Comments on: Thoughts on an ex http://essin-em.com/2008/04/thoughts-on-an-ex/ Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:32:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Audacia Ray http://essin-em.com/2008/04/thoughts-on-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1076 Audacia Ray Fri, 04 Apr 2008 06:12:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=379#comment-1076 It's kind of a crappy back up plan and would add a lot of travel time, but if you want to take public transportation to NYC and then to Purchase and back, you're welcome to crash with me in the city if J won't let you stay there. Just a thought. It’s kind of a crappy back up plan and would add a lot of travel time, but if you want to take public transportation to NYC and then to Purchase and back, you’re welcome to crash with me in the city if J won’t let you stay there. Just a thought.

]]> By: Carly http://essin-em.com/2008/04/thoughts-on-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1075 Carly Fri, 04 Apr 2008 03:47:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=379#comment-1075 I don't think J is a bad guy, either. And I don't doubt that you love him. But even different people in different places can show basic human kindness to one another, no? <br/><br/>It just seems to me, and maybe this is just how I'm reading it, but your post about him feels... I don't know, painful (and not in that good way. ;)) Like you want something from him that he can't give, so it kind of leaves me wondering why you don't look for it from someone who wants to give it to you, and joyfully at that. <br/><br/>Because from what I've read of you over time, you are a smart, beautiful, open and passionate person... and it just strikes me that you should be keeping company with like-minded creatures. I don’t think J is a bad guy, either. And I don’t doubt that you love him. But even different people in different places can show basic human kindness to one another, no?

It just seems to me, and maybe this is just how I’m reading it, but your post about him feels… I don’t know, painful (and not in that good way. ;)) Like you want something from him that he can’t give, so it kind of leaves me wondering why you don’t look for it from someone who wants to give it to you, and joyfully at that.

Because from what I’ve read of you over time, you are a smart, beautiful, open and passionate person… and it just strikes me that you should be keeping company with like-minded creatures.

]]> By: Essin' Em http://essin-em.com/2008/04/thoughts-on-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1064 Essin' Em Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:37:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=379#comment-1064 I don't think it a question of "shoddy treatment." J isn't a bad guy, not at all. We're just really different people (even more so than I could have imagined), with very different personalities, lifestyles and ways of approaching things.<br/><br/>And I don't feel I deserve it (or don't deserve it ). To me, that's not part of the question. What I was questioning was does he really want to be friends, or is he trying to tell me to get out of his life? I wasn't sure, but I'm a friend till the end (until someone tells me they don't want me in their life), and ergo, I will do whatever it takes.<br/><br/>You also have to remember I loved him. I still care about him as a person. I deal with this drama (intentional or not) because given my druthers, I'd prefer to not have him completely voided from my life.<br/><br/>-EE I don’t think it a question of “shoddy treatment.” J isn’t a bad guy, not at all. We’re just really different people (even more so than I could have imagined), with very different personalities, lifestyles and ways of approaching things.

And I don’t feel I deserve it (or don’t deserve it ). To me, that’s not part of the question. What I was questioning was does he really want to be friends, or is he trying to tell me to get out of his life? I wasn’t sure, but I’m a friend till the end (until someone tells me they don’t want me in their life), and ergo, I will do whatever it takes.

You also have to remember I loved him. I still care about him as a person. I deal with this drama (intentional or not) because given my druthers, I’d prefer to not have him completely voided from my life.

-EE

]]> By: Essin' Em http://essin-em.com/2008/04/thoughts-on-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-2028 Essin' Em Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:37:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=379#comment-2028 I don't think it a question of "shoddy treatment." J isn't a bad guy, not at all. We're just really different people (even more so than I could have imagined), with very different personalities, lifestyles and ways of approaching things.<br/><br/>And I don't feel I deserve it (or don't deserve it ). To me, that's not part of the question. What I was questioning was does he really want to be friends, or is he trying to tell me to get out of his life? I wasn't sure, but I'm a friend till the end (until someone tells me they don't want me in their life), and ergo, I will do whatever it takes.<br/><br/>You also have to remember I loved him. I still care about him as a person. I deal with this drama (intentional or not) because given my druthers, I'd prefer to not have him completely voided from my life.<br/><br/>-EE I don’t think it a question of “shoddy treatment.” J isn’t a bad guy, not at all. We’re just really different people (even more so than I could have imagined), with very different personalities, lifestyles and ways of approaching things.

And I don’t feel I deserve it (or don’t deserve it ). To me, that’s not part of the question. What I was questioning was does he really want to be friends, or is he trying to tell me to get out of his life? I wasn’t sure, but I’m a friend till the end (until someone tells me they don’t want me in their life), and ergo, I will do whatever it takes.

You also have to remember I loved him. I still care about him as a person. I deal with this drama (intentional or not) because given my druthers, I’d prefer to not have him completely voided from my life.

-EE

]]> By: Carly http://essin-em.com/2008/04/thoughts-on-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1063 Carly Wed, 02 Apr 2008 05:42:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=379#comment-1063 I have a question, and it might sound flippant, but I assure you it's not (damn this digital medium sometimes...)<br/><br/>But okay, here goes.<br/><br/>Why do you feel you deserve the shoddy treatment he gives you? I have a question, and it might sound flippant, but I assure you it’s not (damn this digital medium sometimes…)

But okay, here goes.

Why do you feel you deserve the shoddy treatment he gives you?

]]> By: Sasha Sappho http://essin-em.com/2008/04/thoughts-on-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1062 Sasha Sappho Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:19:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=379#comment-1062 I do the same thing... (I wonder if it's a Logan attribute? heh.) When I make a friend, I expect to stay friends with them, barring something drastic. Even if it's someone I haven't talked to in years and reconnect with (and, oh, say I have a lot in common with now! (:) I still consider them my friend and expect them to do the same. Sometimes I think it's a flaw, because it definitely does make one more vulnerable, as you mentioned.<br/>But really, the other option doesn't sound appealing in the least. I could use some terrible cliche here about how it's better to have loved and lost, but I know that won't help. The hurting part sucks, and I think you're right to take a sense of caution from the experience. But don't let it jade you too much. Be upset, you certainly have a right to be, but in the end, I promise your way of doing things is better than his. You'll mean more to people and be that much more likely to be surrounded by people who mean as much to you.<br/><br/>And on a somewhat unrelated note, I know we keep missing connections, but I would really love to meet up sometime and go for coffee/cocktails/reminiscing/sexuality talk. <br/>lurve. I do the same thing… (I wonder if it’s a Logan attribute? heh.) When I make a friend, I expect to stay friends with them, barring something drastic. Even if it’s someone I haven’t talked to in years and reconnect with (and, oh, say I have a lot in common with now! (:) I still consider them my friend and expect them to do the same. Sometimes I think it’s a flaw, because it definitely does make one more vulnerable, as you mentioned.
But really, the other option doesn’t sound appealing in the least. I could use some terrible cliche here about how it’s better to have loved and lost, but I know that won’t help. The hurting part sucks, and I think you’re right to take a sense of caution from the experience. But don’t let it jade you too much. Be upset, you certainly have a right to be, but in the end, I promise your way of doing things is better than his. You’ll mean more to people and be that much more likely to be surrounded by people who mean as much to you.

And on a somewhat unrelated note, I know we keep missing connections, but I would really love to meet up sometime and go for coffee/cocktails/reminiscing/sexuality talk.
lurve.

]]> By: MarcelloNYC http://essin-em.com/2008/04/thoughts-on-an-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1061 MarcelloNYC Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:31:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=379#comment-1061 All I can say is, "don't keep hope alive."<br/><br/>I learned a while back that hoping someone will change, come back to you, or that you could still be friends after a romantic relationship, only prolongs your healing.<br/><br/>It will always seems that when you feel you are ok with where you are at with them.... WHAM - you are right back where you started, because of a comment, phone call or encounter.<br/><br/>Some relationships do allow people to remain friends, but usually there was no hurting going on in those situations. <br/><br/>My advice, and it might sound harsh. Move on, cut ties and DON'T Take his phone calls. <br/><br/>When the time comes that you are fully healed, and the situation arises where there is a phone call from him, or a random encounter, you will be able to deal with it clearly.<br/><br/>Some people are better friends than others. That is life. Take your friends for what they are and expect nothing more. I bend over backwards for my friends, and I only have about a handful that would return the same commitment. But I still love them all the same.<br/><br/>You are not weird. You are unique, or one of my favorite terms - eccentric.<br/><br/>((hugs)) All I can say is, “don’t keep hope alive.”

I learned a while back that hoping someone will change, come back to you, or that you could still be friends after a romantic relationship, only prolongs your healing.

It will always seems that when you feel you are ok with where you are at with them…. WHAM – you are right back where you started, because of a comment, phone call or encounter.

Some relationships do allow people to remain friends, but usually there was no hurting going on in those situations.

My advice, and it might sound harsh. Move on, cut ties and DON’T Take his phone calls.

When the time comes that you are fully healed, and the situation arises where there is a phone call from him, or a random encounter, you will be able to deal with it clearly.

Some people are better friends than others. That is life. Take your friends for what they are and expect nothing more. I bend over backwards for my friends, and I only have about a handful that would return the same commitment. But I still love them all the same.

You are not weird. You are unique, or one of my favorite terms – eccentric.

((hugs))

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