Playing Goldilocks
Goldilocks, you ask? Why yes!
VibeReview.com sent me three Climax Bursts products…one red, one blue, and one green.
Why one of each? Well, you see, this little Goldilocks was to try one that was hot (Climax Bursts Warming Lube)
And I was to try one that was cold (Climax Bursts Cooling Lube):
And then I was supposed to try the Climax Bursts Toy Cleaner (ok, this is where my Goldilocks metaphor falls apart a bit):
Ok, so I was pretty unimpressed with the toy cleaner. Firstly, it was gel like with floating balls in it. As nice as floating balls are (which they are not), green ones in a toy cleanser are just freaking creepy. I wasn’t even sure what to try it on, as 99% of my toys are silicone/glass/metal/ceramic, so they can be dishwashed/boiled/wiped down with bleach for sterilization purposes. And I didn’t want to try any toy cleaner that had alcohol in it on my lovely (and expensive) silicone toys – what if it dried them out?
I finally found something to test it out on…but when I poured it out, it smelled. I checked the ingredients…yes folks, this “toy cleaner” has fragrance in it. Say what? It also has vitamin E oil in it (I am completely confused as to why?), so if you decide to use it, I urge you to be very careful if you later use latex (condoms, gloves or dams), as oils can degrade latex, making it useless.
Basically, I give the toy clean a big fail. I’m just putting it out there.
Moving on. Hot or cold, hot or cold. That was the question at hand! I’m not usually a fan of warming or cooling lubes, but I decided to take one for the team, and give them both a go (at different times, obviously).
I went with the cold first. In the beginning I couldn’t feel anything, so I just kept adding on more and more. That was probably not the best plan, as it then all kicked in at once and brrrr. Holy tingles like woahfuck! However, the tingles did feel good, and were very arousing.
The problem was apparent after a little bit of time masturbating…with my Hitachi Magic Wand and my Curve Dildo. I had the exact same problem as I did with the Arkadia stimulating gel – I couldn’t come. I tried forever (and by forever, I mean a good 30 minutes), and the gel had something that prevented me from reaching climax. While this can be fun upon occasion, it was incredibly frustrating for me, and I have to say that while a dab or two on the nipples can be fun, I am not the biggest fan of it overall. Also, in regards to it as a lube, ick. It has those creepy bubble things in it, and dries out extremely quickly.
Lastly (on a different day, obviously), I decided to try the warming lube. Something had to be *just right* – I mean, that’s just how it goes, isn’t it?
Yeah. Negatory ghostwriter. I couldn’t feel anything from this one. After my experience with the cold, I started with a much smaller amount, and waited. Nothing. I added another dollop. Nicht. And then a good glob. Nada. Finally, when using the Hitachi, I could feel a little warmth, but nothing to write home about. And like the cooling one, it has oil in it, so it’s NOT latex (ie, most condoms) compatible, although it is glycerin free. And um, ew – what is with the random floating dots, that remind me of Bath and Body Works anti-bacterial hand soap?
So really, overall, I’d personally stay away from the Climax Bursts collection. In fact, I’m trying to decided whether to pass them on to friends, or just introduce them to my trash can (and let me tell you, I VERY RARELY through any sex toys/lubes/etc away). Go with something else, really.
17 Comments so far
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Thanks for another honest, straight forward, detailed review. Hope you are having a great weekend.
I agree with you on all three accounts. Ick, yuck and didn’t work for me at all. :)
What a shame! They look cool but those floating dot things seem pointless.
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