Fatphobia at Pornotopia
Pornotopia was AMAZING. Brilliant. I am so glad I went, and I’ll be writing much more about it.
However, something happened the Friday night of the Film Festival that really pissed me off.
The last film of the day was “Kiss Attack” which is an alt/horror porn (with Sasha Grey, if that gives you an idea). It was a bit lame and hard to follow, but so is some porn. But what really pissed me off what during a girl on girl scene featuring April Flores, who is a larger (and extremely HOT) porn actress. The audience for this was not all festival goers, as it was co-presented by the local alt paper as one of their midnight movies that they show sometimes. In fact, it was mostly the Midnight Movie crowd.
The entire scene between these women, people were shouting (not just saying, but shouting) fat-phobic epithets at the screen. When the thinner woman told April to sit on her face, they shouted things like “smother her!” “Kill her you fatty” etc. The whole scene, things like “of course you’re a dyke – no man would want you” and “when is this whale going to get off the screen” were said. I was really fucking angry. If they didn’t like it, they were welcome to leave.
Afterwards, I spoke with the organizers (I walked out), and they decided to make announcements during the trans and dyke films about it being a safe space, and that rude comments will not be tolerated (and they did make such announcements, and while I heard some murmurs of people feeling uncomfortable during scenes playing with a knife, overall, it was fine).
I guess I just forgot exactly how much the world at large hates larger people, especially when they are sexy, and powerful. When my v-blogs for Eden were still getting posted on youtube (rather than blip.tv), people would leave hateful comments about my size. Not my lack of knowledge, not my awkwardness, but because I was fat. Why? Because it scares them to have people breaking social norms, and still living fun, happy and fulfilling lives. I’ve gotten really rude messages on this blog and via email about “why are all the sex blogging women fat?” or “you’d be pretty if you lost 50 lbs” etc.
I’m fat. However, I am healthy, according to two different doctors who have run a plethora of tests. No deficiencies, low cholesterol, SUPER low (so low I cannot take certain meds) blood pressure, etc. I may have trouble finding clothing I find attractive, and I am certainly not a size 2 or 6 or even 10, but I know who I am, and am proud of me. I don’t understand why people feel the need to put anyone down. I mean, fine, we all judge people to some extent in our heads, yes, but to verbalize it? Why the hell would you need to do that?
All I can think of is that they are intimidated by people who break social constructions, and yet are still hot, still amazing, still strong, independent people. It happens to more feminine men, to more masculine women, to genderqueer people, to men who like it in the ass, submissive men, fat women, disabled people, etc. People who squash society’s ideals of what someone needs to be in order to be happy and successful, and do it regardless of who they are and/or what they look like or present as. That the only explanation I’ve got.
And oh, PS. I have amazing sex…and have yet to kill anyone. Probably better sex than any of those jerks in the theatre. Maybe they’re just jealous :)
-Essin’ Em
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I think part of the problem is that most people aren’t exposed to a wonderful variety of bodies and gender expressions, etc. So when they see something different it makes them uncomfortable. We’re taught in society that being fat is bad, but I tell you, most of the women I know having great sex are fat (myself included). The best lover I’ve ever had is fat. And in public at clubs we have phenomenal sex. If anyone doesn’t want to watch two fat people having phenomenal sex then they can just go to the next room. I, too, wish people didn’t feel so comfortable expressing their hate so loudly.
What an awesome post!
Part of the problem in Western society is this insistence on ‘conforming’ to established (and often impossible) standards of beauty.
The fact is, size 0 women who eat nothing but salad are not attractive. 99% of what makes somebody ‘hot’ or not is in the the brain, anyway and women like the ones in magazines no longer exist since they airbrush the slightest trace of fat out of the pictures.
You keep doing what you’re doing. You’re keeping it real and I think the message is getting through. Sooner or later, there’s going to be a backlash against other people setting the ‘acceptable’ standards of beauty and we’re going to go back to beautiful people being seen as beautiful because of, instead of ‘despite of’ their perceived ‘flaws.’
This post really resonates with me because – and I know, to an American, this may sound stupid – I have ginger/red hair. In England, that’s automatically seen as unattractive and the basis for abuse and insults.
I think the people who make anti-fat or anti-ginger comments are generally pretty worthless, insecure and definitely of the ‘sheeple’ variety, who just follow the pack because they’re too chickenshit to be themselves and act non-conformist.
Who the hell wants to be like that?
Keep the faith, Essin’ Em. You’re doing awesome work.
I have way to much to say about this to comment right now because I have a ton of work to do, but I will say that April Flores is awesome and hot and totally amazing. Anyone who can’t see that doesn’t deserve to watch her fuck!
-J.D.
first, ugh!
second, this fat-bashing bullshit sounds so much, to me, like gay-bashing done by people who are afraid of their own sexuality. especially in this context, it is like people are pissed off at the big woman who is sexual, because she is, well, sexual and it freaks them out that they might find it even a little hot. ’cause it is hot.
and, ugh.
Those dolts think that it’s socially acceptable to make those awful comments. If racism was still socially acceptable, they’d channel their hatefulness into that!
April Flores IS hot. And you’re beautiful. I’ve noticed that since you’ve been with F, her compliments have boosted your self-confidence that shines through in recent photos of you.
I was SUPER skinny when I was young, due to metabolism. But I was made fun of for that, too. I’m not skinny any more, I just have a REAL woman’s body. And so do you. I think all body shapes can be beautiful.
While these festivals are patronized by mostly sex positive people, you still have your run of the mill creepblob pre-verts that only care to see Jenna Jameson and the like….
A real conisseour of carnality appreciates all types of sexual expression, even when portrayed by is ladies with some serious killer curves.
And April Flores is a total WIN….eff the haters…