Identifying as transsexual led me to realise that it was OK for me to be a woman, that hormones, gender reassignment, and the likes were valid options for me. It meant I could stop wanting to be something and actually be it.

But being queer is so much more. Being queer means being the woman I want to be, even if that changes from one moment to the next and even if the type of woman I want to be at some particular time isn’t very womanly at all. It means not worrying that I “must be at least this feminine to ride” or worrying that some sort of behaviour loses me some sort of tranny-cred.

If I were a lesbian, I’d be a girl who liked girls. As a queer, I can be a girl (except when I’m not) who likes girls (though sometimes boys) (and sometimes, wonderfully, people who aren’t either one).

For me, being queer is about letting go of boundaries and dropping inhibitions. It’s about not worrying what I should be doing and just doing what I want to be doing, in sex, in gender, in life. It’s about embracing myself for who I am, and loving others for who they are.

To me, queer means a willingness to question any and all social norms, to completely define your sexuality based on what you want, not what you’re supposed to do. It can even extend beyond sexuality into a way of approaching life, an adventurousness and open-mindedness that I love.

Of course, the linguistic roots of “queer” come from something being “strange” or outside the norm, and I think it’s people who don’t mind being strange and don’t need the norms that can rock the label.

I identify most with “queer” myself, even though I’ll say “bisexual” when pressed. I definitely prefer to fuck queer people. I love to push at the edges of the envelope, and being with people who are right there with me is the best.

i am a rioting, loud, proud rainbow wearing, safe-sex advocating, pride marching kind of queer.

I’m a soft or hard, butch or femme or tomboyfemme or high butch or other, every shape and size, blush or smirk, lace or flannel, more and more for you and you and you kind of queer.

and so much of that is what queer is to me.. so much of what I am.

Queerness, I think, is one of those complexities that’s sometimes easier to define by what it *isn’t* rather than what it is.

Though, I’m not sure that for me, a queer identity is as tied to sex and sexuality as I had origninally thought. I am a woman, who is traditionally attracted to women. But some of the queerest people I know are in heterosexual relationships.

To me, queerness is about questioning the dominant paradigm, and questioning, and fucking with the status quo. I want to question the storyline that tells me that women are not “supposed” to want sex. Why are “traditional” relationships monogamous? And where did this assumption of heterosexuality come from? And if you are practicing a heterosexual relationship, who says that men are the agressors, and women the submissives? And what does “man” and “woman” mean, anyway?

With those questions come choices. When I can see that what I’m supposed to do, or be, or say, or look like, are all imaginary constructs, I have some decisions to make. Queerness is about chosing the life you live with intentionality.