Farewell to the Red HNT
This picture was taken during the Vagina Monologues. I’d somehow found a random piece of foliage (perhaps a filler from someone’s bouquet of flowers?) and decided that it looked perfect in my hair. I totally did the opening part of the show looking just like this. It just worked for me.
My hair is no longer bright red. In looking for a job, I dyed it. I couldn’t get a job at very many places period, and I was afraid that the red might impede my search.
I miss the red. It doesn’t look bad now, not really. It just isn’t me. I like being vibrant and vivacious, and different. Even my mother, who never seems to agree with most anything I say or do, told me that my hair looked really good red and black. Whenever my hair is bright, fire engine red, I feel me, I feel safe. Other colors (black, green, blue, purple) are fun, and I love changing it up on occasion, but this red is me. I feel like this should be my natural color, that I’m at my most natural, the most myself when it’s this color.
Right now, I feel muted. I feel like I’m covering me up, like I’m playing a role instead of living as myself in my life (for many reasons, but this is one). I’ve had to dye it before, and I felt the same way then. I know many people get full sleeve tattoos, or facial piercings, and have an amazing “this is me, take it or leave it attitude.” I would love to do that. I’d love to say “fine, I don’t want to work for anyone that wouldn’t hire me because of my hair.” But I’ve been unemployed (with both “normal” and “bright red” hair) for almost eight months. I’m scared of being evicted. I’m worried about feeding my kitties. I don’t have the luxury of that “fuck you, let me be me” attitude that I wish I did.
So goodbye red hair. You’ll be missed until I can get you back again. And Happy Half Nekkid Thursday to all!
-Essin’ Em
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Very seductive… Lovely…
Love the photo… and the look in your eyes.
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!
I have that attitude that you mention. I’ve had to compromise in appearance before for a job. My current one, I had to lose the eyebrow piercing or not have a job. I kept looking and looking but I needed the money and nothing else came along. So I don’t wear any piercings while at work. I feel naked and strange without it. I feel like a part of me, a deep part of me, is missing. Which to some is silly but to me it makes sense. Sometimes, you have to do what you need to do to get along, even when it hurts you to do so. I do feel bad for you for having to change your hair. I understand how you’re feeling about that. *hugs*
Good luck with finding a job too. I hope something comes along soon.
I love the red too. I’m much the same… but my colour is purple ;)
You do look awesome in red and that bit of bright green foliage makes such a nice contrast in the picture. As to your current muted state, your energy is still very vibrant. I really hope something job wise comes along for you soon.
HHNT
As someone who got strange looks (not actual comments, because that would be discrimination) for her hair colours, I know where you’re coming from. I live in rural Wales, and strangely all the nice comments are from people over 40 and any nasty ones from people in their twenties…
I do like you with red hair – there’s something incredibly vivacious about the bright red.
Here’s the hoping you’ll find a job, and one that lets you be who you are!
I’ve had my sleeve designed and ready to go for over a year now. Every time I pick up the phone to schedule my appointment that thought pops in my head, “kiss a professional career with dress codes goodbye”. When I worked in bridal sales I had to take out my monroe- this was a piercing that I was absolutely in love with, it felt like me, it was beyond personal expression… it was special. I was absolutely miserable that I had to suppress the best parts of myself in order to fit in at a business.
I loved your hair as red too, as everyone else here has said- and I’m sorry you’ve had to change pieces of yourself in order to find employment.
The content filters are down on the library’s computers (yay!) so I’ve been spending the day reading sex blogs. (And I absolutely love yours, by the way.)
Anyway, it occurs to me that firetruck red IS your natural hair color. It’s just not your biological hair color. That’s what happens when I read your post after spending most of yesterday playing word definition games in my head.
ZtC