Sexuality Happens

Archive for July, 2009

Sex Toy Review: Jollies Original

July 31st, 2009 | Category: Real life stories,review,toys

If you haven’t heard, Smitten Kitten is a sex-positive toy store in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It’s pretty freaking wonderful, what with body friendly toys, great (and accurate) information about many facets of sexuality (in addition to wonder in-depth info on sex toys in general), and more.  Actually, they also run CATT – Coalition Against Toxic Toys, a non-profit created to “help combat the lack of accurate, honest information in the sex toy industry. The mission is to demystify the adult sex toy industry and positively transform socially irresponsible, environmentally and personally hazardous sex toy manufacturing and sex toy sales practices. You can learn more about CATT at BadVibes.Org.“

Anyways, Smitten Kitten was kind enough to send me a Jollies Original…now, this is a toy I’ve been interested in for a while. They were kind enough to offer me a choice of colors, and of course I chose “licorice” which is a black that is infused with golden shimmer, that only shows up in certain light. I will say there is some awesome color selection for this particular dildo.  

This dildo is made by Jollies, a body-friendly sex toy company who uses all 100% medical grade silicone. They’re also the ones who designed the Mr. Man blow job dildo, which I reviewed last fall. Oddly enough, this toy is molded from a real vagina…which is interesting, cool, weird and well…odd.

I’ve heard REALLY good and REALLY bad things about this toy from a variety of people. Which makes sense….because while YES, it IS molded from A vagina, not everyone’s vaginas are the same shape/size/fit, etc. So yes, some people will love this toy, and some people will be like WTF, this is not at all right for my vagina.  I’ve also heard from a lot of people that they didn’t like the hardness of this silicone compared to the silicone used by other dildo companies.

Firstly, luckily enough, the Jollies Original did fit my cunt fairly well, not perfectly, but certainly well. It also fit Q’s cunt quite comfortably, so at least we got that problem out of the way. The harder silicone was definately a different feel to get used to…not bad per se, but not amazingly wonderful…just. Well. Different.

Now, it has, as you can see, a finger handle that sits right up on the clit. Supposedly, you can use the handle to fuck yourself, or fuck your partner with it, but honestly, this dildo seems to be more the vaginal equivalent of a butt plug, a cunt plug if you will. Once in, it pretty much stays in. This is from the girl who enjoys a good punch fucking with a fist, so I feel that way I say it doesn’t really work so well to move it in and out, I have a solid background for saying that.

It does feel good inside, and you can definitely use the Hitachi on it to transmit some vibration to both your cunt and your clit. However, I like a lot of clitoral vibration, and it’s really incredibly hard (impossible at times) to put the Hitachi on my clit, what with that little handle like thing getting in my way.  So it feels good, very good, but I can’t come from it.

However, I’ve found that AFTER I’ve been fucked and have come the way(s) I like, it feels extremely nice to have inside of me, letting my cunt clamp down around it. It’s also fun for foreplay – putting it in and wearing it around (or while I’m getting my breasts, nipples, thighs, hips, etc played with), and then taking it out for the sex I want to have in order to get off.

So yes, it’s a good toy, but not if you’re looking for something to get you off easily. It’s more of a fun, enjoy the sensation, get in touch with your body kind of toy.

Thanks Smitten Kitten!

Get your own Jollies Original, or another toy at Smitten Kitten.

-Essin’ Em

1 comment

Pride HNT

July 30th, 2009 | Category: HNT,breasts,butch/femme,linkage,pictures

 

I am a nerd.

When I go to Pride Fest (Denver, Colorado Springs, Philadelphia, New Hope, etc), I do it up. Now, I don’t own rainbow belts or fancy clothing like that, but I DO have a fuck ton of eye shadows in different colors.  And rainbow ribbon.  And a FetishMovies.com tank top. And a BDSM/Leather pride key chain. And bandanas in my ass pockets of my skirt, to flag kink and fisting.

Ergo, interwebs at large, please enjoy my Pride outfit, my show of Pride, my outdoing of myself in rainbows, and of course, my cleavage (as if that was going to not be here – I have a lot of pride in that as well).

And that is all, for now.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

7 comments

Pleasurists #39

July 29th, 2009 | Category: Swag,book review,erotica,linkage,pleasurists,review,toys

 

curves

via yimmyayo

 

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #38? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #40? Submit it here before Sunday August 2nd at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • JimmyJane Form 6 by Joan Price

    • What makes a vibrator worth $185? Granted, that’s a lot of money for a vibrator. The Jimmyjane Form 6 Waterproof Rechargeable Vibrating Massager is a luxury item, a sexy gift for the sensual woman in your life (maybe yourself!), and it gives a lot back for that price.

    Editor’s Note: As I was informed of in the additional message when this review was submitted: “Joan Price’s blog celebrates sex after 60. Her reviews reflect the perspective of sex-positive seniors and elders.” How could I not highlight a great review and a blog whose subject matter is wonderful albeit somewhat unusual to see?

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books

Adult Movies/Porn

Storage

Sex Furniture

Miscellaneous

 


No comments

Domestic Violence in the Queer Community

July 28th, 2009 | Category: News in my life,Rant,Thoughts,butch/femme,call for help,dating,feminism,gender,language,non-monogamy,queer,relationships,sexual assault,sexual manifesto,sexuality education

This is an issue.

A huge one.

Domestic violence, and relationship violence, and sexual violence, and all of that? Huge issue, period. Regardless of who is involved. It affects EVERYONE, whether you’re a victim/survivor, someone who knows people involved, family, friends, counselors, etc.  Everyone is part of this.

We have a lot of problems talking about DV/RV and getting everyone to realize that it IS a problem affecting everyone. Our concepts of it are that men abuse women. Physically, mentally, emotionally, with threats.  This is all violence. It’s hard to help people understand that abuse is more than just hitting, yet most people “get it” eventually.

But what happens when it is a woman abusing a man? Suddenly, everyone is skeptical.  Women abusing men? But how?!? Teh men are all so big and scary and…what? Are they going to hit them back and become violent themselves? Are they going to hurt their partners just to get out of it? Why can’t we see women as abusive? Because let me tell you, they definitely can be.

And if people have a hard enough time understanding that women can abuse men, it gets even more complicated in the queer community. Can women abuse women? And men abuse men? Moreover, does it matter on gender presentation?

I have a friend. Actually, the first dyke I had sex with. Who now identifies as either a stone butch or a transguy – we haven’t talked too much as of late. Anyway, this amazing person is a victim of relationship violence at the hands of their Femme partner.  And very few people can fathom this.

Because if women are abusing women, it MUST be the more masculine presenting person doing the abuse, right?

Bull fucking shit.

Anyone can abuse anyone, regardless of relationship type, gender presentation, sex, age, etc. Abuse is abuse, anyway it happens.

It is fucking hard to report abuse, to ask for help, period. It is even harder to leave. Depending on whose statistics you read, it can take 7-12 times of trying to leave your partner before you can actually do it without going back. Ridiculously hard to do, for a variety of reasons.

Now imagine trying to ask for help, to get support, when you are in the minority.  When you’re queer, or gay, or lesbian, or in a poly family, or a butch being abused by a femme. Imagine how much harder it is.

I’ve looked for resources, because I wanted to share.  In Colorado, we have the Colorado Anti-Violence Program, which has a hotline, but it’s generally geared towards violence against queer people by non-queer people.  I’ve talked to generic DV/RV hotlines, and they say anyone is welcome to call…but having talked with a few of their workers, I can see how hard it would be to be queer and call in.

So folks, I put this to you.  This is a problem in our community. It is.  How do we provide help, support, resources and more? Are the numbers and organizations I don’t know about? Post them here, please share them. Do you have ideas to help make this cause more known, and/or take the stigma away? Please, speak up.

To all victims/survivors of abuse, regardless of gender or orientation, please know I support you. In any way I can. My heart goes out to you…and hopefully, we, as a community, are on our way to creating a better support system for you and your loved ones.

That is all.

Essin’ Em

3 comments

Can’t Stop Coming

July 27th, 2009 | Category: News in my life,Rant,Real life stories,amusing,butch/femme,call for help,dating,queer,relationships

This shouldn’t be a problem, right? This continuous ejaculatory love (as Q calls it) that is constantly gushing from my loins? This fluid that soak bed sheet and fascinator throe alike (although the Throe does work brilliantly)? This waterfall of my body that requires a quick cunt pat with a towel before turning on the Hitachi?

Well, it’s getting annoying. Pandora’s box, one might say. I know, I know, I wanted to ejaculate so bad for the longest time…what with reading books, trying out new toys, watching films.  I did. I admit it.

But now, it’s gone too far. We HAVE to put down towels or the Throe pre-ejaculation…even if it means pausing sex, or breaking D/s character in order to do it.  Gone is the completely spontaneous sex, because if we were to have it, my bed would soon float away on the river of ejaculation.  Colorado is a very dry state, but even a day with a ceiling fan running above Q’s bed cannot even attempt to dry the pond that is my ejaculatory love.

It is my hubris, I admit it. My fault for wanting it so bad.  First, it happened with S in San Francisco and I thought it was an isolated event. Then, it happened a few times with Q. Now, it’s although someone knocked the cap off of a fire hydrant; it’s uncontrollable, unstoppable.  It happens every time she fucks me, whether it is more of a flow or more of a gush.  Somedays, it takes less than 20 seconds from the time she slides her fingers into me until the geyser of come erupts.

I know I shouldn’t complain. But I hate the extra laundry, the pausing of play for towels and Throe, the quandry about only having one throe and two places where we fuck regularly…it’s hard, even for this feisty femme.

I’m sure you’re all giving me the “fuck your pitiful cry for pity” faces, and I can’t say I deserve anymore.  But really, is there any way to close the damn dam once you’ve opened it?

-Essin’ Em

7 comments

Fisting Negativity

July 26th, 2009 | Category: News,Rant,Thoughts,language,linkage,queer

I love fisting. A lot. Being fisted and fisting my partner(s).  In fact, I’ve even gotten Q into it. Sometimes it’s been more planned, and it has worked. Sometimes, it hasn’t. The other night, I was fucking her, and her cunt just opened up before me, and I slid my whole hand inside of her, no extra lube needed. Then she wanted less so she could come.

Now, in my experiences, I’ve met anti-fisting people, mostly because they’ve never done it.  Their idea of fisting is a giant fist being shoved into an unwelcoming cunt or ass. Not the case. There is love and care and trust behind fisting.  I’ve been fisted by 3 people ever – people I felt incredibly connected to. It doesn’t just happen.  Moreover, while punch fucking (a closed fist being shoved in and out, with lots of lube and what not) can feel amazing for some, most fisting is much slower, and less, well, fist-like.  Think of a duck bill.

Anyways.

A little bird brought this post to my attention. In case you’re not all about linking, here is the text:

Fisting Virgin

And may I say I intend to stay that way. I’ve tried out all manner of sex toys and devices over the years but have never felt the need to indulge in fisting.

To me a cock, fingers, dildo or vibe are all sufficient to bring me off. I don’t need to have something fill me to capacity and beyond for it to feel good.

It also raises the question, “if you become accustomed to having a full hand shoved up your you know what how will you ever feels satisfied with the vanilla lifestyle most of us have?”

Surely compared to a hand, a dildo, butt plug or cock for that matter are not even going to touch the sides.

Nice that they thought about the hygiene aspect by creating this Fisting Glove. I think I’ll stick to cock it may not be extreme but it does the job for me. ;)

This was my comment (keep in mind I’ve been cranky between the pain, tiredness and new meds). I’m sure it could have been written better, but really?  Just because *I* don’t like teh butt sechs or fleshy penises doesn’t mean I’m telling everyone that their vaginas are going to fall out if they have PIV, or that they’re going to have rectal bleeding because of anal sex.  Gah.

 

Wow. I find this to be one of the most sex-negative, judgmental posts I’ve read in a while. To me, it falls in the same category of “but if you use a vibrator, you’ll never enjoy non-toy involved sex again” or “you’re not a real lesbian if you use a dildo to emulate straight sex.”

Really? I mean, I’m glad that a cock, fingers, dildo or vibe are all sufficient to bring you off. While I’ve never gotten off from a flesh on blood cock, I can assure you that a cock, fingers, dildo or vibe are all sufficient to bring me off as well. Look how much alike we are.

 

Except I’ve been fisted. Quite a bit actually. And it in no way hampers my ability to get off from any other methods. In fact, I usually can’t come from fisting unless I’ve come from other ways first. My partner has also been fisting (by yours truly). Actually, last night, I fisted her for a good half hour. And then she wanted to come, so I fucked her really hard with 2 fingers so she could. She *can’t* come from fisting.

 

To me, fisting is not a vanilla vs. kink thing. It’s not a straight vs dyke thing. What it IS, at least in my book, is another fun sexual activity to add to your repertoire only when there is an inordinate amount of trust and chemistry. It does nothing permanent to your cunt, but it does send me flying high, makes me feel closer to my partner, and makes me moan on a primal level.

In the same way I would never tell people how to have PIV intercourse, because I don’t have it, I would hope you wouldn’t attempt to scare people with rumors of what *could* happen with fisting when you’ve never tried it yourself.

I am NOT a fisting virgin, and my cunt can crack walnuts. Maybe check your information in the future?

Then they responded (well, Alex, that is), telling me I was extrapolating from what she’d said. Now, yes, I was cranky in my original comment, but I don’t think that when someone says “surely” they’re asking a question, but rather putting forth information.

So I wrote this more stuff.

Basically, I felt this post called out a certain activity, and suceeded in fear mongering.  I was upset about this, as I feel our community should come together and support one another, as compared to telling people what they do is extreme, and could (in their minds) prevent you from ever being satisfied by a cock, dildo, vibrator or fingers ever again.

But yes, I could be wrong. And I invite you, as always, to tell me such.

K. That’s all I’ve got for now. Discuss.

-Essin’ Em

5 comments

The Beginnings of a Glossary

July 25th, 2009 | Category: News,Thoughts,call for help,language

I’m asked about definititions a lot…what is queer, what is cisgender, what is watersports, what is sounding, and even more lately, what is an IUD.

So the lovely and talented Lady Brett Ashley suggested I created my own glossary, up top, as a static page, so that people coming here can have some idea of what I’m talking about as I blog.

Ergo, I invite you, oh gentle readers, to please tell me what terms you would like me to have in said glossary.

You may comment here, or shoot me an email at essinem at gmail dot com.

I thank you in advance for your glossary building help!

-Essin’ Em

And a picture of me at Denver Pride, just for the heck of it!


3 comments

Sex Toy Review: The Escape

July 24th, 2009 | Category: Real life stories,linkage,review,toys

I love Liberator. I know I’ve said it time and time again, but some companies just make really freaking good products. They are one.

Now, I have the Ramp. I have the Throe (although with all of this ejaculating, I need to get another one for Q). I have the Scoop.  I’m still craving the Esse and the Buckaroo, as well as some of the more frou-frou things.

And now, Liberator was kind enough to send me the Escape. In Zebra Print. To go with everything (red, black and animal print) else in my home and sex toy collection.

Why did I want the Escape?  

I believe in sex toys being as functional as possible. I use the Ramp to watch movies, I use the Scoop (with a blanket over it) for extra seating when I have guests, and the Throe actually makes a surprisingly nice blanket. And well, the Escape had multiple possibilities.

It came in a HUGE box. I’m not going to tip toe around it. It’s a HUGE item. My cats love love love playing with it, especially Kinsey. He waits until it’s folded up, and climbs into it, making it a Kinsey taco.

My first thought about this giant comfy mat was that it will make an excellent guest bed for when friends come it visit. It is king size, and like all the Liberator items, has an unzippable and washable cover. Guest comes over, I make room for it in my living room, and BAM – insta-guest-bed.

It also makes a good mattress topper. My knees, as well all know, are completely FUBAR (fucked up beyond all recognition), and kneeling, even on nice mattress is usually out of the question. The Escape can really help with adding even more squish and making more possibilities exist.

The first time I used the Escape, it actually wasn’t for sex.  Q had wanted me to read her tarot cards, and it was beautiful out, so we grabbed some iced tea, cheese, and melon, and headed outside.  We sat on the Throe out on my balcony, with a slight breeze, an hour or so before sunset as I read her tarot cards.  This, of course, lead to much loving cuddling on the Escape on the balcony.

Which then lead to some really fun and really hot sex on said balcony.  Unplanned, but fucking amazing.  I actually used the Throe on the Escape, so I didn’t have to wash my new toy’s cover so quickly. Let me just say that the ability to fuck, COMFORTABLY (which in my life, is pretty key), on the balcony, breezes blowing across us, looking at the sunset over the rocky mountains is ridiculously amazing.

The only issue I had with the Escape was storing and transporting it.  It’s huge, and it doesn’t store very wel.  It rains a lot in the afternoons, so I didn’t want to leaving it outside, yet there isn’t a ton of room in my house. Moreover, I brought it to Thunder in the Mountains, but it was hell attempting to transport this giant thing.  You *can* buy a travel bag to go with it, but I wasn’t sent one, so trying to deal with it is a pain in my ass.

I love the Escape, actually, more than I thought I would. I hadn’t even thought about using it as a guest bed until my friend brought it up. So basically, it’s great for sex outside (park, balcony, camping, etc), on hardwood floors (or even carpeting), reading tarot cards outside, guest beddage, adding some extra padding to your bed (for sex AND sleeping), and as a kitty play toy.  5 stars (out of 5).

Click here to get a little Escape of your own!

-Essin’ Em

5 comments

Handprint HNT

July 23rd, 2009 | Category: HNT,linkage,pictures

I’ve written before about fucking on people’s periods and fucking on my period, and my thoughts haven’t changed. I still loved it…not just because of the extra natural lube, the more widely open cunts, but also because of the finger paint.  As evidenced above by Q’s inner thigh and my lovely handprint. Can you tell I’m left handed?

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday to one and all!

-Essin’ Em

6 comments

Pleasurists #38

July 22nd, 2009 | Category: Swag,linkage,pleasurists,toys

 

bow

via www.tendrebulle.fr

 

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #37? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #39? Submit it here before Sunday July 26th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • Lube & Lascivious Conduct: A quest for a lubricant that doesn’t suck by Dollfacekilla

    • No, a good lube is totally clear, and like a good joke, completely tasteless. I’m in the market for the good stuff so I’ve asked the friendly folks at TabuToys.com to provide me with a list of their top 10 selling sex lubricants for me to rate and compare. This will be an epic task requiring a cast-iron stomach and a sturdy wrist. But now it looks like I’m stalling and as Jane Gumb says, “It put’s the lotion on the skin or it get’s the hose.”

    Editor’s Note: While this was posted out of the date range of this Pleasurists I do make exceptions for exceptional reviews. I read this review a few weeks ago and didn’t know who was behind it but was ultimately impressed. I love the premise of the site as well as the reviews and product mentions, I love reviews of bad products that are snarky and witty and this one definitely fits that bill.

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult Movies/Porn

Storage

Sex Furniture

Miscellaneous

 


No comments

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