Sexuality Happens

For an assignment for my class, we had to, on one sheet of paper each (which is near impossible for an erotica writer!), write down our best and worst sexual experiences. Then we turned them in (anonymously), and our professor read them out loud to the class.

My worst was easy; I whittled down my post on my sexual assault. No decisions needing to be made there.

My best experience was harder. Was it the first time I had a mutually positive and fulfilling sexual experience (I was 20, it was random sex and incredibly fun!)? Was it the first time J and I had sex, and I got to be a total pillow princess? Was it the first time I fisted J, and had my hand disappear into his cunt? The first time I discovered the Hitachi? The time I used clothespins and the Hitachi and the Dual Use S-Shape and came for about 5 minutes straight? The first (and only) time I’ve ejaculated? One of the fun spanking scenes J and I had?

How do you choose your best sex experience? And for that matter, how would you choose your worse? Are orgasms your criteria? Length? Attraction to your partner(s)? It being a new and different experience? How much it affects you outside of that moment in time?

I chose to write about Dinah Shore 2007. When I decided that I *was* a Femme. And for that matter, that I was quite queer, and not actually bisexual. When I realized that fingering felt amazing, and that I could have vaginal orgasms. When I had my first earth-shattering (non-vibrator) orgasm. When I came and came and came. When I had sex on the balcony as the sun rose and people walked across the parking lot below us.

Yeah. It was great sex. There were amazing orgasms; lots of them. There were tons of new experiences (first Butch identified partner…who later identified as trans, first vaginal orgasm, first orgasm from fingering, first public sex, etc), and there was a HUGE effect on my life, as it helped me to completely re-examine and create my gender identity and sexual orientation.

Below is what I wrote for class. It’s 474 words. I challenge you, oh bloggers, to write out your BEST and WORST sexual experiences, in 500 words or less (each), and post them, with a little spiel on why you chose those particular experiences.

My Best Sex Experience

I first saw her when I checked in; the hottest Butch I’d ever seen. She worked for the company, and so I saw her everywhere. We flirted by the pool, by the registration table, we drank on the balcony of my friend’s room. The third night, there was a knock on my door; I opened it to be pinned against the wall, lips pressed against, fingers entwined in mine; I wasn’t sure if she was holding me up as my legs buckled, or holding me against the cheesy hotel wallpaper, but I wasn’t about to argue. She backed off to let me take a breath of fresh air. Then the kissing resumed. At the next breath, she asked me what my safeword was; as I answered “red,” my heart beat a little faster, having found a dyke who was saying all the right things. She wound her fingers in my hair, pulling my head back as her lips nibbled on mine and her other hand found its way down my shirt, releasing my breasts and grabbing my already hard nipples.

Slowly, we started migrating towards the bed. At the next pause, she asked me about safer sex, and we had the discussion. Could she be any more perfect?

Somewhere between the entrance way and the bed, I had lost my clothes. I was naked in a king sized bed with a handsome, kinky, sex-positive stone Butch; how the hell did I get this lucky? She pinned my hands above my head with one of hers, and we continued to kiss as her free hand explored the rest of my naked body, feeling my curves, grasping my breasts, and eventually, working between my thighs. My cunt was simultaneously dripping and on fire, and when her mouth moved down to my nipples, and her fingers brushed my clit, I almost jumped off the bed.

She carefully inserted one finger into me. I had never been into “fingering” before; my only experience had been with guys who shoved dry fingers down my underwear, roughly rubbing my clit, and slamming their fingers into me, causing pain, and not the good kind. I was completely wrong. Her one finger caused me to gasp, and after she had worked it in and out of me, she made me beg for a second. Finally, she gave it to me. Oh My God. Leaning over me, she whispered in my ear that she wanted nothing more than to fill me with three. Then she moved back down between my legs, and as she put her mouth on my clit, I started to buck up into her. As she fucked me with her fingers, her magical tongue taking me to places I’d never been before, I came…over and over and over again.

And about 13 more times over the next 24 hours.

-Essin’ Em

Ok, this is it. My top 5 items that we have at EdenFantasys.com

A few dildos, a harness and pretty much the best sex toy ever. Can you guess what it is before you watch the video??

Love to sex toys 4-evah!

Essin’ Em

Click To Play

So…new glasses = HOT (Zebra Print on the sides!!!!).

Tan lines that won’t fade = not so hot.

Hey, I’m batting 50%, that ain’t so bad :)

Class is exhausting. This week, I have class 9am-5pm everyday. It’s “Teaching Sensitive Issues in Sexuality,” which means we’re dealing with a lots of sensitive subjects (consent, sexual assault, body image, our own history, BDSM, age issues, etc), and the class is meant to challenge us and push us emotionally, and so I am exhausted; mentally, emotionally, and physically. After I finish the week, I have to write a journal article (publishable) and also a curriculum. I am so just done, and don’t want to do this, but I have to in order to actually get my Master’s. Sigh.

I was so tired after class on Tuesday that I fell asleep masturbating. How embarrassing! Good thing I didn’t have a partner.

I’m trying to figure out what to do for my article and curriculum; the topic I wanted doesn’t have enough peer reviewed articles/books yet. Bah.

I think I’m going to be at Submit Saturday in NYC; will any of y’all be there?

I stepped out of my comfort zone, and asked that person to go with me to a sex party (as my date) in NYC. Hey, at least I grew some fucking ovaries, and gave it a go. And he is still a fucking awesome and intelligent person, so I hope that we’ll be able to continue having interesting conversations. (edit: He is going! And said hot things!)

The job search sucks. I’ll leave it at that. I’m putting in so much time, and finding nothing.

I’ve begun packing…I have tons and tons of boxes of books packed…and nothing else. I need to get on this!

That’s about it…I’m WIPED out from class.

-Essin’ Em

I’m not too familiar with Athens Boys Choir (although I’m not gonna lie, I’ve spent some time googling it to get the 4-1-1), but Team Gina was in this video, which is how I discovered it.

I think it’s freaking awesome. And hilarious. And I like the costumes.

Ergo, watch it!

-Essin’ Em

Stealing this idea from Wendy Blackheart

Here are 100 Sexual Things About Me.

Exciting, I know. I reserve the right to change them in the future. And yes, they are in VERY random order; quite stream of consciousness! Enjoy…

1. I didn’t *really* kiss someone until I was about 10 days away from being 16.
2. I don’t like large amounts of tongue with my kisses, unless I’m sucking it like it’s their cock.
3. I’d rather have my lips bitten, nibbled and pulled.
4. I really love kissing and making out and can do it for hours.
5. My favorite thing is for someone to push me up against something, stick their hand in my hair, and kiss me. Hard.
6. I’m really horny. Pretty much all the damn time (as if you didn’t guess that one).
7. I’ve only had penile-vaginal sex with one guy (albeit multiple times).
8. I’ve never had anal sex. I’ve had a finger or two; wasn’t my thing.
9. I was sexually assaulted when I was 17.
10. That was my first time seeing a real life penis.
11. I started masturbating at 11 or so.
12. First with fingers, then shoving markers and hair brush into me, and finally I discovered the shower head, and the electric toothbrush (an old one!)
13. I never get myself off by hand; I get bored and fall asleep.
14. I actually like sucking cock (and apparently, am damn good at it), except for the semen bit.
15. I didn’t like intercourse at all. I found it boring and it made both of us sore.
16. My favorite way to come is with 2-3 fingers (of my partner) in me, and either their mouth or a vibe on my clit.
17. I’ve never fucked someone with a strap-on.
18. I’ve never *really* been fucked with a strap-on.
19. I love the feeling of having my whole hand in someone’s cunt.
20. I really want to be fisted, but have never gotten past 4 fingers.
21. I get so turned on when I see black latex gloves.
22. I want to try all these new and exciting things, but have yet to find someone I trust who wants to play.
23. My cat(s) sometimes chill(s) on the bed when I masturbate.
24. I own thousands of dollars of sex toys.
25. Only one contains phthalates.
26. Only one is pink.
27. I can have breast orgasms.
28. I can have multiple orgasms. I’ve lost count at about 10.
29. I’ve had sex on a hotel balcony.
30. I’ve had sex in a diner.
31. I’ve had sex in a parking lot.
32. I’ve had sex on the floor of a college study lounge with full glass windows into the hallway.
33. I had sex with a prospective student.
34. I’ve had sex with married women (whose husbands knew about it).
35. I’ve broken a lot of clothespins with nipple play.
36. I had my clitoral hood pierced (vertical), but had to take it out.
37. I came out as bisexual at 17.
38. I came out as pansexual at 21.
39. I came out as a Femme at 21, but didn’t fully accept it until I was 22.
40. I came out as a dyke at 22.
41. I first started having kinky dreams at age 10.
42. I’m not a huge fan of food + sex. It’s too messy.
43. I LOVE shower sex. And making out in the shower.
44. I like sex in the kitchen.
45. I like sex on the couch.
46. I really don’t like semen. In fact, it disgusts me.
47. I’m not a big fan of car sex.
48. I only own one pair of cotton underwear. Everything else is cute!
49. I only have my period 2-3 times a year because I’m on CBC (continuous birth control) to control super painful and long cycles.
50. I’ve a clean STI panel.
51. I own my own speculum.
52. I prefer the word Cunt. I like vagina and vulva too. I HATE vag and va-jay-jay.
53. I shave. My armpits, my legs and my vulva. It has nothing to do with men controlling my body; I like the way it feels.
54. My bedsheets are all black. And some pillow cases are leopard print, if not black.
55. I haven’t had sex in my LoveSac yet.
56. I really want someone to fuck me with a strap on.
57. I want to try a threesome with three female bodied people.
58. I want to be in a queer orgy.
59. I count oral, anal, vaginal, fingering, fisting, etc, as sex. Not sure on breast orgasms.
60. I’ve given head to more than 10 bio men.
61. Only two ever went down on me.
62. Every queer person I’ve ever been with has returned the favor :)
63. I used to fake and exaggerate orgasms with bio men. Then I discovered what sex REALLY was (for me), and haven’t done so since.
64. My left breast is almost a cup size smaller than my right.
65. My breasts are a 38D or 38DD.
66. I have a pretty damn small cunt.
67. I have a geographic tongue. Yeah.
68. I can roll my tongue.
69. I love eating cunt.
70. I love fucking cunts.
71. I love being fucked.
72. I love being tied up.
73. I love to beg.
74. I love being spanked.
75. I love being bitten.
76. I love being scratched (to a point).
77. I love orgasm control situations.
78. I love forced orgasm.
79. I don’t like feet in any type of sexy/sexual sense.
80. I have nude pictures of me and other women up all over my apartment walls.
81. I collect old, odd and vintage sex/sexuality books.
82. I like porn (ethical and feminist).
83. I have toys made of glass, metal, ceramic, silicone, wood, and more.
84. The Hitachi Magic Wand is my favorite toy EVER.
85. I own three Magic Wands; one for home, one for travel, and one in case.
86. I own a really cute punk rock harness, but I’ve never worn it for sex.
87. I like being bent over and fucked, but I can’t be on my knees.
88. I like being told to be quiet, but I PANIC and am full of anxiety if I have a ball gag in my mouth.
89. I have only a few hard limits with people I trust.
90. I love being naked, all the damn time.
91. I want to be a Pro-Domme when I move.
92. I’ve used Icy Hot and Tiger Balm on my nipples
93. I had hours and hours and hours of camping sex in a one person tent.
94. My mother knows I write this blog (I don’t know if she’s ever looked).
95. I like ice being melted all over me.
96. I used to get migraines from having orgasms when I was younger (I’d forget to breathe).
97. I was the last of my friends to “lose my virginity,” even though I don’t believe in that word, at the age of 20.
98. I don’t regret any sex I’ve had.
99. I’m really attracted to queer people on the more masculine end of the spectrum, but I also am randomly attracted to super feminine women occasionally. And British people. And boys(and bois) in eyeliner.
100. I want to have a lot more sex, sleep around more, and experience a lot more new things.

As I finish up my time here at Eden, I’ve made a list of my top 10 products (toys, videos, etc) that really get me going (mentally and physically).

Check ‘em out, and if you really like any of them, head over to EdenFantasys.com to buy them.

-Essin’ Em

Click To Play

Seriously. I suck at this.

Most people think that because I’m an outgoing person (case in point: during yesterday’s Pride Parade, I’d yell “Come on! It’s Pride! Make some noise! Let’s celebrate New Hope!” to get the crowd going. I’m a also a theatre person…) that I’m really good at flirting…especially aggressively.

I’m not.

In fact, I’m incredibly shy around people I like/want to fuck. It isn’t a rejection thing; I can go up to someone in a club and ask to buy them a drink/tell them they’re hot/ask them to dance…I do this often, and get rejected often. I’m used to it.

I think it’s my fear of making people uncomfortable. If it’s someone I know, in any capacity, I am afraid that I’ll flirt TOO much, or be too obvious, and they’ll know I like them/want to fuck them, and then they’ll feel awkward, because they either want to say “bugger off” or that they’re not interested, but either don’t want to hurt my feelings, or now feel it will affect our friendship. I HATE making people feel uncomfortable. So much.

So instead, I drop hints. I talk about sex. I talk about being single. I occasionally show them my arsenal of sex toys (hmmm…in hindsight, this may in fact scare them off…). I have good conversation with them, and mention my schedule, in case they’d like to do something with me, or invite me to do something with them in my free time. I offer suggestions of things I’d like to do/want to try (sexual and non-sexual). I TRY! I do!

For example, at Dinah Shore 2007, I was hot for A. So much. First Butch I’d ever been head over heels in lust with. Night one; A was working the registration table, so I stopped to ask where the restroom was. On the way back, I mentioned I was a sponsor and so had lots of free time. On the way out for the night, I mentioned I had won a signed Kathy Griffith DVD, and that A was welcome to watch it on my laptop with me…in my hotel room. Day two: I was hanging out in the pool, and saw A setting up the stage scaffolding. I floated over, and asked some technical questions, while balancing on the edge of the pool. Later, I was in the hot tub reading an Agatha Christie (I’m nerdy, I know. I embrace this), and A came over…I used the opportunity to mention that we’d never gotten our lanyards, and my room number was ____ in case A could find some for us. Night 3: A was working the door for the White Party and was overwhelmed, so I sat down and helped to answer questions. Later on, me, A and a co-worker were hanging out, and I mentioned I had pictures of me in a corset for roller derby…and happened to show A them online. And sat on A’s lap to do so. Shortly after, A walked me to my room, walked me in, and slammed me back up against the door, hand in my hair, pulling my head back, lips pressing urgently against mine. THEN, and only then, I felt like I could be more forward/aggressive, because I knew both of us were on the same page. Once this happened, I mentioned that my bed was quite lonely, and that I was really hot and felt the need to take off my top. And bottoms. And underwear. By the next night, I had drank one or two cocktails, and almost fucked A in the fountain by the valet, and our clothes started coming off in the elevator. I *can* be a horny little minx, but I need to know that they feel similarly first.

I can never tell the difference between flirting and friendliness. Since I go to school for sex, write a sex blog, consider my self a sexplorer/sexologist, and until recently, worked full time for a sex toy company, 95% of my one-on-one conversations involve sex(uality) of some kind. I can never figure out if people are talking to me about what I like because they’re honestly wanting to know so they can add something to their toy collection/want my views on the matter/wonder how many queer feminist women are submissive sexually, or because they want to get it on. I think I can feel sexual tension, but I could always be wrong. I need a sign.

My current situation is killing me. It’s the first time where I’ve really wanted to get with someone, and my sly methods haven’t produced results. I usually get either a “ok, I want you too, let’s go” or a “by the way, I’m not interested in you/not looking for anything right now/am only interested in tops,” etc. This current dealio has left me in limbo. I don’t understand “the signs,” and if I look at things deeply (which I should stop doing), almost everything can be viewed as “hey, I’m being friendly, and just making conversation and talking about stuff that just happens to make you wet” or “I kinda sorta want to fuck too, but I’m not going to make a move; you’re going to have to do something about it.” How the fuck am I supposed to know?

This is my attempt at being straightforward and making a move. It makes the assumption that this person reads my blog (he does occasionally), and will see this. And make the connection that it is *him* to whom I am referring. And then will do something about it. There are a lot of assumptions in that.

Worse yet, I like him as a person. That sounds bad; I don’t mean it like that. I mean that now that I’ve gotten to know him a bit more, I enjoy talking to him. I think he is interesting. And I’ve lent him some of my books. And we have a plan to do something together in June. This is BAD. Why? Because I’m waaay less likely to be obvious NOW, because I have more riding on the line. If I had no plans to ever talk to him again, I could easily (well, kind of) call and say something like “I’m not wearing anything except for nipple clamps and could use some assistance” or “my safeword is red…in case you wanted to know” or ever just “Hey – Let’s fuck. Now.” But now that I know I’m going to see him at least one more time to get my books back, and maybe for our outing in June, I can’t do that. Because what if it made him uncomfortable, and then we couldn’t hang out as people anymore? And what if I didn’t get my books back? And what if he thought I only wanted him for sex and didn’t respect him as a person, and get his humor and appreciate his intelligence? See, that’s too much at risk for me. My friend told me “Yes, but what is higher up on your priority list; fucking or going on some outing? You’re leaving in 6 weeks!” And she makes a good point. I could go out by myself, and trying to cultivate a friendship may seem silly when I’m leaving in June…but still. I thrive on intelligent conversation, and risking that seems dumb to me.

So if someone would like to give me some advice on how to flirt in general (or even in this situation!), that would be great. Poor Sinclair, AAG and Chris have probably had way more than enough of me waxing on and on about this situation. Sinclair wants me to just “go for it,” and I really wish I had that personality to just do it. I mean, I’ve been on stage and TV in front of tons of people. I can dance on tables, and yell random things in a crowd, and do other equally silly and embarassing things that take some smidgen of courage, but I just can’t do it when it comes to flirting. I try to be wily, and often times, I fail (or just come off as awkward).

There has GOT to be an easier way…right???

-Essin’ Em

I was thinking the other day about all the different items I’ve taken that totally were NOT meant to be sexual (just ordinary, everyday items) that I have perverted some how over the years and turned into various sexual implements…

Examples of things I’ve used (and for what):

*Clothespins (nipple clamps)

*Spatula (spanking toy)

*Basting brush (sensation play)

*Electric toothbrush (vibrator)

*Massaging shower head (vibrator)

*Vibrating hair brush (vibrator)

*Markers (dildos)

*Hairbrush (dildo)

*Hairbrush (spanking)

*Fork (sensation play/scratching)

*Saran wrap (bondage, forced orgasms)

*Frozen glass bottles (sensation play)

*Hair ties (bondage)

*Over the bed dorm room storage unit (bondage)

*Spine straightening body pillow (wedge for better angles)

*Hair clips (nipple play)

*Bobby pins (nipple play)

*Fridge magnet clips (nipple play)

*Leopard print bag from Bath and Body Works (Safer Sex Bag for parties)

*Gift bag with Peter Rabbit (Bag o’ condoms, gloves and dams)

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head, but I’m sure there are more. Moreover, I’m sure y’all can come up with some great ones. So what “normal,” everyday items have YOU perverted, all in the name of healthy and fun sexuality?

SHARE!

-Essin’ Em

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #132? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Kink

“A bill outlawing the possession of “extreme pornography” is set to become law next week.”

M is for Mine

“You comment on my wetness.”

The Story Behind the Waxing

“I tend to go to people that I trust really know what they are doing when it comes to my pussy.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Keeley Hazell Regrets

Editor’s Choice

The sadistic impulse

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Being the Receiver…

Desperate boy.

A Parity of Madams and Whores

Trapped

You say trannyboifag, I say trannyboifag

Sex Work

At Least My Vibrators Don’t Judge Me

Sex Worker Solidarity: Gracie

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Blowjob in the showers

Clarity

Drunk and horny

Flash #1 – Greedy

Two Minutes and 52 Seconds

Unicorn Sighting

Sex & Politics

Um. Pornography is in focus?

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Another Gratuitous Picture Post

Back with HNT!

Half-Nekkid at the Beach

Lilaceous

Mirror Mirror

Monica – Drop On Jacuzzy

Pornsaint Kylie Ireland

Strange Sex Fantasies

Teen bobs on Ron Jeremy’s cock

Video: Long Distance Lovemaking

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Catalina loves Melvin Moten, Jr. (An interview with the fetish photographer behind Erocrush.com)

If You Were a Sex Toy, What Would You Be?

My IMsL 2008 Trip – Part 4

The Sexiest Form You Might Ever Fill Out

Shall We Play A Game?

BDSM & Fetish

Cerebral Trainee Subject: Susan

A day of torment (pt 2)

Dining Table Punishment Spanking

Dionysian Tales

Harmony Rose Is Dominated On The Training Of O

Other World Kingdom visit – Part 4

Submissive Little Darling

The Submissive Male Construct and Nice Guys

Weighty Matters

Sex Advice

A Little Lesson on Figging…

Sex Dates for Parents

Vaginal Fisting: What It Is and How to Do It

Dear Higher Powers;

I am really really really horny. I need to get some hot queer (kinky) action before I leave the East Coast. I’ve given my break-up with J lots of time (longer than we were freaking together). I’ve tried to go out and about and flirt and get laid. I’ve fucked straight and newly minted bi-girls, and have given them their “first time with a woman” even though I didn’t really get anything out of it (and was creeped out by their male partners “accidentally” touching me when they weren’t even supposed to be watching). I have done my work for my sex education degree. I have volunteered with non-profits for queer kids. I feel I deserve some really intense kinky hot queer sex (not relationship stuff please, just sex) before I go.

All my adoration,

Me

———————————

Dear Incredibly Attractive person I’ve just trained;

Please fuck me. Hard. You aren’t just hot; you’re attractive. Wit, intelligence, dry sense of humor and more factor into it (like those ridiculously piercing eyes), but basically; I want you. Tie me up if you’d like, spank me, flog me, make me beg to come. Don’t let me come, make me come over and over again. Do what you’d like. I have a few hard limits, but other than that, I’m yours. I can barely think in your presence because my cunt starts dripping, my clit starts throbbing, my nipples get hard and my brain turns to mush. It took ALL my strength over the past week to not say “Here is my bedroom. Here are my toys. Tie me up and fuck me. Now please.” While this has all given course to some pretty hot masturbation sessions, I’m dying for it to become reality. I *think* we have really good chemistry. I *think* there has kind of been some flirting. I *think* we’d be so incredibly sexually compatible (and so does someone else who knows us both). But I don’t know, and am awkward enough as it. I’m shy dammit. Just pin me up against the wall or something already…k?

Waiting for you to give it to me (anyway you want),

Me

———————————

Dear queers on the East Coast (namely Philly, NJ and NYC),

I am here for less than 6 more weeks. I am armed with black latex gloves, flavored dams, a clean STI panel and the biggest arsenal of sex toys you’ve EVER seen. Where the hell are you, and why aren’t we getting it on?

WTF?!?!

Me

———————————

Dear Self,

Please stop watching porn, reading sex blogs, reading articles on genderbending blow jobs, on Femmes packing, on bondage, on fire play. Stop looking at personal ads. Stop glancing through erotica. Stop thinking about sex all the god damn fucking time. It only makes your life that much more difficult. I know you’re a masochist, but not this kind.

Only trying to help,

Me