Sexuality Happens

People keep asking me my thoughts on the new lube study.  I’m still compiling my thought on all of this.

However, Dr. Charlie Glickman put up a great post about it on his blog, and until I can figure out the best way of telling y’all that I believe that people should still use water-based and/or silicone-based lubes for anal sex, because there are better quality lubes out there than KY and Astroglide that weren’t done as part of the research, I suggest you read it. Because not using lube tears anal tissue and increases the risk of infections and STI transmission in and of itself.

Is the research possibly valid? Yes. Does there need to be a LOT more research on this and the interpretation of what said research means before I think people should stop using water-based lubes before anal sex.

More to follow..

-Essin’ Em

I just realized, driving into work at Fascinations last week, that I finally have what one might consider to be my dream job.  Or at the very least, I job where I am doing what I love, playing with the web, expressing my passions, and using my expensive graduate degree. I’m using my social media skillz, I’m creating a new sex positive review program where I am in control (no google docs or angry mercurical bosses to yell at me), I’m presenting free and accessible sex education to my community (and the web at large), I’m traveling the country to spread sex positivity, I’m shooting sex positive porn from behind the camera, I’m testing toys and giving out toys to be tested, I’m speaking with buyers about body-friendly products, and oh so much freaking more.

I love my job.

Yes, I hate the 8am bit. I’m not so good with mornings. And while I love traveling, I hate being away from Q and our kitties. Yes, I wish I was paid more. I wish I wasn’t in Arizona (although hopefully this will change in the next year).  But any job has its’ detractions. And overall, this job is absolutely amazing. I have co-workers I love, bosses who actually want to learn and grow and really “get” sex-positivity, queerness, and more. I have supporters who come to every single class I teach.

I am such a lucky person.  And while I’m still thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt, and Q and I sometimes feel like we’re making no head way in clearing up our school, medical, moving and unemployed for almost 2 years debt, I wake up every morning a little grumpy at waking up, but so excited to be going to work, to be creating this community, to be making change.

I have met my goal of making a living as a sex educator. Not on my own, no, but I appreciate Fascinations so much for the support, information and opportunities that they give me. I love that they let me continue to present elsewhere (Our Enigma Sept 23rd and Good Vibes SF Sept 27th and 28th), let me write, let me be who I am without trying to change me.

So my goal now is to continue to be the best sex educator, advocate, activist, writer, blogger, tweeter, etc that I can be. To get my name and my workshop and my company (because it truly feels like I am part of it now) out there. I want to be as big a name as Tristan Taormino, Ducky Doolittle, Megan Andelloux, and more. My biggest goal is to speak at more colleges and universities (as Shanna Katz).  Fascinations has even offered to help with airfare, so if your school is interested in having me talk about sex positive pornography, sexuality, relationships, communication, or more, please contact me over at my Shanna Katz site. I’ve spoken at ASU, U of A, Colorado College, Princeton, Brown, SUNY-Purchase and more. Would love to add more schools to that list.

So I want to thank all of my readers, my followers, and all those who have supported me in my goals over the past 4 years. Please know how much I appreciate you for your awesome-ness and help. You rock my world.

-Essin’ Em

photo courtesy of Lila

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #14? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Answers with an Agenda 1- Fisting – Once you’ve gotten started using two fingers for a bit, then it is time to build until four fingers are sliding in and out of the person, and you are on your way.

Gagged – I think it’s got to be a combination… fingers sliding into your cunt, a merciless tease of your clit, and yes, it’s going to have to be, lining my cock up with your ass.

Mine – I feel you stir beneath me as I create a rhythm, your breathing changing growing more shallow as you slip from sleep into arousal. My eyes lift to yours as you smile and try to move your arms and then freeze.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Puppet Master – When I was right next to them and they still did not notice, I put my lips to his ear (loud music, you know) and whispered “Touch her boobs, I bet she’d like that” and I backed up a foot.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Shaping Some Limits - “If you ever did that to me, I promise you would never see me again”.Those words were spoken to me this past weekend by my pet during one of our overnight dates. The subject was face slapping.

See also: Pleasurists #77 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Kink & Fetish

12 Licks of the Tawse

A Canvas for Pain

Best Friends

Fetish: What’s Yours?

Needles and Cock Choking

One Couple’s Journey into Kink, part 2

Pieces of Skin and Bone

Please hurt me unbearably, you fucking fucker!

Ssssh…

The Taskmaster’s Whip

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A (Short) Ode to Uncut Cocks

Compersive Vanillas?

How Fear can Lead to Understanding and Trust

I am not a rapist…

Mother’s Day Gift

On threesomes

On Friendship

Playing Nice On The Swingset

Tyler and Holly Give Swing Clubs Another Chance

The Virgin in the Family/Do Not Enter

third person

Whacking For America

Erotic Writing

26 minutes

A Request For Help

Are you willing, Are You?

A Squirting Experience

All Dressed Up – The Party ….part 2

Beginning

Book Orgasm

Dhanurasana

Flesh for Fantasy

Filled

Getting Lost in the Forest

Guest Post: Truck

Go Habs Go Domme Style

hotel window

How Do I Find You Sexy?

I’ll Be Waiting

Jim and Lisa

Keeping It In The Family

Mind the Gap

My Sluttiest Moment

My First Blowjob

Me, Myself & My Clit

Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Got A Headache (Part 2)

Pure, Unadulterated Desire

Predatory

rhythm

Something Different

slumber interruptis

therapy session #1

Wanton Wednesday- Fuck-toy

Wednesday Night Blues

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Eden Fantasys Newbie Help Guide

What the fuck, EdenFantasys?

Workshops and More at the ALCC

I love love love massages. Not just for the relaxation, but massage is one of the few things I’ve found (aside from my epic amounts of seizure medication) that can significantly impact my migraines. I try to get one a month. Expensive? Yes, but it really helps cut down my migraines from 2-3 a week to 4-5 a month, which really really helps. I wish I could get them more, but they are too pricey.

Sometimes, Q will rub my shoulders and neck. She has strong hands, but I really need deep tissue massage to make a difference, and that takes a lot of oomph that is hard to get after a full day at work.

The Jimmy Jane massage stone has revolutionized my health. Really.

Why? It’s very easy to use/hold (it’s actually super disability friendly, as you don’t need to grab onto it tightly — you can just rest your hands on it and push it around…great for days I’m having nerve pain in my hands), so you don’t need to grip tightly, or even really exert that much energy to use it. It feels ok on just the plain skin, but add a little lotions (or oil from a massage candle), and suddenly, it’s almost like a professional level massage in bed, or on the couch, or wheverever you’re doing it.

I didn’t expect to love it, really. I thought it would be like the multitude of massagers I’ve tried that didn’t do diddly squat, and ended up in the graveyard of unwanted toys. I mean, it doesn’t even vibrate, so why would it do anything for me?

I don’t know, but it is AWESOME. Really. Q loves it too, both using it and having me use it on her back.  The coolness of it is super refreshing here in Arizona, but I also really likes how it warms up to the body.

I wish I had cons. You all know I always try to put cons in a review.  But I mean, the packaging was nice (and reusable to store it), the massager did the job it was supposed to, and did it far better than I could have imagined, it’s easy to clean (soap and warm water, or you can boil it/dishwash it as well). I just can’t find anything less than stellar to say about this piece of ceramic.

Oh! Maybe if it came in black, you know, to match everything else. There you go.

Five glowing stars for this toy/massager/thing of awesome. The end. Thanks Babeland!

Click here to choose one ofthe Jimmy Jane massage stones in various shapes!

-Essin’ Em

We’ve created a tradition at Sex 2.0. This is the second year that we’ve filmed porn on the night of the conference…me, Sabrina Morgan and Furry Girl.  This year, add in the folks from Our Enigma (where I’ll be presenting September 23rd), and the stars of the shoot; Maya Mayhem and Kitty Pride. Last year, we shot in the hotel in DC for Good Dyke Porn, this year is for Point of Contact.

I wish Q had been there to see the awesomeness of this. I really feel in my element when I’m shooting porn. There is just something so hot and exciting about being behind the camera, watching people get off, and be intimate.

Anyways, Q was still back home, so I took this delicious and delightful picture of my cleavage to entertain her from afar. I thought it turned out pretty well, but I am 100% sure I won’t be wearing this dress to the AASECT conference next week; a bit too risque!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

My friend Maren Bergeson (who doesn’t yet have a website, but is AWESOME) designed me this awesome piece (above) for promoting safer sex. If you like it, feel free to repost it. If you think it’s hilarious, you can get it on t-shirts, tote bags and more on my cafe press site.

I’m a big fan of safer sex, and I love that I now have a super fantabulous and awesome way to promote it.

Thanks Maren, for your super fanabulous and ridiculously awesome (and a little silly) design skillz. Oh yes, with a Z.

-Essin’ Em

One of my favorite sites, back when I worked at HotMoviesForHer, and Kink had their stuff up there, was WaterBondage.com, and I was really sad when they discountinued it.  I have a lot of love for water and sex; between my hot tub fetish, and using the massaging shower head to masturbate while growning up, I love water.

However, I stumbled across these photos the other day. It’s Lorlei Lee, old school style, on Water Bondage. She’s super hot, queer as fuck, and ridiuclous intelligent and well spoken. Plus, I mean, just look at the way she’s looking into the camera! Enjoy her wet and wild scene…

Click here to see all of Lorlei Lee getting hosed down, dunked, and coming oh so hard!

Sadly, my quest to queer (and plus-size-ify) Say Yes to the Dress has ended, and I’ve refunded the donations I’ve gotten (unless I was told to keep them for other purposes, like Sexually Able).

Why?

Well, originally, I told them I had a $1000 budget (twice what I was expecting to pay, but worth it to be on there for my own marketing). They told me I need $1500-$2000 to shop in Kleinfeld’s, the shop featured on the show. I was going to give up, but you, dear readers and twitter followers, encouraged me to go on it, and started donating money to make it feasible.

I was excited. Q was going to come with me, my best friend was going to fly out from Denver, I was set. I even had my little sister scan pictures of my mother and father’s wedding from 1969 (my mother wore a peacock blue dress, and the producers wanted pictures).

Then last Monday, I was told that apparently, Kleinfeld’s “can’t” do a red plus size dress for less than $3500. Never mind than apparently almost any white dress is dyable to red…they just couldn’t do it for such a “low” budget, and they wouldn’t book me an appointment.

And so, I gave up. Why? Because my own ethics won’t allow me to spend a huge amount of money on a wedding dress for ONE DAY, and I’m certainly not going to ask other people to help me pay for that. I’m sure I can find, or even have a custom dress made for under $1000. I’ve found ones I like online for $500, but I really do want to try in on, obviously.

So thank you, for your support. I will say that the producer I worked with on the show (Katy) was nothing but nice, understanding, and open-minded.  She seemed super excited in the first place, and very disappointed at the budget levels from Kleinfeld’s.  I just wish they’d either be willing to subsidize dresses, or perhaps also have a “budget” location for filming.

Thanks again for all your help, tweeting, support and more. It’s been more than appreciated.

-Essin’ Em

This is another rocking video review from Fascinations by my awesome co-worker Matt.  Also, danke to Fun Factory for the Layaspot for trial and actual review.

I like this vibe because it’s small, easy to get a good handle on (my hands aren’t all cramped up or hurting after using it, like they are with some toys), and is a bit different looking than your average clitoral stimulation vibrator.  It fits in really well between your labia, and can be used on the clitoris, as well as anywhere on any body; nipples, lips (on your face), various parts of the vulva, under the testicles or on the shaft of a penis, etc. Since it’s not phallic shaped, nor does it plug into the wall, many people will find this less intimidating (or their partners will) than some toys. This makes it a great toy to share with your partner(s) in addition to using it on your own.

It’s made of Elastomer, which is phthalate free, making it body friendly. However, this means it is NOT sterilizable like silicone would be, so keep this for your (and your fluid bound partner), unlike some of the other vibes that you can share. Q likes this one a lot, so you know it’s good for your average clitoral stimulation lover, and I love using it on her…muahaha!

I, as we all know, am a HUGE fanatical fan of the the Hitachi Magic Wand. This vibrator (the Layaspot) doesn’t pack nearly as much power as the Hitachi…but I like my sex toys weapons grade. If you don’t need plug-into-the-wall stimulation, or perhaps are looking for buy your very first vibrator, this could be a perfect match for you (and it comes in lots of colors).  I give it 3 stars for me, but Q definitely gives it at least 4 stars.

 Click here to get a Layaspot! Want more info? Watch my video review of the Layaspot above!

-Essin’ Em

I’m be in Seattle this weekend, at Sex 2.0 2010.

I was lucky enough to go last year in Washington, DC (thanks to a little help from a friend who hired me to edit her novel). This year, I’m going thanks to Fascinations, who is also a Gold Sponsor of the event.

This morning, I’m doing on a workshop on the Intersections of Sexuality and Dis/ability, and then will be lucky enough to check out all of the other sessions, workshops and panels.  I’m excited to be seeing some of my favorite people again, as well as getting to meet lots of new and awesome people.  I’m also psyched about the gift bags Fascinations is bringing. 

Sunday night, I’m shooting my final episode for Point of Contact, with some hot Seattle queers. 

Life, she is good.

If you happen to be here this weekend, come find me!

-Essin’ Em