Sexuality Happens

V-Day is coming up, and I know a lot of people are looking for sensual and romance kits in preparation.  While I personally prefer the Raspberry Kiss Kit, the Sweet Celebrations kit is a fairly good option as well.

The kit comes in a nice, heavy duty cardboard box, which is good for storage. It has massage oil, vanilla creme oil of love, honeysuckle honey dust (with a poof for spreading it on), scented rose petals and french vanilla body soufflé. 

Let me just put this out there; the rose petals were HORRIBLE. They were so strongly scented that even though they were in a plastic bag, everything else in the box smelled like them. They are cheap looking, smell sketchy, and were just icky. I tossed mine right away.

I loved the massage oil – I’ve written about the Kama Sutra Massage Oil on here before. It smells nice, isn’t too heavily scented or too oily, is great for massaging, putting on after the shower, or for dropping a few drops into a bathtub. This was my favorite part of the kit.

The body soufflé wasn’t bad. It actually smelled delicious, and was great as a lotion. However, it made me hungry (seriously, what is with all these yummy smelly sex things)…and as I discovered…it’s not edible. Does not taste good.  In fact, you know what cats look like when they’ve tasted something bad, and they do weird tongue things?  Yeah, that was me.

The oil of love was nice…it tasted ok with the hint of an odd aftertaste, but was a good, thick massage oil.  It also, warms up when you lick it, or when you blow on it.  Good for lots of fun.

The dust, however, was creepy.  It looked kind of like coke (it’s not…as far as I know), but it does NOT taste good, it gets all over the place, and it smells not tasty, but all kinds of like old lady bath products. Which, in my book, is not sexy, and it certainly didn’t turn me on.

So this kit bats about 60%…I loved the massage oil, the oil of love was good, and the lotion is fine as lotion…just not sexually. The honey dust, poof, and rose petals, I’ve just tossed. So I guess it depends on what you’re looking for.

Regardless, head over to VibeReview and check out their selection of toys/kits/more for Valentine’s and Single’s Awareness Day.

-Essin’ Em

If you listened to my interview with Trouble (creator, owner and photographer for NoFauxxx.com) on RadioDentata (you can go directly to my player here), you already know what I’m about to say.

If you missed it, you can listen to it tonight at 9pm EST (6pm PST), or again at 3am EST (Midnight PST).  She has lots of great things to say about the concepts of queer, of feminism, of sex-positivism, and so much more.

But one of the most exciting things she said? She’s going to give away a three-month membership to NoFauxxx.com. THREE MONTHS. That includes all the photo sets and videos on the site.  And because I just shot with them while I was in San Francisco, it means you get to see really cute pictures of me naked in a kitchen…and masturbating on the stove!

How do you enter?  Comment here, or on my podcast, or shoot me an email at essinem at gmail dot com. Trouble and I want to know what queer means to YOU.  You can write it out, you can send a video, a picture, etc.  Please know that if you submit, your definition of queer may be posted here, read on my show, etc.

I need a name (doesn’t have to be your real one for the submission), and an email where I can contact you.  You’ll need to be willing to give Trouble all your info, should you win.

THREE MONTHS OF HOT, NAKED, QUEER and ALTERNATIVE people. Does it get much better than that?

So comment, email, what have you. Because we want to get lots of responses, you have until February 28th to enter. A whole month. Tell your friends, tell your family, tell your partner(s). My set goes up around the 14th, so if you win, you’ll definitely get to see me naked (and if you don’t want to wait, or if you don’t win, you can always sign up for affordable memberships as well!)

Ready. Set. Go.  We can’t wait to see what you have to say about what queer is to YOU.

And make sure you check out my show tonight, if you haven’t heard her interview already!

-Essin’ Em

For some people, safer sex is a drag. When I was seeing F, one of our only rules about playing with/fucking other people was that we had to use safer sex.  And then she fucked someone…and decided not to use safer sex.  Not because it was that difficult, or she didn’t understand it (I’d done the oh-so-sexy sex educator role play to show her, since she didn’t have a background in it), but because she didn’t like it.

Safer sex can suck sometimes.  Let’s say you’re sucking cock, and don’t have a a flavored condom. Well…yeah, normal condoms taste gross. But do you know what tastes grosser? Gonorrhea in your throat. Just saying.

Dams are not the sexiest things, and even non-microwavable saran wrap isn’t super hot. But neither is herpes.

Now, I’m the first to admit that I’m not perfect. After F had unsafe sex, I didn’t start using protection with her (and consequently had an ingrown hair which scared the FUCK out of me, and I’ve since been tested – 100% STI free – and am back on the safer sex band wagon).  I do believe in becoming fluid bonded with a partner, when you’ve been together for a period of time, and both go and get tested, and if you’re both negative for everything, and agree to only have safer sex with other people (and then actually follow this rule), not using barriers with each other.  My grad school advisor would think I was being really fucking stupid. And he’s right – there (as I’ve found out) is always the chance that one of you is cheating/breaking the rules/having unsafer sex.  There is the chance that one of you has an STI that for some reason, didn’t show up. And as I’ve also found out, you can always get bacterial vaginosis from a partner, even if they don’t have any STIs.  But becoming fluid bonded is a risk I’m willing to take. I’ve done it twice; with J and with F. And will consider doing it again with future long term partners.

But you know what I love, even when I’m fluid bonded? I LOVE black, latex gloves.  Actually, now I use nitrile, since you never know who may be in bed with you (ok, I do, but I wanted to sound glamorous), and you don’t know if they’re allergic to latex. But pull on a black glove? I am putty in your hands.

Now, I use gloves a lot, even with fluid bonded partners, a) because black gloves are really god damn fucking hot, and b) because I have nails…they’re not long, talons by any means, but I don’t keep them dyke-a-delically short.  And I’d really prefer not to scratch up my partners’ cunts (just their backs…shoulders…legs…anyways). So I wear them a good majority of the time.  And there are few things as hot as seeing a black glove disappear into a cunt.  

My photo set is up from my shoot on CrashPadSeries.com (video and behind the scenes will go up shortly…if you click through here to sign up, you’re supporting me, Pink and White, and super hot queer porn!), and of all the pictures, there are three or four in a row of Rex’s hand in my cunt…begloved, and lubed, and god, if these “black gloved hand in cunt” pictures aren’t my favorite in the set…and some of my favorite of me ever.

Safer sex is a compromise.  You can do your absolute best. You can do nothing. Or you can be like me, and meet somewhere in the middle, and figure out how to make it work. I will not go down w/o a barrier on someone I haven’t become fluid bonded with…but I will fuck them.  My toys are almost all sterilizable (expect my wood one, which is just for me), so I can use them without barriers.

But black gloves? I will use them as much as I possibly can…because really, is there anything hotter?

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

PS: Trouble from NoFauxxx.com is on my radio show on Radio Dentata tonight at 9pm EST/6pm PST – make sure you tune into listen!

I would like to introduce the newest member of my family, a beautiful rescued 7-year-old Toyger named Kali.

As you can see, she is quite excited to be a member of our family.  She was adopted from a no kill animal shelter called the MaxFund, after being surrendered by her previous owners. They bought her, purebred, from a breeder as a kitten seven years ago. Recently, they had a baby. Kali got jealous, and peed on the man’s clothing. They then gave her up.  What irresponsible, sad pet owners. However, luckily for me, it means that I can bring Kali into my life, and have a friend for Kinsey.

She is truly a gorgeous, explorative, and mischievous kitty.  Within 10 minutes of being at her new home, she already knocked down and broke a water glass…among other things.  This is her being naughty and trying to jump onto the counter top.

And in case you forgot what my handsome man looks like, this is Kinsey, lounging around on my feminist blanket (I kid you not).  He’s my gay homosexual cat, and with Kali in his life, he’s turning out to be pretty submissive as well. Kali is a total Domme.

I miss Athena, I always will. But I’m so glad to be back to having two wonderful, loving, intelligent, up-to-no-good, caring, vocal and just all around wonderful cats in my life.

-Essin’ Em

If you’re like me (and a fair majority of the human population), you probably LOVE getting massages.  I mean, it’s like oral sex; a completely selfless act from the person giving the massage (unless of course, you’re paying for it, and then it is their job…) and it is wonderful, relaxing and amazing.

Babeland send me a gift pack of their amazing massage oil candles. These candles are brilliant – they are made of soy wax (and 100% vegan!), and they melt at a relatively low temperature, so even if you’re a hot wax newbie, or of a less kinky faction, they’re still quite comfortable.

The gift pack comes with five candles. Each candle provides enough wax for about two massages, for a total of ten massages…two candles are the Rice Flower scent, with one each of Mango Vanilla, Jasmine Ginger and Chocolate Hazelnut.

Q was nice enough to let me try out these massage candles with her. Ok, to be honest, it was one of my less smooth seduction pick up lines. “So, um…I have these massage candles I need to test out so I can review them for my site…um. Can you help me try them out?” (Keep in mind that she then needed to get topless in order for a *good* test of them).  So I am proof, these candles *can* get you laid ;)

Our thoughts on the different scents? She wasn’t the biggest fan of the Jasmine Ginger, but I loved it (two of my favorite scents in one candle!).  On the other hand, she really liked the Mango Vanilla, but I was more ambivalent – it smelled fine, but it wasn’t really my cup of tea. We both really enjoyed the Rice Flower scent…it was a mild scent, very fresh, and not too “girly,” which was important to Q.  As far as the Chocolate Hazelnut one? While it did definitely smell delicious, it wasn’t really a scent I would like on my body, and both of us agreed that it just made us hungry…not sexy at all.

As far as massage oil, it was actually pretty impressive. It wasn’t too oily, it slid around well all over her back (and later, on mine). Half of a candle made for a fairly nice massage, and we even tried mixing the Rice Flower and Mango Vanilla on her back, and that actually smelled pretty fucking awesome as well.

I did find that these candles were not designed for people with long nails — I tried to scratch down her back, and ended up with wax under all of my nails. Oh well…there are worse things in life.

Oh! They also come with matches and some lube…more bang for your buck.

I really liked these candles…I love the temperature play of them, the variety of scents, the vegan aspect, and how they didn’t leave an oily mess. I give them 5 stars, out of 5.  Highly recommended…and Q agrees :)

Click here to get your own Babeland Massage Candle Gift Pack.

-Essin’ Em

Image by Eric Traore

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #12? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #14? Submit it here before Sunday February 1st at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Swag Contest: Isis! Deadline: Wednesday January 28th at 11:59pm.
• 4th Blog-iversary Trivia Contest Deadline: January 31st at 11:59pm.
• Win a Hot New Sex Toy! Deadline: February 1st.
• The Cherries are Sexy Valentine’s Day Giveaway! Deadline: Valentine’s Day, February 14th, 2009.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

• Maui Silicone Anal Beads by Kyle

The words “anal beads” cause my internal 14 year old boy to giggle nervously and worry about the potential tenting in his jeans. My slightly more mature self smiles appreciatively with no less potential for tenting. I’m a fan of buttsex…

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators

• Petite Pink Ribbon by Adriana
• My Secret Vibe by Jezebelle
• Rabbit Pearl & Decadent Indulgence by The Hot Movies For Her Sex Toy Crew
• Orchid G by Marla Singer
• Cry Baby by Holden
• Tuyo by Erin Leone
• Tuyo by Nadia West
• Bug-A-BuzzZZZZ – Best Buy Butterfly by Sienna
• Drown It – Deep Sea Pleasure by Sienna
• 7 Function Remote Egg by Luna Orignaux
• Rock Chick by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
• Emotional Bliss Isis by Sexorcism
• The Liberte by Shay
• The Hitachi Magic Wand: Necessity or Nepotism? by Backseat Boohoo
• iVibe Pocket Rocket (and iLube) by The Hot Movies For Her Sex Toy Crew
• Elise by Ansley Agnello
• Mia by Essin’ Em
• Mia by Wilhelmina Wang
• Fun Factory G-Twist by Epiphora
• LELO Iris by Betty Rocket
• LELO Mia by Ellie Lumpesse
• Tuyo Vibromasseur by Betty Rocket
• Ophoria Bliss No. 7 by Bad Bad Girl
• Inner Desire Love Egg by Dangerous Lilly
• Orchid G by Roxy of Uncommon Curiosity

Dildos

• Mr. Blue Vein by Sommer Marsden
• Cherries Jubiliee by Marla Singer
• Tantus Alumina Revolve & Motion by Epiphora
• Scribble swirl G-spot wonder by Syntax
• The Curve by Wendy Blackheart
• Cherries Jubilee Glass Dildo by Domina Doll
• Tantus G-force Wand by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
• Silky by Bad Bad Girl

Anal Toys

• Peridise by Ansley Agnello
• Deck the Halls Butt Plug by Epiphora
• Emerald Jeweled Butt Plug by Betty Rocket

Toys for Cocks

• Robo Suck II by Nadia West
• LELO Bo by Epiphora
• Oh Man Cock Ring by Bad Bad Girl

Sex Kits

• Raspberry Kiss Kit by Essin’ Em
• Raspberry Kiss Kit by Catalina Loves

Lube/Massage Oil/Bath Stuff

• Yes! Water-based Organic Lubricant and Moisturizer by Sexorcism
• Good Clean Love Lubricant by Domina Doll
• Sun Kissed Vanilla Massage Candle by Adriana
• Afterglow Candle by Betty Rocket
• Durex Quiver Freezable Lubricant by Adriana
• ID Glide Airless Pump by Marla Singer
• O’My Blueberry Cheesecake Flavored Lube by Betty Rocket
• Shunga Chocolate Aphrodisiac Oil by Dangerous Lilly
• Babeland Massage Candles by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

BDSM/Fetish

• The Hand Crop by Sommer Marsden
• Singapore Stinger II by Thursday’s Child
• Crocodile Tears for Crocodile Clamps by Thursday’s Child
• Black Large Rubber Whip by Kyle
• Think Pink – Pink Kink Kit Review by Thursday’s Child
• 1/4×20in Red Acrylic Cane by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
• Sting Like a Bee – The Cobra Stinger II by Thursday’s Child
• Pleasure Feather Black by Beautiful Dreamer
• Bondage Tape by Rori of Between My Sheets
• Crocodile Clamps by Alpine Subdreams
• Cupping Set by Alpine Subdreams
• Wartenberg Wheel by Panthera Pardus

Adult Books/Games

• “Enchanted again”, A book of erotic fairy tales, turned modern by Jezebelle
• Little Book of Sex by Carnivalesq
• Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes by Essin’ Em
• Bondage For Sex by Dangerous Lilly
• Best Women’s Erotica 2008 by Alpine Subdreams

Adult Movies/Porn

• Lesbian Life – Real Sex San Francisco by The Porn Librarian
• Lesbian Love – Real Sex San Francisco (Scene 2) by J.D. Bauchery
• Fetish Diaries by The Porn Librarian
• Lesbian Love Vol. 2 by J.D. Bauchery
• Nina Hartley’s Guide to Threesomes – 2 Girls & a Guy by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
• 32 Ways to Please Your Lover by J.D. Bauchery
• Taija – The Horny Secretary by The Porn Librarian
• Champion by Essin’ Em
• 1981’s “Bad Girls” has everyone wanting to get lost in the woods by Sacha Kinksky
• Nadia Nyce Indian Sex Goddess by Sacha Kinksky
• Pink & White’s Champion by Sinclair Sexsmith
• Nina Hartley’s Guide to Erotic Bondage by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Toy Storage

• The Sugar Sack by Wendy Blackheart
• For Your Nymphomation Sex Toy Box by Toygirl
• Devine Satchel by Carnivalesq
• Lockable Sex Toy Case by Adriana
• Devine Toy Box in Wine with Lace Overlay by Adriana
• For Your Nymphomation Big Foot by Ang

Miscellaneous

• LELO Luna Beads by Sexorcism
• Hot Heart Massager by Domina Doll
• Mrs. Meyer’s Peppermint Holiday Clean-up Kit and Hand Care Kit by Sexorcism
• Smart Balls vs. Luna Beads: Let’s get ready to ruuumblllllle! by Toygirl
• Pretty Boi Double-Strap Harness by Ansley Agnello
• Make Me Cum Clit Sensitizer by Adriana
• Gee Whiz… the Hitachi Upgrade by Sinclair Sexsmith
• Make Me Blush Harness (Part 1) by Panthera Pardus

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #158? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

A 2009 Wish For Smut Writers

“Sex bloggers are on the cusp of what I see as being a new kind of sexual revolution.”

Q&A with Domina Doll

“I enjoy teaching others how to explore that aspect of themselves.”

Overtaken

“He kissed the side of my neck, sweeping my long hair out of the way, working his mouth across the side of my neck to press little bites along my collarbone.”

Sugasm Editor

Sex Work And Honesty: When The Truth Hurts

Editor’s Choice

Dictation with Davis

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews

Four Seasons Studded And Ribbed Condoms Review

Sari Stripping

Taking action

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Autobiography of a Masturbator: Porn O’Graphicus, Part 6

Banging on the Bongs

Horror Vacui

How NOT to Talk About Size and Sexuality

Lessons I’ve Learned (so you don’t have to )

The Recruiting Process

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Ariel (errotica archives)

da Deflowered HNT

Maria Ford Ripped Open Revealing Breasts in Passion Cove

Meggan Mallone – All Tied Up

BDSM & Fetish

20 Macaroons

Forced bisexuality revisited part 2

KSL Kontest Winner for December

Leaving The Ramrod

My First Cell Popping

Poly Mono Saturated Thoughts

A year of lustful quality

Sex Advice

Anal Sex Precautions

Ask Miss Bliss – My Wife Wants a Threesome With Two Guys

Dear Em & Lo: Help, I Can’t Orgasm with My Boyfriend!

Erotic Writing and Experiences

All woman

And With Your Eyes

Close

Dick Meets Jane…Again

Fire and Ice

If you come to a fork in the road, take it

Last Chance

Middle School Fantasy

A Quick Fuck in a Shadowed Corner

She Walks in Beauty, Chapter 2

Stripper Academy: Visiting Professor

The Summer of Roses

Weasel Journal

The Workout Part One

Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend Keeps Calling You Sweetie in Public

I haven’t really written up sex in a while.  With all the drama with F, I sometimes felt weird writing up sex stuff, because while the sex was so good and amazing, there were so many other under lying issues and drama, and it just made it seem awkward.  Not like me and my normal awkwardness, but another type.

And I wasn’t writing up sex with other people, because well, I wasn’t having it.  I played with my Domme friend in the airport in November, and I wrestled/played with Miss D at a Beat and Greet, and then with Miss P at the next month’s Beat and Greet (I never wrote this one up, but I got suspended, and then later, tied up and she hit me a lot, and used the Hitachi. It was pretty fun!).  My lack of sexage was not from lack of trying (seriously), but it was what it was.  So it’s a good thing this is more of a sexuality blog than a sex blog, or many of you would have been disappointed.

While in San Francisco, I was lucky enough to shoot for the Crash Pad Series. While I haven’t shot porn before, I’ve done a fuck ton of photoshoots, and this was one of the least discombobulated, most put together shoot I have ever done.  It was a little hard for me, because I was supposed to shoot with F, and she backed out at the last minute, but Rex gallantly stepped up. However, we hadn’t had sex before, so it was very much an exploration of new territories, and while the sex was quite good, it wasn’t exactly what I needed/wanted at that point in time.

This may surprise you, but I am kinky. A lot. And when I am bottoming, I like someone to REALLY top me. I like hard spankings and hair pulling and begging and coming over and over and over until I can’t take it anymore, and waking up sore the next day with bruises I don’t remember how I got them. The Crash Pad shoot, although very fun, was not that kind of sex.

My friend who I was staying with and I went out with another SF to the Lexington Club the night before I left, and of course, like any queer scene, more people knew the people I was with, and I wound up meeting some awesome new people.  I also learned how to pick up dollar bills off of people’s foreheads with my breasts. At one point…damn it, I’m having letter issues. We’ll go with S. For San Francisco.  Ok, so at one point S and my friend posed for a few pictures for me, and then my friend offered to take one of me and S.

He decided that my cheeks were apparently quite biteable (and I just thought they were chipmunk cheeks) and proceeded to do so.  Of course, with my little OCDness, I then asked if he’d be willing to bite the other side, you know, to make them even. Graciously, he agreed. And then, the tickling commenced.

Tickling is an odd thing for me. I used to love having my dad tickle me when I was little…and then after he died, I got over it. Fast. I don’t know why.  But my partners in college would sometimes try to tickle me, and it never worked.  I told them that it was something I could turn on and off. Sometimes, I’d work for a little bit, laughing, and then my body just shut off.  Ergo, I have been not anti-tickling, but not tickling positive per se.

However, I am unbroken. S started to tickle me, and I was back to my ticklage level (how many words have invented here so far?) that I had when I was little.  I was ridiculously, and incredibly ticklish.  Now, granted, I was running on about two or three drinks at this point, so perhaps that helped, I don’t know.  I don’t really want to over analyze my tickle levels.  But it was there. And I was laughing so hard. He’d tickle, then nip (my hands, my cheeks, etc), and then tickle some more. My friend, of course, was taking pictures, and I think my face was as bright red as my hair.

As time drew on, we decided that a stop for food was needed, and therefore, nachos, quesadillas and veggie burritos were to be had.  I couldn’t finish either food or drink, leading to the observation that my eyes were bigger than my stomach, bladder, and cunt. (Last part not so much, but occasionally)

We walked down the street, looking for a cab for myself and my friend. But a few cabs passed us, and we didn’t flag them down.  Finally, at one point S said something about getting a cab to send my friend home.  I only heard part of it, and was really confused. Why would we get her a cab, and then make me, the cripple, walk and take the bus?  Then S reiterated.  I was welcome to crash at his place tonight. I thought that was a very nice offer, and assumed it was his way of being helpful; my friend’s place was a 45 minute bus ride plus a BART ride to where I needed to go…S’s place was just the BART ride. Did I mention that I’m really dense sometimes?

We walked back to his place, leisurely, chatting. Once there, I admired the polaroids (such a lost art), and then we headed to his room, where we played with his pythons (is it weird that I HATE spiders, but really like snakes? I think I read somewhere once that it is incredibly rare to be scared of both…perhaps that’s it). We chatted sexuality stuff, and marketing stuff, and I think I was in the middle of talking about twitter as a marketing thing, when he leaned forward and kissed me.

God, it was a good kiss. I am a kissing slut…I kiss a lot of people…and I’ve had a lot of kisses that were not (in my opinion) good.  Dead fish tongue. Tongue battering ram 3000. Slimey. Pecking rather than kissing. Vaccum kissers. Fish like kissers.

This was none of the above. It was a damn good kiss. He then pulled back and told me I was welcome to continue talking about marketing.  I declined, saying I was suitably distracted (yes, I honestly use words like that before, during, and sometimes after sex). Glasses came off, as we were both wearing them, and the kissing ensued. Can I mention at this point that I think I may have a glasses fetish?

I had a Femme moment. I was at the end of my trip, and so was wearing what I thought was my least sexy outfit…and I was down to thongs, instead of the boyshorts I prefer. I was a little self-conscious about that (probably the same way my friend is when she says she gets nervous if she hasn’t shaved….), but I was also so fucking incredibly turned on, and that completely overrode it. I had not bloody clue what was about to go down (haha, no pun intended), but my cunt was controlling my brain at this point.

He had my pants off already, and asked me if he could frog tie me.  My little bratty side came out for a second and I responded “sure, you can TRY.” Since he was newer to the rope tying, I decided I’d be helpful, and stayed as still as possible. The best thing about the whole tying situation was the laughter.

I need to write a sex mission statement or manifesto. I think sex should be fun and funny. If you cannot laugh with the person you’re fucking with, then you’re fucking with the wrong person (in my opinion). Sex is never perfect, no matter if it’s spur of the moment, or incredibly planned out.  Things happen, toys break, noises are made, weird things may be said (my anus is bleeding!), etc. If you cannot laugh, then how can you get through that? 

He said something about he hoped I didn’t have expectations, because he wasn’t sure what he was doing, he was just trying different things. I laughed (also, laughter is healthy, and adds endorphins, so why not laugh?) and explained that I tried to not have expectations….that I was having fun, and that was all that mattered.

Once the black glove was put on though, while I didn’t have any expectations, all I wanted in the world was for S’s hand to be inside me. Some of it, all of it, it didn’t matter.  But my cunt started aching and I wanted to be fuck, good and properly.

After a little debate as to which lube (S: I have three kinds, which would you like? Me: Anything *thinking please fuck me please fuck me please fuck me*), he started off a little slow, sliding his hand into me.

“I have a nuva ring. I mean, it can be left in or taken out, but it kind of creeps some people out, so I’m just letting you know.”  I get really nervous about my ring with queer people…most queer people I’ve been with have no idea what it is, as it’s for hormonal birth control…and I sometimes feel judged. But you know what, I menstruate once a year. So any judge-y people? Take that feather and stick it in your cap.

But instead of being squeamish, S seemed to be intrigued, asking me questions, playing around with it. And that felt good. Him being inside me felt amazingly good. I mean, we’re talking little to no “traditional foreplay” and hardly any clitoral stimulation, and here he was fucking me, and I was coming. And coming.

Did I mention that I’m loud? Like really fucking loud.  I never was when I faked orgasms…no no.  The first time I made noise really was during my hook up at Dinah Shore 2007…when I figured out what sex really was. And since then, I’ve been loud.  Thank god for pillows as mufflers, that’s all I have to say.

S asked if I was a squirter (read: whether I was able to ejaculate).  I never have been able to, despite use of the Pure Wand, other toys, hands, etc, so I replied in the negative. He looked at me ponderingly. “Really?”  I shook my head. He went back, thank the goddess, to fucking me.

I’ve had this fear. It’s a irrational fear some might say, but a fear that I would never have amazing sex again, now that F and I were over. It’s one of the reasons I stupidly hung on to something so unhealthy (for me) for as long as I did. But seriously…imagine that you’ve had lots of good sex, and some pretty great sex…and then all off a sudden, you find someone with whom you have amazing sex. The right amount of kink, of pain, of kissing, of cuddling.  Someone you *want* to cuddle with, having not really been a cuddler in the past.  And then that’s gone.  See why that is a valid fear?

Well, fear has abated.  Having very little prior conversation about likes/dislikes, etc (although I suppose he may read my blog, and I think at one point earlier in the evening I mentioned wanted to punch people that slapped me across the face), I was having amazing sex.  I don’t believe in the concept “best sex of my life” because you have different sex in different ways with different people.  F and I, however, had amazing sex.  This sex? Pretty amazing in my book too.

I make snarky comments during sex. I laugh during sex. I tease. I am silly.  I burst into giggles when getting spanked. You name it, I do it.  And while I innately am awkward, I didn’t feel awkward during this.

And then, I gushed. Or squirted…I’m not sure the difference.  I ejaculated.  Enough to create quite a large wet spot (ooops.  Where was my liberator throe when I needed it?).  While I’m not big on self-sexual goals, I’ve always wanted to ejaculate at some point, and it was kind of fun.  And now that I know I can do it, I can experiment more with it.

At some point, he asked if he could fist me. I told him sure (I don’t think that happened, but honestly, my brain was not really conscious of exactly what was going on south of the border). He asked if he could punch fuck me (or something like that…it involved deliciously aggressive fucking). I said of course.  To be honest, aside from my hard limits (children, animals, brown showers and faceslapping), I would have let him do anything to me. Anything. It felt that fucking good.

This isn’t a very sexily written story. I’m realizing that. Sorry if you expected hot erotica.  While I certainly write that at times, this is a very self-reflection full post.  If you’re bored, you can stop now.

So I’m still tied up, I got my shirt and bra off at some point (which is really difficult if someone is fucking you while you’re trying to remove articles of clothing).  I got one leg untied, and eventually, S untied the other.  I’m not sure which ordered it happened in, because I was pretty blissed out by this point, but I got a really cool spanking like thing, and I got to use the Hitachi.

The ass-beating/spanking/whatever you want to call it was one of the nicest, most relaxing and enjoyable ones I’ve ever had. It was rhythmic…I felt my my ass cheeks had become part of a drum circle, or something to that effect.  It was lovely really…a few hurt more than the rest, but over all, I was smiling and laughing and breathing deeply, and it was so nice and calming.  A few bruises the next day, but nothing to write home about.

Side note: I have bruises on my left thigh.  I have no fucking clue what they’re from. I think I may have been bitten at some point, but again, too blissed out to notice.  I was riding the orgasm train.

He let me use his Hitachi. Jesus bloody moosing christ.  Have you ever tried to put a condom on a Hitachi. When you’re horny, full o’ endorphins, and have someone’s hand in your cunt? Maybe add in a little tickling?  It was incredibly frustrating and infuriating, but finally, success was mine.

S’s hand. My cunt. Hitachi Magic Wand.

You know when you have all these orgasms, and they just build and build and build on each other, as if you’re falling off these tiny cliffs, but it’s as though they are building up into this one giant orgasm when you’re cliff diving into the sea, and you hit the water with so much force that you explode into a million little pieces flying amoungst the universe?

Yeah. That.  I had that. Is there any better way to end a fulfilling, fun, interesting, and revelation filled trip other than coming so hard that you feel like you are not only flying around the stars, but that you are actually part of them? I say nay.

He lay on his stomach. I gently rubbed and scratched his back, butt, legs. I am part house cat. I love scratching things and toussling/petting hair (and curling up and being petted, etc.  Methinks I need to get into kitten play). It was late…I asked him if there was anything I could do for him (at that point, I was ready for anything), and he asked me to just keep doing that. So I did.

Then it was cuddle time. The moment of truth. “So, um. Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?” As we all know, while I *can* be a spooning switch, I MUCH MUCH prefer little spoon.  Turns out, he was also a little spoon. “For you, I will big spoon, but I hope you appreciate my sacrifice.” I said this jokingly, waiting for him to turn his back to me.  But no, he lay there on his side, looking at me slightly expectantly.  ”Um. What are you doing?” He explained that this was how he spooned.  Really, it’s genius, because while there is an upper spoon and a lower spoon, both people get held and have their skin hunger fulfilled.  In fact, I’d say it’s less like spooning and more like sporking, because there is more entwinement than you get with run of the mill spooning. I’ve already employed this sporking method with my cuddle buddy back in CO.

I don’t sleep well with other people in the same bed.  I did ok with J, and I got pretty used to F.  But with S, just like with most other people, I woke up a lot.  First I was going through menopause (read: heat flashes). Then, I kept having to pee. Then, I was thinking about my trip, and having revelations about how I needed to stay in the field of sexuality and sex toys and porn, and how I fit in so much better in SF than I have pretty much anywhere that I’ve ever lived. He apologized at one point for his snakes making so much noise with their newspaper, but I was already awake.

I have a lot of sex right before I leave. In May, I played with/was fucked by K, took the train home from NYC and hopped on a plane to Florida.  I had a threesome of sorts the night before I left Florida. I had sex with C the two nights before I left Philly for good. When I hooked up at Dinah Shore, it was the three nights before I flew back to Philly. I have a lot of sex before I leave.

However, with most of these people, I feel not regret, but wonderment.  Would anything more have happened with me and K, or me and C, had I stayed in Philly?  What about my Dinah Shore affair, had I lived in California? I’ve wondered if maybe I’m broken, that I tend to have sex with people I know I could never been with.

But for once, I didn’t seduce someone. I wouldn’t say they seduced me, but my Femme wiles were not on the prowl. I was just enjoying my time in SF. That night, I wasn’t all gussied up — I was wearing the dregs of my suitcase, and my hair was looking dangerously like a Jew-fro. I wasn’t trying.

And the next day, as I sat on the plane, I wasn’t thinking any what ifs. All I was doing was looking back on the situation, and enjoying the memories. It didn’t matter any of the what ifs.  I had been fulfilled – sexually, intellectually, and even my skin hunger was satiated.  And really, is there anything more I could ask for?

Fuck, this is a really long post. I’m back in Colorado now. I’ve come home with a vengeance. In just a few days back, I’ve had a snuggle date with a cuddle buddy, I’ve cut the last of my heart string ties to F (heart is a little bruised, but I’m feeling pretty much 100% over her), I’ve starting working on marketing for Hysteria, and I’ve adopted another kitty to keep Kinsey company. And I’ve slept…a lot. This trip was so good for me on so many levels…and amazing sex to cap it off was, well, a feather in my cap.

So thanks S. For fun sex. For fulfilling sex. For self-reflective sex (in hindsight). For helping me ejaculate for the first time. For sending me into the universe. And for being such a cool person.

And oh! Want to see some sexy bruises? I’m not sure if they’re from tickling, or biting, or…but they’re fun. I love bruises, because they are physical memories of the fun that you’ve had. I have a few on my ass, some on my thigh, a couple on my right arm…and these:

And that’s all for now folks. If you’ve read all the way down here, through all my gibberish and self-reflection, give yourself a pat on the back.

-Essin’ Em

If Ebert and Roper give movies thumbs up and down, I think I’m going to start giving “adult movies” (read: Porn) erect nipples. And this one gets two erect nipples up! Champion is highly recommend to pretty much everyone. In fact, don’t even bother reading this review. Go get it now!

Still reading? Fine. Good thing I actually wrote a review.

Champion is a feature length movie from one of my favorite companies; Pink and White, directed by the brilliant Shine Louise Houston, who has been pushing the envelope of queer porn for about four years now. And it has a ridiculous all-star cast; Syd Blakovich, Dallas, Jiz Lee, Madison Young, Dylan Ryan, and Javier (plus Trouble makes a non-nude cameo!).

I sat down to watch it with some friends (popcorn, porn and pom martini night…you know how I roll), and even those these two were pretty much porn n00bs, they enjoyed it almost as much as I did. 

The plot? Jessie (played by Syd) is a bit of a player, and one of the best fighters in town.  She is still a bit hung up on her ex Cathy (Jiz), and that leads for an incredibly hot sex scene that also has some intense emotional connection (or maybe I’m the only one who saw that?).  And speaking of hot sex scenes, Syd and Madison’s first scene ever is in the this film, and it is ridiculously hot. Like oh. my. god. hot.  Add to that a naughty scene with Javier (this is the first movie I’ve seen with this star, but I’m impressed) and Dylan Ryan (a fierce femme in everything she does), and you’ll go crazy.  However, one of the best parts of the movie is the tension that builds between Violet (Dallas) and Jessie through out the movie.  When they joke about sexual tension being so thick that you can cut it with a knife, this is exactly what they are talking about.

So the sex? Phenomenal.  I was dripping wet and throbbing by the end of this (and there aren’t *that* many porn movies which can produce this result). However, I actually liked the plot too, and the stars of this film actually could act — something that many mainstream feature length porn films seem to be sadly missing.  I actually cared about whether or not Jessie threw the fight, and a little heart broken when Cathy leaned against her door, fighting with herself as to what the right decision was. It was a film I connected to; with my head, my heart and my cunt.

Also, as a side note, the idea of having to cover up one’s self/identity/prevention/sexuality for a sport is one that has been discussed much online and in print, but rarely on screen. I really appreciated this being brought up, as it needs more visibility.

My only issue with this film? I have a hot gym sex fantasy, and there was no sex in the gym in Champion. Once, I thought it was close, and my cunt clenched in anticipation, but then, no. I was shot down.  My solution? Make Champion 2, and have hot gym sex to fulfill this desire of mine (or if someone just wants to come over here, tie me to the lat machine and fuck my brains out, that would be acceptable too).

Sex? Hot as hell.

Plot? Actually believable and interesting.

Political statements? Alive and well.

Overall? I loved Champion, and think that it should find the way onto the shelves and DVD racks of all porn lovers; queer and straight alike.  This is one of those films that has a wide audience, and can be enjoyed by a large variety of people.  It was fun to view it in a group, but also has given me some great enjoyment on my own. 5 stars (and two erect nipples).

Want to get your copy now? I think you should.  And check out the movie’s website, Champion-Movie.com.

-Essin’ Em

Some of you may have read my post Blast from the Past a week or so ago. That post was from when F had offered to write a guest post of our first time playing together.  She had sent me the first half maybe two months ago, and then never followed up, so I finally just posted what I had.

Surprising us all (and by us, I mean me!), she sent me the second half the day I flew home from San Francisco.  While my feelings at this point are no longer of want or of need, they are also no longer of anger or true frustration. I’m actually feeling quite zen about things at this point (a variety of things have happened in the last two weeks that have helped me to feel this way).  So I thought I’d post the second half as well, less as a cleaning out of my inbox, but more as an homage to a wonderful thing that once was.

-Essin’ Em

I was taking my time shaving and cleaning trying to scrub every ounce of anxiety and insecurity off my skin. She came into the bathroom to see if I was ok and asked if she could talk to me while I was finishing up, sneaking little peeks here and there. I finished my shower, and dried off, put lotion on… it felt like my face was several shades of red.

She told me to go into her room and to place both of my elbows on the bed. A new sense of heightened awareness swept over me as i bent over in anticipation. I felt her fingers run down my back gently, reassuringly… and then smack! Her hand spanked my ass and then there was gentle rubbing on the place of impact… smack… this was exciting… and hard to anticipate… she continued on, bringing out so many realms of sensation and excitement… emotion… my body was still tense with anticipation when she told me to lay down on my back and bring my hands up towards the top of the bed.

She grabbed each wrist and strapped it in to her under the bed restraint system… my heart was skipping. She pulled out a knife and started to carve designs from my collar bone, around my nipples, over my breasts, down the inside of my hips, down my legs… my body was writhing with excitement! I was so wet and I felt like I could come with just the trace of this blade carving a gentle masterpiece of art brought out my the red scratches on my skin…

I asked her to kiss me and she did. Moving from my lips down my body to my cunt. Her mouth felt so amazing on my clit. Attentive to exactly what I wanted she then stuck her fingers inside of me, amazing. Working her fingers in and out with her thumb on my clit, my body trembled and trembled with an incredible aching, i couldn’t help but shove my cunt towards her. Her tongue licking and sucking on my clit… my face turned hot and I started to scream “I’m gonna come!! Oh my fucking God I’m going to come!” My hands still tied down, stripping me of the ability to grab her hair and smash her face into me. I had to lay there and take it, surrender to this explosion welling up inside of me… and then the release. My body contorting out of my control, gasping for breath, every muscle contracting…

She let me stay the night and sleep next to her in her bed – something she made clear didn’t happen very often. I was exhausted and so very thankful. I still am thankful for everything we did together and every experience we had because it’s helped me grow more and more into myself. Thank you.