Sexuality Happens

I love queer porn. And I especially love CrashPadSeries.com by Pink and White Productions. Pink and White is a super ethical, super queer, fabulous porn company that makes fucking hot porn, with real people, and ridiculously amazing sex… and they have not only their AMAZING films, including Superfreak, The Wild Search, Champion and all original Crash Pad, but also their website CrashPadSeries.com featuring some of my favorite stars, just as Jiz Lee, Syd Blakovich, Madison Young, Courtney Trouble, Dallas, Dylan Rion, Rozen, Sadie Lune, Trucker Cash, Princess Donna, Jake…and oh yeah. Me.

I shot with Crash Pad when I was in San Francisco in January, and had such a blast. I’m even hoping to go back next fall.  My scene is fabulous…and my behind the scenes is even better!

Luckily, you might get a chance to see me fucking (under the name Scarlett Chaos). CrashPadSeries is offering a FREE MONTH LONG Level 2 membership. That’s right – a free month of some of the hottest porn out there.  Clearly, you must be 18 to enter, and willing to give your information to the webmaster in order to collect your prize.

How do you enter?  Post a comment with:

a) Who would your ideal Crash Pad scene feature? What would be the setting/background/schtick?

b) What toys would you like to see on the Crash Pad? How would it/they be used?

c) If I could shoot my next scene with anyone, who would you want to see fucking with me?

Deadline: April 22nd, 2009. Yup, a full month. Tell your friends, enter yourself, get your partner to enter as well. I mean, seriously, you can win a membership to CrashPad! Spread the word to watch people spread their legs.

Impatient? Didn’t win? Want a long term and/or level 3 membership? Get your very own, very affordable CrashPad membership!

Ready…set…PORN!

-Essin’ Em

I like stars. I like them a lot. I have stars as part of one of my tattoos. I have stars all over my room from my childhood (my current room is more of the red, black, and leopard print theme). I doodle stars all over pieces of paper. I like getting little gold, silver, red, blue, etc star stickers. Stars rock my world.

So imagine how excited I felt when I got a box in the mail with not one, but TWO starry sex toys. Not just starry toys, but kinky toys. With stars. Um…score.

First, we have the “shining star crop.” I didn’t think I’d like this toy very much, honestly. Crops, schmops.  They’ve seemed pretty boring to me in the past. I mean, there isn’t too much to hit with, they’re kind of floppy…and seriously, they remind me of horses…and not the pony play kind. I was excited for this beautiful golden star on the edge of a long stick, but not really for it as a crop.

Until I started using it. The bendiness of the crop itself is near perfect…it’s bendy and bouncy, and really bloody fun to hit people with.  It’s fairly easy to aim with (which is good for a crop n00b like myself), and the gold side provides a slightly softer hit, while the black side of the star is a bit stingier.  I felt almost like a magical fairy godmother weilding my oh so pretty star crop, and when I brought it with me to a local TNG (the next generation – 18-35) play party, I was told I looked like Glenda the Good Witch’s evil sister. I laughed a bit manicially.  I really like this crop, and went around cropping multiple people with it.

Including Q.  Before a night last week, Q had never had a crop or a paddle used on her. And lucky her, she had me use both of them on her in one night…right before a four plane flight to New York. I’m so nice, aren’t I?  Clearly, I liked the crop. However, Q preferred the paddle. I’m not sure if she actually liked the paddle itself, being a paddle n00b (yes, I have said n00b twice in this post so far…well, three times now), or if she just liked it better than the crop.

The star paddle?

Well, it too was starry. With three stars. That are cut outs (supposedly, if you hit someone the right way, it will leave little starry marks on them in the midst of a red ass). It’s a two flap paddle – the front part has the cutouts, and then the middle is made of red paper, and the back flap is solid leather.

I thought I’d like this paddle, because I like paddles a lot…both spanking with them, and getting spanked by paddles.  However, I thought this paddle was kind of “meh.” Firstly, the paper was just a poor choice. While the rest of the paddle can be wiped down or spritzed for cleaning purposes, you can’t do jack or shit with the paper. In fact, a local Domme I know who has this paddle has removed the paper so she can actually clean it. I wish the red paper had instead been red leather, because I obviously like the black/red look, but not the paper. Also, it just didn’t feel right in my hands. It wasn’t quite the right shape, and it wasn’t weighted quite right

Also, I wanted to try to leave the star marks, but as I said, Q is a spanking n00b (that’s four), and I was so nice, and kind, and gave her a good warm up…ergo, her butt was already a pink red, and even if I had hit her harder with the paddle (which I didn’t, as she’s not into tons of pain), the stars wouldn’t have showed. I have other paddles I like better, therefore, this one just gets a “meh” out of me.  My cats have already claimed it as a new toy, and I’m not gonna fight them for it.

Overall, I highly recommend the VERY affordable and super fun star crop with FIVE STARS…no irony intended.  The star paddle I give three stars. Which is kind of ironic, as it has three stars on it.

-Essin’ Em

Remember that awesome NoFauxxx.com giveaway I was having? I received almost TWO DOZEN entries (including a few photos in my inbox!) and they were all incredibly interesting. Some were funny, some where deep, some all encompassing.  What great thoughts all of you have!

Thank you to everyone who entered.  I am often asked, when people find that I identify as queer, what queers me. I always tell them that I can give them MY understanding of queer for ME, but that is different for many people.  Now I have a plethora of answers I can share.

While all of the entries were great, and some were hands down amazing, this one, written by Sabien (no blog, but picture below), blew my mind:

“Queer!

Queer is Levels.

Queer is a hallway of mirrors in the funhouse of human nature. More specifically, human sexual dimorphism. Not just sexuality.
Not just gender. Not just social dynamics. It is impossible to talk of “queerness” and get a pin in its back for observation in still life.
Its parts and principles come from the expression through those who take shelter under its umbrella. Queer is a title owned by all
who use and add to it, and while it is more definitely some things and less definitely others, above all, it represents a congress of the blooming
diversity of our sexual spectrum (yet somehow remaining a handy one-syllable word) and a simple label for the people who travel past
suppression, stereotypes, ignorance, canon, and old patterns of thinking— who slough the unhealthy, uncreative habit of segregating
ourselves for our differences, and exchange it for a meal-ticket into the postmodern buffet of “Whatever, Whoever, However” and the
freedom of our own unique appetites. Queerness is playful. It is an ever increasing state of diversity in sexual expression. Queerness is
our choice not to isolate, but instead, to embrace.

Queer breaks the wall and rocks the Casbah. And that’s what it means to me.

And here is a picture our winner Sabien sent me:

So thank you again for all of your entries, thoughts, ideas and discussion!  Shortly, we’ll be having a giveaway for CrashPadSeries.com – another awesome queer site, where it just so happens, you can see me fucking! So make sure you keep visiting me here.

Didn’t win, but still want a membership so you can see my HOT kitchen masturbation set? Sign up here!

Thanks to Courtney Trouble, goddess of NoFauxxx for sponsoring this contest!

-Essin’ Em

While we were up at the Vagina Retreat at a cabin in Breckenridge, we took some fun and nerdy photos…like three of us playing nude chess or humping a telescope. And here is one from such a shoot, with me just chilling in the kitchen.  No make up, fresh out of the hot tub hair, this is what I look like au natural, curled up in a chair.

That all for me this week. I’ve actually been busy for once (sadly, not with a job, but one can hope, right?).  Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

Listen to my podcast on RadioDentata.com at 9pm EST (6pm PST) on Thursdays (tonight!), and it repeats at 9pm EST (6pm PST) and 3am EST (Midnight PST) on Fridays!

Holy heck, that title had a lot of apostrophe’s!

Following in Amber’s footsteps, I’ve decided to give you a quick and dirty post about all of the letters (and come names) you will find in my blog. Some of them have been in my life, and are no longer (or are no longer an active part of my life), others you’ll read about currently. So voila; the Key to Essin’ Em, and her semi-love, more kink and sex life. It’s KIND OF (kind of being the operative part) in chronological order. Let me know if I’m missing anyone.

Q - Updated: Q is my primary partner, the love of my life, the daddy of my kitties, my rock and so much more.  We live together in a 2-bedroom condo in Phoenix, AZ. She’s really smary, witty, sweet, caring, nerdy and awesome. I met her at the Strap On workshop I taught at Hysteria in December 2008. Hot damn if she doesn’t fuck me well…she does fuck like a siberian tiger. And when I can’t move and am in so much pain, she brings me pills and ice packs and lies in bed with me stroking my hair. I love her more than words can say.

F - F and I were primary partners. We were together most of fall and winter 2008. She and I had gone to HS together, but not really been friends…we re-met when I was on a date with L, and really hit it off. She started out as a total submissive who hadn’t gotten to play before, but morphed into an excellent switch. We had a lot of kink play, from bondage to edge play to breath play, spankings, caning, orgasm control, forced orgasm. For all of our other issues, we connected really well during sex, had good sexual communication, and fucked good and hard for hours.  Like more than two dozen orgasms at a time.  Also, the first person who has fisted me.  We’ve since broken up. However, as the Denver dyke scene is very tight, and the Denver kink scene is close knit, and we’re both kinky dykes, we ran into each other a lot, and we’re cordial.  She is now in AA, which I really support her for.

Ms. S – Local Denver Domme who owns a dungeon, and is hilarious and a ton of fun to play with. She’s the one who did fire cupping and some violet wand play with me. I like her a lot as a person. She also teaches at Hysteria. She jokes about being a creepy old lady playing with people in their 20s, but I feel much more comfortable her than I do with lots of kinksters my age.

S- A long time crush, interesting person with deep thoughts and lots of fun overall. We had some fun and amazing sex when I was in SF, and other fun and adventures. First (and only) person I ejaculated with, and there were other firsts. A really fun, really enjoyable and completely satisfying experience.

Miss P and Miss D – Friend of mine who have now become very good friend’s of F.  Both are part of a local female domination house, and I’ve played with both. I kind of feel weird now, since we played when F and I were together, and now they play with F, and Miss D and F shot a kink set (porn) for a site together, right after F backed out on me for CrashPad. So yeah. They’re really nice and fun though.

L – L is the lovely woman I met and hit on at the DMV the first week I was back in Denver, channeling Sinclair to be forward and slightly suave. We went on a few dates (she’s the one I broke my foot with), and then actually, on the same date where I met F, she told me that she wasn’t ready to be dating people. We’ve become really good friends, and hang out a lot. I’m in the midst of perverting her (and the lady she’s currently dating…who went to HS with my sister…oy) – she likes fire and electricity play now, and is totally a switch…I just don’t know how much she knows it. I really want to play with her at some point, but that remains to be seen.

M - Turns out M and I knew each other for a hot second in HS (M was a freshman when I was a senior, but we met briefly through a friend), and we re-met one night at the local dyke bar. M helped me to test out the Shunga Chocolate Body Paint, and we had a nice make-out session. Then I took M to a local play party, and later that night we had enjoyable sex, and interesting/awkward conversation (such at the whole “My anus is bleeding!” interaction). M is now engaged, and M’s finace is really nice and adorable. We still talk, and I just got Kate Bornstein’s book My Gender Workbook back, which M had borrowed.

Sasha Sappho - Sasha and I went to middle school together, and have reconnected. She’s currently in NY, but will hopefully come back when she graduates college in May. We played at Thunder in the Mountains last year, but otherwise, are just really good friends.

KW - KW stands for Kinky Whore (by her own choosing). She was a good friend who I had made in Philly who screwed me over and completely cut me out of her life, really hurting me. That’s all.

C – I met C through a friend of mine in Philly who used to be a pro-domme, and was involved with Roller Derby. We hung out a few times, chatted, danced, etc…and in the week before I left Philly to move back to Denver, we had two amazing nights of fun, enjoyable, really connective sex. We talk occasionally on the phone, but not that often.  Amazing person.

K - K is…well. He’s intense. He’s smart. He’s interesting. He’s fucking hot. He’s…well, he’s K. I met K when I interviewed him as my replacement for my position at EdenFantasys when I left.  Biggest lust crush ever. I would have let him do pretty much anything to me.  I tried to flirt, and failed mostly, as usual.  We finally got to play at the Submit party in NYC and it was an absolutely blast.  He also made me cry when I really needed to and couldn’t.  We still talk on G-chat regularly, and he was helpful in talking to when Athena died. We hung out and he hit me (in a good way) when I visited NYC in May 09. A very cool person, and I’m glad he’s in my life. He’s also a FTM Pro Dom.  Email if you’re interested in sessioning with hi,

J – J and I dated for about 6 months in 2007. We met on Craigslist (oh yes). First time I had my heart really bruised was when we broke up.  There were lots of issues with this relationship, like long distance, and age difference, and J being a sophomore in college and into drinking/drugs when it really wasn’t my scene, and me being more OCD about planning, etc. However, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. J was the first person I loved, and we had a lot of fun, tried lots of new things, and I learned a fuck ton about myself during and after this relationship. Also, the first person I fisted.  We kind of stopped contact on and off for about eight or nine months, but have recently reconnected. She now identifies as a high femme.  My mind is still trying to wrap itself around this.

The Asshole – First and only cisgender guy I ever had intercourse with. He also told me that I hadn’t really been sexually assaulted – that it was only a misunderstanding. He told me that rape was only perpetrated by strangers, and that domestic violence was only physical, never emotional or threatening. I left his apartment in tears, and have not seen him since…this was about three years ago.

Julius – Julius had been my best friend from about 7th or 8th grade.  He went to most of the dances with me in HS, even though we didn’t go to the same HS. We spent hours every night talking for years. He was my second “real” kiss. He was the first person to tell me that he loved me. He came to see one of my shows in college, and we hung out when I got back.  Then, about a week before I moved to Germany my junior year of college, we hooked up.  I never heard from him again. He blocked me on facebook, he didn’t return my email or hand-written letter. When I called him in 2006 before moving to Philly, he answered my call “accidentally” and then pretended to be someone else.  Last year, I wrote him a note on myspace apologizing for whatever it was that I’d done, and wishing him the best in life. He read it, but never wrote back. That’s Julius.

I have identified as a submissive for quite a long time…I remember dreams of being part of some Middle Eastern princess’s all female harem.  I was the only one who listened to her and all of her rules, and I was rewarded for my obedience. I got to sleep in her bed, curled up with her, as a reward, the only slave who was allowed to sleep with her. I was about ten when I was having these dreams.

When I played with people, it was always as a sub. Whether it was an actual scene, like with K, where I was trying to be oh so good, and such a good submissive, or just getting a spanking from J, I bottomed. I was tied up, spanked, pinched, told be quiet, you name it. 

The first time I ever topped someone was last June in Florida.  Since then, I’ve topped Sasha Sappho, a girl I met at the Team Gina concert, F, Q, and a few others. F topped me sometimes, and I’ve played with Ms. S, Miss D and Miss P at parties and they’ve topped me.  I’ve had incredibly hot women in my bed, or bent over a table, telling me how much they love me topping them. I’ve wrestled and pinned, had my hair pulled so hard I could barely take it, and was told how much I turned her on.

Somehow, when my eyes were closed, I became a switch. I went from super submissive who wanted nothing more than being pinned against a wall and to obey to this on again, off again top who gets incredibly turned on as I tie Q spread eagle across my bed, run a knife all over her chest and cunt, and then fuck her until she is pulling against the restraints with all her strength.

So have I always been a switch, and not realized it? Or was I a submissive, and something happened to…well, flip a switch that turned me into a switch. I’m embracing it, I’m enjoying it…I’m just a little confused.

-Essin’ Em

I’ve only gone gambling once. On time, it was in Vienna, Austria, and then once again with my best friend in Atlantic City when she came to visit.  I guess if you count the scratch lotto, it’s been a few more times. I’m not the biggest fan – I don’t like losing my money.  However, I do like sex, and was willing to take a gamble or two as long as sex was involved. Enter, Sex Casino.

This kit has a ton of different things. There are scratch cards, dice, chips, cards, and oh yes, a GIANT fold out instruction sheet that tells you how to play a ton of different games with said items.

I was being all smooth again, and as I was planning on Q coming over for sex anyways, I opened the box and took out all the items.  When she showed up, I pinned her against the pantry door in the kitchen, and handed her some scratch cards.  Um. Boring. Lots of candles, and steamy showers, and sexy music things. Totally not our style. More over, some of them were very heterosexist; “he does/she does.”  As we are two woman identified people, I was pretty underwhelmed.

The dice were fun. One has verbs (nibble, lick, suck, etc), the other has nouns (nipples, neck, feet, etc). Now, I don’t like having my feet played with that much, but this was a fun way of ‘having to’ try playing with them (in a consensual way of course).  

The chips were fun – good for figuring out fun things to do, etc.  However, all of these games were kind of odd. And some of them were hard to follow. And honestly, when I want to be getting it on, I don’t want to have to be reading confusing instructions. I want to be licking and sucking and kissing and fucking and mmmm. You know what I mean.

I think if you’re a more vanilla couple who happens to be make of a cisgender man and cisgender woman, this could be lots of fun, and definitely add more spice to your life. If you’re more kinky, however, or queer identified, this kit might be a little tame, a little boring, and even a little hetero sexist.

I really do like the dice though…and so do my kitties. If you get this kit, make sure you keep your dice away from claws and paws, or you may never get them back.

To get the Sex Casino kit, head over to Babeland!

-Essin’ Em

So I’m trying to hit on this woman…and we all know how (not) smooth I am.  Anyways, she invites me to an equinox party/bonfire at her mountain home, where she’ll be spinning poi (fire). That led to a talk about how both of us like fire.  She then told me that she’s a triple fire sign; double sag and leo.

I had no bloody clue what that meant. However, with help from both Natt Nightly and F, I’m working on figuring it out. Apparently, you are tons and tons of different signs when you’re born, but the three that matter are your sun sign (based on the day you’re born), your moon sign, and your rising sign (one of those is based on what time you’re born, and one is based on where).  Anyways, here are what mine have to say about me (and my thoughts in italics).  If you know more about any of this stuff, and want to help me understand any of it, I’m open minded to learning some of it. Please feel free to elaborate/explain anything.

Sun sign: Sagittarius 

She is good, idealistic, enthusiastic and warm-hearted. She is independent, has a taste for travel and freedom. She is pre-disposed to a professional career.

Restless, cheerful, and friendly, Sun in Sagittarius people are generally on the go. They have a love of freedom, and a disdain for routine. Generally quite easygoing, Sagittarians make friends with people from all walks of life. They love to laugh and tease, and get along well with both sexes. Sagittarians have an often blind faith in people, and in the world. Their optimism is infectious, although it can get them into trouble from time to time. These are curious people who love to learn. Their idealistic nature is hard to miss.

Although generally easygoing, Sagittarius is a fire sign. This gives natives a generally quick temper. Fortunately, they’re usually as quick to forget what got them angry in the first place. The need for escape is generally strong, and some Solar Sagittarians come across as a little irresponsible. They’re generally easy to forgive, however. After all, their direct, honest approach in life is admirable.

Weaknesses: She is too adventurous and leaves things to chance: takes risks which cause problems: she is rebellious and has a playful spirit.

(I don’t leave that much to chance, but more so than I used to.  I DO have a playful spirt, but I don’t see that, or being rebellious as a weakness. Overall, fairly accurate)

Moon: Scorpio

Courageous, brave, independent, not a fearful nature. The type of sensual woman who likes eroticism.

While others may find security and comfort in material things, Moon in Scorpio people seek out emotional intensity. No matter what, there is something very intense about Lunar Scorpios. They are diggers when it comes to the world of emotion–they can see beyond facades and cut right to the core of a person. This ability to “see” what isn’t obvious to the rest of the world can be intimidating to others or wildly attractive, depending on the audience. 

Moon in Scorpio people radiate strength. Even in the absence of experience, they seem to “just know” things. It would be difficult to shock or scare away Lunar Scorpios in the face of emotional honesty and power. Some people instinctively want to lean on them, and other less brave folk run a little scared. Lunar Scorpios have exceptional “radar” that allows them to size up a situation–and a person–quickly and expertly. This ability to understand human motivation and nature can be too close for comfort for some, and enormously comforting for others. Many Lunar Scorpios are intelligent and astute. Those that use their enormous powers for intimacy and honesty are the happiest, and they make the most interesting and rewarding friends and lovers.

Weaknesses: excesses of pleasures of the flesh, sensual delights and sensuality.

(Ok, I’m laughing really hard at this. Yes, I am very independent. And very sensual.  And VERY MUCH into the excesses of pleasures of the flesh and all that jazz. However, I don’t see liking to kiss, cuddle and fuck as a weakness. I do think this is spot on, and wish I’d known about it before, so I could explain that having the sex drive of a 15 year old cisgender male was actually the fault of my moon sign. But while some people (F) don’t think I’m that very emotional, I think that I’m very big on emotions, with people I trust and care about. There is a difference between having strong emotions and being highly emotional.)

Rising: Leo

Sign of good health, vitality. Certain of success, either in sport, the Arts or something else. Very full emotional life. 

Leo rising people cannot help but be noticed. They radiate a special energy and magnetism that gets others’ attention. Sometimes it’s because they are loud people who pay a lot of attention to their personal appearance (especially their hair!); other times it’s due to a regal manner that simply demands interest from others. Leo Ascendant people are very self-aware and body-conscious. They are acutely aware of others, and how they come across. In fact, these people are especially aware of their personal “backdrop”–they consider what the people they’re with, and the environments they are in, do to their own image. Often, Leo rising natives feel as if they are on stage, even in the privacy of their own homes! They are given to rash decisions, temper tantrums, and excesses. However, they have plenty of staying power, drive, and their idealism keeps them from getting into too much trouble. The desire to oversee the goings-on in their circle can sometimes amount to bossiness. If this desire doesn’t go too far, however, it can just mean a person who wants to make sure the people they love are all right. Many Leo rising people are managers, either by profession or character. 

No matter their age in real-world terms, Leo rising people are kids at heart. They are fun-loving and warm; generous and spirited. Just how magnanimous and outgoing a Leo rising individual is will be modified by the placement of the Sun by sign and house.  They have a natural flair for presentation, an eye for quality, and a hard-to-resist warmth of style. They want to make things happen, and create a stir.

(I’m not sure how I feel about this.  I do have a certain flair with my hair, as I dye it many fun colors, but I don’t really primp as much as this may suggest. I am definitely a kid at heart, and very fun loving…but aren’t most people? I don’t think I make rash decisions or have temper tantrums…but maybe I’m not having enough self-reflection. I need to think on this one more.)

I know that lots of people are hosting a similar contest to this super fabulous contest right now, but why not me too?

The swag? A $20 gift card to Babeland (the brick and mortar stores, or the website). No strings. You can use it on toys, books, lube, movies, sale products, you name it. You can buy a product under $20, or you can use it towards a larger purchase.

The how? I want to know if you could only have THREE sex toys for the rest of your life (assuming that they never break), which three would they be? This includes movies, lube, books, etc. At least ONE of these toys must be sold by Babeland.  I also want to know the quick and dirty as to why you would choose those particular items.

The when? I must receive your entry, as a comment, by 11:59 pm MST on Friday, March 20th. 

The why? Because I love sex toys, I love Babeland, I love hearing your stories and thoughts, and I love giving back to you.

The fine print? You have to be in the US, or else pay for me to ship you your card elsewhere :) Over 18, obviously.

The who? Everyone! I mean, who WOULDN’T want a $20 gift card to one of my favorite sex toy stores? Thanks again to Babeland  for letting me put on this contest!  

-Essin’ Em