Shaving, revisted.
I am a feminist. And I shave my vulva.
First of all, let me clarify something. No, I do not shave my vagina. I do not know anyone that does. In fact, I don’t think anyone has ever, in fact, shaved their vagina. Because vaginas don’t have hair. It’s that simple.
I shave my mons, and my labia majora, and if I’m feeling particularly ambitious (and I rarely am), I shave my perineum.
I do not do it for any man. Strike that, I do not do it for anyone other than myself.
You CAN be a feminist, and shave. Simple; if you want to do it, and are doing it for yourself, and not because someone told you to, asked you to, told you it’s what you’re supposed to do, then poof — you too can be a feminist who shaves below the belly button, and above the knee caps.
I love the way it feels; both the actually shaving, and for the next two-three days. I like to rub my finger tips over it gently, run my palm over it more roughly. It feels amazing on my vulva, and also on my hand.
After a few days, it starts growing out again significantly, but until then, I touch myself all the damn time. It gets awkward.
I like the way it feels when I use my vibrator on myself, the way it slides over me so easily. I like the way my partners’ fingers lightly touching it make me buck up into them. I like the feeling of their tongues on my outer lips and mons before they slip inside to find my clit.
I like the way it looks. I don’t think it makes me look like a little girl; it would take a LOT to make me look like a little girl. A lack of hair isn’t gonna make that happen. I like the way it looks when I wear see through underwear…or no underwear at all.
Key word here: I/ I like, I love, I shave. I don’t do it for society, for anyone who will or will not be seeing it. I do it for me. Sometimes, I shave everytime I shower, and sometimes, I do it a few times a month…depends on what I want.
Please note: I am not against hair, on myself, or anyone else. In fact, I’ve definitely enjoyed running my fingers through pubic hair, gently, or sometimes pulling it a little. I like running the pads of my fingertips over its coarseness. I like having it tickle my nose as I go down on my partners. I do like hair. I also have liked my partners that shaved. I liked their scent being right there, the smoothness against my cheeks and tongue, the visual.
I am not for or against shaving for anyone. I think that a (note: I said “a,” not “the.” This is because there are MANY ways to be a feminist!) feminist way to approach shaving is to let people do what they’d like to do. Keep it all, shave it all, dye it, decorate it, create stripes. Telling people not to shave because that is a way that men control women…is therefore in essence controlling women.
I’ve had a lot of partners tell me I’m the first person that they’ve been with who shaved. I always get nervous when they say this…will this be the beginning of a lecture of “you’re clearly not a feminist because you shave” spiel? Or, are they going to start talking about shaving as a fetish, and ask to shave me (there are VERY few people who I’d let near my vulva with a razor)? Does it both them? Interest them?
Usually, it’s just an off hand remark…like me saying “oh, you’re the first person I’ve been with who has ____ pierced/breasts bigger than me/gotten me off without their mouth or a vibe.” It’s just something to say. But I’ve been so trained, by other “feminists,” to be nervous about that opening line that I hold my breath, just waiting to see what is going to come next….
And before you ask; no, I don’t get razor burn, or rashes, or anything itchy or painful, or I wouldn’t do it. I don’t do things that don’t feel good (unless they’re supposed to not feel good, and then kind of do…but that’s a whole different genre).
Cutting it close,
-Essin’ Em
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I found your comments so interesting and for me right on target. All to often we are “told” by the anti-society types how we should behave to be properly “anti” something, which is a load of crock.
For myself, I shave in two ways. I shave my underarms about every other day in the shower. This is part of my agreement with my Domme wife as a sign of her “ownership” of me within our bdsm relationship. OTOH, I love shaving my cock and balls and legs from time to time for me. I find the act of shaving extremely sensuous, and like you, I just LOVE the feeling of the smooth skin and love how a pair of sheer black stockings feels and looks on my shaved legs. This has nothing to do with what anyone else wants me to do, I just do it because I like it. I’m so glad you are able to decide what you want to do and love the idea of being a feminist while still shaving etc…great post.
I really liked this post, Em. It makes me smile because usually I do shave for the same reasons. I like the texture and the way it makes me feel clean in the shower and the bedroom. A lot of the ladies have been against shaving and I understand their reasons but usually I do it just for me (although it doesn’t bother me to have hair if they are opposed to shaved).
interesting – it’s not something i’ve really thought about.
and i’m certain you can be a feminist and shave! somewhat more complexly, i think you can be a feminist and shave for the sake of someone other than yourself. i just do not buy the argument that doing something because your partner likes it is unfeminist. sure, i don’t mean acquiescing to your detriment, but (assuming that’s not the case) how is it bad to please someone else? (even a man, oh no…sorry, that anti-man kind of feminism brings out the bitchy in me.)
What I like about women who shave (or otherwise tailor their pubic hair) is that it shows that they’re thinking about their genitals – and that in itself is VERY hot.
We men love our own cocks, and it’s nice to see women who are similarly interested in what they’ve got.
WOOO! Whistle!! On my feet applauding wildly. Love the post!
I think you already know how I feel on the topic. I totally agree with you that what makes an action feminist or not has to do with each person’s thought process and their making their own, open eyed, choices. I see the appeal in shaving, and though I’ve never had a female sexual partner, I’m sure there are aspects of it I would love in that sense too. But it’s not for me, and on my own personal journey, being anti-shaving has been a huge growth issue and political/feminist statement. In the end I wish the stigma around either choice would just go away.
great post, really good thoughts.
i totally agree that being a feminist has nothing to do with whether you shave or not. we have much bigger issues, really. all the energy spent on this debate should be reallocated… same with the porn/antiporn debate. i think feminism should be about consent and autonomy… not about policing or regulation of any sort.
when it comes to shaving i know all sorts. femmes who don’t, butches who do, guys who shave, women who hate shaving… women who hate not shaving… whatever feels good for you is what you should do. no one should place a value or judgement on that.
Oh wow. I’ve never really even thought about shaving versus feminism.. I shave My legs, underarms, pubes all for the same reason – I like how it looks, and it feels good to Me, especially when I wear soft, silky underthings. I don’t equate being “feminine” with being “non-feminist”.
I am always amazed at how people want to categorize others by some random act a person does…
Great article, thanks!
Sascha
I agree with ladybrettashley – I think that *even* shaving for someone can “be feminist”. I do lots of things to give my partners pleasure. Not because I am a woman and I am expected to. Not because I feel bad or ugly if I don’t. But to give them pleasure – because I care for them and giving them pleasure makes me happy.
I’m a fan of the natural look, but I do like your thoughts on this. And similarly, I shave, but only my balls, and it’s because once I tried it I found the sensitivity is greatly increased. So there’s certainly nothing aesthetic about it, because without looking closely you can’t tell. But I can.
LOVE THIS and I agree 100%!
Every AM I shave my legs and think “I am doing this for ME.” I love the smooth feeling afterwards –love the “instant perfection” I get.
I sugar my vulva. I used to do the Brazilian, but recently have left a tiny patch and I like the way it looks. I am also a Feminist, and think the only time that Feminism comes into play with pubic hair is when a woman goes against what she wants and shaves or doesn’t shave because it is what her male partner wants.
Sugaring is better for me as my skin is too sensitive for the shaving.
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