Sexuality Happens

[Note - this post was written a little bit ago...and yes, we've had some issues since then.  Regardless of whatever happens, she's been a significant part of my life for four months, and I will always love her]

As of yesterday, F and I have been having fun, playing, fucking, crying, laughing, growing, learning, exploring and so much more together…for four months.

I know this doesn’t seem like a lot of time to most people. Some of you have be together with your partner (s) for years, decades even.  However, my longest relationship EVER was with J, and that was 5.5 months. However, keep in mind that while we were together, we were never closer than 90 minutes.  For the first three months, we saw each other 2-4 times a month.  Once he moved back to college, he was three hours away (plus lots of tolls, and the cost of gas), and we only saw each other once or twice a month. So while it was 5.5 months, we weren’t really together for most of it.

So for me, four months is a significant amount of time.  I also have trust issues, ones that have increased exponentially over the past year or two, from relationships with lovers and friends that have ended in…well…really unhealthy ways.  I have a bad habit of trying to prevent myself from getting hurt again, and that usually involves closing myself off and running away.

I haven’t done that with F.

We’ve definitely faced our own issues.  We’ve each had some individual trials in our own lives, and of course things we’re had to go through together. We’re hurt each other…and we’ve made up. And so far, I’ve stuck with it.

I have no expectations. I don’t know where we’ll be in our relationship in another four months.  We might still be whatever we are, or we might be just friends.  Never the less, I love this woman, so much. She makes me feel safe, loved, and like I can be myself 100% of the time when I’m with her.  Did I also mention she’s dynamite at sex? I’d say in bed…but since we’ve done it elsewhere, it just wouldn’t do her justice.  She’s the first person I can actually sleep in bed with, without waking up every 20 minutes. I’d trust her with my kitties. And I know that whatever happens, we will always love each other.

F, I love you.  Thank you so much for being part of my life…

-Essin’ Em