Sexuality Happens

I like Q. A lot.

For many many many reasons. As I’m going through this struggle with depression, as I went through the anniversaries of Columbine and my father’s death.  She has been there. An excellent support.

But she’s also fucking hot. As in attractive. Again, she’s my type – I don’t know how any other person would find her, but I see her, or sometimes just visualize her in my bed and DAMN.

Moreover, she’s open minded, and fun to fuck. We try lots of new things, and laugh a lot, and she’s made a significant (and in my mind, very successful) attempt to communicate more during sex.

But again with the hottness.  She’s been teasing (oh sorry, “threatening”) me for a few weeks, telling me she can top me.  Of course, since I usually top her, and she’s a total bratty bottom when I do, I teased back, telling her I’d believe it when I saw it.

And when I did? Wow. For her first time topping me, it was delectable. She ran vampire gloves all over my body, enjoying my reaction.  She put me in handcuffs, which gave me a lot of flexibility with what I could do.  However, she was smart.  She told me I couldn’t touch her nipples, her cunt or pull her hair, which are the three things that I do to distract her….and that if I did, she wouldn’t let me cut her clothes off later. And let me tell you, I wanted to cut off her clothes SO BAD. So as much as I wanted to be snarky and fight back, I was oh so very good.  Because I wanted to slide that knife up against her skin and slice through that fabric before I fucked her SO bad.

So she fucked me very very very well with my hands still cuffed. And even though I wrapped them around her neck, and touched her a lot, I didn’t really cheat. I was so good. And it was really hot a) having her top me, b) not being allowed to touch her in the ways I wanted, c) having the promise of getting to get her clothes off if I was really good and d) watching her face (when I wasn’t blindfolded) as she figured out how much she liked topping me.  I was incredibly turned on.

And she fucked me. A lot. And I came and came and came.

And I ejaculated….for the second time ever (the first time being with S in San Francisco). Perhaps she was a little cocky later when she told me that she’d made all of her partners ejaculate (I told her she didn’t MAKE me do anything, but thanked her for helping to facilitate my ejaculatory response…yes, I’m that much of a nerd), but you know what, she can be a little cocky since she backs it up.  Apparently I’m more of a gusher than a flat out shooter, but the title sharp shooter just seemed so right.

Finally, after I was uncuffed and we cuddled for a bit, I had her on her back, and was sliding my cold blade up against her as I cut off her tank top and boxers. Mmmm. Knives. I love sharp things – both having them used on me, and on other people. I’ve never gotten to cut clothes off of anyone before, and it was so hot and so much fun. Mmm. Yes.  And then I fucked her. For quite some time, and that was really nice too.

This was actually almost a month ago, I just kept forgetting to write it up. I need to write some more recent happenings. Things are going really well with Q. She’s pretty much the best secondary partner (and fuck!) a girl could ask for.

-Essin’ Em

I found this video through the lovely Audacia Ray and her work with Speak Up! and sex work awareness/advocacy. Please watch, and visit the site. Much sex work/er awareness is needed.

Learn more at www.SexWorkAwareness.org.

-Essin’ Em

This is the Purr Dildo.  Why it’s called the Purr and not something like Corrugated or Bumpy Ride, I’m not sure.  It’s not fuzzy, nor does it have cute little cat ears…I guess it’s maybe called that because it’s supposed to make the user(s) purr when used on them?

I have a fair amount of dildos. I mean, I’m not like queen of them or anything, but I’m rocking (if you count double ended dildos) a dozen or more silicone ones (again, not counting wood, marble, ceramic, steel, glass, etc). I’ve even tried (and still own, in some cases) a variety of dildos from Tantus (who makes the Purr), including Buzz 1, the Niagara and the Goddess.

I like Tantus toys in general. They’re high quality, well made, and you know they’ll last. Like all 100% medical grade silicone toys, you can either just clean them, or sterilize them by a) boiling them for 3 minutes, b) running them on the dishwasher on the top shelf with no soap, or c) wiping them down with a 10% bleach solution.  Ergo, they’re all great for sharing.  I also like that the majority of their toys (including all the ones I’ve tried) have a bullet vibe for the base. This is always a nice bonus, although sometimes annoying when used in a harness, as they occasionally turn on and off as you fuck.

Another thing the Purr has in common with other Tantus dildos I’ve tried is that the base, while officially “harness/strap-on compatible” is really small. Like, depending on your harness and O-ring choices, can possibly pull out of the harness in the middle of sex.  Which can be awkward…and yes, I know I’m awkward, but that’s just like extreme and preventable awkwardness. Forethought on your sex toys is always important.

And now to the specific Purr.  It’s a good dildo for solo play…I wasn’t sure how I was going to like the texture that reminded me of a cross between your average play thing and the inside of a soup can.  Regardless, it worked. It worked very well.  I played with it both with and without the vibe, and I cannot tell a lie; the ridges feel NOICE (that’s nice, with a heavy emphasis, for those who missed it).  Especially while doing kegels. Mmmm.  It’s also great for fucking other people while holding it, and then asking them to tighten their PC muscles as you fuck them.

It’s a pretty good size that most people will like, although of course size queens and those looking for a small toy might feel a bit left out.  It only comes in purple (edit: I’ve only ever seen it in purple – anyone find other colors?), which means that those who like black/vanilla/chocolate/caramel colored toys are out of luck.  

All and all, a great toy for solo play, and also for non-harness partner play. The ridges really are lovely, as unsure as I was about them in advance. I’d give it 3 stars for partner play over all (including harness stuff), and 4 for solo play/as a dildo.  Definitely work checking out, especially if you want a good quality silicone dildo for a decent price.

Click here to get your own Purr dildo and to purr to your heart’s content.

-Essin’ Em

By Half Moon Photography

I think my ass looks really good in this picture. Especially given that I’m not wearing heels.

That’s pretty much it. I’m in New York.

Also, I like black lace underwear…a lot.  As evidenced by above.

Now, that is truly all.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

I’m not in Colorado anymore. Well, not for the next few days.  

First, I’m off to NYC to meet/re-connect with some of my favorite East Coast sexuality peeps (bloggers, educators, porn stars, sex partners, etc), including Dacia Ray, Viviane, Sinclair, Natt, Wendy, K, Mina Meow, Tess, Bella Vendetta and many more. I’m beyond psyched.  While there, I’m hoping to hang with all these amazing people, as well as some other pervs that are flying in. I hope to see a friend or two from college who now live in NYC.  And I REALLY want to go to Re/Dress, which is the sexy, vintage and resale place where everything is sizes 14+.  If only I had money, this would be the perfect place for this curvy femme.

Then, on the 8th, I’m off to DC. A bunch of us (Mollena, May May, Furry Girl and I, possibly among others) are taking a perv bus down to the District of Columbia.

Why?

Sex 2.0 Con!

It’s gonna be awesome. Amazing speakers (I’d applied to speak, but it was already full…oh well, if people want to know what I have to say, they can buy me a drink and we’ll chat!), great people, brunch, hos on the gun range, and so much more.

Want to come too? You can still register at www.Sex20con.com.  Do it NOW thought- if you’re not on the list, you’re not allowed in.

I’m going to do a photo shoot with Domina Doll (and hopefully others, if any one is up for it.  Essinem at gmail dot com).

I’m rooming with Furry Girl.

Lots of other cool people are coming.

And then I’m spending one more night in DC with a friend from college before flying home…

This is hopefully going to be one of the best trips ever. I don’t know if can beat my San Francisco adventure, but I’m betting it’s going to be fabulous in its own right.

I’ll be gone through the 11th, but should have wireless in many places, so feel free to drop me a line.

-Essin’ Em

Hurray! I made Editor’s Pick again :)

-Essin’ Em

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #165? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Confessional: Breaking the Girl

“And that’s why I’ll love it, that’s what will fuel me to dig deeper.”

Does Art imitate Life or Life Art?

“We were experimental and conventional and some times both in the same round of sex. ”

It burns…

“And this is no sweet kissing”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

A Porn Customer Protests

Sugasm Editor

Sex Work And Honesty: Fetish Fridays: Teabagging

Editor’s Choice

Light Me Up Right

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

Found via art-or-porn photographer unknown.

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #26? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #28? Submit it here before Sunday May 11th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Give Me Fever Contest Deadline: May 30th at 11:59pm Pacific Time.
• Champagne Giveaway: Women Seeking Women #50 Deadline: May 31st
• Do You Have an Erotic Adventure to Share? Deadline: May 31st, 2009.
• Ginger Leigh’s Fabulous Shopping Spree! Deadline: Friday, June 5, 2009

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St.Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

Editors Notes: Two this week, because I couldn’t choose between them! Making up for weeks I didn’t have any, maybe? 
• Sinfully Soft Leather Collar and Cuffs from Sinvention by Raven Quince

I may be a submissive, but I’m not into pain, so comfort was very high on my list of requirements. I went to many of the sex toy sites and their collars just didn’t seem to cut it, they looked flimsy and uncomfortable.

I admit I’m biased because I lust after everything Sinvention makes, but I thought the review was wonderfully written and really pulled me in, then I found out this was her first review which surprised me (maybe because my first many reviews were crap), and I knew I had to choose her this week!

• Clone-A-Willy Candle Kit by Wendy Blackheart

I could make a model of his cock, it would be fun, and I wouldn’t be using it to fuck boys or girls with (since candles make very poor dildos. I know from experience. Don’t ask.)

I always love Wendy’s reviews and this is a particularly wonderful and hilarious one. Her stories are always delightful, and even though the kit was full of fail the post is full of win. Definitely worth a read!

Vibrators

• Ramsey Rabbit by Sexorcism
• The Boss by CarrieAnn
• Liv by Thursday’s Child
• Tongue Dinger by Sexpert Joe
• The Samurai, from PES by Themistokles
• Liv by Ansley Agnello
• Mary Mermaid by Red

Dildos

• Hardwood Dildo by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• LELO’s Ella by Lithaewyn
• SinFive Burgono by Beautiful Dreamer
• Don Wands Curved Purple Swirl by Nadia West
• Fantasy Kiss by Beautiful Dreamer
• Tentacle Dildo by Baby Sinead

Anal Toys

• Tristan’s Anniversary Edition Butt Plug by Lisa
• Tristan’s Anniversary Edition Plug by Red
• The Anal Curve Kit by Lisa

Toys for Cocks

• Bo by Carnivalesq
• The Ultimate Triple Stimulator by Lisa

Lube, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Anti-Bacterial Toy Cleaner by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Wet Lubes, assorted by Carnivalesq
• Lava Lotion Massage Candle by Essin’ Em
• Sliquid Organics Natural Lubricant Gel by Sexorcism
• Slippery Stuff Lube by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Sensually Wycked Heating Lotion for Him by Lisa
• Sun Kissed Vanilla Massager Candle by Sexorcism
• Hathor Aphrodisia Personal Lubricant-Pure by Lisa
• Wet Together by Jake Holden
• Doc Johnson Body Butter-Strawberry Sundae by Lisa

BDSM/Fetish

• Rose Crop by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Brat Loop by Red
• 2 Inch Ball Gag by Beautiful Dreamer
• Pipedreams Unisex Straightjacket by CarrieAnn
• Bree Olson’s Kitten With a Whip Set by Beautiful Dreamer
• Fetish Fantasy Series Ultimate Fantasy Kit by Domina Doll
• Alligator Clip Electrodes by Red
• Fantasy Sex Swing by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Adult Games

• Sex Casino Kit by Lisa

Adult Movies/Porn

• Surfers Gone Wild by The Porn Librarian
• The Wild Search by J.D. Bauchery
• Raw Rope by FrzKey
• Coffee, Tea, or Me by Venus Vegas
• Barcelona Sex Project by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Storage

• ToiTissue by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew

Miscellaneous

• Soft Pack by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Soft Pack by Wendy Blackheart
• Edible Pasties by Lisa
• Fun Factory Smartballs by Sexorcism
• Showgirl Black Sequined Pasties/Gstring by Thursday’s Child

Last weekend, I went to the Rocky Mountain Bridal Show. Not on purpose. Well, kind of.  My best friend is getting married. I’m her maid of honor. For the most part, it’s pretty fun. She told me I should dye my hair blue to match her colors (if I want), and that I can wear tails, a top hat and a cane if I should so choose.  She’s very laid back, down to earth, and definitely no bridezilla.

However, I came back from this show a little pissed.

The free cake, chocolate covered strawberries with tuxedos, fruit and cheese platters, catering samples, etc and all the chocolate/candy they give out was wonderful (but seriously – no free drinks, even of the non-alcoholic kind? REALLY?). The “hi, when is your wedding, let me tell you about catering/photography/jewelry/venues/laser something/teeth whitening/dishes, etc” was to be expected.

However, my friend stopped by the David’s Bridal booth to register (if you made an appt, you got a $50 gift card or something). We’d looked online already, and we liked the prices, and she liked a few of their dresses, so it made sense.  They handed her the form.

David’s Bridal Lady 1 (DBL1): Fill out all your info, but just put down the groom’s name on the groom’s side.

Me: What if there are two brides?

DBL 2: Oh, we can put them in rooms next to each other and make it a party!

Me: *confused for a moment* No no, not if they’re shopping together, but what if they ARE together.

*long silent pause*

DBL 2: I’ve had some couples like that! Sometimes they come in together, sometimes separately so they don’t see each others dresses. Not many people hold to that tradition any more though.

Me: True. And I suppose sometimes one wears a suit or tux.

DBL 1: Usually, one wears a tux. You know, to be more normal.

Me: Ah. I suppose as more states accept same sex marriage, David’s Bridal might change the language on their forms then? (referring to the “bride’s info/groom’s info” all over everything, which makes no sense, since David’s Bridal doesn’t rent tuxes)

DBL: Well, you know, the drags are allowed to use our ladies room now (referring, I assume, to the bill that passed last summer allowing people to use the bathroom that best fits their identity), I suppose they’ll MAKE us change that to “partner.”

I didn’t want to make a scene.  This is all for my best friend. However, I felt so much frustration built inside of me.  The “drags”? WHAT? “They’ll MAKE us”? Um. Obviously, I am asking you these questions from a pro-same sex marriage view point. What kind of brand ambassador are you that you make transphobic and homopobic comments to a possible client? (vs the Men’s Warehouse that told me they could definitely outfit me in tails/top hat/a cane AND A POCKET WATCH should I choose to go that direction).

I told my BF I was going to go sit down (I was already in a lot of pain from the walking), and left.  I was so frustrated. Yes, it’s ignorance and not hate in most of these circumstances. Yes, I was snarky and cranky from being up since 6am for my horrid job, and from being in pain. Yes, it could have been way worse. Yes, she probably didn’t mean it causticly.  However, it still was said.  Explain all you want, it’s not ok.

I mean, if she had said “and now the blacks are allowed to use our bathrooms, and they’re going to MAKE us change the forms to allow for interracial marriage,” there would have been an outrage (esp since DBL 2 was a woman of color). And you know what, 30 or 40 years ago, people probably did say horrid shit like that.

But this was today. I was angry. Pissed. And yet still having to control myself, because I don’t want to mess up anything for my best friend.

So I didn’t do anything. Perhaps I’ll write a letter. Perhaps it won’t go any farther than this post.

But I know where I will NOT be getting my dress if I go with that option.

-Essin’ Em

Ok. So I thought SexToy.com was doing a giveaway.  They’re not – SexTOYS.com (with an S) is.  Le sigh.

Anyways, they’re (they being sextoys.com) giving away $1000 worth of sex toys. ONE THOUSAND.  I want. And because of my mistake (and seriously, sextoy vs. sextoys seems like a simple mistake to me), I put together this whole wishlist for SEXTOY.com. Because then I could get sexy outfits, and furniture, and cuffs and shoes and cupping sets and…yeah. I really want to win these things, because I could get the toys that I really really want, and can’t afford. 

I know that this is for the wrong site and all that jazz.  Yes, I got it.  However, since I already put this list together, I figure, why not post it, right?  Now you can see what I’d do with $1000 towards SexToy.com.

To enter the correct contest, you just have to post a list of the toys you’d  get if you win, and why you want them. Here is my list (and ps, if you just want to randomly send me any of them, that’s fine too!):

First, I’d like the Liberator Esse, in leopard print, of course. Why? Because it’s bloody amazing, I could use it as regular furniture AND for sex, and I’ve found that the Liberator items make things much more possible (I’m disabled, and they make it so that I can do some things that I normally can’t) for me, so I really appreciate their things deeply. Plus, my cats would love to sit on it. $375

I’d also like these glass fire cups.  Why? Because I like fire. And I like spots. And I like fire and spots together, and am trying to learn more with fire play.  $28

While I’m at it, I’d also like this cupping set, because I’ve never tried vacuum/pressure cupping, and I really want to try. I’m sure Cait would be my willing guinea pig. $64

Oooh. I like clothes too. I love this leather halter studded steel boned corset. Why? Um. Halter top. Plus steel bones. Plus corset. Plus BOOBIES.  Equals? WIN. $120

I also want this corset, but in red and black. I don’t have any strapless outfits I can wear to fetish parties, but this one, I could wear with the majority of my bottoms. $120

Just one more piece of fetish clothing, promise!  This leather dress. BECAUSE LOOK AT THE BACK. So sexy. It would show off my tattoos and ass and be super duper hot. $100

Of course, to go with all these hot fetish outfits, I’d need some ridiculously sex black boots. Mmm. Imagine how hot I’d look…just walking, sitting, resting them on some willing submissive. $44

I also need lube. Lots of lube. I love Pjur Aqua for when I’m playing with silicone toys (so it doesn’t melt my toys!), and Eros Bodyglide (also by Pjur) for when it’s just hands, or metal toys. I go through lube like it’s nobody’s business (antihistamines, hormonal birth control, and my natural stuff prevents me from lubricating a lot, even where I’m really really really oh my god fuck me now turned on), ergo, I’d love these bigger containers, but can’t really afford it. $34 and $44, respectively.

And OH MY GOD these cuffs…RED. SATIN. LINED. DOUBLE-WIDE. CUFFS. So much pretty I can’t even handle  it! Imagine them about my wrists as my partner used a knife and vampire gloves all over my body…or them around my partners wrists as I taunted and teased them forever before sliding my fingers into them. $70

Total (with some rounding-up so I stayed under): $999. Hurray!

So yes. This is what I’d want to do with $1000 worth of sex toys. Think of all the hot stories I could write!

-Essin’ Em

I love giving massages.  I do.  And I’ve reviewed a variety of massage candles – ie, candles that as they burn turn into warm massage oil.  One was part of a kit from Babeland, and I liked it.  Then I got a whole set of Babeland candles, and I liked those a lot, although the chocolate hazelnut was a bit much and made me hungry. I also got to check out the Jimmy Jane Afterglow candle, which was my favorite of the ones I had reviewed up to that point.

But now, I have a new favorite (and many reasons why – I’m not quite THAT fickle).  It’s the Lava Lotion candle, and I happen to have the jasmine scent, which is one of my favorite scents. It comes in three other options; sandalwood sage, eucalyptus peppermint and cucumber spice. I’m not sure about any of those scents – they sound a little odd, but then again, each to their own.

Why do I love this candle so much? Well, I mean, I love most massage candles because pour warm wax on my partners and massaging it in is always amazing and sensual and erotic and just a fuck ton of fun, but this one is a step above. Firstly, it melted at a great pace; I lit it when we started fucking, and there was a great amount of warm oil by the time we were done and I wanted to give Q a massage.

Secondly, it smelled amazing. Light and jasmininey, not super feminine, but still really nice. Even Q said she liked the scent.

Then there was the massage oil itself.  So nice.  I actually poured on way more than I needed, because in my experience, candle massage oil tends to rub itself into the skin very quickly, or turns into an almost waxy layer. Not this stuff – it stayed in a more liquid form for more than a thirty minute massage, and it just allowed my hands to slide over Q’s skin really easily.  However, it wasn’t so runny that I got it all over.

Q really liked this one too, having tested two or three of the other ones with me.

My one suggestion, really for all of these type of candles…have a pour-like spout on one side.  I have this pattern of pouring wax on my partner, and then it leaks/drips when I put it down onto my night stand.

Otherwise, I really love this candle, and would HIGHLY recommend it. It smells good, it makes an excellent massage oil, it has a lid for easy storage, it doesn’t require much of the melted oil/wax for massaging, so you get more uses out of it.  Basically, a really awesome candle.

Click here to get your own Lava Lotion candle in any of four scents!

-Essin’ Em