Sexuality Happens

***This is long overdue, and much needed. Hopefully this will serve to provide a real view into the experience I had, unlike my bitchy day after emo rant. Mreow.***

I was at a party with people I didn’t know.

No, that’s a lie. I know my best friend, and her boy friend. We were at his snazzy loft apartment in downtown Denver, welcoming in 2008. We walked in, and I was immediately draw to this cute girl, kind of an emo andro-ish hair cut, wearing a rainbow sparkly tie over a blue button down shirt with a black vest. Of course I asked my best friend, “well, is she queer?”

“I don’t know…um…I don’t know who she is, but I don’t think any of my boyfriend’s friends are…but she might be! You should go talk to her!”

I started pouring drinks. The derby girls on my old league told me I was an excellent bartender…and before I knew it, the hot girl’s friend was coming over, asking me what was in my blue concoction, and if I’d make her one. Soon, the object of my attraction was on her way, and we were all chatting about my hair and hair dying, and of course, sex toys. Unfortunately for me…straight. Although the friend’s sister was a lesbian, and incredibly hot (according to cell phone pictures), she wasn’t there. At least they made for good conversation and drinking partners.

Then out came the Wii, and I don’t mean anything naughty. I’m usually quite bad at video games, but this one at least was quite interactive, and my best friend and I played the cow racing game for quite some time before other players showed up and we played tennis and bowling.

Around this time, one of the host’s friends had introduced himself. To be honest, I thought him creepy. Why? I’m not sure…was it because he was my best friend’s boyfriend’s friend, and I had been warned that they were all pretty creepy? Was it because he was a really touchy person and kind of all over my former good friend from high school (not in a sexual way, just very touchy)? I don’t know…but I was a bit tipsy, and by this point, I think I was balancing my Wii remote in my cleavage, and that was the first time I met him.

My best friend and I wandered around a bit, playing Wii, noshing here, sipping there. We checked out the beer pong game being played in the parking garage – I thought it a bit juvenile. Then I was back upstairs in the kitchen, and wound up across the table from this guy…the formerly creepy guy. Let’s call him the Engineer (because that’s what he is and does for a living). We wound up having quite an interesting talk about phallocentrism in straight pornography, and I changed my mind about him. He was intelligent, and not an asshole. Two points.

By now, I have a Wii related injury – something to do with the tendons in my left arm. It hurt, and it hurt a lot, even through the alcohol. The Engineer apparently had an ex who was a massager therapist, and he came over and massaged it for me, which I thought was incredibly nice of him. Smart, not a chauvinistic ass (that I could tell), polite and kind. And oh, did I mention cute? In a nerdy way. I go for nerds. You could put me next to an Adonis, and a nerd, and the likelihood is that I’ll go for the nerd. I decided that I wanted to go for this guy.

The problem? I think he was going for the girl whom I was best friends with in HS who had made a cameo at the party (and apparently, I’ve heard through the gossip mills…oh god, I’m becoming a rumor monger…whom he went on a date with last week, so my spidey senses are right). But I played it cool, and attempted to flirt. You see, my femme wiles which work somewhat well with the Butches? Yeah…they don’t translate so well into feminine wiles.

We all went up to the roof for fireworks at midnight. I was cold- he lent me his scarf and gloves…a good sign you’d think, but I wasn’t getting anything else from him. At midnight, all of us single people pecked all of the other singles on the lips…nothing ridiculously risque, but better than oxycodone and Eddie Izzard on TV, which was my NYE last year post-op.

Once inside, I returned his gear, and many of us settled down to play a word game whose title I can’t remember (by the way, this isn’t very erotic, but it does get better, I promise), and it seemed that everything I did to try and be cute/sultry/sexy/adorable, you name it…well, it seemed he was impervious to it. I got nothing.

We even sat in the parking garage talking about gender/orientation/sexuality, etc…alone (until my best friend showed up…I need to talk to her about clit blocking)…still – nothing.

Eventually, he had to go move his car from a “don’t park after 2am space” to a real space, and I, being the polite young woman I am, offered to go with. We got to his car, got in, drove to a new space, and voila! We started making out (this is when I realized the difference about men being all about the tongue)…we made out for maybe a minute or so when he stopped.

Honestly! How hard is it for a girl to get some? On the way back, he scarfed me again, because apparently covering your breasts keeps you warmer in the snow…or something like that…who knew?

Once back in the apartment (I did a sexy shedding of the winter coat in the hall), we went to the garage to help clean up the beer pong, and there was some super hot “pinned against the wall of the elevator” making out…until the doors open and there was a couple there. Hellllllo awkward…especially when they said something about us certainly celebrating the holiday. Maybe we should have asked them to join in?

Eventually, the party died down, and we were hanging out on the couch, but face to face…not cuddling. How was I supposed to know? He said he was a touchy feely person…why wasn’t he touching or feeling?

Well…he was spending the night…and I was spending the night. And there was one couch bed. So after helping my best friend and her boy friend clean up the place and recycle all the cups and liquor bottles and beer bottles, we pulled out the twin couch bed and set it up. And then it was lights out and time to change into PJs.

As I took off my top and unhooked the bra facing the wall, I felt his hands on my back, and heard him ask if it was ok. Verbally I assented, glad that he asked – it’s nice to hear someone ask. Inside my head, I was like “finally…it’s only taken you what, 4 hours?

And with that, we were in the tiny twin pull out sofa bed, making out, his hands running through my hair. No, he wasn’t the best kisser I have been with, but he certainly made up for it in other ways.

I LOVE having my breasts played with (and I told him this), especially having my nipples pinched, tugged, bitten, nibbled, etc…and let’s just say that wearing a bra was quite uncomfortable for the next few days. He spent time on my breasts, my neck, and I kissed him back, getting his neck, his ears, his collar bone, loving the way he looked when he closed his eye, gasping slightly, or taking in a deep breath.

I could feel him hard against me. I hadn’t been with a bio guy in a year an a half. Would I remember what to do, would I like it? He certainly had me turned on – there was the answer to me question…whatever else I was, I wasn’t a lesbian.

He was all about pleasing me, trying to get me off. I had flash backs to one of my exes…the stalker? The one who wound up in an institution? Yeah, that one. He used to say the same things, but he used to do it in a way to try to control me. Maybe that’s why it worried me the next day – do I have an attraction to guys that are like that? Or maybe he was just a giver? I don’t know. Either way…he needed to learn that I needed a little bit more time between orgasms to regenerate…while I don’t have a refractory period, I do get sore. I don’t masturbate with my fingers, and I’m not used to anyone using their fingers on me – J usually used tongue and vibe, so a couple o’ orgasms from clit fingering and my clit was more than a bit tired. But it felt nice.

But honestly, what I really enjoyed? Sucking his cock. He had a really nice penis. I mean it. Do people ever say that? I don’t know size wise how it fit in on the scale…I mean, I worked for a porn company for a year…compared to that, yes, it was on the smaller scaled. Compared to the ones I’ve personally seen up close and personal, it was average. But it fit perfectly in my mouth. It was smooth and lovely, and just a really wonderful cock.

I love giving head. I forgot about that. Not the traditional porn, on my knees, bobbing back and forth kind of giving head. But the licking it up and down, sucking on it here, kissing it there, and going up and down when you feel like it giving head. He told me he had already come three times that day and didn’t think he could come…but I told him I was about pleasure oriented sex, not goal oriented sex, and asked him if it was ok if I kept going…and it was, so I did.

I like giving blow jobs when I’m with queer partners too, don’t get me wrong, but dildos don’t respond the way a penis does when you lick up the frenulum or suck on the corona.

It was a fun hook-up. It wasn’t the kinkiest sex I’ve ever had, or the most intense orgasms, or the most life changing hook up (like the “OMG, I’m super queer, pansexual, blah blah blah” in Palm Springs last year).

But.

a) It made me realize that I am still attracted to guys…which is something I had been questioning.
b) I got to remember how much I enjoy giving blow jobs.
c) He had a fabulous cock. Really. A wonderful cock. If I had only had a “clone a willy” kit with me ;)
d) It made me realize that I have GOT to learn how to flirt. SOMEONE has got to teach me how to flirt. PLEASE? Both queer and straight?
e) I had fun. It was my first kissing/hooking up/anything post breaking up with J, and I was fine. J was fine (I think…he hooked up before that, so I think we’re both fine). It was just a grand ol’ time.
f) I found someone who played with my breasts/nipples as much as I like having them played with. That my friends, is quite an accomplishment.
g) I saw someone I thought was cute, smart, and that I was attracted. I went after them, and I eventually hooked up with them. Second time that has ever happened in my life, EVER.