Sexuality Happens

Somedays, I can’t stand up.  I can’t even get out of bed. I’m in so much fucking pain that my body cannot bear my weight. Some days, I take a cocktail of pain killers, anti-inflammatories, and muscle relaxers, and lie in bed, praying that they’ll knock me out so that the pain will go away. It fucking sucks.

However, while I sometimes physically cannot stand up, I will ALWAYS stand up for myself regarding my disability. I feel guilty and horrible enough about it as is, I refuse to let other people break me down, make me feel worse.  I will stand up, I will speak out.

As evidenced:

To Whom It May Concern;

I would like to file a complaint regarding my treatment by the security guard who identified himself as J. B.  On the night of March 19th, I left the building around 11:15 pm.  I was approached by Mr. B, and asked if that was my car in the parking space market “Handicapped visitor – 4 hour maximum.” I replied that it was. He told me that in the future, I shouldn’t park there, or my car would be towed. I asked him why that was.  I told him I had signed into the building at 8:15pm, and was well within the time limit.

He then questioned me as to whether I had read the sign, or seen what was on the pavement.  I told him that indeed I had, and that my Colorado issued handicap placard was displayed in the front window, as required. He obviously hadn’t even looked at it.  He looked me up and down, and told me I didn’t look like I should be parking there. I explained that I’d had three knee surgeries, had patellor-femoral arthritis, and was on medication for all of my joint issues. I even offered him my physician’s phone number should he want proof of my diagnosed disability.

He then started to walk away, telling me that it was no use talking to me because I just needed to listen.  I asked him if he would please clarify what his complaint was against me, and why he had threatened to tow me, as I was in fact disabled according to the state of Colorado.  He walked back towards my car, and told me I had parked slightly crookedly, and that while there was not a parkable space next to me (there was a handicapped unloading area), I was being disrespectful by parking “in that area.”  I walked next to my car, and saw that although I was close to the line, I was still one hundred percent within the lines. However, in an effort to reduce the intensity of this altercation, I apologized to Mr. B, and told him I would be more cautious of my angle of parking in future visits to the building. I wished him a good evening as he turned his back to me, walking off and grumbling under his breath things I could not make out.

I do not take kindly to be treated in such an accusatory and disrespectful manner.  I have been disabled for over nine years, having had surgeries, injections, medications, physical aids such as canes and crutches, and more to help me negotiate my injury.  Clearly, my doctor and the state of Colorado maintain that I am in fact disabled – handicapped placards are not very easy to get.

I’m feel targeted by Mr. B, and am shocked that he would even deign to assume that I wasn’t “disabled enough” to park in the handicapped space (even though I had the required placard on display), much less threaten me with the towing of my car.  He was unable to provide a viable reason for this threat, as I had signed in the guest book as required in the lobby, was well within the four hour limit, and had the proper permit and paper work to be in a handicapped space.  As I stood up for myself, he became more rude and disrespectful, to the point of concocting a ludicrous issue regarding my angle of parking.  I have seen many people park slightly crookedly (and even straddling parking space lines) in a variety of parking lots, including this one, and have never seen, or even heard of someone being towed away for such a reason.  In my opinion, my angle of parking was clearly a trumped up charge he created once I refused to be cowed by his mockery of my disability.

I do not enjoy being disabled.  I do not see my handicapped placard as a perk or bonus; rather it is a necessity and constant reminder of the fact that I am in chronic pain. Daily, I am reminded of the fact that I do not have the same ability level as I used to, or as the majority of people I know. It is hard enough living with a disability in our society without having other people take it into question, and use it against you, particularly in a threatening manner. Not only was this interaction with Mr. B incredibly disrespectful to me, but it was also emotionally trying.  Please imagine living in constant pain, and having someone tell you that not only do they not believe you, but then threaten to tow your car based on their diagnosis of you, having only glanced at you.

I do not plan to take legal action or call in the American Disabilities Association based on this single issue.  However, I would like my complaint to be heard, and for this to be discussed with Mr. B.  Moreover, I would appreciate contact from the management to let me know how this is being handled.  I would hate for this to go no further, and have Mr. B attack the validity of other people’s disabilities. I look forward to hearing from you regarding a resolution to this conflict.