Sexuality Happens

Last night, when I was playing around online, I just came across (no pun intended) a review of this blog on SexyBlogReviews.Blogspot.Com. You can read it in all its glory here.” Apparently, they review sex blogs that they find on the internet based on number of posts, type of content, whether they find the content interesting, etc.

I rated 4/5 orgasms!

I find that quite exciting that not only did they find my site, but that they saw fit to rate me four orgasms worth. It’s a pretty nice spiffy review, and I’m quite appreciative. Thanks Sexy Blog Reviews!

w00t!

Essin’ Em

My life is very sex centric.

I don’t mean having it (ha! I wish…looks like I’m back to having a dry spell for quite a while)…I mean as far as thinking about it, talking about it, discussing it, interacting with it, etc.

I study sex. I am a full time Masters and Doctoral student in the field om Human Sexuality Education. I’ll have my M.Ed summer of 2008 (barring any unforeseen difficulties), and the majority of my weekends (and this semester, many Fridays) are spent in a classroom talking with other academic types about sex, sexuality, gender, education, sex education, teaching sex, talking about sex, talking to others about sex, learning about sex, watching videos about sex, watching videos of people having sex, etc. My evenings and free weekends are spent reading books, articles and journals for said classes, and then writing papers, curricula and articles in response to what I just talked about, read and learned.

I work in the sex industry. I used to work for a feminist porn company, spending the day watching adult entertainment (ie, PORN) to review it, writing sex tips, interviewing porn stars and directors, surfing the web for sex industry news and the like. Now I work for a sex toy company. My days are spent editing reviews of sex toys written by hundreds (literally) of people, writing for our blog, making silly video blogs for the blog, matching sex toys with reviews to be shipped out, thinking of editorials and fantasy stories to be written for the site (and writing them in my “free” time), coming up with ideas to make it more of a sex positive community, researching toys to see what’s new in the world of toys (and what science as discovered about icky things like phthalates and talc and other vagina pickling badness), and acting as a sexpert on our livechat.

I have this sex blog. I try to post daily, something of some interest; a thought, something for discussion, a video I’ve done or found interesting, a review of a sex toy, etc. I surf other bloggers blog and attempt to make intelligent and thoughtful comments. The sex bloggers have a community and it doesn’t work if it isn’t interactive. I can’t just expect people to read my blog if I don’t reciprocate and read and comment in theirs (plus, that would be boring; there are so many interesting conversations and discussions going on in the sex blogosphere). I learn something new everyday, and sometimes I find out about my stuff being reviewed or reposted (apparently, BlogHer re-posted a piece about my clit piercing back in September and I just found out about it yesterday. Talk about being slow on the uptake!). I love this blog, and it’s a pretty big part of me; I spend a good couple of hours on it daily between writing, reading commenting, etc. Some days it’s less, some days it’s more, but it’s definitely a daily thing.

I discuss sex with friends. When I say sex, I mean sexuality. Whether it’s a discussion about the right for transpeople to have surgery, or for a feminist to be a housewife, these are the types of discussions that my friends and I tend to gravitate towards. Yes, we also talk about “normal” things, but inevitably, sex and sexuality, and usually “sex and society” weasels its way into the discussion…whether we’re validating each other (“oh course you should be able to fuck who ever you please, right on! who do they think they are do say otherwise? asshat!”) or respectfully debating (“I don’t really think that kids under 16 have the right to be sexually active, but let’s talk about why you think they do”), we’re still discussing sex.

In the rest of my “free” time, I tend to gravitate towards books on sex, sexuality and gender. For fun, I’ve read Whipping Girl, Indecent, Naked on the Internet, the Big Bang, the V Book, 30 Porn Star Portraits, Valencia, FTM Erotica, Transmen and FTMs and My Gender Workbook. The other day, I watched Kinky Boots, because I just couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it yet. This is what I do. Yes, I watch NCIS and Criminal Minds. Yes, I can’t wait for Netflix to deliver Shrek 3. But predominantly, I read and watch sexuality related material.

So how much is too much? I watch people in my program finish a weekend and say that they are sick of sex. They watched one video too many, went one discussion too far. I come home and blog about it. I see people at work get sick of silicone…I don’t think sex toys will ever get too old. I don’t know. I’m sure one day I’ll burn out, I will. But for right now, I can’t see myself anywhere else. Sure, I’ve done other things. I’ve been a nanny, a drama camp director, I’ve worked for the ACLU, I’ve been an admin assistant for a German Oil Additives company, I’ve been a sociology major (German minor), I’ve done the “college student” thing. Right now, sex does it for me, and I don’t mean in an “I gotta get off” kind of way. I find sex and sexuality and the culture surrounding it so intriguing. I love talking about it and learning about it and working in it so interesting. Is it too much? Maybe. But how do I know? And what would I cut back? I moved my life across the country for school, so I can’t give that up. I love my job, and can’t think what I’d rather be doing. Blogging grounds me and gives me an outlet to vent and share and discuss and I need that, so I can’t let that go…so if it is too much, what do I change, where do I alter my life?

Besides, can you really ever have too much sex?

Essin’ Em

Hey Sex Bloggers!

(This is when all y’all shout “hey what?!?!”)

I created SexBloggers.OnTopList.com for us. w00t.

It’s another shiny ranking thing to add to the side of your profile basically, so if you’re just blogging for yourself, and don’t really care who reads you/who finds you, then this is not your kind of thing.

If you’re hoping to increase readership, or are looking to get on a list o’ shiny sex bloggers, voila. Ich habe ein gemacht. (That means I made one). Go to http://sexbloggers.ontoplist.com/join.php and just fill in the required stuff (you get to do your own description and supply your own RSS link and what not) and poof, you’re done.

The goal was to create a list of awesome sex bloggers all in one place, so that way someone new to the sex blog scene looking to read awesome sex blogs doesn’t have to bounce from blogroll to blogroll, often finding dead links, or blogs where someone posted once or twice (enough to get one someone else’s blogroll) and then was never heard from again.

If it’s not your thing, don’t do it. If it is, step on up, and tell you sex blogging friends. Reposts are fine and dandy. That is all :)

Essin’ Em

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

I came across this picture while cleaning out my folders on my computer…it’s about a year and a half old, taken from when Kinsey and I (Kinsey is the all black kitty) were moving cross country from Colorado to Philadelphia. I was in a hotel room with my friend and we were just back from the pool, parading around (quite sober, may I add), as vaginal super heroes (heroines?). I was the Voracious Vulva, and she was Captain Cunt.

I often think that vaginas need super heroes. They don’t get enough ordinary love and protection from the normal human world. No one just swoops in to rescue and save them. They’re out there battling the elements on a daily basis; STIs, bad sex, UTIs (ok, not vagina specific, but still), yeast infections, being pre-orgasmic, being non-orgasmic, being not in the mood, being horny with no action, being actioned without consent, mensuration, etc.

I wish my vagina had a super hero, someone I knew could protect it in time of need. My vaginal super hero would have a cool signal, like the bat signal, but it would be a giant V, that would be flashed from my vagina. Maybe a cool vibrator phone call thingy-majiger.

Outfit wise, my vaginal super hero would wear something boobilicious, but comfy and practical, yet also sexy. And machine washable, with a cotton crotch, because goddess forbid my vaginal superhero get a yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis!

The cape is crucial. I’ve always wanted a cape. I own two cloaks (one short cloak and one 9 yards of velvet 9 yards of satin that took me 8 days to sew for a costuming class in college) and used to have a fleece cloak. I think it’s all in pursuit of getting to getting to wear a cape. My vaginal super hero would have a super cape as well. Obviously.

I am not sure what my personal vaginal super hero’s name would be…suggestions?

Essin’ Em

I’m B-O-R-E-D and my kidneys hurt, and I’m being wistful. I got this from Sarah Katherine Lewis who is the author of Indecent which is one of my favorite books, and she’s coming out with another book soon.

Holiday givng-type meme: I’m all for it. Here’s the cut and paste:

Step One
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered…whatever you’re comfortable with) to your LJ or Myspace (or sex blog if your name is Essin’ Em). The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
- If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it’s your address or just an email address at which you can be contacted by potential wish-grantors, real or imaginary.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your post, or link to this post (it’ll be public) so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friends list (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list.
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make someone’s wish come true. Sometimes someone’s trash is another’s treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don’t want or a gift certificate you won’t use–or even know where you could get someone’s dream purebred Basset Hound for free–do it.

You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not–it’s your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just…wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you’ll have the joy of knowing you made someone’s holiday special.

Wishlist If you happen to want to send me any of this gifts, please email me at EssinEm at gmail dot com

1. A pretty corset with real boning that fits my boobies and holds them in and up and is pretty and shiny and oh so awesome…I’m like a size 16/18, with 38/40DD breasts

2. A day trip with some one to New York City to see the lights and Madison Square Garden and the train and all the everything that is going on. We could take the train or the China Town Bus…I’m free the 23rd…or other dates

3. Satin queen sized sheets and pillow cases, preferably red, black or burgundy, but blues, purples, greens, any color would do. NOT PINK. Any color but pink.

4. Someone to come in and organize my living room for me. It looks like a cyclone hit it, and goodness knows I’m a messy person. Eep. I try, I do, and it’s not dirty, just messy, but oy.

5. Something fun to do on Christmas…I have the day off, and no one to spend it with and nothing to do, because I’m Jewish.

6. A dresser or chest of drawers that is way more stable and hefty that the piece of shit I have from Ikea that wobbles when Kinsey jumps on it. Light-ish wood or semi modern looking would be awesome, but I’d take about anything in pretty good condition just about now. It needs to be in the Philly area, and fit either in a car, or have some way of getting it to me. I might be able to pay my friend with an SUV to bring it to me, but it’s a small ish SUV, so it can’t be HUGE. I really need somewhere sturdy to store my clothes though.

7. A slightly bigger TV. It doesn’t need to be huge, but mine is like 15″ big, and is a hold over from college. I don’t want anything spiffy, but if you recently upgraded, I’d love your old TV. Edit: I measured. The screen itself is 8″ tall. Apparently, I have no sense of size. Good thing I always say size doesn’t matter, because I would lose at life it it did!

8. Interesting sci-fi, mystery, and fantasy books to read…I like Tamora Pierce, Patrica C Wrede, Orson Scott Card, Agatha Christie, so those types of things.

9. A massage/discount for a massage/something towards a massage. I’d almost kill for one of these.

10. An interesting necklace; my conversation piece necklace from Prague broke two years back, and my chain maile necklace got lost in the move, so I’m looking for a cool necklace to wear that is large but not gaudy, and is eye catching. Used is totally ok, I’m all about passing it on.

I can help out with discounts on sex toys; email me if they’re on your wishlist. I’ll give anyone that emails me 15% off your order from EdenFantasys.com (which has free shipping). And if you post your lists, I’ll see if I can help you out wish your lists!

I was lucky enough to get to review the O2 Niagara. It’s a pretty spiffy 100% silicone dildo (which you know I love), but it’s made out of O2, which is the Tantus answer to Vixen’s Vixskin. It’s not quite as soft, but it still feels marvelous, and way better than your ordinary silicone.

Better yet, it has an awesome bullet vibe you shove in the base, turning your ordinary dildo into a super duper vibrating dildo of doom. I’m quite impressed to say the least.

More over, it comes in pink (of course), purple (a step up) and a lovely blue (the color I got). It’s nice to have choices, and of course, nicer to have choices that just so happen to not be pink.

I found it to be a little longer than needed, but overall it felt lovely, and was just a great addition to my toy box. To read my whole review of the O2 Niagara, click here!

Last night, I was just typing online and I started getting a migraine. I took my migraine medication as usual, and 30 minutes later, a wave of dizziness, light headedness, nausea, and disorientation washed over me. I could feel my pulse beating through out my body, and couldn’t type any more. I thought I was having a heart attack or something, though it clearly wasn’t. I couldn’t type clear sentences. I went to lie down because I was too out of it to sit. I had trouble dialing phone numbers and accidentally called a tile place when trying to call Risa’s cell phone, and some crazy guy in NJ when trying to call a friend about possibly driving me to the ER. I called J to see what he thought, and he was incredibly sweet, and waited with me on the phone…when I didn’t get better, he suggested I call a few friends to see if I could find someone to take me to the ER if a nap didn’t help.

Everyone was either drunk (celebrating the final paper of their semester…I still have two papers and class to go to) or wasn’t answering their phone, but luckily one person picked up and she’s a worrier, so she came over. The triage nurse must have been worried too (also, the fact that that she is a bit pushy helped), because I avoided the 3 hours wait time in the waiting room and was taken back to a bed right away. When the doctor came to look at me, my eyes were doing some jiggly thing where they couldn’t follow his finger, but just popped around back and forth (I forget the name), and my legs and arms still felt like they were filled with helium. So since I was peeing all the time anyways, he had me pee in a cup to test for a bladder infection (and maybe drugs?) and they started me on an IV in my wrist (of all places – OUCH) to re-fluid me and to give me drugs for my migraine, which was going full strength by now.

Well, apparently, the test came back. I had the early stages of a bladder/kidney infection, and they weren’t able to process my migraine meds, which was why I had suddenly felt like someone had slipped me some GHB in my apple cider. I’ve never had one before, and it didn’t sting or burn or hurt (although my kidneys hurt today), which is why it didn’t occur to me to be concerned about that. So after leaving the hospital at almost 4am with a prescription for antibiotics, I fell into bed. I’m clearly working from home today.

However, what pissed me off is this: they knew about the infection by about 1:15, 1:30 at the latest. I was given drugs via IV at 1:30. I was lying in bed, getting a saline drip for hours…waiting. Waiting to go home.

What was I waiting for? A pregnancy test on my urine. What. The. Fuck. First the doctor tell me this. I tell him I haven’t been sexually active with a man for two years, and that there is no way I’m pregnant. (They all think that my friend with my is my girlfriend because of how pro-active she’s being about my care, and because I’m wearing my rainbow pride bracelet). He laughs and says something about immaculate conception. I tell him I’m Jewish. I ask him if they’d change my care if I was pregnant; I’m just getting antibiotics. He says no. So why the heck are they even bothering to test me? And more over, why can’t they take the god damn IV out of my WRIST, which I cannot bend, while they’re waiting the TWO HOURS for the pregnancy test (which I think takes like 15 minutes if you do it at home)?

Then the nurse comes in. “We’re just waiting on your pregnancy test so we can release you.” As if they’re not going to release me back into the wilds of Philadelphia if I, the hysterical woman with malfunctioning kidneys and bladder, cannot be re-released if pregnant.

“Um, there hasn’t been a sperm near this vagina in over 2 years. In fact, if you count condoms, ever!” She freezes, paper work in hand, unsure what to say to this directness.

“Well, I guess you’d know better than we would!” heeheheh.

Yes, yes, I would. I have to pee. Again. Why? My bladder is infected. However, it hurts to get up and move this whole contraption with me, and I’d rather you just take the needle out of my wrist so I can pee in peace. But apparently I have to wait for you to test and see if this femmey dyke with the rainbow wrist band, sitting here with my FRIEND who you keep calling my girlfriend (she is NOT my girlfriend, kthanksbye) is pregnant, which should not take two hours. I cannot imagine how offensive this would be if that WAS my girlfriend, and you kept going on and on about how I might be pregnant. What part of this do you not get?

I’m telling you I’m not sexually active with men, I’m doped up and want to go home, I’m wearing rainbows, I’m letting you think she’s my girlfriend, my care will not change if I am preggers,I AM ON MY MOTHERFUCKING PERIOD AND AM CURRENTLY BLEEDING FROM MY CERVIX INTO MY VAGINAL CANAL AND HAVE TOLD YOU THIS, and I still have to wait TWO HOURS to get a needle removed from my WRIST in order to pee and go home because I MIGHT be pregnant.

We pathologize women and pregnancy in this culture to no end. Any woman walking around is a possible receptacle for a baby. If she has no working uterus and ovaries, she is infertile and something is wrong with her. Pregnancy is our number one issue, before health, safety and comfort. Save the baby, not the woman.

God damn it, I’m a person, not a uterus. And I’m not fucking pregnant.

And my kidneys hurt. I want hugs and love, please.

Ho-k folks. Audacia Ray from wakingvixen.com is looking for interns. She’s awesome, and I’d be an intern for her any day…if I wasn’t already going to school full time…and working full time. I bet she’d be a fun boss! Most of the positions can be done via tele-commuting, so check it out. Re-posting from the multi-talented Dacia herself:

“Seeking interns for feminist sex media producer

About Waking Vixen Productions: WVP creates sex positive media and culture that gets people thinking, but is also sexy and fun. In association with Adam & Eve Pictures, the company produced “The Bi Apple,” a bisexual feature porn film that became a best-seller immediately after its release in February 2007. WVP has also been responsible for a variety of sex positive events including art show openings (Sex Worker Visions I & II at The LGBT Center, March 2006 and Arena Studios, May 2007), parties (The Bi Apple launch party at the Pussycat Lounge, March 2007), erotic readings (NYC Perverts Saloon at Galapagos, April 2006), panel discussions (The State of Smut: NYC at CineKink, October 2006). More info: http://wakingvixen.com

About Audacia Ray: Audacia has been executive editor of $pread, a magazine by and for sex workers, for the past three years and spent a year as a contributor to the Gawker Media owned porn blog, Fleshbot. She is the author of “Naked on the Internet: Hookups, Downloads, and Cashing in on Internet Sexploration,” and an internationally acclaimed director/producer whose first feature length porno, “The Bi Apple,” won a Feminist Porn Award for “Hottest Bisexual Scene” in 2007. She curates bimonthly erotic art shows at Arena Studios in New York. More info: http://audaciaray.com

Requirements for all interns: Excellent writing skills, interest in and comfort with gender and sexuality a must, a basic understanding of social networking and online content. A big plus: graphic design, new media skills.

4-6 hours a week to start, you can do this job from home, must have computer and internet connection. I am located in NYC but with the exception of the film production internship you don’t have to be.

PR/event planning: Help promote events I’m already working on and create new ones, and help assemble a press kit. Develop relationships with sponsors and media, pro-actively help me pursue speaking engagements at colleges, universities and other venues. Familiarity with NYC media helpful, but the focus will be a combination of local and national events.

Film Production Assistant (must be in NYC): May include tasks like location scouting, casting, budgeting in pre-production phase and will develop as production progresses. Must be excited about/comfortable with dealing with explicit content.

Research intern: Assist me in the early stages of research on my next book project. Requires creativity in research and comfort with libraries and academic databases.

TO APPLY: send your resume (non-traditional resumes and portfolio websites are encouraged) and a writing sample (can be either academic or a form of popular writing – blog posts are welcome), along with a cover letter in the body of your email. Also feel free to give me links to any online projects or social media profiles so I can learn more about you.

Send all correspondence to Audacia Ray at dacia@wakingvixen.com”

Mine reared its ugly head unscheduled, at the end of this ring cycle.

God, I hate my period. I hate the cramps, I hate the bleeding, I hate the drama, I hate the pads and the tampons and the ickiness.

I respect people who love their monthly menses and all that jazz, but seriously, I just don’t get it. I don’t want kids, I don’t want my uterus, and I’d be completely ok with with never bleeding from my os (cervical opening) ever again. Dead serious.

Someone, quick, tell me why you like and embrace your period, because all I can visualize right now is a fist around my ovaries squeezing out the last of my menstrual fluid, trying to speed up this damn period.

Ugh.

Bah, humbug. I totally remember why I only have it two or three times a year.

Essin’ Em

I hate that sex drive in women isn’t an issue, or at least really seen as an issue in the medical field.

I’ve been put on a shit ton of medication in the last three months for a variety of reasons; knee, migraines, death headaches, dull headaches, cramps, acid reflux, etc. One (or more) of them, is messing with my sex drive. Yes, other things could be as well, but since I’ve started taking all this medication, I have a sinking suspicion that at least one of the medicines is doing it.

I noticed it when I was still with J, that my desire to have sex had decreased (although it’s possible that had to do with the impending break up – I don’t know). But it wasn’t just that; my desire for masturbation has decreased, as well as the act itself, from multiple times a week (5-7 times or so) to about once or twice, usually if I remember, or have a toy I need to review. This is ludicrous (and I don’t mean the rapper).

Not one doctor even MENTIONED decreased sex drive as a possible side effect. Not one. If I was a male, you KNOW that if there was even a hint of a possibility, I would have been told it repeatedly, as well as have gotten it in writing, plus had a healthy dose of viagra prescribed as well. So why is it that it doesn’t matter that a woman’s sex drive decreasing is a side effect?

It matters to me! I mean, I guess it’s good…I’m single, so maybe it’s good that I’m not thinking about having sex as much, right? But it sucks when I was with someone, and would lie in bed considering masturbating, and just be so “meh” about it. Or when I’d be with them, and they’d want to have sex, and I didn’t. I mean, I used to have the sex drive of 5 stereotypical men! I’d be good for 5 hours of sex, and now, I’m lucky if I can convince myself to have sex WITH MYSELF once or twice a week.

Yet the field of medicine doesn’t seem to care; I’m just a woman. It took how long to get anyone to listen to me about my death headaches being brought on by sexual activity? 3 months? Any even then, the answer was just giving me little blue pills to take before any sexual activity to try and stop them, so that I could still be sexually active, instead of figuring out what started this whole thing in the first place!

I’m frustrated. And I’m not horny. I’m never really horny anymore, and that makes me so sad….and the worst part is, I think the medication killing my sex drive is the permanent one, the one decreasing my migraines that they hope to have me on for a few years. So I may be like this forever. And I can’t really go to a doctor and tell them to take me off the medication that’s reduced my migraines from 6-8 a month to 2-3 a month just because I don’t feel horny anymore; I’d be laughed out of the doctor’s office.

So what do I do? What does anyone do? How can we reconcile health and sex drive, so that people don’t have to make the choice between the two?

Essin’ Em