Sexuality Happens

This week brings more hotness from the Crash Pad Series, my fav. We’ve got Michelle Aston and Julie for some sweet queer and trans action (pun so intended!), beautiful inked bodies, and much much more!

Click here to see all of the delicious scene between Julie and Michelle Aston, or here to see everything on Crash Pad Series.

Sorry I didn’t get a full post up today, but I’m still recovering from working at Pride all weekend.

Here is a picture of my glitter tastic, oh so gay, rainbown glitter eyeshadow I did yesterday.

Enjoy!

-Essin’ Em

Now, I know you, my dear readers, know the proper way to comment. 

One word: Respectfully.

People have disgreed with me, a lot. Whether it’s telling me that maybe my fat-ness IS an issue, or that breast feeding shouldn’t be done in public, or that I should not wear a certain outfit or that a toy is not as cool as I think it is.  Disgreement, debated, dialogue…this is all fine.

In my 3.5+ years blogging, I’ve only ever deleted one comment; it was when Athena died, and I asked for help with her medical bills, and some asshole posted that I was lying, never had a cat, none the less a dead one, and was doing this as a money stunt (note, I raised $200 against over $4000 in emergency vet bills).  I was hurt and angry and crying and sitting shiva, and was not ok with that.  I did delete that comment.

With the exception of that, and of course, spam, I approve everything. Why? I believe in conversation, communication, and all that important stuff.

So why am I writing this?  It seems there have been a rash of impolite, disrespectful, douch-hat like comments posted on blogs all over the place, including Brit’s blog and Margaret’s blog.

Ergo, this is just a gentle reminder, oh wonderful readers of mine. I have been so lucky to have such insightful and wonderful readers here over the years, and I hope to keep it that way. I will not tolerate hateful language…not towards me, not towards other bloggers, or other commenters.  No transphobia, fatphobia, homophobia, sexism, etc.  Discussion? Yes. Hate? No.

So I thank you all for being so awesome, witty, polite and respectful over the years, and ask that you continue to do so.  This blog is public, yes, but please keep in mind that these are my thoughts, feelings, actions, and experiences. When people say hateful things, they hurt many people, including myself.

With that said, I hope you continue to read, and continue to post such wonderful, thoughtful, interesting and fabulous comments.

-Essin’ Em

Q and I have been together almost a year and a half, tripling any previous relationship I’ve been in (she has me bested by a lot with three years). She was not changed me, but helped me find different and other parts of myself.  I never thought I’d want to spend any long amount of time with one person, want to live with one person, want to significantly share my life with one person. But I do.

Granted, I still have other play partners, and shoot partners, and of course, my loving moose Evey back in Denver. I’m not losing the kink side of my life, or the multi-partnered side of my life.

I never imagined I’d find someone who didn’t leave me when the pain was too high and I could leave the bed. I never imagined I’d find someone who would be  as silly with the cats, and sometimes even sillier. I never imagined I’d find someone who was as into social justice and rights for everyone as I was, but also wasn’t hoity-toity about the revolutionary politics, keeping people out. I never thought I’d find someone to whom my attraction never waned, but only grew as I got to learn more and more about them as a person. I never dreamed I’d find someone who would let me breathe pretend fire on them, and communicate in meow-talk. I never thought I’d find someone with whom I could share a bed and fall asleep in their arms and not feel awkward and uncomfortable throughout the night.

We’re officially registered as Domestic Partners in the city of Phoenix, so that I can share her medical benefits (until they get taken away in October, because Arizona is a conservative, queer-unfriendly state).

And today, at Pride, we’re participating in the mass commitment ceremony.  And this will be our engagement. We want to show the world that queer people are real people. We love, just like anyone else. We worry about what happens to our partners, and if we’ll be allowed to see them in the ER or the ICU (you don’t want to know how many forms I had to fill out to make sure she’d know if something happened to me during my surgery last October). We want to be recognized, just like anyone else.  Perhaps the relationships will end, perhaps we’ll drift apart, and perhaps we’ll stay together, just like anyone else.

We hope, that when we move back to Colorado, they will soon approve equal marriage rights, and we can get married there.  But for now, her titanium ring, and my onyx/boulder opal bracelet (I’m not a huge ring fan…may save that for the wedding) will show our choice to commit to one another, to be there for one another, to support one another.

I love her, more than I ever thought I could love. And she loves me back. When I’m with Q, I feel safe, and loved, and cared for and happy and silly and all of these things I’ve not ever really felt. I don’t have to make excuses for her drinking or drug use, or her flaking out on me, or her treatment of others (as I have in the past with other partners), because she is so on par with my values and ethics and morals and ideals, and that makes me one very happy panda.

I’m ready to commit to her. Not forever; I don’t really believe in forever. But for as long as the two of us can be happy and support each other, I’m there.

-Essin’ Em

Behold, I have rope. More specifically, Japanese Bondage Rope, thanks to the folks at SexToy.com.

Why rope? Well, as we all know, I’ve always loved stuff of a kinker variety, and of all the BDSM/Fetish toys I’ve tried, I’ve never really done rope. Yes, I’ve review a few rope bondage “how-to” books like Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes and Midori’s The Seductive Art of Japanese Rope Bondage. I’ve tied up, I’ve even been suspended a time or two back in Denver…but honestly, rope has never held much of an allure for me.  I like things that get stuff going quickly (like pretty restraints) so that it is both fast and easy to get someone (usually Q) restrained, and then just as fast and easy to get them undone at the end.

But I like the look of rope in some of the decorative ways, and I really like that this rope is already black, so it matches everything I have, no dying needed. Plus, I recently attend Lee Harrington’s basic ropes class at Fascinations. And it was cool. And I wanted to learn more about ropes and playing with them, and all that jazz.

So while I usually review sex toys, this week, I’m reviewing rope.

The rope itself isn’t hemp or nylon and anything shiny and fancy like rope enthusiasts tend to love. That’s ok; I’m a rope newbie, and I’m not willing to spend $10 a foot for some rope of fancy-ness before I figure out if I even like the damn stuff.

It’s 32 feet long, which seems like an awkward number, since most of the rope books I’ve read require lengths of 10, 15, 25, 50 feet, etc. I haven’t seen a lot of “32 feet” or “16 feet” lengths required. So basically, I wish it had been 50 feet, so I could cut it into more useful and more managable lengths of rope. However, better 32 feet than some of the cheap-o rope I’ve seen for sale that is all of 8 or 10 feet, with which you can do very little.

My other problem was that the ends were fraying. Now, with my nylon rope, I just burn the ends, voila.  However, with natural fibers like cotton, it’ll just light up on fire. There is some special way to end ropes by wrapping string around them, but you know me; when it comes to bondage, I’m more of an instant gratification kind of gal.  Ergo, I just tied really small knots. Did this make it a little more difficult to actually use the rope? Yes. But it was easier and quicker and I just got the damn thing done.

As far as using the rope, I made some pretty gauntlets on my arm, and then I used it for quick bondage; speed cuffs, tying Q’s wrist restraints together, and those kind of things.

The rope is great beginner rope. Obviously, it’s nothing amazing, and so if you’re going to be a rope slut, I might go invest in some high quality, frou frou stuff. However, for someone just starting in? This rope is brilliant, it comes in black, purple or red, which I LOVE, and it’s a decent amount. I’d give it 3.5, or maybe even 4 stars, out of 5.

Click here to get your own length of rope!

A few weeks ago, I took Q to her very first ever Ren Faire. She thought it was going to be nerdier and kitchier than it was, and she actually really wound up enjoying it.

However, looking back upon the photos of us/me, I don’t wonder if maybe she wasn’t just enjoying the boobs and cleavage I had going on in my outfit just *bit* too much, if there is such a thing. I asked her to take a picture of my outfit, while wandering around, and she clearly had her eyes set only on one thing:

Plus, I got the perfect new walking cane that is custom cut to my height, and has my initials carved into it. It’s pretty damn sassy, as canes go. Ask Megan — she saw it when I was speaking at Brown!

So whether Q enjoyed Ren Faire due to the culture, food, shops and jousting, or due to my boobs, we definitely had a fun time, and hope you like the cleavage as well!

Happy HNT to y’all!

-Essin’ Em

Oh! PS! Today is Tax Relief Day at Fascinations, so you get 25% off your entire purchase (no minimum) online and in stores, plus free lube, and free shipping online. Click here to go shopping. Good from 8am PDT to 11:59 PDT TODAY ONLY!

I know everyone thinks of me as this sex craved, kinky as fuck, can’t get enough pervert.

I am  very much about to disillusion you. If you want to continue to think of me as such, stop reading now.

Still reading? Fair enough.

Over the last few months, a lot has happened. A LOT. I got sleep apnea from swollen tonsils and was a walking zombie. Then I had tonsil removal surgery. Then we moved to Phoenix. Which involved Q and I moving in together (the first partner I’ve ever wanted to lived with). Then I was unemployed and depressed. Then I got employed and was exhausted from getting back into a fairly regular work schedule. Then I had a cancer scare (still need to write about that). Then I had a 5 day long migraine where I ended up in the ER. Add to that the nerve/wrist pain I had, the back pain I have, and the knee and hip pain that never goes away, and is better one day and is HORRIBLE and excruciating the next.

Is it any wonder that my sex drive seems to have taken a vacation? No, but it pisses me off.

Why? Because I LIKE sex. In my head, I still want to have it 6-10 times a week like we used to. I see Q, and she’s so hot, so sexy, so much deliciousness and I want her all the time. But physically, my sex drive has gone out the window.

Do we have sex? Yes, although definitely not as frequently, and not for as long of sessions. Do I wish we had more? Again…my head says yesyesyesyesyses, my body say whatever. 

When we do have sex, things have changed. I don’t ejaculate as much, so I guess that’s a good thing, since the bed doesn’t end up as wet. And my orgasms are a whole different animal; they feel different, they happen differently, etc.  Plus, where as I used to need about 2 seconds of kissing and maybe some nipple play for warm up and was then ready to fuck for hours, I now need foreplay. A lot of it. And the problem is, I don’t even know what type of foreplay I need, because this is a whole new and different journey for me as well, as I’ve never really been in this boat.

I feel horrible for poor Q.  While her sex drive has decreased slightly too, it is nowhere near as minimal as mine. I don’t want her to think that I don’t find her sexy (because I do! And I tell her that all the time), or that I don’t want to be with her any more (I can’t imagine being with anyone else — I love her so god damn much)…but how do we make this work?

Sometimes, she’ll masturbate, and I’ll help out with kissing and touching and scratching and all of that. Sometimes I’ll fuck her, but then she wants to fuck me and I’m just not in the mood and I feel horrible and gross and like a bad partner and a failure as sex educator and at life.

So we talk. A lot. I tell her where I’m at, she checks in with how she’s feeling. We try new things. We reach outside the box.  And hopefully, slowly, my sex drive will come back, and at the very least, we’ll figure out a way to make this work for us. Because really, what do you do if you ARE the sexuality educator, you ARE the pervert, you ARE the person that people come to for answers…and you just don’t have them?

Sorry this one is going up late, but it’s been a busy week. However, to make up for it, I’m giving you not just eye candy from ONE hot queer, but TWO. Two of my favorite queer femmes are up on Everything Butt, one of the kink.com sites dedicated to awesome anal. While I’m not so much into butt play, I know I’ve had some requests for butt play pics.  Y’all, these are for YOU!

Who are they? Why, it’s Madison Young and Dylan Ryan, queer and kinky porn goddesses, and recent winners of some Feminist Porn Awards to boot!

So without any further ado, here is some eye candy from their scene together.

Click here to check out their whole shoot together!

This is a picture from February’s Sizzle at Femina Potens of three sassy, sex-positive, porn starring, sex educating redheads; Rita Seagrave, Madison Young and me! We’ve all shot for Good Releasing (production company of Good Vibes) and both Rita and I both performed on sexuality and disability at Sizzle (read my piece: A Femme Crip Rant).

While I sometimes consider myself a pretty cool sexuality person, these other two fantabulous and fierce redheads have been in the sexuality world/adult industry a lot longer than I have, and I just wanted to say how honored I am to have not only met them, but to have performed with them, chatted with them, hung out with thing, gotten kicked out of a trendy with them (in Madison’s case) and eaten sushi from a traveling boat with them (in Rita’s case).  I send them my love and best wishes, and can’t wait to see what they come up with next.

And wouldn’t we make a hot cast together in a film?

-Essin’ Em

HNT courtesy of Neptune Blue

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #12? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

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All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

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porn, like sex work, defies easy generalisations

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Erotic Writing

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A Femme Crip Rant

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Eating Her Out

Essure to take off the Pressure

Hair

Letting Go

Life of a Sex Toy Addict

Naming the boy, Blue Balls

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