Sexuality Happens

Warning: I’m going to talk about vaginas, gynos, body fluids, etc. If you can’t handle it, go away.

Hello. I’m Essin’ Em, a tired and weary sex blogger who is getting paid tons of money to bring you this PSA about…

Ok, that’s a dirty lie. I’ve decided, solely out of the goodness of my heart, to bring you this PSA. Which for some people, could be viewed as a Pussy Service Announcement, or as a Penis Service Announcement.

I went to Planned Parenthood the other week for my bi-annual (I’m told in San Fransisco, they tell the gay boys to do it every 3 months, but I can only afford every 6 months, and am low risk…so…yeah) STI testing. Oooh. Fun. I know.

This was actually an amazing visit.  Their staff (keep in mind I was in a Denver suburb…a fairly conservative suburb) was incredibly knowledgeable about queer things (they even brought up toys as a possible carrier for STIs, and then were really interested when I explained about sterilizable toys, and phthalates, etc). We had a good talk about our shared anger on companies (like Organon) not testing their birth control (like Implanton and the Patch) on “over weight women” and how stupid it was, since half of american women of child-bearing age are “over weight,” etc. I felt completely at home.

As usual, I got the full panel, and you’ll be glad to know that I am still STI free. Hurray! However, while I was on the nice little exam table, my feet spread apart in the stirrups, and with the doctor telling me that I had a nice cervix (seriously, every gyno I’ve seen has told me that. Apparently, my cervix is super sexy), I decided to take the plunge. I mean, I’d already told them that my main sex partner had other sex partners, that I was queer, that I used sex toys, etc. What was there to lose?

“So, um, I have a question. We have fairly rough sex/long sex sessions in general, and I’m usually spending the next day or two healing. However, I’ve been taking a really long time to heal. Like, as in, it still hurts. We use a lot of lube, and the soreness is fine, I just don’t know why it’s taking so long to heal.” She first did the “are you SURE you’re using enough lube” schtick, and once I assured her, she decided to take another look. In fact, my poor cunt’s PH was off, and after a look under the microscope, she realized that in fact…I had BV. (That’s Bacterial Vaginosis).

Yeah. Ugh. It’s not an STI – some non-sexually active people get it.  70% of pregnant women get it.  About half the people (XX bodied) who have it get a fishy like smell with it – that’s where that stereotype about women smelling like fish comes from. I was lucky…I actually didn’t have many of the symptoms…just the pain in the small vaginal tears (from sex) caused by the super acidic PH.  No fishy smell for me, luckily.

I am finished my antibiotics.  It’s “only” seven days…but seven days you can’t drink ANYTHING.  Even a sip or two of wine will make you throw up for hours.  So I waited till after my birthday party to start it (w/ doctor’s permission).  In the time I was on them, I took a friend for an abortion, Athena died, I got in a big fight with the fam, etc. I needed a drink, but of course, I didn’t drink. Now my vagina is all happy and healthy again :)

However, let me point out that I had none of the “traditional” symptoms. No odd colored discharge, no fishy smell, no itching or burning…just prolonged soreness from sex…minute tears that wouldn’t heal. Had I not brought it up, and asked, I would have never known. I could have let it get worse, I could have passed it on, etc.  My pills were $6 (without insurance) – well worth it for my vaginal health.

So know your body. If something feels different, if your period is usually regular and is suddenly sporadic, if sex (including masturbation) doesn’t feel as good anymore, if you’re lubricating way more than usual, you name it — talk to someone. Gynos are not just for STIs, birth control and open sores.  Find a good one – ask friends, call around, find one you can talk to.  Hell, I talked to my old physical therapist about using my knee e-stim unit as a kink item (how to do it safely). You’d be surprised at what your doc might be ok with.  But get yourself checked out.  Your body had earned that.  Know what is “normal” for YOU (not for anyone), and if that “normal” changes at all, get someone with a medical (I’m including Chinese/Alternative/Herbal medicine in this, if that’s your style) background to take a closer look.

And so concludes your PSA.

-Essin’ Em

(As a side note, I have a curriculum I’ve written for medical professionals on how to make their practice more LGBTQ inclusive.  If you or anyone you know would have use of this, or would like me to come present to them, please let me know)