L-O-V-E (the other L-Word)
Love. For some people, this is such a strong and encompassing word. People have asked me how long you have to be seeing/dating someone before you can use the “L-Word.” People joke about what happens if you accidently blurt it out during sex Please get so nervous about someone saying it, or “worse yet” – NOT saying it. What happens when one person says it, and the other doesn’t? Does the world implode?
The word love was ALWAYS used in my family growing up. We all told each other how much we loved each other, we ended every phone conversation (with immediate family OR aunt/uncles/grandparents) with “I love you.” If someone ever forgot to say it, it was a glaring hole.
When my dad was dying (although we didn’t know it at the time – we thought he was doing really well during his cancer treatment), I made sure to tell him every night before bed “Dad, I love you THIS much” (holding my entire arm span apart) or “Dad, I love you to infinity SQUARED” or “Dad, ich hab dich lieb” (German), or something to that effect. I mean, we always would call down the hallway “love you! good night!” but for some reason, I felt it was important to make sure he knew. Actually, the night before he died, he was kind of cranky from his chemo (understandably). I told him how much I loved him. He kind of snapped at me and said “stop saying it like I’m going to die. I’m not going to die tomorrow!” I paused. And then I said “I know. But I love you more than the universe anyways. So there.” And gave him a big hug, and he told me he was sorry and he loved me too. The next morning, my mother woke me up to tell me he’d passed away in the middle of the night.
So the word love is very important to me. I don’t believe in being stingy with it. I love so many people. To some extent, I love my family, although that is a stretch occasionally. I love my cats. I love my best friend here in Colorado, and I love my best friend who lives in Seattle. I love F. And I tell them, all the damn time…because it is so important, especially now, after my father, to make sure that the people I love know it.
I was worried with F. She’d made it so clear that she didn’t want a girlfriend or to date…but I was getting so close to her. Plus, I have a habit of telling people I love them when they do something amazing. Like when they make the proper grammatical use of a brilliant word, or do something I think is hilarious or outstanding, I tend to say “holy guacamole – you’re amazing. I LOVE YOU!” And I end most of my phone calls to people I care about with ”Love you. Talk to you later.” What happened if I messed up, and said it? Would she think I was trying to be more than we had talked about? Would she think I was crazy and run away screaming?
Then, one day, I got a phone message from her, and she ended it with “love you, call me back!” But not in the oft portrayed “I’m dropping the ‘L-bomb’” kind of manner, but completely natural. I talked to me best friend about my fears, and mentioned that…and she, genius that she is, suggested that I talk to F about it. So we talked, and one of us brought it up – I actually think it was her. She said something about loving people in our lives, and her wanting to be able to tell me that without either of us panicking, because that’s just how she was. I let out a HUGE sigh of relief, and explained what all my fears were, and that I was so glad I could now say it without getting worried about how she’d take it.
Now, we tell each other “I love you” all the time. On the phone, in person, during sex. Yesterday morning, we woke up, and were lazying around in bed, and she asked “have I told you that I love you yet today?” Clearly, the answer was no, and I replied as such. She told me she loved me, and as I often do, I asked why. She told me. Then we had amazing sex.
The word love is important to me. I think often, people assume that because I use it so often and with many people, that it doesn’t mean much anymore. That’s a dirty lie. The word is SO important, and means SO much to me. I’d never tell anyone I didn’t love “I love you.” Only people who I feel connected with, and truly love get to hear it. But my thought is this: if *I* know that I love them, why wouldn’t I tell them? When someone tells you that they love you, does it hurt? Does it depress you? Does it ruin your life? Or is it (as I often call it) a warm fuzzy? It doesn’t have to give you butterflies or make you melt, but it is a reassurance that you still have that close connection, that they care about you, that someone loves you.
So yes. I love my two best friends. And some of my close friends. And I love F. And I love Kinsey and Athena. I have enough love for everyone, and no problem letting them know, and I hope you are free with the word too. Why should such a happy, healing, warm fuzzy word cause so much stress and panic in people when it can do so much good???
Blogosphere- I love you!
Love,
-Essin’ Em
29 Comments so far
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i love you :)
That’s amazing. I grew up in a family where if you said I love you, everyone screeched to a halt with a ‘what did you say????’ Hence in relationships it’s easier for me to say fuck me, ok bye, than it is to open up.
You and F are adding lots of love bubbles in the air!
and I love you too! *smile* While we’ve never chatted, and only exchanged some limited email, your openess and honesty about the life you live makes me feel all warm and fuzzy about you. I truly wish I was blessed to have someone like you in my geographically near life…
i’m terrible at that. i love lots of people, and i can say that – “i love my family! I love essin’ em!” but i can’t say it to people. i don’t know why – my parents always end phone conversations with “i love you” and i can’t ever say it back to them, even though it’s true. it just kind of catches in my throat.
so only my girlfriend gets an i love you from me. the first time i said it to her was in that sort of “holy guacamole” way ’cause she said something awesome, and then i panicked because i wasn’t sure if she might take it too seriously =) ugh, silly me.
I am all about the love. Saying I love you is an amazingly wonderful, totally freeing thing.
With The Knight I was so worried. I felt it long before we ever met face to face and then I really felt it once we’d been together. Still, I held my tongue. One day, out of the blue, he laughed and said ‘God how I love you!’ and I was over the moon.
So glad that you and F exchanged i love you’s and that it is going well.
Oh…
I love you, dear friend!
*beams* You look at love the way I look at love – saying it loud and often, to all the people that I feel should hear it (and whom I love, in all the myriad forms of the word).
Shanna, I love you!
xx Dee
Yes! “I love you” slipped out very early in Miss Avarice and my pre-relationship and I was so embarrassed because I meant it in that you just said something really awesome kind of way- I always say “I love you” too soon because I usually tell everyone I love them.
That’s exactly how I feel about love, and the word that represents it. I don’t hold back the word when I feel the feeling, why do that, you know? I say “I love you” to friends and relatives alike, with the understanding that loving someone is not the same as being “in love” and yet they can still sometimes go hand in hand…
[...] that ’the L word’ is only reserved for significant others. I pretty much agree with what Essin’ Em said – to some people, love is such a ’strong and encompassing’ word that they only use it [...]
Honestly, I never knew people grew up having ‘i love you’ as a taboo in their household. I grew-up saying it to my mother, my father, my brother, my uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents. Phone conversations ended with it. When I was leaving family gatherings, you were to hug and kiss everyone on the cheek and say something along the lines of ‘bye, i love you.’ That baffles my mind that people had it any other way.
It is indeed amusing how easily people will profess a love for inanimate objects, animated animals, delectable foodstuffs, and random turns of phrase, but not one another. I think it delightful that you incorporate such a wonderful word into your daily walk. If you say a thing enough times, it becomes true, yes? SO by bringing love to life verbally, you are making the world warmer and brighter, one word at a time.
Peace
~Mollena
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