Comments on: Coming Out to the Family http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/ Tue, 02 Aug 2011 03:39:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.2 By: Greg &amp; Sheryl http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-1355 Greg &amp; Sheryl Thu, 29 May 2008 19:56:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-1355 We were about to make a comment similar to the anonymous poster until we read your response to him. If we are reading you correctly, it's not your family's non-reaction per se that bothers you, but the fact that they react so differently to your sister regarding dating and sex. It's very understandable why that would disturb you. We hope your family comes around so that someday you <i>can</i> bring a partner home for dinner. We were about to make a comment similar to the anonymous poster until we read your response to him. If we are reading you correctly, it’s not your family’s non-reaction per se that bothers you, but the fact that they react so differently to your sister regarding dating and sex. It’s very understandable why that would disturb you. We hope your family comes around so that someday you can bring a partner home for dinner.

]]> By: Anonymous http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-1353 Anonymous Thu, 29 May 2008 14:19:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-1353 Ah, I see.<br/><br/>Ignored is not accepted--even when it puts on that face.<br/><br/>My mistake. I got a very different impression from the post.<br/><br/>In a way, it kinda means that they're stuck at that 'shock, dismay' point. You don't get a negative or positive reaction , just a kind of skimming over of the issue. Ah, I see.

Ignored is not accepted–even when it puts on that face.

My mistake. I got a very different impression from the post.

In a way, it kinda means that they’re stuck at that ‘shock, dismay’ point. You don’t get a negative or positive reaction , just a kind of skimming over of the issue.

]]> By: Ms. Avarice http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-1350 Ms. Avarice Thu, 29 May 2008 11:08:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-1350 Feel lucky. My mother threatens tears when I even mention the idea of having a significant other (which I have totally avoided, since acquiring one such other!) Feel lucky. My mother threatens tears when I even mention the idea of having a significant other (which I have totally avoided, since acquiring one such other!)

]]> By: MarcelloNYC http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-1345 MarcelloNYC Thu, 29 May 2008 04:46:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-1345 I am almost the same way with my family and friends, not as honest as you, but close.<br/><br/>HHNT! I am almost the same way with my family and friends, not as honest as you, but close.

HHNT!

]]> By: Vixen http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-1344 Vixen Thu, 29 May 2008 04:36:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-1344 That is just very awesome. LOVE the ink....<br/><br/>happyHNT That is just very awesome. LOVE the ink….

happyHNT

]]> By: Abby Dabby http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-1340 Abby Dabby Thu, 29 May 2008 03:58:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-1340 I can't PM you on Twitter; hopefully you'll see this--<br/>Need an editor for whatever the 2700 word thing is? I just wrote two entries for the Oxford Encyclopedia of African American History 1896-Present (Oxford University Press, hopefully 2008), and both were way over my word limits, so I'm pretty good at being wordy. Also my parents both write and edit things, and my earliest memories are:<br/>Being in the library getting paid 5 cents per page copied that I didn't whine about<br/>and<br/>Watching my mom literally cut and paste manuscripts.<br/><br/>Anyway, I wouldn't normally offer my lowly undergrad services, but Oxford wouldn't have accepted my pieces if they weren't good (Oxford! The real one! I'm still totally freaking out about how cool this is!), so I'm feelin' pretty confident about my writing skillz today. Also, I can't sleep. Gmail (abby.xxxxxxxxx) or Twitter (clapifyoulikeme) me if you're interested... I can’t PM you on Twitter; hopefully you’ll see this–
Need an editor for whatever the 2700 word thing is? I just wrote two entries for the Oxford Encyclopedia of African American History 1896-Present (Oxford University Press, hopefully 2008), and both were way over my word limits, so I’m pretty good at being wordy. Also my parents both write and edit things, and my earliest memories are:
Being in the library getting paid 5 cents per page copied that I didn’t whine about
and
Watching my mom literally cut and paste manuscripts.

Anyway, I wouldn’t normally offer my lowly undergrad services, but Oxford wouldn’t have accepted my pieces if they weren’t good (Oxford! The real one! I’m still totally freaking out about how cool this is!), so I’m feelin’ pretty confident about my writing skillz today. Also, I can’t sleep. Gmail (abby.xxxxxxxxx) or Twitter (clapifyoulikeme) me if you’re interested…

]]> By: Essin' Em http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-1339 Essin' Em Wed, 28 May 2008 17:21:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-1339 LBA - <br/><br/>I <3 you. You make me feel totally validated.<br/><br/>I need to come down south sometime... LBA –

I <3 you. You make me feel totally validated.

I need to come down south sometime…

]]> By: Essin' Em http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-2044 Essin' Em Wed, 28 May 2008 17:21:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-2044 LBA - <br/><br/>I <3 you. You make me feel totally validated.<br/><br/>I need to come down south sometime... LBA –

I <3 you. You make me feel totally validated.

I need to come down south sometime…

]]> By: ladybrettashley http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-1338 ladybrettashley Wed, 28 May 2008 15:46:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-1338 you're adorable. especially the bit about the flogger ;) i certainly can't imagine discussing that aspect of sexuality with my family.<br/><br/>maybe you should feel lucky, but you shouldn't <i>just</i> feel lucky. 'cause, as the other commenters pointed out, you are lucky in some respects (i.e. not having a negative reaction), but that's no reason you shouldn't want more (a better, more positive reaction). you’re adorable. especially the bit about the flogger ;) i certainly can’t imagine discussing that aspect of sexuality with my family.

maybe you should feel lucky, but you shouldn’t just feel lucky. ’cause, as the other commenters pointed out, you are lucky in some respects (i.e. not having a negative reaction), but that’s no reason you shouldn’t want more (a better, more positive reaction).

]]> By: Essin' Em http://essin-em.com/2008/05/coming-out-to-the-family/comment-page-1/#comment-1337 Essin' Em Wed, 28 May 2008 15:20:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=450#comment-1337 Green - <br/><br/>I think I can only be so open with them because they don't really care, and I don't really care about how they feel.<br/><br/>Anon - <br/><br/>You do have some valid points. However, please don't tell me that <i>The 'validation' that you want is not a good thing.</i><br/><br/>First of all, it's what I want, and what I need, so while it may not be a good thing for you, that doesn't mean that it isn't good to me.<br/><br/>I agree that people should not be judged/identified solely by their orientation (unless that is what they want). However, my family's "acceptance" doesn't come from a good place. When I was dating J, it WASN'T the same as when my sister has a boyfriend. No, they didn't freak out...they just never asked about him, never wanted to meet him, just didn't really care. My sister goes on two dates with guy, and suddenly, they're together, and my family discusses different aspects. I'm having partner issues, or crushing on someone, and my feelings/problems/etc get shoved under the rug. It's as though they are just waiting for me to decide that actually, I am straight.<br/><br/>So no, I don't have "the good thing," at least not for me. It isn't ok for me to feel as though no one believes me. I still don't feel as though I can point out someone non-masculine presenting and say "oh, I think they're hot" like my sister does with men. I don't feel I can ask to bring my partners home. I don't feel any of these things. So it ISN'T a good thing, and I think I know myself and my situation slightly better than you do.<br/><br/>Sorry to have such a strong reaction, but I don't appreciate being told want I want/need. While this may be the "holy grail" for you, it isn't what I'm looking for. Not talking about it/acknowledging it isn't the same as accepting/being ok with it.<br/><br/><b>-Essin' Em</b> Green –

I think I can only be so open with them because they don’t really care, and I don’t really care about how they feel.

Anon –

You do have some valid points. However, please don’t tell me that The ‘validation’ that you want is not a good thing.

First of all, it’s what I want, and what I need, so while it may not be a good thing for you, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t good to me.

I agree that people should not be judged/identified solely by their orientation (unless that is what they want). However, my family’s “acceptance” doesn’t come from a good place. When I was dating J, it WASN’T the same as when my sister has a boyfriend. No, they didn’t freak out…they just never asked about him, never wanted to meet him, just didn’t really care. My sister goes on two dates with guy, and suddenly, they’re together, and my family discusses different aspects. I’m having partner issues, or crushing on someone, and my feelings/problems/etc get shoved under the rug. It’s as though they are just waiting for me to decide that actually, I am straight.

So no, I don’t have “the good thing,” at least not for me. It isn’t ok for me to feel as though no one believes me. I still don’t feel as though I can point out someone non-masculine presenting and say “oh, I think they’re hot” like my sister does with men. I don’t feel I can ask to bring my partners home. I don’t feel any of these things. So it ISN’T a good thing, and I think I know myself and my situation slightly better than you do.

Sorry to have such a strong reaction, but I don’t appreciate being told want I want/need. While this may be the “holy grail” for you, it isn’t what I’m looking for. Not talking about it/acknowledging it isn’t the same as accepting/being ok with it.

-Essin’ Em

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