Sexuality Happens

Last weekend, I went to the Rocky Mountain Bridal Show. Not on purpose. Well, kind of.  My best friend is getting married. I’m her maid of honor. For the most part, it’s pretty fun. She told me I should dye my hair blue to match her colors (if I want), and that I can wear tails, a top hat and a cane if I should so choose.  She’s very laid back, down to earth, and definitely no bridezilla.

However, I came back from this show a little pissed.

The free cake, chocolate covered strawberries with tuxedos, fruit and cheese platters, catering samples, etc and all the chocolate/candy they give out was wonderful (but seriously – no free drinks, even of the non-alcoholic kind? REALLY?). The “hi, when is your wedding, let me tell you about catering/photography/jewelry/venues/laser something/teeth whitening/dishes, etc” was to be expected.

However, my friend stopped by the David’s Bridal booth to register (if you made an appt, you got a $50 gift card or something). We’d looked online already, and we liked the prices, and she liked a few of their dresses, so it made sense.  They handed her the form.

David’s Bridal Lady 1 (DBL1): Fill out all your info, but just put down the groom’s name on the groom’s side.

Me: What if there are two brides?

DBL 2: Oh, we can put them in rooms next to each other and make it a party!

Me: *confused for a moment* No no, not if they’re shopping together, but what if they ARE together.

*long silent pause*

DBL 2: I’ve had some couples like that! Sometimes they come in together, sometimes separately so they don’t see each others dresses. Not many people hold to that tradition any more though.

Me: True. And I suppose sometimes one wears a suit or tux.

DBL 1: Usually, one wears a tux. You know, to be more normal.

Me: Ah. I suppose as more states accept same sex marriage, David’s Bridal might change the language on their forms then? (referring to the “bride’s info/groom’s info” all over everything, which makes no sense, since David’s Bridal doesn’t rent tuxes)

DBL: Well, you know, the drags are allowed to use our ladies room now (referring, I assume, to the bill that passed last summer allowing people to use the bathroom that best fits their identity), I suppose they’ll MAKE us change that to “partner.”

I didn’t want to make a scene.  This is all for my best friend. However, I felt so much frustration built inside of me.  The “drags”? WHAT? “They’ll MAKE us”? Um. Obviously, I am asking you these questions from a pro-same sex marriage view point. What kind of brand ambassador are you that you make transphobic and homopobic comments to a possible client? (vs the Men’s Warehouse that told me they could definitely outfit me in tails/top hat/a cane AND A POCKET WATCH should I choose to go that direction).

I told my BF I was going to go sit down (I was already in a lot of pain from the walking), and left.  I was so frustrated. Yes, it’s ignorance and not hate in most of these circumstances. Yes, I was snarky and cranky from being up since 6am for my horrid job, and from being in pain. Yes, it could have been way worse. Yes, she probably didn’t mean it causticly.  However, it still was said.  Explain all you want, it’s not ok.

I mean, if she had said “and now the blacks are allowed to use our bathrooms, and they’re going to MAKE us change the forms to allow for interracial marriage,” there would have been an outrage (esp since DBL 2 was a woman of color). And you know what, 30 or 40 years ago, people probably did say horrid shit like that.

But this was today. I was angry. Pissed. And yet still having to control myself, because I don’t want to mess up anything for my best friend.

So I didn’t do anything. Perhaps I’ll write a letter. Perhaps it won’t go any farther than this post.

But I know where I will NOT be getting my dress if I go with that option.

-Essin’ Em