Sexuality Happens

Halloween is one of my most favorite holidays, if not my absolutely favorite.  It’s a holiday about dressing up and eating chocolate…how could you go wrong with that?

Total side note: I’ve decided F is a werewolf.  No, really, I’m serious.  If you’ve read the Twilight series, you know that werewolves’ average body temp is about 108 degrees…and F is like my very own personal space heater.  She has this deliciously messy and shaggy hair that I love to run my fingers through….mmmm.  Did I mention that she likes to bite me…a lot?  But not like two teeth fang biting. No no. Like really biting biting.  So biting, hair, not cold but hot…definitely not a vampire, so I’m voting werewolf.  And I LOVE it!

In honor of this amazing holiday, let me show you some outfits from the past:

This was halloween my sophomore year of college. I went as a dominatrix (foreshadowing things to come?).

Halloween Jr. Year.  I was Morgana Le Fey (King Arthur’s half sister/lover, depending on which tale you read).  No one knew who I was, of course.

Senior year, I had LOTS of costumes.  This is one; I went as an 80′s centerfold to the hockey house’s halloween party…

Then I went as Bad Ass Little Red Riding Hood (I had a red hooded cloak too…not sure where it is in this picture) to a friend’s party back home…

I had to have a P.C. costume to take the girls I was nannying for Trick or Treating, and to pick up books for the Mortar Board Society’s trick or treat book drive, hence the kosher devil.

Here was the main (ie, I worked on it for a few months) costume of that year; I went as Bettie Page (I’m on the floor if you can’t tell…hopefully you can!)

First year of grad school, I went as an 80′s rocker chick.  Originally planning on being Cyndi Lauper (I have on tye dyed tights that you can’t see!) but people told me I wound up looking more Madonna circa Like a Virgin.

There was a roller skating halloween party, so I went as a nun to that.  The problem was that my dress’ button holes were too big, and the entire dress kept unbuttoning itself all night.  I guess I’m not a very good nun…

Last year, I was a Treasure Troll (complete with jewel in my belly button…and paddle to spank people? Um…ok).

I also went as a Sex Instructor (haha, so funny), because I found a lab coat at the Army/Navy store that had the sex instructor patch on it (I know, wtf mate?)

This is my “horny housewife” outfit.  Basically, I had about 20 minutes to put together a costume…and was at a friends’ house. So I borrowed her PJs, went to the dollar store for the scarf and tape measure (couldn’t find rollers, so I attempted for pin curls with wet hair and bobby pins), added the flogger lying around in my car, and voila!

Can you see that I completely and utterly LOVE LOVE LOVE this holiday (don’t even get me started on theme party outfits I’ve had…maybe I’ll do a post on that).

I’m not telling you what I’m going as this year…guess you’ll just have to find out when I post pictures!

What are YOUR outfits?  And what was your favorite outfit?

-Essin’ Em

This beautiful, amazing, magnificent, stunning woman is none other than F. Many thanks to her for letting me post this gorgeous picture of her.

Last week, she called me late at night.  She was home alone watching Afrodite Superstar…and wanted some company.  Me say no to a hot woman and (my) sex-positive porn?  I headed over in time for the hummer scene.  When the movie ended, we popped in Comstock Film’s Xana and Dax…and of course then the making out and fooling around started. And basically, after teasing and teasing me and “oh, I have to watch the film…nevermind,” she let me fuck her, on her black leather couches, for an hour and a half, two hours. Something like that.

Clearly, she was tired after that.  Wouldn’t you be exhausted after getting fucked for two hours?  I am (when it happens). This is exactly how she fell asleep on the couch.  Too beautiful to pass up a picture.

You can see some of her tattoos. On her right upper arm, she has a beautiful flower (lotus I think…), and her left upper arm is a 1/2 sleeve of beauty.  Her back is magnificent to behold….hopefully she’ll let me take a picture of her playing the piano naked, and then you can see it.

But isn’t she just beautiful? I ask myself regularly how I am so how lucky enough to have someone so kind, caring, and just gorgeous around to love and fuck me…but I still have no answers.

Happy Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em 

Due to some drama that’s recently gone down in her life (holy hell, ps, dyke drama in Denver is normal dyke drama magnified about 300% – holy guacamole), F asked me the other day when it had become rude and disrespectful for someone to tell you that you were attractive/turned someone one.

I thought about it for a second.  In concept, it should always be nice and wonderful to know that people find you amazing/cool/wonderful/nice to look at, etc, and it should be a compliment to be told that something you did/said/are turns someone else on.

Operative words here = SHOULD.

Once I assured her that I was not agreeing with said ex, I went on to explain.  When F tells me I’m beautiful, pretty, smart, turning her on, making her horny, etc, I like it.  However, if we were broken up (assuming that we were dating in the first place), and I was trying to be “just friends” with her, it would be very hard for me to hear her say that to me.  If I’d been the one that had broken it off, I might feel like she was still hanging on to that part of the relationship and maybe needed some more time to figure stuff out before we could really be “just friends.” If she’d been the one that had broken it off, I might feel like she was still stringing me along, or playing me, or wonder if she was trying to get back together.  In that case, I think we’d need some time before we got to the point where we could banter about turning each other on, etc.  Granted, I tell my friends how attractive they are, but I also don’t want to have sex with the majority of them.

The second case I thought of is the friend who you don’t want to be anything more, and they don’t seem to get it. While I always tell my friends that they are amazing, beautiful, wonderful people (why would I be their friend otherwise?), and while we always joke around about sex/getting it on/etc, if one of them thought I was hitting on them when I wasn’t (or when I was, and they weren’t ok with it), I’d tone it down…I have had guy friends in the best that always told me how they thought I’d be so good in bed, and that it turned them on when I ______…and at a certain point, it started to get on my nerves.  I’d explained that I wasn’t looking for boyfriends or bed mates…yet they still kept bringing up having sex with me.  Maybe it was in a joking manner, but I got pretty sick of it pretty fast.

The third instance I can think of is when random people are hitting on you. Once is sweet. Twice is nice.  After that, I find it fucking annoying.  The other night, on the way to/from the fetish ball, and at the diner afterwards, my best friend and I had lots of guys telling us how hot we were.  Again, the first time, it’s nice.  Then when you tell me you’d like to see what I have underneath the cloak cause it turns you on…fine.  But when I’m walking away, and you’re still telling me what you think about how I look/how I’m making you hard/whatever, then it’s not a compliment. It’s creepy, it’s borderline invasive.  One guy complimented us in the dungeon upstairs. We smiled and said thanks.  Then we walked downstairs and sat at a stage watching the dancers. He sat next to us, and told us against how hot we were. We smiled, thanked him, and I put my arm around my best friend, telling him that “my girlfriend and I appreciate it.”  We went back to watching the dancers.  He then continued to tell us how our outfits made him hot, and turned him on and blah blah blah.  At this point, I’d just tuned him out as a creepy guy objectifying me.

So in general, compliments are almost always welcome and are nice. And I LOVE to know when I turn people one (when F tells me I’m making her wet in this voice she has…I almost come right then and there).  However, I feel that it isn’t *always* a compliment, and that sometimes, it’s just not ok/inappropriate.

And that’s your thoughts/rant for the day! What are your thoughts and feelings on this?

-Essin’ Em

This past Saturday night was the Victorian Fetish Ball in Denver. I’d been looking forward to going for a while…and two of my roller girls and a former hook up bailed. Then poor F had a giant 30 lb metal beam/bar dropped on her head last Thursday, and while she was feeling slightly better, she bowed out (and I totally forgive her for it) in favor of resting up.  Luckily, my best friend was up for going, so we stopped by the local Penthouse strip club to pick up tickets (free lunch and admission fridays 12-4pm apparently, in case you care).

We got all gussied up. My BFF decided to bust out the old French Maid costume (along with the sassy white/black ruffled underwear I’d given her), while I decided on…well.  It was more fetish than halloween costume.  You can see above (my nipples were covered most of the night…the tape was just in case…and was definitely used. It’s teal because apparently I have teal duct tape and no silver duct tape – who would have thunk?).

I was a little nervous. There is a cute local Domme who I had met briefly at the fetish party with M, and had then run into at a Denver Roller Dolls after party with F a week or two ago.  I chatted her up (including buying her a shot…look at me!), and she mentioned that she and some of the dommes she ran a dungeon with would be DMing and doing demos.  The next day, I texted her that I’d see her at the ball’s dungeons…IF I could find someone to play with.  She texted back that if I found her, she’d play.  I was giddy.

Well, I did find her. And she was doing an amazing fire play demo.  The dungeon wasn’t what I expected…while there was some dungeon furniture, it seemed that only the demonstrators were using them.  And there could be no sex, no penetration, no spanking, no asses, no breasts (even with nipples covered). Basically, it was like a nightclub and strip club got together, and decided to try a little kink, with a large helping of vanilla.  But anyways.  She was playing with fire beautifully on a sub’s back…and was quite good at it.

I waited until after she finished, and after their aftercare. I went up to say hi, and she gave me a big hug, and told me she was so glad I’d come.  She had to take her sub outside, so I watched her friend (and a myspace friend of mine) give another fire demo.  She was letting people try it on their hands, and one woman like it enough to have her play with it a little on her legs.  I let her try it on my hand, and then asked if she’d be willing to try it on my back.  After she assented, my top came off (bra on, but undone, to cover the breasts), and I lay down on her table.

At first, she did one or two lines, drawing on me first with a mix of instant hand sanitizer and rubbing alcohol, and then lighting it on fire for a moment before blowing it out.  Following that, she did some more complicated somethings – swirls? Circles perhaps? It felt amazing.  Nothing at all like what I had expected. I actually found it VERY relaxing.

She whispered in my ear “good girl” (I need to write a post on my reaction to the words “good girl” in the near future) and asked if I could handle one big one.  I nodded – I was loving this.  She took a spray bottle and sprayed down my ENTIRE back, nape to hips, with the flammable spray…and then…WOOSH!  Quickly, she and her assistant blew it out.

Ah. May. Zing.

K had told me he thought I’d like fire play. And while I thought it very scary, and intense, I thought he might be right. I liked piercing more than I thought I would, even though it was very intense, and left marks for weeks. But I am still not sure how much I like piercing because I like piercing, or because I had him doing it to me.

Regardless. He was right. I love fire play. It feels warm and relaxing and comforting, and this is definitely something I’d like to be doing more of in the future.

Who here has experience with fire play?  And more importantly, who wants to play with me at Thunder next year???

-Essin’ Em

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #151? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Stolen Time
“The sigh of a kiss that has been too long waiting is a wicked rush.”

Keeping things hot when everything hurts
“While it’s not as fun for him, what I love about those times is how sexy he makes me feel at a time when I probably feel the most worthless as a lover.”

Like lovers do…
“As soon as I got that groove, he felt it. His body started to tense up and tremble.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
At What Point Have You Crossed The Line?

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews
Catalina loves Sgt. Major from Backdoor Bondage and Kink.com
Click Foreplay
The End of the Sex Writer?
Lust Objectified: Lelo’s Lily Vibe
Sex News Roundup

Sex Work
20 Questions With Janet Jacme
Busy Busy Busy

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Backward (One)
The Five Twenties – The Fifth Twenty
i Kissed a Girl
The love for guys in uniform
Natalie Gets Laid
A Night to Remember, ft. Mariella and VibeReview
Talk Dirty To Me
Will you suck it?
Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend Won’t Pose Just How You Imagined

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Boymeat’s Boots
HNT: Lucky Heather 2
Kelly Zhang (Met Art)
Radka – OJ

Sex & Politics
Do BDSM and McCain Go Together Like Vinegar and Oil?
Invasion

BDSM & Fetish
3 days
Punished in the school gym
Sex Camp 2008: The Petting Zoo!
slut to the Mailbox ….. This Morning’s Task as Accomplished
Someplace I’ve never been, part 2

Sex Advice
Man-Handles: What to Do with His Nipples?
Sadie’s Advice for Craigslist Dating. Confession #151

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Can Group Sex Get Your Man to Clean the House?
Channeling Jessica Rabbit
How I started paying for sex
Present Genitive
Seven Daily Sins: Lust
Trust

Vera, from ForYourNymphomation, was kind enough to not only donate some awesome toy cases for contests (such as my blogiversary contest – you have one week left. I have only received 2 entries so far, so you have a good chance…send ‘em on in!), but she also included two cases for me.  One of them, as seen above, is the Foot Long Storage Case. I have the one in the textured black, which is really quite nice, and also seems to be quite durable.  This is my 3rd item so far from FYN, and both my rolling trunk and sex toy chest have lasted…through two moves, a trip to Dinah Shore, my cats lying on them, a few kink nights, some presentations, and oh yes, normal use as well. 

Like all FYN products, this foot long case comes with a lock. Not great for travel (I’d suggest zip ties, for the security people can just cut them off), but good for parties, or if you have noisy kids/friends.  This particular case comes in a variety of colors (see above), and while I’m kind of craving the leopard print (this IS me we’re talking about), I really like the look and the feel of the textured black.

***GAH – Half my review just got erased!***

It fits my hitachi (with a tiny bit hanging out). It fits all of my silicone (non double-ended) dildos. It fits my black GRANITE DILDO. It fits my safer sex supplies. It fits lube. Sadly, it doesn’t fit my harness or flogger….but really, would you expect it to? Basically, if it’s less than a foot, and longer than it is wide, it’ll fit it (it also fits some cosmetics too…you never know!)

It’s also super discreet (looks kind of like a make-up bag), and will fit well by itself, or in other luggage (sex toy or other wise), so good for home, play parties, or travel.  If you have dildos, vibes, nipples clamps, and the like, and need somewhere to store them, I highly recommend this. And actually, any FYN case.  I <3 all of them!

-Essin’ Em

I was given this award by the lovely Jaded Hippy, who always has such wonderful and insightful things to say.  Thank you so much sweetheart!  This is what she had to say about my blog:

Essin’ Em, I love your blog! I am forever in your debt because you were the first person I’ve ever seen talk about their boyfriend’s cunt. My mind was blown and it’s never thought about gender the same way again.

So here’s how it works, as with all awards there are certain rules to follow:
1. Link to the giver. (done, above)
2. Nominate up to seven other fabulous blogs and link to them. (done below)
3. Leave messages announcing their rise to greatness. (will be doing so!)
**Note – You may have been given this already, so that means you are a GREAT blogger.

These are in no particular order…because I <3 pretty much everyone!

Sugarbutch Chronicles – Sinclair, I LOVE YOUR BLOG!  You have become my go-to Butch for pretty much everything. Gender discussion, flirting tips, hot sex stories.  If there is something there for everyone of my moods and needs, there is something there for everyone.  Plus, I thank you for so much of your help and encouragement in helping me find my own identity.

AAG’s Blog – Always Aroused Girl, I LOVE YOUR BLOG! You are such an inspiration, and you write about sex, family, life and more…making me feel better about doing the same. Plus, your beautiful photos always cheer me up, as do our g-chats.  <3s to you.

Don’t Let’s Talk – Lady Brett Ashley, I LOVE YOUR BLOG! You give me such food for thought, as well as laughs, and hopes, and validation.  You’re brilliant, plus I always love having a fellow nerd around.  Pictures, links, quotations, and more.  Everything is amazing.

(un)Scripted Sexuality – Sasha, I LOVE YOUR BLOG!  You are always so real, so open, so honest. And plus, your pictures are always so hot and enticing. I miss you so much, and am glad to have your blog to catch up with you.  Can’t wait till you’re back home in America! I miss you!

Curvaceous Dee – Dee, I LOVE YOUR BLOG! Your writing is so interesting, so intelligent, and it always makes me think.  You have taken me to so many new and different places, and have been instrumental in me helping figure out who I am. Plus, I love your HNT pictures!

Heart Full Of Black – Wendy Blackheart, I LOVE YOUR BLOG!  You have such an array of self-reflection, hot, kink, erotica, linkage, pictures, and more, and I’m always coming back to get more…plus, I kind of feel like we’re metaphysical twins in so many odd ways.  I <3 you!

Jiz Lee – Jiz, I LOVE YOUR BLOG! Your blog is the go to place for me about interesting queer things, porn things, and queer porn things.  Plus, you’re my biggest porn star crush EVER (more than Nina Hartley, and that’s been almost a decade, so that is saying a lot), and reading your blog makes you more accessible (is it weird that I still get excited/blush when you comment here, or respond to my twitter?).  Anyways, you’re such an asset to both the queer and the porn communities, and I love reading what you write.

Phew. Ok. I’ve accomplished MY part. Now it’s your turn!

Blog Love,

-Essin’ Em

I’ve gotten some comments…on here, via email, and on twitter, from people who seem to be a bit confused.  For example, the other night I twittered that I was feeling like a little bit of a booty call, and someone said something about “well, isn’t everything a booty call because you don’t want to be in a relationship?”

I’d like to answer all of these people in one post.

First of all, I never said that I didn’t want a relationship. I find the word relationship to be all encompassing. I have relationships with my family, friends, cats, etc. F and I have a relationship.  It was not a one time hook-up, it’s not an “I only see you for sex” type of thing. Our interactions form a relationship. L and I had a relationship of sorts too…relationship DOES NOT EQUAL long term monogamous partner.  That is what I am not looking for now, a long term monogamous partner. I’m in a place where I want to be free to explore, and kiss who I want to kiss, and play with people at play parties. I want to be able to say when I think someone is hot. To bring up the possibility of a threesome. I do NOT want to live together. I do not want to be co-dependent. I do not want to have babies (other than kitties). However, this doesn’t mean that I don’t want relationships.

Point two. F and I love each other.  We’re not IN LOVE with each other (at least not that I’m aware of). We tell each other we love each other. I also tell my best friends that I love them. I believe that you can love multiple people on multiple levels at multiple points in your life. We had this talk – she agrees (actually, she brought it up).  We have no qualms telling each other how much we mean to each other, how beautiful and amazing and wonderful we think each other are.  And this is mutual (for anyone that may be thinking this is my bias about how fabulous she is, and I need to understand it’s just sex). In fact, at points, we don’t have sex or a week or two. And then maybe I’ll fuck her, and it’ll be a week or two before I get fucked, and we trade off.  Sometimes, we have sex everytime we see each other. We do other things too. We go out to eat, we cook together, we watch movies, I helped her mother move offices, she came to my derby bout, etc. Ergo, no, we are not fuck buddies (although those are fine too, it’s just not what we are). We’re more than that.

On the other hand, neither of us believes in marriage. And we’re both fans of non-monogamy.  One night at a party, I watched her make out with someone she thought was cute…and I thought it was super hot.  This weekend, at a Fetish Ball, I’m supposed to play with this Domme that both of us think is inordinately hot. She’s excited to watch (or so she says). She’s had sex with someone else. I have that right to as well. Doesn’t mean we do it behind each others backs, and doesn’t mean we don’t talk about it.  It’s ok with both of us, and we talk about it.  There are probably about 3 people I’d really prefer she didn’t sleep with, just because of previous issues/dynamics. Doesn’t mean that I’d tell her she can’t do it, but it does mean I’d voice my opinion.

We also don’t, and will not ever, live together. We both live on our own, and like that very much. We have our own places, our own cats, our own ways of life. I don’t smoke and rarely drink, and don’t do any drugs.  She smokes a little on and off, drinks far more than I do, and smokes pot. Occasionally other things. Living together would be a horrible plan. I’m done living with people. She is too.  We spend the night with each other, sometimes days at a time…but have no plans on living together.

Both of us are big on not having a term.  She’s more than a fuck buddy, but she’s also adamant she doesn’t want a girlfriend. Now, to me, this is more emotionally and time involved than any relationship I’ve ever been in, so if I was to define it independent of her, I might call her a girlfriend of sorts (we’ve spent more time together and had more sex together than any other person in my life, including J), but she doesn’t like that term right now, and I respect that.  The other day, I thought of the term “Lover.”  It just seemed right. But then I remembered the last season of L-Word with “and this is my lover, Cindy” and I just can’t think of that this way.  My mother knows her as a “woman that I’m seeing….we’re good friends and we sleep together.” The domme knows her as “a woman who lets me play with her and we fuck.” My cats know her as a semi-regular visitor.

To me, she’s just F.  She’s amazing, smart, fun, beautiful, witty, sometimes frustrating, always interesting and a fucking juggernaut in bed. Really. Best sex I’ve ever had…over and over and over again.  We’ll fuck for hours.  When we had a friend film us, we said we’d have a quickie (the battery was dying).  45 minutes later, we were still going. Our friend put the camera down and quietly walked out.  We have amazing sex, amazing conversation, and I love being with her, and what we have. Sometimes we have to talk and redefine it, because things in our lives change, and we need to talk about our needs and our wants and how they compare.  But all in all, it’s wonderful.

So no, there isn’t only fuck buddies/booty calls vs Long Term Monogamous Relationships/girlfriends. We are what we are…and that’s ok with both of us.

-Essin’ Em

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday! (Picture created at http://www.sp-studio.de/)

Ok, so that was cheating. But that *IS* what I’d look like if I lived in South Park (which IS in Colorado), and could afford to wear whatever I wanted, and spend all my time reading :)

Here’s my REAL HNT picture for the week:

The other night, some of my friends were originally planning on coming over, but then one decided she didn’t want to go hot tubbing, and one of my favorite roller dolls, Sissy Rinkshaw, asked me if I wanted to go out to a local dive bar (with dance floor and DJ) with her. I convinced my friends that they wanted to come to.

Now, while I’ve never ever (even in college) been much of a drinker, I always loved going to the theme parties because I got to dress up.  And that’s something I’ve missed the most about college; get to dress up all fun, and then go out and have a blast. Since I’d been feeling pretty much down in the dumps as late, I decided to dress up all 80′s.  SIssy said she was going to as well, hers more of a Madonna 80′s crack whore chic. I decided to just go with the “everything mismatches so much that it just matches, and add color and glitter wherever you can.”

While there, a local cupcake shoppe closed, and brought over their extra cupcakes for the bar patrons to nosh on for free.  Now, of course I saw the chocolate cupcakes with the white frosting and raspberries, and did I think “mmmm, delicious?” Well, yes. But FIRST, I thought BOOBIES!  And it IS October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, so here – be aware, get checked out, do monthly breast self-exams (or have your partner(s) help you with them), and I hope you enjoy my cupcake boobage (lopsided, just like the real thing).

I love dancing. It’s something I miss the most since my knees have gotten bad. I danced all night with Sissy and my friends (I was completely sober, please let me point this out). Such a blast.  Even the DJ took my picture.  I had so much fun, and even though I could barely walk the next morning, and was using ice packs and chugging pills, it was worth it.  There is nothing better than being 100% yourself.  For me, it used to mean wearing cat ears around my college campus, PJs to class, and randomly jumping on tables in the lunch room to perform impromptu monologues. Nowdays, it means dancing with L at a local diner to the jukebox music, hitting on people by just being direct and telling them how attractive they are, and by dress up like an 80′s hipster for no reason, and dancing the night away after eating my raspberry nipples.

I hope, that in honor of the amazing outfit above, everyone does SOMETHING in the next 24 hours that is 100% them…whatever that may be. Perhaps it’s just sitting at home reading a book, even though it’s “going out night.” Perhaps it’s singing a song while grocery shopping. Perhaps it’s bringing back the side ponytail (hey, I think it looks just fine on me!).  But something.  We spend so much of our lives trying to fit into boxes, and please others – do something that is completely and genuinely you.

HHNT!

-Essin’ Em

Just a short note of a post today.

I live in a condo building (I’m renting from the person who owns my condo).  They posted a notice on the bulletin board, and in the elevators and stairwells the other day.  Something the the effect of:

“Damien is in the house!

If you notice a big tall dude with dreadlocks hanging around the building, that’s Damien. He’s a new addition to our cleaning service…”

Dot dot dot, etc.

First of all, if was a woman of any color, or a White or Hispanic man, there wouldn’t have been a notice (we haven’t had them for anyone else), because women are expected to be cleaning, as are Hispanic men, and White men aren’t scary, or anything, right? It’s operating under the assumption that people would panic if there was a Black man in the building that they didn’t know about.

Secondly, saying “Hey residents, if you notice a new guy on premises, he’s part of our cleaning crew” that would have been fine. But really, “Damien is in the house” and “a big tall dude”  - the HOA members are all White people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s.  None of them talk like that on a regular basis.

Just like I get offended when people say that men can’t be feminists, because they’re “part of the problem,” I get pissed off when people say that White people can’t be allies to people of color, because we’re “part of the problem.”

I’m White. Eastern European deathly chicken white pale, to be exact. And I am noticing this, which smacks of non-intentional, but still racism. And I’m saying something about it. And doing something about it.

We need to think about our assumptions, and our language.  I know I have stereotypes of certain things drilled into me as well. No one, myself included, is perfect.  But we need to examine ourselves, and see where our assumptions, judgements and stereotypes are coming from.

That is all.

End of your PSA.

-Essin’ Em