Comments on: When must you define? http://essin-em.com/2009/03/when-must-you-define/ Thu, 02 Sep 2010 06:20:53 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Britni http://essin-em.com/2009/03/when-must-you-define/comment-page-1/#comment-4832 Britni Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:49:33 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=1879#comment-4832 <i>What is more? I don’t want to live together, or to spend multiple days in a row with each other right now. I don’t want kids or marriage, or….</i> But there is SO MUCH in between fuck buddies and living together and kids and marriage. Just because you are dating someone, doesn't mean that things have to be super serious. Relationships have to work up to that point. So, take it slowly. How about spending a little bit more time together? Or going on a "date" to dinner and a movie or a show or whatever? Calling her just to say hi? You don't have to define anything, but if you're thinking that you want a little more, take baby steps forward and see how it feels and how she responds. What is more? I don’t want to live together, or to spend multiple days in a row with each other right now. I don’t want kids or marriage, or….

But there is SO MUCH in between fuck buddies and living together and kids and marriage. Just because you are dating someone, doesn’t mean that things have to be super serious. Relationships have to work up to that point. So, take it slowly. How about spending a little bit more time together? Or going on a “date” to dinner and a movie or a show or whatever? Calling her just to say hi? You don’t have to define anything, but if you’re thinking that you want a little more, take baby steps forward and see how it feels and how she responds.

]]> By: Mirri http://essin-em.com/2009/03/when-must-you-define/comment-page-1/#comment-4831 Mirri Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:19:45 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=1879#comment-4831 Humankind has this weird need to label, to fit things neatly in a certain box, to make it this-and-thus-not-that-or-any-of-those, and really with relationships there's no point anyway. Maybe it's better not to name, but just to consider what you want, and need, out of it right now, and explain that, instead of giving it a certain name and then hoping the expectations are clear because of that. Humankind has this weird need to label, to fit things neatly in a certain box, to make it this-and-thus-not-that-or-any-of-those, and really with relationships there’s no point anyway. Maybe it’s better not to name, but just to consider what you want, and need, out of it right now, and explain that, instead of giving it a certain name and then hoping the expectations are clear because of that.

]]> By: Jerry http://essin-em.com/2009/03/when-must-you-define/comment-page-1/#comment-4829 Jerry Wed, 04 Mar 2009 11:34:04 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=1879#comment-4829 Sounds like you are working from the presumption that the relationship is defineable. This is not always the case. We humans are so complexy that there are many "combinations" available to us in our relationships...each one unique and special, and not neccesarily easily defined. Sounds like you are working from the presumption that the relationship is defineable. This is not always the case. We humans are so complexy that there are many “combinations” available to us in our relationships…each one unique and special, and not neccesarily easily defined.

]]> By: Paradox http://essin-em.com/2009/03/when-must-you-define/comment-page-1/#comment-4826 Paradox Wed, 04 Mar 2009 08:38:32 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=1879#comment-4826 I bet if you told her everything you wrote here, that you have an urge to define but aren't sure about it and are perfectly fine as things are if she doesn't like definitions, you'd be fine. I think "I have an urge to define what we are and where we're going, but if you don't want to that's okay" is way different than "What are we, what's our definition? I want to be more than fuckbuddies." One leaves the option for negotiation and the other sounds more like an ultimatum. I bet if you told her everything you wrote here, that you have an urge to define but aren’t sure about it and are perfectly fine as things are if she doesn’t like definitions, you’d be fine.

I think “I have an urge to define what we are and where we’re going, but if you don’t want to that’s okay” is way different than “What are we, what’s our definition? I want to be more than fuckbuddies.”

One leaves the option for negotiation and the other sounds more like an ultimatum.

]]> By: Beautiful Dreamer http://essin-em.com/2009/03/when-must-you-define/comment-page-1/#comment-4825 Beautiful Dreamer Wed, 04 Mar 2009 07:17:13 +0000 http://essin-em.com/?p=1879#comment-4825 I feel the need to define. BUT I have also been in situations where my need to define, and bringing it up, has ended what was already going on. Some people are afraid of a definition. Some, like myself, need one to feel more secure. It's a tough line and I wish I had better advice. :( I feel the need to define. BUT I have also been in situations where my need to define, and bringing it up, has ended what was already going on. Some people are afraid of a definition. Some, like myself, need one to feel more secure.
It’s a tough line and I wish I had better advice. :(

]]>