Sexuality Happens

I am special.  I don’t mean that in the way people usually mean, the newer, more trendy way of making fun of those with cognitive disabilities (instead of saying the outwardly offensive “retarded”). No, I’m an acquired taste. Like licorice, people either really like me, or they really don’t.

My friends, my lovers, my partners, they slowly (or quickly) begin to learn about some of my…more quirky eccentricities.

I thought I’d share some of the ones I’ve thought of with you:

*When I am hitting/being hit (also spanked, etc), it has to be 100% even. I mean, if you hit my left side 10 times, you have to hit my right.  Same goes for more loving things. If I nibble one ear, I then have to nibble both. It HAS to be even. Like I will call red at a certain point if someone teases me by being completely uneven.

*Within 20 minutes after coming, everything I say gets a “get out of jail free pass.” Everything.

*In my house, I sleep on the right side of the bed. Always.

*When I go to the gym or anywhere with lockers, I have to get a locker with a magic number like 66, 99, 101, etc.  Even if it’s farther away or on the bottom.

*Right after I come, I need touch, and lots of it. If I’m on my back being fucked, I tend to grab onto my partner like a koala bear. I need lots of touch, and stat.

*I drink tea, not coffee. Ever. Although I do have a coffee pot for friends and partners who want to drink it.

*If I have to take the stairs, either up to down, I do it one leg at a time due to my knees.

*Post sex, Kinsey comes to spoon with us. Non-negotiable. 

*There are NO socks allowed in my bed. Ever. I’m anti-naked people with socks on, so I’ve had to make a rule.  Only exception (that I’ve never had to use) is cute knee socks.

*I kiss my hand and touch the ceiling when I go through a red light, regardless of who is driving.

*I CANNOT stand texting/typing the letter “u” instead of “you,” “r” instead of “are,” “2″ instead of “to” or “too” (it’s ok for “two”), etc.

*I am a scheduler/planner.  This was a HUGE issue with F, and it’s sometimes a slight frustration with Q.  I like to plan things in advance.  For example, I already have tickets to something August 22nd.  Ergo, I want to plan to get together with people a few days in advance. Most people in my age range are very fly by the seat of their pants. This drives me crazy, but I’m trying to learn how to deal with it.

I’m sure there are more, I just can’t think of them right now. If you know me in the real world, feel free to share.

-Essin’ Em