Sexuality Happens

So of the five love languages, I have a lot of trouble receiving Words of Affirmation. It’s hard for me to hear praise from people I care about.  

But I’m working on it with Q.  Because you know what, for all that I try to be this feisty Femme, and I’m this of so smooth (can you smell the sarcasm) sex blogger, I’m pretty self concious about my sex skills.

It sounds silly, I know. I’ve been reading books on sex and sexuality since I was 16, I have a Master’s of Human Sexuality, I’m all about communication with my partners for sex, and I’ve been called a goddess in more than one bedroom. However, I’m also not nearly as experienced as most people think I am.

So when I have a partner who, like Q, isn’t the loudest, or the most verbal in bed, I wonder. I get nervous. What if I’m not doing things right? What if she isn’t enjoy the sex as much as I am? What if she doesn’t like it, and isn’t saying things? What if I could do better?

Finally, I said something about it to Q, trying to be all communicative. I explained that I wasn’t at all sure of myself, of how well I was able to please her, etc.  She told me I was being silly, and that she also thought that sex was amazing. It was a really good talk…

Especially because I now realize that since this conversation, which happened over a month ago, she’s gone out of her way to tell me how she felt about things…whether they were ok, or if she REALLY liked them, or kind of liked them, or loved them, or whatever.  Given that she’s a self-admitted not huge communicator, I really appreciate her stepping out of her comfort zone to give me feed back and to reassure me.

So while I have trouble accepting when people tell me I’m pretty, or good at something, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t nice to hear once in a while, and I’m glad that Q is willing to work with me on that.

-Essin’ Em