Sexuality Happens

Today’s post is dedicated to F.  She is quitting smoking, and today is her 7th day having officially quit smoking (and at such a stressful time in life, to boot).  I cannot imagine how hard quitting can be, as it is both a physical and mental addition, and I am so incredibly proud of her (and everyone in my life who has quit, and is quitting, and has attempted to quit).  So everyone, I raise my glass of chai soymilk to F, and to everyone else that has and is struggling with a tobacco addiction.

Begin PSA:

Smoking never appealed to me. I never thought it was cool, I never wanted to try it.  My grandfather (dad’s dad) and grandmother (mother’s mom) both smoked, but my parents told them that they weren’t going to be allowed to do it around their grandkids, and so both quit when I was born.

For my grandmother, it was too late.  Last March 1st, on the one year anniversary of my uncle’s death, we found out that she had lung cancer. And that she was too weak to treat it. Less than a month later, she passed away on March 19th, before I could make it out to see her. She hadn’t smoked in more than two decades, but the forty or fifty years of smoking before that had taken their toll.

I never could have imagined dating a smoker. In high school and college, I couldn’t stand being around smoke, or smokers after they had smoked – it would start an allergy attack.  Once I moved to PA, my tolerance increased, because half of the roller derby world smokes (yes, I know it’s a sport. I know they are athletes. I have no idea why it’s so popular), and they’d always be smoking after practice, or at the bar (no “No Smoking” law in the Philly suburbs), or at events, or in their cars, or smell like it when they weren’t smoking. My allergy attacks weren’t as bad, and while I still hated the smell, I started getting used to it more.

Then in May 2007, I met J.  J was (and as far as I know, is) a smoker.  He kept saying he would quit, and I told him I would support him in that, but never pressured him to do so….and he never did.  I felt kind of bad, but I made him brush his teeth before he kissed me, because I hate the taste so much. And one of my friends from CO had gotten bacterial vaginosis (and I’d just done a presentation on it) from getting head from a smoker, so I was always worried about it too.

I hate that he’d leave bed after sex to smoke. I hated having to make the choice between staying inside alone (or with his roommates) or going out in the snow while he smoked.  I hated the way my hair smelled after standing with him. I hated sitting in the smoking section of restaurants. I hated watching him throw his money away on death sticks. When my grandmother died, I cried to him, telling that I was afraid that might happen to him. But I never once told him to quit. Never. Because that is each person’s choice.  After dating him, I decided I would never be with another smoker.

I hooked up with a girl who smoked in August.  I solved my problems (some of them) because we didn’t kiss, and she didn’t go down on me. But when I see her out and about, she’s always smoking.  And I feel kind of icky hanging out around that.

F smoked when I met her.  I tried to convince myself I didn’t like her. But I did. A lot.  And she smoked.  So I geared myself for a repeat of J.  Granted, she didn’t smoke nearly as much…pretty much just socially, or when stressed.  And now I have a patio, so it wasn’t like she’d have to leave me to go all the way outside.  And she’d usually only smoke one or two when we were together. I could handle it. Colorado has a no smoking indoors law, so I never have to worry about sitting in the smoking section, and when she’d smoke, the wind would usually carry it enough away that my hair didn’t smell like it.

But she’s decided to quit.  I’m not sure of all of her reasons.  Regardless, I am so god damn fucking proud of her. I know how hard it is to even make that decision in the first place, none the less, to actually follow through. So good job babe! Congrats on making it through the worst week!

In honor of F, and all the strong people out there, here are some links:

10 Tips to Quit Smoking (from a quitter)

Info on Project SCUM (tobacco companies targeting queer and homeless people)

WhyQuit.com (For quitting cold-turkey)

Numbers Don’t Lie: Quit Smoking (I totally read this in Ann Landers when I was little!)

97 Reasons to Quit Smoking

Ok, that’s the end of my PSA about smoking. I know lots of people do it. I know how it’s easy to start, and fucking hard to stop. I don’t judge smokers at all (unless they are blowing it *into* my face). So please don’t take this as an insult.  But if you need an inspiration to quit, hopefully the above links will help.  Or F and her amazing strength. Or my grandmother. Or something.  K?

Picture tomorrow.  Sorry to interrupt your regularly schedule sex programing.

-Essin’ Em