Sexuality Happens

Falling Into the Unknown

At first, it was like riding a carousel, on my favorite horse. Slight ups and downs, but always more ups, colors and smiles flying by as I went around and around.

For a while, it felt like drops of black paint in a can of white, slowly changing the color of the can, and of me.

Then, it was like a ray of sunshine, peeking under a curtain, slowly but surely brightening up a room with warmth and light.

Suddenly, a hand grabbing my heart, squeezing until the beat sped up so fast it almost burst, holding fast, until it slowly started to let go, leaving my strongest muscle bruised but not broken.

And now? It is like surfing on a choppy day. It’s hard to stay on my board and negotiate the choppy swells, but I know I can do it, and it is completely worth it in the end. I need to think and hope and try, and ask for help when I need it.

I love F.  But it’s also hard.  I wish I wasn’t so bad at this.

-Essin’ Em

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5 comments

5 Comments so far

  1. Jerry November 26th, 2008 6:51 pm

    *hugs* and happy Thanksgiving Day to you and yours.

  2. [...] Original post by Sexuality Happens [...]

  3. greg November 26th, 2008 9:34 pm

    The big stuff never is easy, that’s why it’s big. Stay on the wave and focus – it will make more sense the longer you are able to maintain your balance. Excellent post, I love that honesty.

    She’s lucky to have you.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you.

  4. Miscellaneous Sex November 26th, 2008 9:48 pm

    I am in no way convinced you are “bad at this”. :)

  5. trish November 29th, 2008 10:32 am

    She’s lucky to have you as a friend

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