What IS Genderqueer?
Having a partner who identifies as “GQ” on Fetlife, and many friends that identify publicly as genderqueer, it is amazing how difficult it is to definite the word.
In starting my new group, I mentioned (when talking about what a safe space looks like),that instead of making assumptions, it’s always better to ask. The example I gave was that instead of just staring at someone genderqueer identified, wondering what the hell it means, it’s always better to just ask.
So some awesome, open-minded person messaged me, and asked me just that. What IS genderqueer?
I get asked this question a lot. And it’s hard everytime. How do you define something that, in essence, is trying to be outside of definition.
This was my quick answer to her:
Genderqueer is an identity that is pretty fluid. It usually goes for someone who doesn’t identify as male, female, or trans (in that they are not transitioning from one sex to another). They may identfy as more masculine or more feminine, or neither, or they may have days where they feel more masculine, and then days where they feel more feminine, or they may even reject the gender binary completely. Instead of saying “well, I guess my gender is ____” and having to check a box, they’ve decided that their gender is exactly what it is, how they feel it is that day, and so on. Similar to the orientation of “queer” this is the gender version of it.
And it works as a quick answer. Yes, genderqueer is queering the gender binary, in a similar way that queer is queering the orientation binary/trinary. But I just feel a little unsatisfied. Really, how do you explain gender queer?
So I’ve decided to open it up to the interwebs at large. Y’all are smart people. I mean, yes, you can google it. You can look at the wikipedia page, you can read all you want. The internet is a wonderful thing.
But that doesn’t always put forth an answer. I’ve found that the definition of queer varies immensely depending on who you ask, so I can only assume that gender queer is the same way.
I ask of you: WHAT IS GENDERQUEER? Whether you identify as such, or have partner/friends/family who does, or have no correlation to it, I want to hear your thoughts and definitions as to what genderqueer is/means/is defined/etc.
Ready? GO!
-Essin’ Em
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Well, I remember hearing on NPR many many years ago that someone had defined “jazz” as “music that makes one expect the unexpected”.
I think that “genderqueer” is an aspiration towards sexuality jazz.
^ Ohh, that’s an interesting definition.
For me it gets complicated because transgendered is no longer just FTM and MTF, so in thinking of term hierarchies (going from broad to specific), I’m no longer sure how transgendered, or just “trans,” relate to genderqueer–like which one is nested in the other, y’know? I identify as genderqueer, and what that means to me is that my gender-package (ID, presentation, and all that) is queer, period. It’s fluid and complicated–my baseline identity is agendered (and that’s apparently a subset of genderqueer/trans), I usually present as femme, and sometimes I feel I adopt another identity entirely (glitter gay boy, for example, and it’s a feeling of IDENTITY, not performance) which is kind of a mindfuck if it comes unexpectedly…
Anyway–I just ask. :) For me, genderqueer is a queerly gendered person, one that is not easy to pin down, one that is not summarized neatly in one sentence. It suggests to me a complexity in the relation between body and sex and gender and identity.
I’ve always thought of it as a sort of third-gender category, neither male nor female. In a perfect world I could say “I’m genderqueer” and people would get it, but for now, for better communication, I stick with “I’m trans” or, when even that choice is not afforded, “I’m male”. To me, genderqueer is sort of a last resort when nothing else works, just because it is so vague.
Genderqueer and gender-fluid are somewhat similar (I identify as the latter currently), but I think that there’s a distinction to be made: I think that I’m more gender-fluid because I tend to oscillate around amongst gender identities that I’m familiar with, rather than inventing my own, or feeling completely alienated by masculine/feminine. There is a LOT of alienating power in that binary, and as one who doesn’t identify with either by definition, I think it’s allowing me to approach it as I would spirituality: read up on it, take what I want from it, discard that which is not useful to me or oppressive to others.
(Interesting side note: someone on Fetlife thought that GF meant “genetic female”– which gave me a yucky feeling and I had to gently explain to that person that they should never assume to know someone’s identity.)
Genderqueer has been used as sort of the “pomosexual,” invention of one’s gender identity based on how they feel about it that day, that hour, that moment. Both options allow for more flexibility and room to decide how much of a role gender identity and expectations will play in our own lives.