RIP Athena, 12/14/2008
Athena died yesterday.
Athena was one of my two babies, my kitties. I adopted her summer of 2007 in Philly, and she fit right in, becoming the alpha cat in my household.
She’s been feeling a little off the last few weeks, so I took her to the vet today. He told me she had a heart murmur of 4 out of 6, and that she needed tests. He told me we could do it there, or take her to an animal hospital, which might be easier, since she’d probably need to stay overnight.
I took her to the ER, and they took her back. After a sex of x-rays, they told me her heart was abnormally large, and it looked like she might have heart disease. She also had a lot of fluid built up in and around her lungs, which was why she had trouble breathing. They couldn’t put a catheter into her because she had such low blood pressure, but they finally got it up, and were able to get it in.
Once they drained her lungs, they put her in the oxygen cage to help her breathe, but all of this was stressing her out, so they took her out to let her calm down. She panicked, and the doctor came out to ask me what I wanted to do if she went into cardiac arrest. I wanted to see her first, but as we were talking, her heart stopped, and they started CPR. They let me back to see her, and to say goodbye. After 5 or so minutes of them trying, I told them to just let her go, and to euthanize her, so that she wouldn’t be in anymore pain. I couldn’t stop crying her, telling her I loved her, and how sorry I was. She died at 4pm, just 3 hours after I’d brought her to the vet.
For those of you who don’t know me so well, my cats are my kids. They mean everything to me. Losing Athena is one of the hardest things I’ve gone through in my life. She had only been in my life a year and a half, but she meant the world to me. A sweet cat, always in your lap, looking to be petted, always curling up into bed with me. I already miss her terribly, even though it hasn’t completely hit yet. It was so sudden, and I didn’t really have time to process this and say goodbye.
I miss my baby girl. I feel like a hole has been ripped into me. Not just into my heart, but into me. I feel guilty too – I wasn’t home last night, because I stayed due to the snow. I wasn’t home for her last night alive. And I should have taken her to the vet sooner, but I couldn’t afford it (and now, I owe slightly less than $800 from the ER visit…all on my credit card). I feel like a horrible mother. And I told Kinsey when I left with her that I’d be bringing his sister right back. And now she’s gone forever – he keeps looking for her around the apartment, and it keeps re-breaking my heart.
I keep thinking that I’m out of tears, that I’m done crying. I almost threw up earlier, I was sobbing so hard. I miss my baby. It hurts. It hurts so much. And it hurt even more that there as nothing more I could do to save her.
I know she’s out of pain. But she was only two and a half. I wasn’t even close to prepared for something like this to happen. I am stunned. Shocked. Floored. And I am ripped in half. She was my family, and now she is no longer with me. No more head butts, wake up meows, glares during sex, cuddles, nothing. My baby is gone.
And so is part of me.
I may be MIA for a while, as I try to deal with this deveastating loss. If you’d like to help with her vet bills (or my rent for next month, or both), please donate to the box on the right column. Otherwise, yeah. I got nothing. I just hurt so fucking much.
-Essin’ Em
32 Comments so far
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I am so very sorry.
Such a horrible loss. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I feel the same way about my babies.. have cried and wailed over each one. Glad you had such a wonderful creature in your life…
hugs.
No words can ease the pain of the loss of a friend. My hope and my prayer for you is that, once you have mourned your fill, the memories of the time that you were in one another’s lives will bring you comfort.
Peace.
~Mollena
Hang in there. I’m so sorry for your loss. I went through a heart-wrenching experience like that myself several years ago (emergency vet after being away from home overnight & having to decide on euthanasia), and all I can say is my heart goes out to you.
*hugs*
I’m really sorry for your loss. I lost a young cat a few years ago. It was not as sudden but it was heartbreaking. He died in our home, my mother was crying so much I had to be the one to place him in a box and bury him. His brother missed him terribly and it took him years to become himself again. All I can say is focus your energy on Kinsey because he needs you as much as you need him. As ignorent as it may sound, even though you can never replace her, the pitter patter of little paws may be a comfort and distraction for both you and Kinsey, when your ready.
Oh, I’m so, so sorry to hear about your loss… I know how painful this is and my thoughts are with you.
((((((hugs))))))
This is so sad… *hug*… At least your dear one is out of her misery. My heart goes out to you.
We (Terry and I ) are so so soad for your loss. We lost our Pearly this year and Tiger last year. I couldn’t stop crying either. We attended a memorial service at our vet last week, with hundreds of others who had lost a pet in the last year. I’m not sure what I can say other than I am crying as I write this. I would never have the chutzpah to write that I feel your loss, but I do feel a loss. oh hon, i wish there was more we could do, but offer hugs and wishes that Athena has an easy journey across the Rainbow Bridge. *big hugs* Jerry (and Terry)
Sending my sincere condolences for your loss.
*Hugs*
Shasta
Oh no!
I had a cat for 13 years and we fought so hard to keep him alive with an operation that ended up doing him more harm than good. I would hand feed him and give him water through an eye dropper. I loved him so much. He had to be put to sleep and even though it’s been years, it still hurts.
I’m sending you strength and hugs. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Oh, I’m so sorry. We lost our kitty last year (hit by a car) and I totally understand how gut wrenching it is.
I’m so sorry to hear about Athena. You gave her the best life she could ever have had. I hugged Racecar extra hard this morning for you. xoxo – J.D.
:( I know what its like to lose a pet. It hurts, its devastating, and only other pet owners really get it. <3 take all the time you need doll. Athena’s happy now, over the rainbow bridge with all the other beloved pets.
Just sending hugs your way.
peace…
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry. I am still mourning my Jinxy after almost 2 years. I hope you are able to find a little peace in knowing your sweet girl is not hurting anymore.
I’m so sorry, dear. Let me know if I can do anything. I will see you very soon and be able to support you in person.
There are no words that can properly convey condolences on the loss of any loved one, but suffice to say, I am so, so sorry.
Pets are our children, and I offer my condolences to your loss. My own feline children will have greeted her on the other side to play :)
Take all the time you could ever need. I had to make the choice to put my baby boy to sleep (he was 6) last year after a chronic painful illness… I hurt most for you because you barely had a chance to say goodbye and you’ll always regret not being there, but sweetie… it wouldn’t have changed a thing. You had the time you had, and she clearly loved you and you loved her. Kinsey will recover, my Leia has over time. Athena won’t hurt ever again… and while none of this will stop the tears, eventually time will make them come less often. Ugh the only true healer is time. We’ll be here when you want to come back. We love you.
I am so saddened to read of your loss. It’s amazing how these little ones embed themselves in our hearts and become so much more than mere pets. Athena knew how much you loved her, try to let go of any guilt you may feel and just hold onto the sweetness of her memory.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
This made me cry, because my cat Lucy is my baby girl too and I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to her. :(
We had to have a few family pets put to sleep in the past few years. My mum took it really hard when we had to have our Chow put down, she was my mums fur baby. So I definitely know how hard it is to lose a pet that is so important to you.
*hug*
There are no words that actually help. I’ve had multiple pets die in childhood… but I have yet to have any of my *own* cats go. We have a cat with seizures, he went to the ER vet a few months ago, worried me sick! He’s finally gone over a month with no seizures (he’s on phenobarbital and just 2 and a half years old.) It sucks. It sucks so much. I don’t know what I’ll do when one our cats dies, I won’t handle it well and my husband probably won’t handle it at all!
Sorry to hear about your baby, darling! I know how painful it is to lose a pet/child, mine are much the same way and I can only imagine what you’re going through. *hugs and kisses*
I’m so sorry Ess. :( My heart is with you.
*hugs* honey, i’m so sorry
xoxo
Jerry is right Athena is playing with my Batgirl across the Rainbow Bridge. I’m sorry, and I know how you’ll miss her.
so sorry, e-e. hugs to you.
I couldn’t stop crying as I read your post. Reading this brought back so many memories of my own kitties that have passed on and I remember how painful and heart wrenching it was for me. Our pets are family, and are missed and mourned like any close (human) family member when they pass on. My heart goes out to you. Do take some comfort in knowing that while Athena had an unfairly short life, her life was wonderful. Every cat should be so lucky as to be loved so dearly.
Thank you so much for sharing a glimpse of her with all of us. Just by looking at the pictures of her I can tell that she was very happy and much loved. Rest in peace Athena.
[...] trust you all remember my sweet cat Athena, who I lost back in December. She had an undetected heart murmur and despite the vet’s best [...]