Sexuality Happens

If I had to choose my absolute favorite lube (and trust me, I’ve tried it a lot!), it would hands down be Eros Bodyglide.  Yes, I know. A dyke whose favorite lube is silicone based. It’s true.

Granted, I don’t use it on silicone toys (and if you wanted to, you can, you just need to use a condom over it), but it’s brilliant for everything else.  And when I say everything, I mean it.  Masturbation (with or without toys), vaginal penetration (fingers, toys, penises, etc), anal penetration (I might go with something thicker for intercourse, but for fingering, it is AWESOME)…even back massages.  I actually keep a bottle in my purse for those times when you need it; massages, creaky door, bike chains.  Yeah.  It’s that good.

It is glycerin free, which is fabulous for those of use with cunts (no yeast infections here, thank you very much!), and because it is silicone based, it just keeps going and going, even if you keep coming and coming (bad pun.  deal with it).  It’s great for shower/pool/hot tub sex, because water based lubes wash right away, where as this has more lasting power.

It’s amazing. Really. You only need a tiny little itty bit, and it lasts forever.  I like it for fisting, because it doesn’t dry out or get sticky, and you don’t need to add as much as you do with many water based lubes.  Of course, like all water based and silicone based lubes, it is latex compatible, so you can have hot, delicious, and incredibly slippery SAFER SEX.

Not that you really want to be eating lots of any lube, but it doesn’t taste bad. Granted, it’s not delicious either, but I have used it on a partner, and then gone down on them with not huge issues.  Clean up, it’s slightly more difficult than water based, but still, amazing.

I’d swear by this lube, and even though I use it all the damn time, I’ve only ever gone through two bottles in my entire sex-having life.  Long lasting, and well worth it, I HIGHLY recommend it.  Get your own bottle of Eros Bodyglide here.

I <3 lube, and have to say, it’s one of my favorite type of sex toys!

-Essin’ Em

Congrats to Syntax, who won my Haiku contest (for Crave Ankle and Wrist Restaints from EdenFantasys) with the genius haiku of:

mother always said
“don’t let a man tie you down;
unless you’re in bed.”

(and thank you for all the amazing entries- they were quite brilliant!! If you haven’t had time to check them out, you can read them all here).

Stay tuned for my next swag contest, which should be sponsored by Babeland.com!

Congrats again to Syntax.

-Essin’ Em

Last Friday, F and I were invited to a Beat and Greet in the VIP section of a local night club…of course, a few hours before the event, it was cancelled…once they realized it was a “fetish” oriented thing. Instead, they decided to turn it into more of a play party, at a local play space.  F and I decided we still wanted to go, and I dressed her up in some of my clothes, and I put on my corset and derby skinz.  We both looked pretty hot, if I do say so myself.

We went to the play space, signed our waiver, and paid our fee.  After a little snack and some water, a friend of mine, who works as a pro-domme showed up.  We’d spoken about playing together, and it was good to go.  She asked F if she wanted to play, or participate at all, but she decided she’d rather watch instead.

Miss D took me to a hemp mat in the corner, and forced me to the floor (watching out for my knees of course).  She is one of the tops that likes to wrestle, to try and break people.  While I’m not really that kind of bottom, I was will to play, and we wrestled a bit (not the best plan – I have hemp burn and cuts like woahfuck) before she was able to get me pinned, suffocating me with her breasts. This was the point where I figured out that while I like some breath play (like F’s hand on my throat), I do NOT like suffocation play. Not a yellow, but definitely not a fan.

Finally, she had me bent over her lap as she sat cross legged, and used my corset strings to tie around my heels, pulling my legs back.  She scratched and almost clawed me, she spanked me, we wrestled so more, and she pinned me, and bit me.  At one point, I called yellow because she had me pinned in a way I really couldn’t breathe, and I felt my shoulder beginning to pop out of place.  After reminding me to breathe, she had me back in her lap, spanking me and hitting me until the tears started.  I cried for a bit, she continued, and finally let up.  As I resumed breathing, she asked if I had a last push in me, or if I was done.  At this point, I was exhausted, and really hurting, so I told her I was done for the night.  She told me I was a good girl, loosened my corset (she had pulled it very tight in order to tie me up), and held me.  Shortly, she gestured F over with a cup of water, and did some good aftercare.  Eventually, she got up, and left me and F alone.

It was hard for me, playing with someone in front of another partner. It was really hard for me too, because I was facing away from F most of the time, and when I could see that general direction, I wasn’t wearing my glasses. I wanted her to be there, to reassure me.  And afterwards, it really helped to have her there.

We met some other dommes, and then watched Miss D get tied up in a really cool suspension.  F made out with another domme.  We watched a few more scenes, and then eventually took off, back to my place.

I was sore, and in a lot of pain. I crawled into bed, F wrapping her arms around me.  I could barely move. Everything hurt…but in the way it does when you’ve played good and hard.  The next morning, F went to the kitchen, getting me some advil and water.  I went back to bed, and woke up feeling a bit better.

All and all, it was a fun and interesting adventure.  F told me I should have used my safe word sooner and more often.  Maybe she’s right.  4 days later, I still am covered in bruises, cuts and other marks. I also have discovered I am not a big fan of being made to cry.  And I don’t think I would ever want that from someone I was in a relationship with.

F is spending more and more time on Fetlife, meeting people, reading through the forums…I’m glad that she’s getting so into this.  God, I love her, and am so happy that she’s willing to learn and grow, and that we’re so kink compatible. I can’t wait to see where this is headed.

-Essin’ Em

To all those who live in the U S A, Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!

For those not here, well then, you are missing out, because pumpkin pie is one of the most delicious things you will ever eat.  Ever.  In fact, pumpkin everything is bloody brilliant!

This is my pumpkin Antwone.  He was supposed to be carved for Halloween.  But then my three different carving buddies all fell through on me, and I was working the job waiting tables and was in severe pain all the time…so he’s just been chilling in my living room.  But I decided that he should get SOME use out of his existence.  Ergo, he’s making an HNT cameo in my blog.

And as much as I personally dislike feet, I’m working on getting over my disgust of them, so I thought I’d try to work on them with all of y’all. And the cool skin of the pumpkin felt delightful on them.

As a vegetarian, I will not personally be enjoying turkey, but for those of you who will be, have fun. And I hope everyone can think of some amazing things they are thankful for.  Here are some of mine.

I am thankful for:

*The possession of all my sense; sight, sound, taste, smell and touch.

*The fact I am not yet in a wheelchair.

*My amazing, caring, wonderful and loving friends.

*F, the beautiful, wonderous, absotively posolutely fantabulous woman in my life.

*Kinsey and Athena – the best (although naughty) kitties ever!

*Chocolate. Especially goooood dark and bittersweet chocolate.

*All of the super cool sex toys and movies I get sent to me.

*My migraines not being nearly as debilitating and common as they were.

*The beautiful Rocky Mountains, the friendly people of Colorado, and the awesomeness of moving back to this amazing state.

*The new people I have met, both in real life and online, who have inspired me.

*The food-gasm producing chai tea chocolate dome filled with vanilla creme brulee and served with orange ice cream that I had for dessert.

At first, it was like riding a carousel, on my favorite horse. Slight ups and downs, but always more ups, colors and smiles flying by as I went around and around.

For a while, it felt like drops of black paint in a can of white, slowly changing the color of the can, and of me.

Then, it was like a ray of sunshine, peeking under a curtain, slowly but surely brightening up a room with warmth and light.

Suddenly, a hand grabbing my heart, squeezing until the beat sped up so fast it almost burst, holding fast, until it slowly started to let go, leaving my strongest muscle bruised but not broken.

And now? It is like surfing on a choppy day. It’s hard to stay on my board and negotiate the choppy swells, but I know I can do it, and it is completely worth it in the end. I need to think and hope and try, and ask for help when I need it.

I love F.  But it’s also hard.  I wish I wasn’t so bad at this.

-Essin’ Em

Adult product reviews from the last seven days from all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #3? Read it all here. Do you Have a review for Pleasurists #4? Submit it here before Sunday November 23rd at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blogs if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Betty’s Blog-A-Versary Swag Contest deadline November 19th.

Swag Contest: Crave Ankle and Wrist Restraints deadline November 21st 11:59pm MST.

Why I Heart Yes Contest! deadline November 24th at 12 midnight AST.

Bondage Photo Contest deadline November 25th.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

Tantus Ripple (small) by Epiphora

“The sensation was what I predicted—it certainly felt like bulbs popping in and out—but it was super pleasurable, much more so than the sensation of leaving a butt plug in my ass. This, I thought, is what they mean when they say anal play feels amazing.”

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators

Cadillac of Vibrators by Ansley Agnello

Sweet G by Ansley Agnello

Rabbit Pearl Vibrator Review by Shasta

A Wand in Hand is Worth… by Natt Nightly

Mia: by Lelo by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Buzz Bunny by Adriana

Oh! Magnificent Vibrating Glove by Domina Doll

If You Desire a Petite Rabbit by Beautiful Dreamer

Briana Wicked Curves by Beautiful Dreamer

Babeland Slimline Vibrator by Radical Vixen

Fun Factory Paul and Paulina by Ellie Lumpesse

Vibropod by Ellie Lumpesse

Hitachi Magic Wand by Epiphora

Dildos

Wild Angel Harness and Dildo by J.D. Bauchery

The Champ by David

Cyberglass Felicity by Ellie Lumpesse

Toys for Boys

Great toy to use on a cock by Lolita Wolf

A Real Man’s Cock Ring by Beautiful Dreamer

A Sex Toy Named Bob by Em & Lo

Lube/Massage Oil

Kama Sutra Massage Therapy Kit by Essin’ Em

Wet Body Glide Original Gel Lubricant by Shasta

Warming Lubes for A Cold Winter’s Night? by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Universal Lube by Catalina Loves

BDSM/Fetish

Leather Leash by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Under the Bed Restraints by Betty Rocket

Erotic Books

Raunchy Review: Hydrophidian by Curvaceous Dee

Adult DVDs

Real Butch Lesbian Dykes by J.D. Bauchery

Porn 4 Pussies: Crash Pad Series, Volume 1 by Domina Doll

Femme Film Fridays-Superfreak by Domina Doll

Playgirl: Indulging in Lust by Beautiful Dreamer

Miscellaneous

For Your Nymphomation XL Adult Toybox by Ang

Silver Handcuff Nipple Rings by Betty Rocket

Hi. My name is Essin’ Em, and I shave my vulva.

Yup. I said it.  Given the trend in today’s society, it’s not that big of a deal, right?  In fact, F said something about having been surprised when a woman she was with didn’t shave.

However, that’s not the reaction I get often. In fact, with many of the XX bodied queer people I’ve hooked up with, it’s been shocking to them that I *do* shave. Moreover, many of them have told me that I’m the only person they’ve slept with that actually did shave.

When I first started shaving, I remember the cast of Vagina Monologues being aghast (especially since I was the only one on the cast who shaved…having done nude photos with them…and being the one doing the monologue “Hair.”).  ”You shave? But I thought you were a feminist!?!?”  And it seems that with some queer people, I’m getting a similar reaction; “You shave? But I thought you were a dyke?!?!” As if being a feminist or dyke or anything has to some how do with how I style my pubic hair (or lack thereof).

On the other hand, there are people who are actually upset by women who don’t shave.  One Denver Butch I asked said “Well, I certainly don’t want to have to floss afterwards or be able to use their pubic hair as floss.” Yeah. Ok.  So while I do shave, I certainly don’t think anyone should have to, and I do enjoy those people with hair; you can gently tug on it, run your fingers through it, and now, you can even dye it!  Hair is fine, lack of hair is fine, as long as it is 100% your choice, and you’re not doing it because someone (or society) told you that you should, or that it’s expected to shave.

I guess I just feel weird.  Many dykes I meet don’t shave anything; armpits, legs or pubic hair. I shave all three (although I shave my legs maybe once a month…tops).  It has nothing to do with men, or porn or being objectified.  I just like to smoothness as I rub my hand on my legs, and how fingers/toys/the Hitachi feels on my cunt when there is no hair there.  And with so many women shaving nowdays, I’m surprised that my partners tend to be surprised to find that I do.  And that some judge my queerness based on it.

Certainly, not everyone feels like this.  I asked several queer friends of mine (above included) about their thoughts on this issue, and here are some answers:

“Honestly, I believe you should do what you feel as long a it’s not a direct result of warped and manipulative matriarchal standards.  I love hair on women.  But I myself love the way it feels when my lips are shaved. But I keep some hair because I like to run my fingers through it and as a mild statement.  But I feel that all humans have the right to enjoy their skin however they want.”

“It’s all about what makes a woman feel sexy…and of course, confidence is key.”

“I think it’s completely up to them, and what they feel comfortable with.”

It’s reassuring to get some of these types of responses.  When people assume that I shave, because I am a woman, it bothers me.  When people assume I don’t shave, because I am a feminist/dyke, it bothers me.  Stop assuming.  If you’re intelligent, and play your cards right, you don’t have to assume.  You can find out first hand…literally.

For more on thoughts about shaving, please read some older posts of mine:

Shaving, Revisted

A Close Shave

What are your thoughts about women shaving in general? What about queer women? Is there a difference? Does it matter?  Even if you are fine either way, do you have a preference? Are you surprised by how many women do/don’t shave?

-Essin’ Em

I’d been craving the Curve Dildo for a really long time. I really wanted to check it out for myself, because I’d heard both really positive and really negative reviews about it. Some people said the curve of well…the Curve, was a little to severe for them. Others said it matched up with their G-spot pretty much perfectly.

Luckily for me, SexToy.com (purveyor of fabulous sex toys) was kind enough to send me one for a test ride (I’ll be reviewing for them fairly regularly now too, so tell them thank you!). It arrived in the mail, and like all Fun Factory products, it came classily packaged (the box is reusable), and with water based lube (trial size). Of course, I opened it right away, and headed to the bedroom.

I LOVE g-spot stimulation, and this toy provided plenty, and provided it perfectly. I can’t imagine anyone saying that the curve wasn’t absolutely amazing…but then again, cunts are all different. However, the Curve was obviously designed specifically for mine, and felt freaking fantabulous inside me. I added the Hitachi Magic Wand, and voila! I came in two minutes, tops. Which for me, is insane. The Curve hit my g-spot perfectly, and between that resting inside of me, and the Hitachi on my clit, I simply can’t imagine not coming over and over again with it.

It’s made out of silicone, so of course it is phthalate free, and can be dishwashed (top shelf, no soap), boiled or wiped down with a 10% bleach solution in order to be sterilized and shared.

I’m not sure how well this would work with a partner…it’s not harness compatible, and I personally preferred just letting the Curve sit inside me as I took care of business, and don’t think I’d really like to get fucked with it.

Regardless, this is an amazing dildo for solo sex (and you might like it with a partner…it’s just not my preference). I’d recommend it. Of course, mine was purple, but they also make it in pink, if that’s your cuppa tea. Wanna get your own? Just click here to become the proud owner of your very own Curve dildo!

-Essin’ Em

I had some AMAZING entries for my haiku swag contest (over 2 dozen!), and I definitely cannot choose a winner on my own.  Please vote for your top three favorites in the comments :)  Thanks for your help, and for all the amazing submissions!

-Essin’ Em

1.

I am tightly bound
Wrists and ankles crossed with rope
What is next, my love?

2.

heart pounding, lips wet,
bound, awaiting her wishes,
willingly given

3.

Leather circles wrists
and holds them like an embrace.
The night has begun.

4.

With five syllables,
Words like ’sexuality’=
Difficult haiku.

5.

Essin’ Em is, like,
Required reading each day,
But Not Safe For Work.

6.

rope bondage is hot
but requires lots of skill
better to get cuffs

7.

sexuality:
a good thing to read about
but better to do

8.

Essin Em, A Sin

Melding raw sex with real curves

Perfect sun and moon

9.

Although she likes girls,
Essin’ Em is famous for,
Her world-class blow jobs.

10.

Curvaceous beauty
Twined in rope makes my heart beat
Words set me afire

11.

A whip. A flame. Sex.
Tops, bottoms, play together
Kink is the new black.

12.

Blow jobs are fun for
him and me. Up. Down. Squeeze. Twist.
Make him beg tonight.

13.

In lust with my toys.
Always there for me. Buzzing
In, out, make me come.

14.

I watch porn and like
it. Don’t care what others might
think. Hot sex noises.

15.

In, Out. Moan, Groan. Yes.
Please, please, please. Oh my god, yes.
Take me higher, yes.

16. 

Bloggers know sexy?
Yeah, Essin’ Em tells hot tales.
I cum by the end

17.

please…right there. ow! ow!
thank you sir. i needed that.
Yes Boy you did. Suck.

18.

Thudding sweaty limbs
Body yielding under him
Arching, straining – cuffed.

19.

Essin’ Em:

Coffee’s so last year.
Every morning when I wake
She is in my cup.

20.

Cuffs would do the trick!

To control her while I am…

Playing with her clit!

 21.

Take a look at these!

restraints are what I need!

can I have them please?

22.

Essin is so hot!

When she’s wearing both these cuffs…..

I can dream a lot

23. 

mother always said
“don’t let a man tie you down;
unless you’re in bed.”

24.

Used rope all a mess
Too lazy to sift through it
user friendly cuffs

sometimes are the way
when you’re in a hurry to
get down and dirty!

25. 

Essinem will write
Stories we wish we could live
We are all winners

26.

Is worth more than you might know

I flew in to Denver.  It’d been an amazing couple of days, but I had an incredible problem. I was ridiculously horny.

Imagine spending a weekend away from home.  You forgot to pack your vibrator, and fingers really don’t do much for you. Now imagine watching six to eight hours of porn each day, for three days in a row.  Flirting with cute femmes and butches that you’ve never met before…some of whom flirt back. Imagine spending your last night there lying on the floor of an apartment blindfolded while people play with your breasts and drip ice water on you…and then staying up till 5am exchanging salacious and sultry text messages with someone incredibly cute.  And then having to sit on a plane, all alone except for the throbbing in your clit.

F picked me up at the airport. It wasn’t a Love Actually moment…I’ve only had people waiting for me in the airport twice; once when I flew back to Philly after my last knee surgery, and was in a wheelchair.  My derby wife picked me up.  And the other time was when I moved to Germany for some time in 2005 – my friend who was living there met me at the airport.  It wasn’t Love Actually, but I saw her, and I wanted to fuck. Badly.

There is a long drive from the airport to my apartment.  We took the time to chat, to catch up. Held hands as she drove me home.  She had someone to train at 6, and it was after 4:30.  As we got closer, I put her fingers in my mouth, kissed her up her arm, and guided her free hand to me. To my breasts, between my thighs, anywhere and everywhere.  She took the hint and started to tease me, telling me about how she was going to walk me up, and fuck me breathless before she had to go.  I, in between, gasps, pointed out that she wouldn’t have enough time…but she told me she’d make it work, and kept teasing me.

We pulled up to my place. It was 5:00pm.  After regaining my brain function, I stepped out of the car, and moved to the backseat to get my luggage. F stepped up behind me pushing me against the cold metal, her hips pushing into mine. My clit was throbbing, and was so hard it almost hurt. She reach back, and her flatten palm hit my ass…once on each side.  Then we got my bags and headed up to my place, furiously kissing in the elevator.

Once inside, I dropped my bags, fed my kitties (some things are more important than sex…very few, but some), and turned to F. Reaching back, she pulled the jaw clip out of my hair and replaced it with her fist tightly grabbing it as she pushed me back against the door jam. Kissing me, pulling off my shirt with her free hand, we grasped at one another like some sort of wild animals.  

Inside my bedroom, I tried to clear my bed and had partially succeeded before she bent me over it, polka dot underwear the only thing now left on my body. Again, her hand reach back to spank me, this time skin on skin. Smack. Mmm. God. I miss this. She pulled my hips into hers as she thrust against me, pulling my underwear down to the floor, reaching around to touch me at the juncture of my thighs, igniting a spark of electricity.

“On your back.”

And so I was. Pulling her on top of me, trying to replace her hands between my legs as she pushed me back onto the bed, our lips connected again…and then hers wandered my body – my neck, my breasts, and finally, between my legs as I begged her over and over to lick my clit.  Finally, she did…and when she did, I nearly flew off the bed. I honestly don’t think my clit has ever been this hard, this engorged in my entire live. My body couldn’t decide whether to buck up into her mouth, or try to get away from this exquisite or almost torturous pleasure. Of course, she had her arms locked around my thighs, so I didn’t have much of a choice.

“Please. Fuck me. I want you inside me. Now. Please. Me. Fuck me. Now. Please. Please.Please pleaseplease”

She slid her fingers into me. I was dripping.  Legitimately dripping. All over her as she moved her fingers in me, starting out slowly, and then meeting my rhythm as my body moved farther onto her. I came. And she fucked me more. And I came again. And again.  

Sometimes, her free hand was holding her up. Then it would be in my hair as she kissed me and fucked me. Othertimes, she kept her hand on my throat – something I never thought I’d like, but tried with K, and do a lot with F and absolutely love. Grabbing my breasts, pinching my nipples, sometimes putting her mouth back on my clit until I couldn’t take it.  Two, three, five, ten.  I lost count after I came a dozen times. 

She looked up at me. “You just came all over me.” Me. I ejaculated. I know…crazy, but I did. And I was still dripping.  I’m going to have to write more about antihistamines and how they’ve apparently affected me more than I thought (I hadn’t taken them all weekend).  Finally, she pulled her hand on me and wiped in on my breast…it was soaked.

It was 5:24. Yes. I came more than a dozen times in about twenty minutes. I had never come this much or this fast in one given time before. She gave me a kiss as she headed out the door…and I went to bed to nap. Well, after I came again twice with the Hitachi.

I woke up later. She called and told me she wasn’t feeling great, and could she come over tomorrow instead. Of course, I said yes. Later, she called back…and I don’t know how it started, but we began phone sex of sorts, which is something I’ve never done before. However, instead of “vanilla” phone sex, it had the element of orgasm control to it.  She told me when I could come, and wouldn’t let me take the Hitachi off my clit as I came over and over and over again.  Close to 20 times.  And then we talked for a bit, and the sex talk began again as she masturbated for me…before I brought the Hitachi back out, and we came together over the phone.  At this point, I’d probably come more than 30 times since I stepped foot back home.

Exhausted, we said our “I love yous” and hung up. I rehydrated a lot, and zonked out on the couch…still dripping.

I have to say, it was a good welcome home!

-Essin’ Em