Sexuality Happens

I wrote first about F last week, without naming her such. And then I wrote about how I was able to do two things with her that I never do; sleep in a bed with someone else, and cry.  And how she wanted me to play with her.  Here’s my write up of our first night of playing.

I was getting ready – my hair was dyed and drying, my sheets were changed and my bed freshly made.  I’d rescued my Wartenburg wheel and some black latex gloves from my travel toy bag and put them with the rest of my toys.  I’d set up the shower with a fresh razor and travel shampoo/conditioner because she wanted a shower.  I’d cleared the couch of the piles of “sex toys to be reviewed.” I was set.

She called – she was downstairs. I threw on a pirate dress, and went down stairs to greet her (I thought that was a bit nicer and more personal than just buzzing her up). She complimented me on my new hair, and then we rode the elevator up to my apartment. I wanted to just pin her up against the wall and kiss her there…but I was polite. I didn’t.

Once in my apartment, I made us a pot of pumpkin rum tea.  We sat on my couch – she seem nervous.  I asked her if she was ok…she said she was nervous, and felt vulnerable. I gave her a hug, and we talked about what she was interested in, what she wanted to try, her limits, safewords and all that.  We talked about all of this, even though I told her a) I wasn’t very good at topping people because I’m usually a bottom, and that I wasn’t going to do anything too hardcore because it was our first time together.

Then she hopped into the shower.  I spread out my new Liberator Safari Throe, animal print side up (are you jealous? You should be!), walked around lighting candles, turned off the lights, made sure that my under the bed restraint system was set up and ready to go (she said she really wanted to be tied up where she couldn’t get out of them in anyway at all).  I laid out a pair of hot red and black leather cuffs (why yes, the majority of my sex toys *are* red and black, I’m so glad you noticed!), with carabiners to attach them to the under the bed thingy. And then I waited. And waiting.  She was still showering.  I went to the kitchen and got a glass of ice, putting it on my night table.  I tossed a bunch of the pillows off my bed (I’m a pillow slut). I put my hair up to get it out of my face.  And she was still showering (I myself am a quick showerer, so I was impatient).  I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet while she showered, chatting with her, occasionally sneaking a peek at her. My goal was to make her less nervous. I don’t know if I did.

Once she was done, AND toweled off AND lotioned (can you tell I was really ready to fuck her?), I led her to my room, putting a cuff on each wrist. I had her lie down on the bed on her stomach, and I crawled up next to her, placing my body against hers, gently touching my fingers all over her body, lightly scratching her, talking to her. I am not your “traditional” top. I can’t invoke fear in people, nor do I really want to.  K told me I’m an emotional top (hence making all these women cry).  I some how mingle my kindness and caring in with some streak of dominance.  Don’t ask me how.  But anyways, I don’t like people being nervous…at least not when I haven’t even done anything yet!  

Finally, she seemed a little more relaxed.  I brought her to the edge of the bed, and had her bend over it.  I stood behind her, my nails traveling down her now arching back. Mmm. She is beautiful. I mean, she is hot even before she moans, and gasps, and lets her breath catch, but when she does? God. I’ve never wanted be inside someone this much.

I laid out some toys; the Wartenberg wheel, a very basic paddle, my synthetic broom, and the slapper thing (like the one K hit me with)…coming up behind her, I ran the wheel down her back.  She emitted a noise somewhere between a sigh and a moan, and hew body shook. Gently at first, with increasing pressure, I ran it across her back and up and down her sides. Fuck. I wanted to fuck her right then and there, but I’d promised her an intro to BDSM, so I told myself “Down girl” and picked up another toy.  I tried out (LIGHTLY) the broom, the slapper, the paddle (both the fuzzy and the leather sides) and of course my hand on her back, ass and thighs, asking her every now and then how she was doing (one of the many reasons I’m not a “normal” top).  

I grabbed an ice cube, and took it to her. Ever so slowly (and then ever so quickly), I traced the marks made by the wheel and my nails as she arched up into the cold sensation.  Of course, being the silly and awkward person I am, I discovered that I could slide the ice around in the puddles I had made on her back…and proceeded to so while laughing. And then I made her lie down on her back, and I tied her arms securely.

“Here, test that.  Try to get out as hard as you can.” She struggled for a bit, and then smiled as she shook her head. It was almost amusing to see how excited she was at not being able to go anywhere. I took out another ice cube, and drew a line down her sternum to her belly button, and then traced designs all over her breasts and stomach.  Her nipples were iced, making them even more fun to suck and nibble. Mmmmm.  At one point, I tried a clothespin on her to see how she’d react.  She didn’t safeword (actually, she didn’t safeword at any point), but she really didn’t like it (I asked), so I took it off.

Then I began to tease her. Scratching her thighs, tracing my fingers (and the wartenburg wheel) across her mons, up and down her legs, at her leg joints, occasionally “accidently” brushing up against her vulva. Finally, after I could see she was getting frustrated (and after she asked me quite nicely), I kissed her, then reached below and I slipped my fingers between her lips.

My god was she wet. I’m never used to this with women – I’ve been on allergy meds since I was 3, and those really fuck with my lubricating, so even when I’m SO FUCKING TURNED ON and ready to fuck anything that breaths or vibrates, I don’t really get that wet. I’m used to using lots of lube (lube is love folks, lube is love). But not F. My god. She was dripping – it was AMAZING.  Let me tell you, I practiced all kinds of self control.  I wanted to fuck her properly right then and there. But no, I held back.

I teased her, rubbing and flicking her clit as she writhed and moaned, pulling hard on the tethers (two days later, she texted me, telling me her chest muscles were still sore from struggling). And then, after I made her ask me, I slowly slid one finger inside her.

Holy hellions. I love fucking female bodied people.  The sensation of them inside, closing around you? No wonder straight men want to be in vaginas all the time – I know I do!  She asked, nicely, for a second finger, and who was I to argue. I told her though, that she had to ask permission to come, and I made sure she understood.  I proceeded to fuck her. Gently, and then a bit more when she asked for it.  It felt sensational. Finally, she was getting much louder, and asked if she could come.

I stopped all motion (I’m a bitch I know…but I love it when people to it to me, so I figure “why not?”). I had warned her in advance that I liked to give choices…that were sometimes frustrating. I think the example I gave was “Would you rather 10 more hits with the paddle, or 5 with the cane?”  In this case, I looked at her. “You have a choice…you can come right now, or if you wait, I’ll go down on you, and then you can come that way. Which would prefer?”

It was so cute. She asked if she could have both. I told her not right now…so she told me that she’d wait.  Good girl. I waited a little more, went back to teasing her, biting her thighs and then I went down on her.

As you already read this week, I love oral sex – getting and giving. It was so much fun – she kept moving, and I could just pull her down the throe back into my mouth, my fingers never letting up (except for when she asked for a third finger, and I put it in her).  Eventually, she asked for permission to come, and I gave it to her, and she pulled up against the straps, coming hard.  The best part – she’s deliciously still reactive right afterwards, so I could continue nibbling and sucking and licking for the next few minutes, and she would just shutter and buck up into me.

I came up next to her, kissed her, untied her, and cuddled for a little.  I offered her a drink of water (the ice had melted by now), and was getting ready to go into “good aftercare mode.” She drank a sip or two, and offered it to me.  I was on my knees on the bed, taking a sip when she started kissing my neck and running her hands up and down my body. I froze and started arching my own back. I held the water in one hand, and held onto her with the other, because my body was just shivering at her touch.  She kept touching, teasing, kissing, licking, biting, and finally I told her I had to put down the water before I spilled it (not that it would matter with the throe, now that I think about it….but I was NOT thinking straight).  As soon as she put it down, she had flipped me on my back and had pinned my hands next to my head.

Um. Yes. Hello clit throbbing.  Yup, that would do it. I was already turned on from fucking her, and now I was being held down. Ah-May-Zing.  We made out for a little, and then she kissed down my body.  I tried to tell her she could bite my nipples as much as she wanted, but she was a little hesitant about that.  However, she was not hesitant at all once she got to the juncture between my legs. I felt her mouth on my clit, and it was over. Until she slid her fingers into me (I’m going to write a post on the different type of “two finger fucking” debate later), and started fucking me. I asked for another, and was riding her mouth and her hand, and it felt phenomenal, and then she was just fucking me, and I just came so hard…tremors afterwards, body continuing to shake.

A few minutes later, we were on the patio, my hands reach up under her t-shirt to grab her breasts.  ”Um, so was that two fingers or three?”

She turned to look at me inquisitively. “That was all five.” I stared at her in shocked. “When you asked me to fuck you and grab my wrist, that’s when the thumb went in.  I wasn’t making a fist, it was more of this motion” she said, making a motion like you do when testing out the stickness of lube – thumb kind of circling on the rest of her fingers.

“Let me see your hands.” I held them up against mine. They were bigger. “But. But. I’ve been trying to do that for like 2 years! And K and J tried, and they had smaller hands than me!” She shrugged.

Back inside, she was tired and had to go to sleep. And did…once I got her off again :)

In the morning, we woke up, chatted a bit as I scratched and stroked her body, and then went down on her and fucked her again.  She came, and then tried to get me on my back. “We don’t have enough time.  I don’t want you to be late.” She looked disappointed. “Here, we’ll cuddle.” I, believe it or not, was the big spoon. I know – unprecedented! And as I was the big spoon, I reached around, playing with the breasts, her nipples, working my hand down and between her legs until she came again.

She stroked my back – I gasped and arched up into her – I have a very sensitive back, as she covered it with kisses.  ”Can you drive me to work…? Cause then we will have time for this….” I told her I supposed so, right before my strength gave out and I ended up on my back again. She fucked me and I came and came and came; I couldn’t tell where one orgasm stopped and the next started. Then she took my hand and reached down, letting me feel.  I felt her wrist. “See? Five fingers.” She smiled up at me.  I had no words.

We walked out of my house, me in a negligee covered by a coat, and hopped in my car.  She was running late, and called in. I only heard one part of the conversation, but her client’s husband said something jokingly about “I suppose you were having too much fun with your boyfriend to make it in super early.”  It was all I could do to keep from dying of laughter…especially as F played it off so well. 

We talked and held hands as I drove. It just really completed the night/morning.

I dropped her off, and said I’d see her in a bit – I was seeing her later.  I crawled home and into bed before getting up, putting on publicly acceptable PJs, getting lunch and heading to the office.  I hung out with her and some friends for a while, putting them in stitches (apparently, I’m amusing, even when not falling off giant gym balls.  Cause that happened too.  Not when I was demonstrating sex positions on it, but later, when I was just sitting straight up…yeah).  It was just really nice.

I was talking to Chris about it. It was very different for me, and not just the topping bit, because I’ve been doing a good deal of that lately. It was more of the caring bit.  I think at one point, she told me I was beautiful, and another, that I was amazing (and not in just a “wow, you just fucked me speechless” kind of way). I haven’t had anything like that in a really long time (if ever), and it just felt…very comforting. That there is more to me than just sex…even though that’s what we were doing.

That night, I went out with my best friend, and F kept texting.  In fact, I think we got the closest to sexting (sex texting) that I ever have. And it was HOT and distracting.  And later, she called me to cheer her up.  Again, it just felt good.  Someone who calls me, and texts me, and wants to see me, instead of everything being on me.

It’s not perfect.  She smokes. I know. I know. I know. Consider myself properly chastised. I know it drove me crazy inside about J, even though I didn’t bug him about it.  I know my friend got BV from hooking up with a smoker (that’s bacterial vaginosis for those not in the know – I have a power point I made for class on it, if you care that much). I know my grandmother just died of lung cancer…FROM SMOKING. I know I’m allergic to it. I know it probably irritates my migraines. I know. But…she’s worth it.

She drinks. She does some recreational drugs. She doesn’t always wear a seatbelt.  But I mean, I’d find little things about anyone….hell, I find them about myself.  So really…at least at current count, the pros far far far outweigh the cons. And what’s a little cigarette smoke when I’m fucking someone who really cares about my feelings, and makes me feel safe when I’m in their arms?

She came over Saturday night too…look for that post coming up ;)

-Essin’ Em