Sexuality Happens

I’ve been on 2 “date like things maybe/maybe not” in the last 2 or 3 weeks. Both have been with people I’d value either as friends or as something more. And oddly enough, both have been at the same place.

In one case, a mutual friend sent me his (transguy) profile after seeing me post about looking for someone. Firstly, my friend messed up; he has a girlfriend, and also, is mostly gay, and is attracted predominantly to guys. So yeah, I’m guessing that was a not date. But we threw his bike in the back of my car amoungst high heels and a fancy dress (and yes, a unicorn horn dildo), right after the end of the monthly lesbian dance party (he was the doorman), and headed to a diner he knew about. It had a super long wait, so we went to another one. We sat and talked until 4:30am, then I dropped him and his bike off at home. My guess: friend hangout, not date.

Other case was today. She is a fellow derby person (stats, planning to try out for the league), a lesbian, and really freaking cool. I told her we should hang out at some point, we decided to do so this weekend a few weeks back, and I got a text from her this morning about doing something. After practice, helping out a friend with her curriculum, and having some liquids, I headed to meet her at a diner which she gave me directions to. Turns out, it was the same diner. Over water, diet coke, a salad and half of her rice pudding, we talked about school, sports, the state of things in Philly, diversity, rights, dancing, you name it. SHE READS AGATHA CHRISTIE TOO! ZOMG! I’ve never met anyone else over the age of oh, 60, that reads British mysteries. And she’s super smart; she has a degree in engineering already, and is 1 year away from her J.D. degree (which = esquire!). Anyways, she’s super cool, and she doesn’t think it’s bad that I’m a total nerd. And she has a cute smile and makes me blurt out nervous things.

But was it a date? Or just new friends hanging out? And how the hell do I know? I tried to put in openings for possible future hanging outs/dates by mentioning things I wanted to do/eat/see in Philly before I left, but we didn’t make any plans. We hugged goodbye, which I guess is a good sign, but also a friendly sign. I’d like to be friends with her, but also may more, especially after today and having such deep AND fun conversations with her, and seeing how incredibly awesome she is.

So how do I know? What do I do from here? I have never really “dated” before. In high school, my boyfriend was someone I had known since 1st grade, and had reconnected with on a visit to my college. In college, you never really went on dates, you just kind of wound up hanging out and watching movies in each others rooms and eating at the dining hall until you were “dating.” And then there was the few people I’ve gone on dates with from craigslist; all ridiculous experiences (except J), but at least I knew they were *supposed* to be dates. J and I went on one legit date, and a few demi-dates before I decided to really give it a chance. But that’s been my extent of dating. That’s it. I’ve never met someone at a club/school/work/bar/volunteer event, etc and then went on a date with them later.

I’m just confused. God damn, it’s a wonder anyone gets any, ever. Because goddess knows I’m not.

On a side note, I joined a few of the FTM erotica communities on LiveJournal, and as a side note to that, I’d love to suck some transguy cock right now, I really would. There is just something so incredibly hot to me about “tranny cock,” whether or not its on T, that I would just love to put in my mouth right now.

PS. I’m going to Dinah Shore! I leave Thursday! Who else will be there to keep me company!?!?!?

Essin’ Em