Sexuality Happens

Photo Credit: Dusti Cunningham

Do you like vintage things? Are you an antiquer?  But perhaps, you are one of the aforementioned, but with a bit of a kinky bent?

Worry not, my friends! Inverted Eye is here for you!

With a deliciously magical site design (seriously, one of the prettiest sexuality related sites I’ve seen), you can shop behind doors that have titles such as “medical,” “juvenile,” “uniform,” “kitsch” (the Jewish part of me loves this one!) and many many more.  As the site says on the shop’s main page:

I invite you to invert your eye, to envision a deeper meaning and context of desire and play. 

I want you to see the opportunity for fetish, for perversity, in many wholesome and innocuous appearing items. 

Things are seldom what they seem at the Inverted Eye.

So pick a door and come take a look inside…

 And what do I think?

First of all, please know this is not a paid review. I firmly believe in supporting fellow members of the kink and queer communities.

Onto the site itself? I think this is a really great concept.  If you want a vintage branding iron? Bam. An original vaudeville sign? Voila. An old school fraternity paddle (for whatever you plan to do with it)? Look no further.  Inverted Eye provides a brilliant combo of vintage/antique/original items with specialized kinkiness.  I love it.  Also, while not well-versed in the world of antique things, the prices here seem very low to me…so it’s definitely worth checking out!

Also, the owner of this site has told me that there will be more than 250 new items being added to the site in the near future…so check it out, and check it often.

As a side note, I met the site owner when I was in San Francisco, and he is freaking adorable. So support cute queer people! 

And that’s all she wrote.

-Essin’ Em

Thanks to Monkey from TheyBelongToUs for the super duper fantabulous crab hat – Monkey and Jen and three of their seven children drove up to San Francisco to see me.  We went to Fisherman’s Wharf, and voila – crab hat?

Before I give you a quick run down of some of the amazing things I did while there, let me tell you that my radio show has changed times — it now will play on RadioDentata.com at 9pm EST (6pm PST) on Thursdays, and it will repeat at 10pm EST (7pm PST) and 2:30am EST (11:30pm PST) on Fridays.

I’ve got some AMAZING interviews coming up.  TONIGHT, the 22nd, (replayed tomorrow) is Madison Young, with some interesting and thoughtful things to say about the industry. Next Thursday/Friday (29th/30th) is my interview with Trouble of NoFauxxx, who is giving away a three-month membership. The Thursday/Friday (Feb 5th/6th) after that is Syd Blakovich (with a never before made public CPS tidbit).  Rounding out my sex-positive San Francisco celebs on Feb 12th/13th is Jiz Lee (who gives a Valentine’s Day news exclusive, so make sure you tune in!)

You can either head over to RadioDentata to listen, or just click below (or on my sidebar) for my own personal player.

Other amazing things I did on this trip:

*Shot for NoFauxxx (set goes up around Valentine’s Day)

*Shot for Crash Pad Series (I’ll let you know when that goes up)

*Took a tour of the Kink.com Armory

*Met and interviewed the above people, as well as met Fivestar, Mollena, and the owner of Inverted Eye

*Visited Berkley with a friend from college

*Purchased sexy stripper clothes with and for my friend (who was kind enough to let me stay with her)

*Met and chatted with the head of education for Good Vibrations and had a good talk

*Visited and participated at the Lusty Lady

*Brown bagged it in Dolores Park

*Drank at the Lexington Club (three times!)

*Had really amazing and satisfying sex with lovely bruises :)

*Learned how to pick up dollar bills off of people’s foreheads with my breasts

*Figured out that I can fit the NJoy Eleven (either end) in my mouth

*Listened to Obama’s inaugural speech

*Discovered that I like being tickled occasionally

*Ate lots and lots of delicious vegetarian food

*Got lost multiple times

*Held two pythons

*Went to the beach (in January!)

*Met a roller girl from the local derby league

*Taught a well-attended and interesting class on polyamory and relationship mapping at Femina Potens Gallery

*Enjoyed Taqueria Cancun not once, not twice, but three times!

I am home. I am exhausted. I am sore…both good sore (tickling, attempting pole moves, phenomenal sex), and bad sore (knees, hips, shoulders, neck). I am kaput for the next few days. However, I feel like I fit in absolutely everything that I possibly could into this trip, met so many people I had hoped to me, and some that I didn’t even know about and was lucky enough to meet.  I felt as though I was around my type of community…people who discuss sex, sexuality, gender, race, privilege, etc.  I have some new (and/or reinstated) goals from this trip:

*Move to the SF area (probably an outskirt)

*Get a job in sexuality/sex education, because I am so fulfilled doing this

*Queer. Gang. Bang. I want.  Half birthday present?

*Try anal sex. More so than what I have.

*Find more people to play with.

*Go back to visit my friends, especially those I didn’t get to see

*Figure out how to go to the AASECT conference in May to change things from the inside

Thank you so much to anyone and everyone who contributed to my amazing time in California. Best trip I’ve ever taken, hands down (and that beats out two years of all-expense paid trips to Dinah Shore, week long trips to Sweden, and more).

-Essin’ Em

I love things that are delicious. I like things that are romantic. I enjoy the flavor of raspberry.  Basically, the Kama Sutra Raspberry Kiss was designed for me.

This kit is actually really affordable, especially compared to some other sensual and romance kits.  Also, Feb 14th is coming up (whether you celebrate it as Valentine’s Day or Single’s Awareness Day), and if you’re looking to add a little spark into your life, this could be the kit for you.

In this kit, you get raspberry flavored honey dust (with a feather to apply it), raspberry flavored “pleasure balm” (which is a stimulating gel), and a warming oil that is, you guessed it, raspberry flavored.

Honey dust was fun. I didn’t really like the feather spreader-on thingy, so I just used a clean blush brush. I suppose you could also try powder puff thing…both available at your local drug store, and preferable to the feather, especially if you’re vegan or animal friendly.  The dust itself was really nice though — it went on smoothly, leaving your skin feeling silky, and when licked off, the taste wasn’t too strong, and didn’t leave a weird after taste.

I LOVED the Raspberry Oil of Love.  It tasted surprisingly good, with a lack of the oily, or just icky after taste that I had been expecting. Instead, it tasted delicious like raspberries. Better yet, if you rubbed in on your skin, it then got all nice and delicious and warm when you ran your fingers over it or blew on it or licked it.  Lots of fun and very sensual.  Just remember, oil and latex don’t mix, and oil and vaginas don’t mix.

The only part of the kit I wasn’t so enamored with was the “pleasure balm.”  It was supposed to be this raspberry flavored stimulation gel, but I didn’t really feel much stimulation from it…not on my generic skin, not on my tongue, not even on my nipple. My friend who was helping me…um…”test” this out, well, she didn’t feel anything either. Kind of a bust, but maybe it was just us?  Still fun to put on, and to lick off. Didn’t taste bad for that matter.

All in all, this is one of the better sensual/romantic kits that I’ve gotten to check out. The things actually taste good, it’s beautifully packaged, and the oil of love and honeydust are both amazing.  I’d definitely recommend it for you and your partner(s)…or if you’re hoping for a new partner on the 14th.

Hope on over to VibeReview for your own Raspberry Kiss Kit.

When I’m attracted to someone, my attraction (or even our mutual attraction), tends to fall into one of two categories:

-Seed growing into a flower that blooms and dies.

-Flames of passion that burn hot and then burn out.

Not always, obviously.  There are always exceptions to any rule.  But for the most part, that’s how I roll.

Still have no idea of what I’m talking about?  Let’s take J for example. 

I was not attracted to J on our first date. Sure, our conversation was interesting, but I felt kind of meh over the whole thing. I didn’t give a good night kiss, which I don’t know if that is something I’ve ever done. I just wasn’t feeling it.  But J texted me a lot when I was in Florida, and then wanted to meet up for coffee in the city with a friend. I have trouble turning people down, so I did. And again, good conversation, and I got a little more interested, but no spark.  Then he brought me back an I <3 Porn magnet from his trip to SF, which I appreciated.  But he said something I thought was idiotic for dinner. I wasn’t sure what to do, but gave him a kiss goodnight before he headed home. It was good. Next date, we had delicious vegetarian food, and he helped me box up most of my stuff for my move. As we lay in my bed, exhausted from packing, I realized he was growing on me, and I was starting to get attracted to him.  We had sex. And it was GOOD. Nay, it was great.

From there, my attraction grew.  Some things would frustrate me, but I was now at the point where I was really attracted to J, so I just shoved them to the side. Our attraction and our love blossomed.  And then, with the distance, and J being a college student…and me…well, NOT being a college student, and the frustrations…our flower wilted, and before it could die, J clipped it and threw it away.

Then there are people like K. When I first met him in a Mexican Restaurant, interviewing him to take over my position with a sex toy company, I felt ridiculous lust. Holy fuck, was he hot (and still was, last I saw).  He was physically hot, he was mentally stimulating, he was “I want to take you here and now.”  This lust continued to burn hot, up until, and even after the time we played in NYC.  However, time has dissipated my flame. While it hasn’t burned out (if he wanted to play tomorrow, I’d be so up for it), I no longer have this feeling of lust and strong attraction to him. I still enjoy conversations with him, I like chatting with him, but he no longer frequents sex dreams, and I don’t find me lapsing into thoughts about what I would like him to do to me when I should be thinking about someone else.

F was a little of both. I saw her, and was immediately attracted to her.  Yet instead of just having crazy hot sex (which is part of what we did), we also built a friendship, relationship, partnership around each other.  Slowly, over time, our flower was wilting and dying, but the fiery flames of the passionate type relationships sustained us.  However, eventually, those flames burnt out, possibly burning out the remains of the flower with it.

I wonder, can I find someone to whom I am attracted, but not in just an “I want you, and want you now” type of way? I mean, while I do want the passion, and some licks of fire, I also want someone with whom my attachment grows more and more as I spend more time with them. And you know, preferably, doesn’t wilt over time, especially after I’ve spent so much time nurturing our relationships.

Do we stick with the same types/methods of attraction through out our lives, or is this something that changes and morphs as we do?  Am I going to be doomed to either short yet passionate lustful attractions, or else having to convince myself that I’m attracted to people as I spend more and more time with them? Or perhaps, is there hope for me?

-Essin’ Em

No pun intended, but I just bet you’d love to get your fingers on this vibe!  This is the Isis, and it’s one of the nicest, fanciest finger vibes that you’ll ever put on one of your fingers. It’s non-porous, phthalate-free, and oh, did I mention that it is recharagable? Babeland has been kind enough to donate one to me for a giveaway. Including free shipping to anywhere in the US…so this contest is open to US people, or anyone international that wants to pay for shipping.

What do you have to do in order to enter?  In a comment, tell me a creative way that you could/would use this vibe. I’ll choose one lucky winner.

When? You need to have your comment submitted by 11:59 pm on Wednesday, January 28th.

And don’t forget to head over to Babeland to thank them for this awesome contest!

-Essin’ Em

Vibrator.com sells sex toys. I mean, that makes sense. They’re a cool company…selling your average run o’ the mill sex toys (including many with phthalates, which I do NOT endorse, and suggest you don’t buy, or use condoms when you use them).

But you know what they do carry that is really freaking cool?  The Lelo Mia.

I. Love. Lelo. They make really cool, really pretty, rechargeable (and environmentally friendly), phthalate free (silicone and plastic) toys.  This is my fifth toy by them, and I love them all.

So what makes the Mia so special? Well, it falls into the discreet sex toys category. It’s tiny, about the size of a large tube of lipstick, so you can keep it in your pocket or purse with your friends being none the wiser.  It’s rechargeable – no batteries needed. It comes in pink (ewwww…just kidding) or purple (which is what I got, clearly). It’s pretty damn affordable for such a quality vibrator.

But the best part? It. Charges. Via. USB.

That’s right folks, you plug it into your computer to charge it.  A few hours later, voila! You have a sexy, purse sized vibrator with FOUR HOURS of charge. Four.  Also, it isn’t just an on/off vibe; it has four different levels.

In theory? Genius! In reality, I wouldn’t say genius, but maybe head of the class.  It doesn’t pack quite  as much of a punch as I’d like (although the vibration is still pretty good for such a small toy).  It’s great for a little quicky, and it definitely gets me all kinds of worked up, but I can’t exactly get all the way off with it.  Then again, I prefer my vibrators to be weapons grade.

I’d give it 4.5 out of 5 stars.  If it was a little more powerful, it would be perfect! I love Lelo, and am so glad to get to try out another one of their amazing projects.

-Essin’ Em

PS. All my nerdy friends and I think this is the coolest idea. EVER.

I am OCD about cleaning out my email inboxes.  Well, not cleaning out, but I hate having new, unopened email, and I get a rush of joy of unstarring an email that has been starred (ie, come back to take care of later).  I was going through my starred emails, and came across this one.  When F and I were still in the first few months, I had asked her if she’d be willing to write a guest post for this blog, about what it was like to sleep/play/sex with me.  She sent me this bit, telling me she’d finish it later. She never did, but because she took the time to write it (and because I want to unstar an email), I’m posting this.  She wrote it about our first time playing together…I only wish that she had finished it.

-Essin’ Em

It was the first time that we had spent time in a quiet room together outside of my office. I was in the process of unwinding from a day of giving bodywork and motivation to my small world of clients… She was my last “appointment” of the day and as a completely casual situation we were spending time in my lame excuse for a home… basically a house that i stored my stuff in and stayed at when i couldn’t find any other excuse to stay somewhere else. The lack of sanctuary resulted in a slight disassociated sense of numbness, a form of survival.

She had had a migraine and was seeing me for bodywork to see if there was a way to relieve her of some of it. We spent what seemed like hours talking in my basement… at some point she picked up my hunting knife off the coffee table (it was a little dull) and started running it up and down her arm… this sent a little sense of excitement through me and out of instinct I sat down next to her and laid out my arm. I never had a partner that really gave me a sense of permission to explore different things that may have turned me on and immediately she offered not only reassurance but almost a readiness to help me discover a new world of sensations… she instructed me to take off my shirt.

It felt like time slowed as i pulled up the back of my shirt and she unhooked my bra. Everything was heightened. The anticipation filled the air and i could practically feel it… when all of a sudden i felt the sharp tip stick into my skin… slowly she ran the blade down the side of my spine. It felt like my muscles became puppets to my own skin, dancing and quivering, sending shivers through my body as she gently carved designs over my entire back. I had never been so wet before. Completely distracting when you’re trying to find a place of zen before coming into a space for the therapeutic touch we had scheduled… 

The night of our play date, I was sooo nervous. I wanted to shave everything out of this weird nervous obsessive compulsive tic I have… Obsessed about being clean in order to feel more comfortable about my own insecurities (i know, i’m kind of weird). I arrived to her apartment with my heart in my throat. Coming up the elevator was like increasing the volume of the butterflies swarming my stomach and chest. This was a night where I had permission to be, and do without shame… something so foreign but so familiar. I came inside and she offered to make me tea…

I went outside to smoke, again out of nervous anxiety… what if I suck, what if I don’t know what to do, what if I don’t know what I want, what if she gets impatient and irritated… after i found a proper disposal for my cigarette butt I went inside and brushed my teeth and washed my hands (back to the weird coping mechanism)… and then we sat down and talked. She opened the conversation with what would I like to do. I stumbled through bondage, spanking, choking, MORE KNIFE PLAY!! She brought up safe words and hard limits… yellow, red (green for go :))

“Can I kiss you,”

“Yes.”

“Can I fuck you,”

“Yes.”

I was so turned on by the small piece of knife play before that probably could have come either way.  I jumped in the shower to get ready.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday to everyone!

As we speak, I am in San Francisco. I’m here doing lots of things. What am I up to?

*Saturday, I’m shooting for the Crash Pad Series

*Sunday, I’m doing a photoshoot with NoFauxxx

*I’m getting to have lunch with Dr. Charlie Glickman, of Good Vibrations

*Dinner with the folks of They Belong to Us

*Interviewing Madison Young, Syd Blakovich (aka Shawn), Trouble, and maybe some more people for my internet radio show on RadioDentata.

*Presenting a Poly Basics Workshop at Femina Potens on Friday (tomorrow) night. You’re welcome to come!

*Having drinks with Jiz Lee, Fivestar, and hopefully more cool people.

*Hopefully meeting up with Ian Sparks of Trannywood Pictures.

*Staying and having fun with two old friends of mine from undergrad.

*Hanging out with other people I know in SF.

*Seeing the cute NM from Pornotopia.

And hopefully so much more. Send me good travel karma please :)

-Essin’ Em

Geisha by Steal Your Soul Photography

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #11? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #13? Submit it here before Sunday January 26th at 11:59pm PST. Note: there will be no Pleasurists next week, January 19th due to the editrix moving to Seattle. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to be part of the Best Sex Toy Reviewers List of 2008?

• Nominate your favorite Sex Toy Reviewers! Deadline: January 25th at 11:59pm PST.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Win a Pink Kink Kit! Deadline: January 26th, 2009
• Win a Hot New Sex Toy! Deadline: February 1st.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

• Fun Factory Laya Spot by Thursday’s Child

I think I might finally understand all of the buzz surrounding the Laya Spot! I’m a fan of strong vibrators, and most of the battery powered vibrators just can’t compare to my go-to vibrator, the Hitachi Magic Wand. But this funny little vibrator is strong! Really strong. And quiet, too!

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators

• Cry Baby by Beautiful Dreamer
• The Shimmy Shimmy Shake (Briana’s Silicone Squiggler) by Sleeping Dreamer
• Fun Factory Laya Spot by Beautiful Dreamer
• Slender Sensations Vibe by Rebecca Deos
• Sunflower G-Spot by The Countess
• Laya Spot by Adriana
• Infared Rechargeable Massager by The Hot Movies For Her Sex Toy Crew
• Je Joue SaSi by Beautiful Dreamer
• Aqua Paradise (Aqua Wand) by Sienna
• Fleur de Lis by Panthera Pardus
• Fun Factory Delight by Betty Rocket
• Selene Vibrating Clitoral Pump by Curvaceous Dee
• Cry Baby by Epiphora

Dildos

• Ella by Carnivalesq
• Phallix Cobalt Twister by Epiphora

Anal Toys

• Wanda Anal Probe by Shasta Gibson

Toys for Boys

• The Maven by Jack Stratton
• Four Seasons Studded And Ribbed Condoms by Shasta Gibson

Lube/Massage Oil/Bath Stuff

• Universal Lube by The Hot Movies For Her Sex Toy Crew
• Hot Heart Massage Set by Sexorcism
• Lubricant Toko Aroma Champagne/Strawberry by Alpine Subdreams
• Chocolate Body Paint by Alisa

BDSM/Fetish

• My Dirty Monday: The Love Connection by Sommer Marsden
• Japanese Ball Gag by Essin’ Em
• Kinklab Wartenberg Pinwheel by Red Sneaker Diaries
• Bunny Fur Mitt by Betty Rocket
• I love nipple clamps (Clover Clamps) by Bad Bad Girl

Adult Books/Games

• Hurts So Good by Sexorcism
• Photography for Perverts by Domina Doll

Adult Movies/Porn

• Girl Train (disc 1) by J.D. Bauchery
• Horat by The Porn Librarian
• Lex on Blondes Volume 4 by The Porn Librarian
• Upload by Sienna
• The Elegant Spanking by Domina Doll

Toy Storage

• Adult Toybox by Syntax

Miscellaneous

• Kama Sutra Intensifying Gel by Beautiful Dreamer
• Deep Throat Desensitizer by Azen Eunice Aguilar
• Luna Beads by Ansley Agnello
• Nexus G-Pod by Dangerous Lilly
• Jaguar Harness by Red Sneaker Diaries
• Simply Sexy Leather Harness by Sinclair Sexsmith