Sexuality Happens

I’ve decided that I don’t like semen.

I know, it’s a weird thing to just “dislike,” but it’s true. I mean, I’ve never been a huge fan of it; back in college when I was sucking cock, I’d always swallow…not because I enjoyed the taste, or because I wanted to please the guy I was with, but I just didn’t want to see it, smell it, or just in general deal with it. Even if I could convince the guy I was with to masturbate in front of me, I always finished with my mouth on his cock, so I never had to see his ejaculate (the act of ejaculating is fine, it’s really just the come itself).

I’m not sure where my aversion to the stuff first developed. I do know that are are a few scattered incidents through my life that I remember, and that really just gross me out…maybe that is what has supported my dislike, but I’m really unsure as to what started it.

My first college boyfriend had…well, for lack of a better term, a “cum rag,” by the side of his bed. It was disgusting. Just like he oh so rarely washed his sheets, I don’t know if he EVER washed this. It was dark hunter green, terry cloth…actually, I think it was the hand towel from his requisite dorm set. I don’t know. But ewww. It was literally STIFF with semen stains; it stood up on its own. When he’d wank off, he’d use it to deal with this ejaculate…which is fine. I KNOW male bodied people have a more difficult time than myself with clean up (I’ve only ejaculated once). But come on! (no pun intended) Wash you fucking come cloth every once in a while. I remember accidentally touching it once, and jumping back. It was disgusting. Probably full of bacteria. Just eww.

Then there was my time working at HotMoviesForHer. We shared our space with the graphics and marketing team for HotMovies. We were all buddy buddy, and sent each other gross and odd movies back and forth; shark furries, octopus in pussies, tub girl, etc. Some of them were “meh,” and others elicited an “ewwww” response, but nothing got me as much as one of the banners they made for an affiliate site. It had a splat of “cum” dripping down the wall. I felt my gag reflex go into overdrive. Even now, writing about it, I shudder. It was abhorrent. And gross. And just. Icky.

I was once watching the extras of Pulp Friction, and Ava Rose was talking about how in one shot, she’d gotten semen in her eye, and it burned, and she couldn’t stop tearing up. In one sexuality book, I read about people getting sinus infections from semen going up their nasal passages. Even the concept of sperm; a giant head with a tiny tail, shuddering around to and fro…it makes me cringe.

Again, I don’t know why. I don’t hate penises as a whole, or males, or anything like that. Yet semen disgusts me. It seems to always have done so. I wonder if this has anything to do with my orientation (no, I’m not a dyke solely because I hate semen. I like cunts, I like women, I like transmen, I like genderfuckers, I like the Butch/Femme dynamic, all that…but it does make me wonder if me being queer has facilitate my dislike for it?).

It’s odd. I don’t dislike other body fluids…vaginal lubrication is fine. “Female ejaculate” is fine. Blood is fine. Saliva is fine.

I guess it’s not that big of a deal in my personal life. When I’m at all attracted to males, the most I can imagine us doing is making out with a little gropage. MAYBE I’d let him go down on me. But the penis is never part of the picture. Ever. I don’t visualize cock, I don’t picture us fucking, nada. His pants never come off. I’m just really not sexually attracted to male-bodied people (although it’s true that I never know for sure what is under their pants).

So yeah. I’m just chalking things up. I was never a fan of intercourse, I have a distinct aversion to semen. The way I’m going, someone might think I’m a big ol’ queer (and oh wait! I am).

Again, let me point out that my semen hatred DID NOT turn me queer. I’m just wondering if being queer has anything to do with my strong dislike of the stuff.

Does anyone else feel this way about the White Stuff? Or am I completely along?

Semenly weird,

Essin’ Em