The female "gaze"
So Saturday was a double header roller derby bout between two teams of the Philly Roller Girls and two teams of theCharm City Roller Girls/ The Heavy Metal Hookers (PRG) beat the Junkyard Dolls (CCRG), and then the the Philthy Britches (PRG) lost to the Night Terrors (CCRG). Excellent bouts, both of them.
Now, you’re probably asking what this has to do with anything sexuality related.
Hot girls. Hot women.
That’s what it has to do with it.
These women are incredible. Some look like the “girl next door” kind of look, but many have that hot, more alternative kind of look that I absolutely love (the hair, the tattoos, the colors, etc). Add in fishnets, stripped tights, hot pants, short skirts, body stockings (most teams have “colors” and assigned tops, but the players can wear what they want on the bottoms, except the Britches, who wear ruffle bottom underwear).
I’m not going to lie, I was caught staring once or twice.
Am I a bad person? I don’t go to roller derby bouts to stare at the players; certainly not. I used to play before my surgery, and I love the sport (and it IS a real sport – I’ve broken my tail bone twice!). I stick with derby because it’s fun, exciting, exhilarating, different, etc.
But the players are h-o-t. They are *real* women; not what you see in your average magazine, movie, porno, etc. They’re beautiful, and have butts and breasts and thighs and hips and real bodies and real smiles and real attitudes, and are just so incredibly attractive.
So by enjoying their attractiveness when I watch them (and yes, staring a little bit between jams as they hang out at the starting line), am I just re-creating the “male gaze,” and objectifying their bodies? Does it make a difference that I know many of them, that I am I identify as female, that I do appreciate them for their sport? Does it matter? Do they do know? And does it matter if they know?
These are just things I think about…in addition to how incredibly gorgeous roller girls are.
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I think this a fascinating question. I also think that there is nothing wrong for admiring what you find beautiful.
I have after 2 babies – lost the baby weight and ran a 1/2 marathon. I look great – I am healthy! I feel like a million dollars. I am sure the women in the derby work hard to stay in competition form, why not admire them for their efforts!
While I identify as straight – when I am out and about and see a beautiful woman – I think – WOW she looks great. I have friends – who for their issues and insecurities – think “Bitch”
I would welcome the admiration over scorn any day!
I think you can look at someone without objectifying their body. You may stare at a lover, and it isn’t merely “the gaze.” I think it all depends on the intent behind the gaze. Beautiful women (people) deserve to be appreciated, and visually is the easiest way to appreciate aesthetics…even if ultimately you look because you want to fuck the hell out of them :)
Damn, but I love me some derby girls….
I think that chris is right – there are looks that objectify, and there are looks that appreciate.
j.
Hot girls playing a tough sport in sexy clothes, what’s not to love? I definately have a thing for roller derby girls.
mmm, roller girls… *ahem* i mean, intellectual conversation…
well, yes, i do think it’s basically the same thing as the “male gaze.” but i’d also say that, be you (the starer) male or female, it matters a great deal that you appreciate them for their sport, that you know them. because, really, i don’t think appreciating someone for their body (objectifying) is a problem at all as long as you appreciate them for the other things they are/have to offer as well (it kind of de-objectifies them, i suppose).
I think any stare is a compliment, a sign of appreciation. What makes it rude or not is what happens after that initial stare, the “oh wow, do you see what I see?” stare. Do you then see only a warm body, and imagine the ways you can use it? Or, more likely, from the feel of you I can gather thru your writing, do you see them as a beutiful and unique human in this place? Do you love them for the person they are, or the body you could use?
A compliment stare is followed by a genuine smile, a discreet aversion of the eyes, a shy blush. A rude stare is followed by an ass grab or a hip thrust, when you don’t know the person.
Now, I need to go look up roller derbys in my area…
how many males would be given the benefit of the doubt that Essen’ Em has from these commenters? When a man is caught staring at a woman, he is automatically accused of the male gaze, of objectifying that woman. Not that men haven’t done that, especially in the past when society’s prevalent attitudes were to relegate women to 2nd class status. But still, today, men don’t get credit for appreciating a woman for more than just a sexual partner.
Bob – I agree, and that is why I asked this question. we always talk about the male gaze, but never the female gaze. I hear women objectifying women, and men, all the time.
How come female bodied people never get called on it?
Bob – I agree, and that is why I asked this question. we always talk about the male gaze, but never the female gaze. I hear women objectifying women, and men, all the time.
How come female bodied people never get called on it?
bob – i agree, kind of.
i can only speak personally, but i certainly agree with entelle that a stare is a compliment of sorts. and i’ll take compliments from anyone ;) but (and here’s where i think you are right)
a) i am trying to attract women, so i’m more appreciative of that “gaze,” and thus probably allow women more leeway
b) women are safer than men. so even if i don’t appreciate the gaze or the follow-up, i feel it is something i can deal with or escape.
I think that, especially in this environment (this blog & it’s readers), people are not afraid of their sexuality – it is acknowledged and valued for it’s contribution to the quality of life. So – someone who is open about their sexual side isn’t automatically threatened or put off by “the gaze” of another. Even if there’s no chance to follow up the gaze (and therefore prove that there’s an appreciation of the person and not just the bod) the benefit of the doubt is more likely to be given.
I wish more of our society were that open.
Hey – happened upon this blog through High Maintenance Femme’s, so I hope you don’t mind me reading/offering my two cents. It’s a very interesting post here.
As I understand it, the male gaze – theoretically at least – isn’t purely about objectification; it’s about the attitudes that attend on that. It’s actually extremely ambivalent: i.e. it’s as much about a desire for control and even a sense of unease around the object than it is about plain desire. Ideologically, the female gaze doesn’t really function in the same way. Although probably no one really gives a toss about ideology at the time, heh – but it’s still heavily ingrained.
Oh, and the gaze being returned is even more important. That way it’s no longer just a matter of ‘I’m the subject, you’re the object’.
Plus, heck, if you’re going to dress in hotpants, fishnets and short skirts, you’re kinda demanding that people take a look!
I think it’s funny you mention about the gaze..
sometimes, I get that dear caught in the headlights look… and very rarely is it while I’m staring at a man. Sometimes I have to be reminded to close my mouth, I get it that bad. There’s just a magnetism about women, when they are real and confident and bold, that gets me.. bad.
occasionally I feel bad, or guilty, about it later, or even during.. but I know there isn’t much that I can do about it.. ignoring it feels just as bad, unnatural.
“women are safer than men.” -lady brett
I have to say that I agree.
A woman is unlikely to plunge her hand up my skirt in the chaos of a concert because I spoke to her 8 songs ago. The man behind me last night did. That’s unfortunate, but that’s the truth. Women must be aware of our safety; we are so very often prey. And yes, that means that the male gaze is assessed a high risk quotient.
Thanks for this post Essin’Em. I appreciate the insightful comments from all above too.
“women are safer than men.” -lady brett
I have to say that I agree.
A woman is unlikely to plunge her hand up my skirt in the chaos of a concert because I spoke to her 8 songs ago. The man behind me last night did. That’s unfortunate, but that’s the truth. Women must be aware of our safety; we are so very often prey. And yes, that means that the male gaze is assessed a high risk quotient.
Thanks for this post Essin’Em. I appreciate the insightful comments from all above too.
There is definitely nothing wrong with a gaze, a glance, a look, a glimpse. Those moments are great to give and receive. If checking out the figure, form and beauty of someone will make you feel good for a few moments, I say go for it, but you need to know when the gaze becomes…for lack of a better word…scary.
Like today, I had to do some driving. I happened to pass a woman in her car who, in that spontaneous moment, I thought deserved a closer inspection. I looked her over while my car passed hers, made breif eye contact, and was on my way. I like to think I may have made her day, or at least part of it…