Sexuality Happens

Yesterday, I went to work the LGBT Expo at Princeton for Eden…basically, I had a table of toys and safer sex supplies, and was talking to people about them, while occasionally swinging a double ended dildo around my head.

I met up with a woman I go to school with, who runs the LGBT center there, and met her girlfriend, a lovely Butch. I wound up hanging around her table (a Butch/Femme/Boi meet up group) and chatting with her about why a lot of women in the community are reticent to identify as “Femmes” and why even fewer of Femmes are willing to state that they like Butches.

In my opinion, a lot of it has to do with the fear of judgment of “recreating” heterosexual relationships. Now, I know this isn’t true, and lots of people know it isn’t true, but even more keep thinking that it is. Apparently, when a more masculine woman and a more feminine woman get together, it *must* be a recreation of a straight relationship. I think that’s bull. There is no social or governmental privilege attached to being in a Butch/Femme relationship, and if anything, there is more stigma from BOTH straight and queer communities. And I think it’s because of this stigma that women are hesitant to identify as Femme. It’s much easier to just say “I’m a lipstick lesbian” or “I’m just a feminine dyke” rather than deal with so many people asking if you’re playing at being straight, or having people misread you, and then possibly look down on your choice of partners.

On a side note, traditionally Butches had blue stars tattooed on their inner wrist, so that they could know one another, even when having to wear female clothing and looking more feminine. I feel that in today’s society, Femmes should have a similar choice of marks, so that we are not constantly read as straight. I mean yes, we can pimp ourselves up with the Rainbow gear, but I’m talking about a spiral/star/design on the wrist or ankle so that people know that we’re Femmes, and not just feminine women of indeterminate sexual orientation (which by default means straight).

Watching my friend and her girlfriend (a Butch/Femme relationship, in which the Femme is not super feminine), I realized more and more reasons I like Butches, and it’s not just because they are hot (because they are!).

Some things I love about Butches:

*The way they put their hand in the small of their girlfriends’ back, not in a rude controlling way, but in a loving “I’m here with you” way.

*The way they are perfectly polite as they offer their chair/jacket/etc because that’s just how they are.

*How their faces soften beautifully when they talk about their girlfriends, in almost a wistful sense.

*The little things, like holding open the door, throwing out your empty water bottle, letting you walk on the side of the sidewalk with no grate because they see you’re wearing heels.

*How they probably spend just as much time putting their outfit together and gettign ready, because they look impeccably dressed when they go out, whether it is jeans and a button down, or a whole freaking ensemble.

*Their attitude. Whether they’re a top or a bottom (and Butches CAN be bottoms damn it), there is this air of contentedness, of knowledge, of intelligence, of readiness, of power…of a bunch of other things I just don’t know.

*How I always feel safe in their presence. I don’t have to be dating one; it can be any random Butch with whom I’m talking. I really just feel safer because they’re there.

There are more of course, but that’s what I’ve got for now. Just a bunch of thoughts on Butches and Femmes posted in a mishmashed pile o’ thoughts.

-Essin’ Em

Donate here to help fight against sexual assault. Tell them I linked you (Essin’ Em or my blog name) and it’s for GBBMC2008



GBBMC2008 info