Q and A Answers Part 3
As many of you know, I’m very open to answering your questions, both public and private. A little while ago, I posted a reminder about this, and now am posting some answers to questions that I was asked. Here’s part 3 of the answers. Please feel free to comment asking more questions at any time, or shoot me an email at EssinEm at gmail dot com.
-Essin’ Em
Randi asked me:
I may be asking a stupid question but I honestly don’t get the difference between queer and gay. In my eyes you’re either straight, gay, or bi. Isn’t labeling within each category simply semantics?
Randi, it’s not a stupid question, and I’m glad you asked. There are many reasons people differenciate. To some, gay is a male specific term, and so they don’t identify as male, or gay. To others, there are more than two options, and that makes bi an unacceptable identity to them. For some, they feel like they’re outcasts in the “gay” (or even “lesbian”) community for a variety of reasons (not capitulating to norms, not being “gay enough” etc), and so they’ve turned to queer as a more open and flexible identity. Some people identify as androgynous or genderqueer, etc, and there for how can they identify as gay, aka homosexual or “straight” aka heterosexual, when they don’t fall into the stereotypical binary of man or woman.
Other people (myself included) don’t like having to base their attraction on their identities. I mean, bi doesn’t work for me, because I don’t really feel attracted to cisgender men on any sort of regular basis (although if Spike from Buffy came calling, that’s a whole different cup of tea). Ergo, most people would categorize me as a lesbian. But what about the genderqueers, the transmen, the andros, etc that I’m attracted to? They’re certainly not woman identified, so that puts me out of the gay/lesbian group.
What about trans men who only have sex with men?
Trans women who only fuck women?
People who don’t know who they want to fuck?
People who want to fuck people of all genders?
Then add gender presentation/identity in there (butch, femme, boi, grrls, etc), and holy crap.
In my personal view, gay/straight/bi are boxing labels. Queer, in my experience, has been an open ended, more open minded label. So no, I don’t see them as the same thing.
But you don’t have to take my word for it! Here are some of the responses from my NoFauxxx.com contest on what queer means to YOU.
Hope that explained it a bit!
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I’m with you on this. Here was how I answered the question on my own blog:
“”I’m queer. I’m not straight and I’m not gay. I’m a little bent (hence, not straight). I won’t take offense to being called bisexual, as that label seems to be one that most people can understand. But I personally identify as queer. To me, queer is not straight. And I am not straight. I’m a fan of saying that I fall in love with fabulosity, not genitalia. I like who I like, regardless of gender or sex.
I just personally prefer “queer” to “bisexual” because I feel like it is a less rigid definition and is inclusive of people who may be genderqueer or trans or anything other than “male” or “female.” If I say I’m bisexual, it implies that I am only attracted to men and women. If I say I’m queer, it allows for the inclusion of men, women, FTMs, MTFs, and any gender variance in between.”