Sexuality Happens

EDIT: So I wrote this post when I thought I was going to be going to New York. This is not longer the case due to ticket issues, Q’s father being laid off and more.  Ergo, I’m still in Phoenix. Le Sigh.  However, I liked what I wrote about my thoughts and issues with family. So I’m keeping it up. Just don’t get confused with me not *actually* being in NY. -EE

And I’m off, once again, to New York to visit with Q’s family.

Family is such a hard concept for me.  I have such a small family; a grandfather and aunt (and her partner) in FL, my mother and sister in CO, and an aunt/uncle/3 cousins in Israel. That’s it. The whole thing.  I’ve met all of the Israelis I think 3 times (when I was little, my bat mitzvah and my sister’s bat mitzvah), and I see the FL troupe maybe once a year, my mother and sister MAYBE twice. They certainly have no plans to visit me in AZ.

But Q is so much closer with her family. She talks to them a lot, supports them through their problems, celebrates their triumphs. They are all so excited about her coming for a few days, and I just feel so out of place, like there is something wrong with me that I don’t have a large and/or loving and connected family.

It’s been over a decade (11 years next month) since my father died.  I’ve gotten over, for the most part, people asking my about my “parents” and “so, what is it that your father does?”  It’s just so hard for me to interact with family in the way that Q does. I want her family to like me so much, and I almost try too hard, and then wind up failing at my mission anyways. Le sigh.

But, we’re meeting with PhinLi bookings on Friday night, and I’m hoping to stop by Re/Dress (the plus size vintage/thrift store) to get some cute clothes and maybe a bathing suit, so I’m getting to check some “important” stuff off my list as well.

I leave you with this picture from Q and my last trip together, on the plane (in a shirt her mother gave me for the holidays), and I’ll see you on the flip side!

-Essin’ Em