Sexuality Happens

I have identified as a submissive for quite a long time…I remember dreams of being part of some Middle Eastern princess’s all female harem.  I was the only one who listened to her and all of her rules, and I was rewarded for my obedience. I got to sleep in her bed, curled up with her, as a reward, the only slave who was allowed to sleep with her. I was about ten when I was having these dreams.

When I played with people, it was always as a sub. Whether it was an actual scene, like with K, where I was trying to be oh so good, and such a good submissive, or just getting a spanking from J, I bottomed. I was tied up, spanked, pinched, told be quiet, you name it. 

The first time I ever topped someone was last June in Florida.  Since then, I’ve topped Sasha Sappho, a girl I met at the Team Gina concert, F, Q, and a few others. F topped me sometimes, and I’ve played with Ms. S, Miss D and Miss P at parties and they’ve topped me.  I’ve had incredibly hot women in my bed, or bent over a table, telling me how much they love me topping them. I’ve wrestled and pinned, had my hair pulled so hard I could barely take it, and was told how much I turned her on.

Somehow, when my eyes were closed, I became a switch. I went from super submissive who wanted nothing more than being pinned against a wall and to obey to this on again, off again top who gets incredibly turned on as I tie Q spread eagle across my bed, run a knife all over her chest and cunt, and then fuck her until she is pulling against the restraints with all her strength.

So have I always been a switch, and not realized it? Or was I a submissive, and something happened to…well, flip a switch that turned me into a switch. I’m embracing it, I’m enjoying it…I’m just a little confused.

-Essin’ Em