home safely. I couldn’t meet that need right away. But I did call back as soon as a I could. I have had times I have called J, and needed to talk, and J had homework, or a friend crisis, and couldn’t be there, so I would have felt guilty asking for a little more time. But these are exceptions, not the rule.

How can we help our partners meet our needs without telling them exactly what they want? Am I crazy for suggesting that sometimes, we should just *know* that our lovers need something? I’m not saying we have to know what per se, just that they are asking without asking out loud, pleading for a little lovin’ of some sort without having to resort to asking.

This is all realistically of course; even when I was in the ER 3 days in one week, I WANTED J to come and be with me, but I didn’t need it. I needed a ride home; I took a cab. But I needed a phone call, or a text, and that I *did* get. I just needed something to tell me J was thinking about me as I had needles shoved here or there.

Is this selfish? Is this romanticism? Is this some silly Femme notion that my partner should just intrinsically know when I am in need of their company, whether over the phone or in real life? Or is this a legit thing, that sometimes our need for our needs to be met without voicing them is a true thing?

And now I feel like I’m babbling. I blame it on the new meds.