Sexuality Happens

I like balls. Smart ones that is…I was a fan of the original ones (not linking to that review, as it was for EF, and we all know the reason I don’t want to send them traffic), and back when I got the chance to review the Smart Balls Teneo Uno, I really liked the single ball.

Well, I’m a very lucky lady, and Good Vibrations was nice enough to send me one of the Uno and one of the Duo Smart Balls for a comparison…epic in its undertaking. Poor little me, having to wear smart balls in my cunt in order to test out how amazing they are…and amazing they ARE.

First though, my grammatical side has to have its say. Technically, while the Duo is in fact a set of Smart Balls, should the Uno just be singular, as in ONE Smart BALL? I’m just saying… but we all know how I am about semantics. 

As far as the balls themselves?

This is what the Uno looks like:

Sadly, you don’t get to choose the color when you order them, and they’re going to be some combo of black, white and two shades of pink. 

Ditto on the color choices for the Duo, which looks like this:

As you can see, they look very similar to the original SmartBalls, but with a bit of a more aerodynamic look (yes, it’s true that this probably made no sense technically, but just stick with me here folks).

Unlike the originals though, you can choose to start with just one ball. Many people I’ve talked to have said that two balls was just too much for them as beginners (or even as more advanced kegel athletes).  Also, sometimes it’s nicer, if you’re going to be wearing it all day, to have just one.  

Another deviation from the originals is that these balls ARE silicone (whereas the others were elastomed).  While I’ve heard rumors that you cannot boil them, I have boiled mine with no problems (anyone else have experience with this?), but at the very least, you can wipe them down with a 10% bleach solution. Fun Factory, good call on changing the material.  However, I am sad that there is not the awesome color selection that existed with the old school Smartballs.

How do they feel? I personally find that the Uno, while fun, is a little too small and a little too easy for me.  I am an experienced Kegel Athlete (can we have some sex olympics please? We could demonstrate kegel strength both by squirting competitions, and by squeezing – the person who can squeeze the hardest and/or longest wins!), and find that the Duo suits me perfectly. I wear the Duo hanging out at home, while cleaning, while driving, while running grocery errands, etc.  And the great things? While you CAN squeeze them conciously to get in some extra work-outs, as long as you’re moving them while you’re wearing them, they’re doing their job. So no, chilling in front of the TV doesn’t cut it, but gardening/cooking/running/carrying the cats or kids around/rock climbing/walking to class/etc all works out your kegels without even thinking about it.

YOU need Smart Balls. Whether you personally choose the Uno or the Duo (or both!) is up to you, but if you have or have had a cunt, these balls can do amazing things for you.  

Reminder – do NOT put these in your butt. Seriously. That is NOT a Samuel Adams.  Cunt good, butt bad. Lather, rinse, repeat.

5 stars out of 5 for the set!

Want to work on your kegels? Click here to get your very own Smart Ball or Smart Balls!

-Essin’ Em

Photo Credit: John Foley

It’s not often that I wear gags. I hate them hate them hate them.  I have epic TMJD, some wearing them hurts. Add to that my anxiety and panic at not being able to breath or swallow (which you can while wearing gags; it’s just more difficult), and I just choose not to wear them.

However, I recently did a fetish shoot, and he had a cool harness gag on hand. Q was there, so I felt less nervous having it on, ergo, I tried it for a few frames. And I really liked this over all picture, though I still don’t like gags, and think I look really silly in them.

So please enjoy one of the fruits of this shoot’s labor. And realize that you may never see me in a harness gag again!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

As of today, I am officially 24.

What am I doing today? Nada.  Q is working all day, and has a special work event tonight, so it’s just me and the kitties. I’m planning on sleeping in, masturbating a bit, maybe renting a movie, or going to get a cupcake or something. Same old, same old. Birthdays never really turn out well for me. I’ve been robbed, I’ve been in a car accident, I’ve gotten a kidney infection, I’ve fallen down a flight of stairs, I’ve had my little kitty die.  Birthdays generally don’t bode well for me.

Despite this outlook, it IS my birthday, so I’m going to at least write about it.

So much has happened in the last year.  

I lost my little girl kitty Athena, breaking my heart.

I met Q, the love of my life.

F broke up with me, which in hindsight, was a good thing.

I shot porn/naked pictures for CrashPadSeries.com, GoodDykePorn.com, NoFauxxx and VegPorn.com.

I attended Sex 2.0 in Washington, DC.

I met some of my favorite sex(uality) people.

I’ve been unemployed. 

I worked for Western Union in a contract position. 

I visited my best friend in Seattle.

I’m back to being unemployed.

I hosted Wick’d Dyke Night and Spanktrum (queer play parties) in Denver.

I found my kink family in Denver; the lovely Ms. Angell, Evey, Nyx, Domitor, Faith, Noan, Lynx and others. I found a home at the RACK room and the Denver Enclave.

I adopted a new kitty; Kali.

I moved to Arizona with Q.

I’m desperately missing my BFF in Denver, and my other friends there.

I’ve gained Q’s cat, Jasper.

I’ve celebrated my first Thanksgiving with Q.

I have my first “holiday shrubbery.”

I am interested, if not a little scared (and also excited!), to see what happens in the next year.

If you’re crafty, and wanting to make me a gift, I do love me some home made presents.  Email me or comment, and I’ll send my address. If you’re wanting to buy me a gift, you can see here what I’m craving.  And if you don’t have the ability to do any, I’d just love a nice comment…always can cheer me up!

Here’s a picture from last year’s birthday party:

The theme was Super Heros, Fairy Tales, Urban Legends and Tall Tales.

I was the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland…and thought this Captain Morgan hat looked like a giant uterus.  But then again, that’s just me. And I’m a pervert.

-Essin’ Em

I found this lovely video through the rocking and pervy Mollena. I then proceeded to shoot iced tea out my nose when he bespoke of his uber dominant cock.

So please enjoy the reasons why dominants can’t play a simple game of cards together.

Thanks Mollena!

-Essin’ Em

Dear Channukah Faeries - 

I have been a VERY VERY good girl (and naughty too, but only in good ways) this year, and so I think I should really really win something from the FetLife Sit on Santa’s Lap Giveaway. Particularly the Njoy Eleven, but I would be happy with anything. Promise.

That is all,

-Good lil Essin’ Em

(you can enter too if you have a FL account: Click Here!)

Last year, a few rocking bloggers put together a holiday-ish gift exchange. I haven’t heard anything about it this year, so I’m taking control.  Basically, you’ll fill out the questionnaire, send it to me, and Q will help me match up people (so that I can play too!).  Then, I’ll send everyone their person (privately, via email).  You will send them a gift (either anonymously or with your name – your choice) in the value range of $10-$20. I say value, because if you’re cool and crafty and can make things, that’s fine.  You don’t HAVE to spend any money, except for shipping. If you’re less crafty, like me, then you can purchase something.

If you want to play, I need you to send me your questionnaire by Wednesday, December 9th at 11:59 pm MST. Please send it to essinem at gmail dot com.  You can send questions to me there as well.  I’ll turn it around and have you your exchange person by the weekend.  You need to send your present out to arrive by the 31st of December (as different holidays are celebrated at different time periods).  

The Questionnaire:

Your Name/Blogger Name (and blog/twitter URL):

Address to send the gift:

Your gender, if you want to share:

Colors you like/dislike:

Animals you like/dislike:

Scents you like/dislike:

Foods and beverages you like:

Favorite music (artists, genres):

Your hobbies and interests:

Do you have an online wishlist (or many)? Link to it: 

What are your fetishes, if any:

Do you like/watch porn? What kinds?:

Do you have any allergies to foods/materials, etc:

Any other info you’d like to add about yourself:

So we all know I likey the vibrators. I am, in fact, a vibrator fan.

However, as we also all know, I like weapons grade sex toys. Like the Hitachi, the Wahl, etc. Even most Lelo toys (while incredibly awesome) aren’t strong enough to get me to the point of no return.  99% of  battery toys have tried, and failed epically when it comes to getting me off.

Luckily, Q is not like that. Q prefers the finesse of multi-speed, battery operated toys. In fact, she even loves the good ol’ AA powered bullet. And so, she has become my new (and oh so sexy guinea pig) for testing out AA and AAA powered vibrators like the Mini Gallant (which Babeland was so kind to send me).

We were all set to test out the Gallant.  However, it is deceiving.  It LOOKS like it would take AA batteries, even once the battery compartment is open. However, it takes 2 AAA batteries. Since we’re still in the midst of unpacking, this required an epic hunt for AAA batteries before we could get the little bugger going.

I decided to have some kitchen fun, and brought some crocodile nipple clamps, and a delightful massage oil/wax candle into the kitchen with us. First, I made Q strip down, tossing the boxers and tank in a corner.  Then, I bent her over the counter, grabbing a kitchen knife from the block. Slowly, I ran it down her back, until she was covered in goosebumps. Poor thing must have been cold, so I poured hot wax down her back to try and warm her up. I’m a very nice Mistress, you see.  After rubbing it in, I had her turn around, and I put the clamps on her nipples.

Once they had gotten a bit more tender, I pulled the chain taut, and place the Gallant on it, making it vibrate both the chain and the clamps. She moaned. I liked it.  Then I teased her for another 10 minutes or so with the purple mini vibe, making her stand in front of the sink with her legs spread, touching the vibe to her lips and her clit until she couldn’t take it and we retired to the bedroom.

The next time we had sex, I was fucking her silly with the Curve (another fun toy by Fun Factory), and finally let her use a vibrator on her clit. She went for the Gallant, to give it another gallant try.  While she said it felt really good, and she enjoyed it (and holy mother of mooses, it was SOOOO quiet! I kept telling her to turn it on, but it already was.  Much quieter than some other FF toys I’ve tried in the past), it didn’t give her enough vibration to get off. And this is Q saying this, NOT me.  She went to her trusty back up Silver Bullet, and was coming here and there and everywhere in no time.

Basically, this is a great toy. It’s phthalate free, and sharable (if you sterilize it). It only takes 2 AAA batteries, so it’s not like you’re loading up dual cannons here. It’s quieter than any mouse I’ve ever seen or heard. It’s very portable (totally fits in my purse…easily), and it’s easy to use with the + and – buttons for power (and to change patterns).  However, it’s not very strong. Sooooo…it depends what you’re looking for.  If I’m personally trying to get off, I’d give it 1 star.  If I’m trying to tease the hell out of Q, 3 or 4 stars. And if you find most toys over stimulate you, than this might be right up your alley.  

Oh. Side note.  It *can* be inserted in the cunt, as nothing can get lost there (do NOT put it in your butt. Period.). We tried this. It goes allllll the way into the cunt. Like, with it being all lube-y and come-y, I had to make Q laugh in order to get it to projectile back out again.  No so good for the actively fucking.

Want your own candy colored mini gallant? Click here!

-Essin’ Em

I LOVE flip flops. Like, inappropriately love flips flops.  In Colorado, I wore (and wear) them about 355 days a year. You know when it’s REALLY cold, because I bust out the socks. Other wise, it’s flip flops.  Sometimes, even in the snow. I have special 3″ platform flip flops that I can wear in the snow, so I don’t have to walk through it.

Although it is fall, of course I’m wearing some snazzy flip flops. Polka dots, of course.  And obviously some sassy toe nail polish.

I mean really, how can you NOT love flip flops?

Good thing I can wear them all the time in Phoenix.

And enjoy the naked feet while you can :)

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

Photo Credit: Charm City Cakes

So Q and I have been really nerdy as of late (or as of always), which, among other things, entails watching Food Network. This includes a lot of Ace of Cakes, about Charm City Cakes in Baltimore.

They make all sorts of amazing cakes, and have all sorts of delicious flavors.  

After watching them make amazing cake after amazing cake (and harboring a mega crush on Elena), we were discussing what kind of cake we’d get. Now, there are too many awesome ideas out there, so I decided to come up with a pervy cake I wanted.

My pervy cake from CCC would be made of either chocolate raspberry or pumpkin chocolate chip cake-yness.

For a while, I was leaning towards a leopard print corset, with boob-age just pouring out of it.  Then, I put in more thought to it.

It would have a base of a black Liberator Scoop.  Then, on top would be a Hitachi Magic Wand (duh), and one shiny Njoy Eleven, and a sexy pair of restraints.  And maybe some glitter. Cause I like sparkly things.

Sheesh. All this thinking about cake, I need to get one soon, since my birthday is next week. Maybe I’ll just get some cupcakes. Mmm.

If YOU were going to get a pervy cake, what flavor would it be, and what would it look like?

-Essin’ Em

I don’t know if you’ve seen this story yet, but I was incredibly moved, and also ridiculous impressed by this 10-year-old kid in Arkansas. He basically has decided to stop saying the pledge of allegiance until everyone really gets liberty and justice. In this specific instance, he’s referring to GLBTQ rights, but if you think about it, our country is not equal and just. There is still much ingrained racism, classism, ablism, sexism and more.  

I never had to say the pledge in any of my schools, but I can’t imagine that other kids haven’t thought this through before.  This poor kid is getting crap from his classmates, but he continues to stand up for his beliefs, and luckily, he has parents who support him in this.  I’m really really really impressed.  Click here for more info and one of the many videos of him.

Good on you, kiddo!

-Essin’ Em

From Huffington Post:

Will Phillips appeared on CNN Monday morning with his father, Jay, to discuss his refusal to say the pledge of allegiance.

“I’ve grown up with a lot of people and I’m good friends with a lot of people who are gay and I think they should have the rights all people should, and I’m not going to swear that they do,” the ten-year-old Phillips said.

Jay Phillips, asked if his son was prepared for the media attention, said his son saw it as an opportunity to raise awareness. “He felt that just because he’s ten years old doesn’t mean he doesn’t have opinions, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have rights, and doesn’t mean he can’t make a difference.”

…

“I’ve always tried to analyze things because I want to be lawyer,” Will said. “I really don’t feel that there’s currently liberty and justice for all.”

After asking his parents whether it was against the law not to stand for the pledge, Will decided to do something. On Monday, Oct. 5, when the other kids in his class stood up to recite the pledge of allegiance, he remained sitting down. The class had a substitute teacher that week, a retired educator from the district, who knew Will’s mother and grandmother. Though the substitute tried to make him stand up, he respectfully refused. He did it again the next day, and the next day.