Comments on: Our past colors our present http://essin-em.com/2008/07/our-past-colors-our-present/ Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:32:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: ladybrettashley http://essin-em.com/2008/07/our-past-colors-our-present/comment-page-1/#comment-1735 ladybrettashley Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:07:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=536#comment-1735 i think you hit the nail on the head in that first sentence. you've been given good reason to worry about this sort of thing, but not by her. be sure to remember <i>both</i> of those things. i think you hit the nail on the head in that first sentence. you’ve been given good reason to worry about this sort of thing, but not by her. be sure to remember both of those things.

]]> By: Ms. Avarice http://essin-em.com/2008/07/our-past-colors-our-present/comment-page-1/#comment-1734 Ms. Avarice Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:36:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=536#comment-1734 what she said! obviously I don't have a lot of "relationship" experience, so i'm having some trouble articulating my thoughts. but i think whatsername pretty much hit the nail on the head. what she said! obviously I don’t have a lot of “relationship” experience, so i’m having some trouble articulating my thoughts. but i think whatsername pretty much hit the nail on the head.

]]> By: whatsername http://essin-em.com/2008/07/our-past-colors-our-present/comment-page-1/#comment-1733 whatsername Tue, 29 Jul 2008 07:48:00 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=536#comment-1733 I'm not you, so I can't say any of this with any amount of definitive authority...<br/><br/>BUT.<br/><br/>If it were ME responding to this new relationship the way you are, I would force myself to just STOP. It would be a very familiar pattern of over thinking and allowing my emotions to over run my better judgment. I have chased people away by acting on the kind of feelings I'm reading into your words. <br/><br/>I like reliability in relationships. I like to know where they're going, and I panic wondering if I'm on the same page as others. But the fact is that that is me trying to exert control over a situation which is by it's nature uncontrollable. We can never know for certain we are on the same page as another. We can only let go enough to believe the words that person says, and trust that if things don't work out, they weren't meant to, and that hurts but it is also ok.<br/><br/>I usually deal with this by a) recentering on MYSELF, what do I want, where am I at; and b) by telling those emotions starting to spiral out of control to STOP and, essentially, ignoring them. Surprisingly, this does work quite well.<br/><br/>If any of that feels familiar, maybe a similar tact will work for you.<br/><br/>*hugs* I’m not you, so I can’t say any of this with any amount of definitive authority…

BUT.

If it were ME responding to this new relationship the way you are, I would force myself to just STOP. It would be a very familiar pattern of over thinking and allowing my emotions to over run my better judgment. I have chased people away by acting on the kind of feelings I’m reading into your words.

I like reliability in relationships. I like to know where they’re going, and I panic wondering if I’m on the same page as others. But the fact is that that is me trying to exert control over a situation which is by it’s nature uncontrollable. We can never know for certain we are on the same page as another. We can only let go enough to believe the words that person says, and trust that if things don’t work out, they weren’t meant to, and that hurts but it is also ok.

I usually deal with this by a) recentering on MYSELF, what do I want, where am I at; and b) by telling those emotions starting to spiral out of control to STOP and, essentially, ignoring them. Surprisingly, this does work quite well.

If any of that feels familiar, maybe a similar tact will work for you.

*hugs*

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