Sexuality Happens

As many of you know, I’m very open to answering your questions, both public and private.  A little while ago, I posted a reminder about this, and now am posting some answers to questions that I was asked. Here’s part 4 of the answers. Please feel free to comment asking more questions at any time, or shoot me an email at EssinEm at gmail dot com.

-Essin’ Em

Backseat Boohoo asked me three questions:

How many tattoos do you have, and what are they of? Is there any special significance?

This is a pretty easy answer. I have five tattoos.  Four of them are written about in this post here, and the fifth is my femme spiral. Poof – done.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Let’s see. From about age 2-4, I wanted to be a vet. Then, ages 5-10ish, I has my heart set on being an archaeologist. Following them, from age 10 to 16 or 17 (middle of my first year of college), I wanted to be a child psychologist who worked with gifted children.  My first year of college changed my life, and I wanted to be a sex educator, especially in alternative ways.  And I’ve wanted to do that ever since. *cue some sort of sign that all my dreams have some true…or something like that*

Do you have any tips for fellow practitioners of polyamory?

Com. Un. I. Cation.  Say it with me; communication. So fucking crucia.  Negotiate. That doesn’t just mean “we’re open.” It means talking about what is ok, who is ok, when is ok. It’s perfectly acceptable to say “please don’t sleep with your exes” or “I would prefer you only have one or two primary relationships at time,” or ever “I have a bad feeling about _____ – can we please talk about this before you think about having sex with them?”  Also, it’s fine to say “hey, let’s just save fisting/oral/sex to eighties music/_____ for us, ok?” Or “I need the weekend of labor day to be my weekend, regardless of any other partners, because it’s really important.” Conversely, ask you partner(s) about their wants and needs.  And just because you negotiate once, it doesn’t mean you’re done communicating.  You can (and should) talk about things (and renegotiate) as often as works for you.  If you don’t communicate, shit goes to hell.  And if something isn’t working, BRING IN UP instead of just thinking it’ll go away/get better. It probably won’t.